Big Plans, Indeed

Tonight before bed Daddy had K & R in the bathroom brushing their teeth. P was sitting on my lap in the playroom. As I rocked him back and forth I was cuddling him close and whispering to him how much I loved him.
"God has big plans for a special boy like you, P. Do you know that?"
"Yeeeessss," he grinned.
"What do you think you are going to grow up to do for God, buddy? Do you have any ideas?"
Without a pause, he replied,"Circus tricks."

Sock Puppets

Less than 24 hours ago I was writing about how I am gifted with ideas, not craftiness...so I suppose it only stands to reason that I spent two hours today making the most pitiful excuses for sock puppets you have ever seen. I didn't even attempt to take a snapshot, because they really look bad.

For the record, I do know how to sew on buttons, but trying to sew multiple buttons in specific places inside long knee socks as dictated by indecisive and impatient three year olds was enough to push me towards the edge of sanity.

Have I mentioned that I had to re-thread the needle eleven times? While children were hanging from my arms, climbing on my lap and whining that although I had sewn on a blowhole, maybe they didn't really want a whale afterall, but let's turn the puppet into a kid instead...RIGHT NOW. Or P's completely practical request that instead of using buttons I give his sock puppet "a weel face, with skin."

Some ideas seem a lot better when your little girl is excitedly planning them than they turn out in the makeshift preschool classroom of your kitchen. This is definitely one of them. :-)

Live and learn.

The ironic thing is...the children love them.

Shake, Shake, Shake

After my heavy post from last night, I needed to share something a little light-hearted. (It is more potty humor, sorry!)

Last week when I went to pick P up from therapy, his Occupational Therapist was giggling.
"P told us all today about how boys have to shake after they tee-tee on the potty, but girls wipe." (Ah, the joys of raising mixed gender multiples!)

I laughed along with her, then asked if he had demonstrated.

"No, fortunately not."

It is too bad. She missed the funniest part. Although he knows that he is supposed to 'shake.' He doesn't understand what, why or how. When he finishes going to the potty, he climbs down, goes to the center of the room, bends his knees slightly, puts his hiney in the air and shakes his bootie like he is doing a little dance. All the while chanting, "Shake. Shake. Shake."

Then, with a look of smug satisfaction he pulls up his pants and proceeds to wash his hands.

Testing: One, Two, Three

"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD."
Lamentations 3:40

Last January, I wrote a post chronicling the wrestling match that had been going on in my heart and head over my involvement in ministry outside our home. I realize this is a very personal decision for women and I think God has different purposes for different people. I sought God's Will for our family by going through a study on purpose with my accountability partner, prayer and seeking wise counsel from a couple of godly older women in my life. I became convinced that God did have ministry work for me to do outside the walls of my home as long as it was within well-defined parameters. I prayed for His vision and subsequent blessing, as I simultaneously committed to keeping the needs of my family first.

I have always been an over-committer, a true 'burning the candle at both ends' kind of girl. Motherhood and my heart medication have demanded that I get this weakness under control. I am not gifted in hospitality or the craftier side of homemaking. Oh, how I admire those who can make things with their hands! My gifts lend themselves much more to making things with ideas. My gifts are in adminstration, organization and leadership.

This month I began my two-year term as the chairman of the board of directors for the group home for foster children I've been involved with for the past five years. We have an excellent staff, so my time committment is primarily to be available for consultation via phone and e-mail and meetings maybe 3-4 hours a week. I love this work. It energizes me and blesses my family to get to share ourselves and our resources with children who have had a rough road in life thus far. It is a great fit to share the overflow of my 'parenting energy' in a place where parents have been absent. I try to take my children by the home periodically so they get a glimpse into this ministry as well. I want them to understand that when I am away from them it is in order to do something else important. One of my passions as a mother is to instill a heart for serving others in our children.

I take my role very seriously and want to serve with excellence and dependability. I want to honor my committment to the organization. You can imagine how humbling it has been to miss two meetings within the last week due to the illness of my children. I made a promise to my family and my God to keep them first. I don't regret that. I cannot and will not call a sitter to come sit with my sick children.

It has, however, been a real test to my ego and my pride. I am realizing a huge part of my identity is in being responsible, dependable and capable. I hate feeling like I have let people down. I certainly don't want to let my family down, but I don't want to let others down either. I don't have to tell those of you who work outside the home, this tightrope is hard!

Today I had a lunch meeting. At the outset I informed the folks that I would need to slip out at 12:45 to pick up the children, so we were already on a tight schedule. We had just gotten to the meat of our discussion when my cell phone vibrated. I recognized the number of the preschool. Their teacher informed me that P was having a very off day--screaming, crying, getting overwrought. He was inconsolable and needed his Mommy. Without hesitation, I excused myself from the meeting and went to be with my son. After a trip to the pediatrician we have confirmed that he, too, now has an ear infection...that is 3 ear infections in 7 days if you are counting (one in each child).

I feel like I am experiencing my first real test of my priorities. There is no question in my mind regarding what comes first. I just feel a bit guilty about what must come second as a result. Sometimes keeping your word and doing the right thing is hard. Despite my attempts to be many places and available to many in need, there is only one me. I cannot do it all. Who will get my best?

Lord, search me. Know me. I invite you to flush out my prideful motivation to be 'so capable' and make me instead fully dependent on You. I need you. Any of this work done without you, however well intentioned, is not your work at all. I recommit the work and the worker to You, Father.

Sweet Girl

I am writing this down for my own benefit.

One day when my adolescent daughter angrily informs me how much she dislikes me, I want to hear her precious little voice just as I heard it tonight when I walked past her dark room.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"I love you all the way through the trees in the forest, up to the sky, the clouds and the stars, to the moon, then to the beach house with the golf cart and to the North Pole."
"I love you all that way too, K...and back."
giggles

I love that sweet girl!

The Little Man

In order to fully appreciate the humor of this, you need to understand that my little R is very polite and proper. He enunciates his speech like an adult. We often tease that he is a 40 year old man in this 3 1/2 year old body. My husband and I frequently refer to him as Alex P. Keaton, the buttoned up, conservative character from the 80's sitcom Family Ties.

Saturday afternoon when it was clear my little guy was not feeling well, I took him back to our room at camp and let him watch a DVD. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said, "Mom, I don't fell ve-wee well."

He stood up and walked towards the bathroom, lifted the lid on the commode and unceremoniously vomitted. There was no screaming, fanfare or drama. The little man just did what he needed to do. After a few minutes he said, "I feel much better now," and returned to watch his video.

Several minutes later he stood up again.
"Are you OK?"
"I think I need to bomit again."
"Do you need any help?"
"No."
I stood outside the door to monitor his activities just in case. I heard what sounded like the sounds of gas.
Suddenly, he appeared at the door and said stoically, "I am OK now, Mom. I didn't bomit. I just needed to make some funny noises with my bottom."

YL Weekend Camp

This weekend our family went to Young Life's Sharptop Cove for the weekend. There were over 400 teenagers there and our friend, Sweeney, was the camp speaker. It had all the makings of a wonderful family getaway, until last week's sickness hit. The camp was relying on us, as my husband was volunteering as Camp Doc. The children appeared to be perking up Friday, so off we went.

It was a great time away, despite the fact P finally succumbed to the crud, as did his parents. Saturday was a tough day, as I spent 8 hours in our room quarantining a child who could not keep anything (even Gatorade) down.
Today was a much better day. The hacking coughs even appeared to be subsiding a bit, until we left this playground and walked from the 35 degree cool air into the indoor heat.
As the children and I walked into the camp store a couple of dozen (primarily female) teenagers started oohing and ahhing as only teen girls can do. "Aren't they cuu-te." "I want triplets." "I'd dress mine all the same too."

Meanwhile, the children erupted in uncontrollable coughing--body shaking, loud, tear inducing hacking--which turned into gagging. I had a flashback of my dream of the 3 overflowing toilets a few nights ago. I knew what was going to happen next. Just then, my husband walked in and I said, "Someone is about to vomit."

Suddenly, K did the honors. As she wretched, I thrust my cupped hand under her chin and managed to catch it all without flinching. Those once perky high school girls watched in horror. K & I singlehandedly (literally) destroyed the fairy tales of a dozen girls regarding the 'glamour' of motherhood. "-)

What P's Life Has Already Taught Me

Lindsey asked yesterday in the comments about P's mild Cerebral Palsy diagnosis and what that has meant in our family. Thursday, I had a conversation with another mother of multiples about raising a child with developmental delays who has same-aged siblings and the inevitable comparisons made between the two. We are in a really great place with P's development right now, but I wanted to document a little about our journey and what I've learned. Perhaps it will help someone. If not, at least I have it recorded for posterity, as I have certainly learned that I have trouble remembering much about where we've been unless I write it down.

This post is about P's early signs, diagnosis and milestones. Cerebral Palsy has a broad spectrum, P is on the very mild end. He has spent 3 years receiving Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Speech Therapy as needed. Sometimes that has meant 4 hours of therapy weekly, other times it has been as little as 30 minutes a week. We work with a great group that evaluates him a couple of times a year to see how he is progressing towards major milestones. Currently, he is receiving physical therapy every other week, as his slight gait issues (primarily when running) are the only noticeable deficits. Ironically, after all his therapy, his fine motor skills are much better than those of his brother.

As I was talking to a friend who is standing at the edge facing the possibility of developmental delays in one of her multiples, I was reminded of all the uncertainty. Will he always be "the one with the issues?" Will he have self esteem issues as a result? Will his own siblings treat him differently? Will he be left behind? What if he has to go to a different school? Will his weaknesses restrict the type of hobbies and/or career he pursues? Can he play sports? The list of questions were endless.

As mothers we want to protect our children. It is a powerful, innate, driving force. I feared what this world might do to a "weak one." Haven't we all been there as we have stared at our children? Fearing what this harsh world may think of one we love so completely?

I have learned many things in this journey. The two greatest things are these: First, each child is absolutely, uniquely designed with a plan and a purpose. It is not a tragedy that any child is born with anything. (That is a bold statement, I know. But, I stand behind it.) I believe in a Sovereign God who knits us together in our mother's wombs, who has a plan and a purpose for each of us to uniquely fulfill. Even profound disabilities can be used by God to make a huge impression on the lives of others. Just look at Rick Hoyt.

Secondly, part of our unique design is the flaws, weaknesses, handicaps, thorns in the flesh. Every single human being has them. P's first physical therapist addressed my early tears and fears with the reminder that K & R were going to have difficulties of their own, whether they be physical, mental, emotional, academic, social, spiritual--or a combination thereof. The way our children deal with these challenges and the impact they have on their life are all a part of the sanctification process.

As a professing Christ Follower, my purpose on this Earth is to glorify God. Period. Everything in my life is about fulfilling that purpose. Loving others. Serving. Parenting. Working. Evangelizing. Everything. I wish I could always remember that. The truth is much of my life is a poor reflection of the fact that I hold his glory most dear. Yet, that is how success is measured in the worldview I profess. Not how well-spoken, well-read, well-educated, well-mannered, wealthy, or well-liked, not by how beautiful, popular, athletic, coordinated or admired I am. What matters is this: Is my life pointing others towards Christ?

As a parent, this is the purpose I pass on to my children: Live the life God gave you with greatness so that God receives the glory. Do I desire for my children to be well-educated, attractive, well-mannered? Yes, of course. But only if it is a way to love and serve others more effectively in the name of our Lord.

It is so easy to get sucked into mainstream voices of what success looks like. I often find myself mixed up. Nudge me, push me, Lord, keep reminding me. Please, Father, keep me focused.

Dancin' Fool

I think my blog should temporarily be retitled lots of snot. Thankfully, the fevers have subsided, the croup seems to have departed and coughs are becoming a little less intense. We are essentially just dealing with colds now. Hallelujah!

Storey came to babysit today while the children took long naps. I intended to nap as well, but once I flew the coop for a couple of necessary errands, the fresh air and freedom rejuvenated me. I stopped by the Christian bookstore to buy some cards and found a fun new DVD for the kids. After naps, I popped it in the DVD player, hoping to keep them entertained while I got dinner together. Instead we found ourselves giggling and dancing all over the place. I must say it was quite an improvement from the ringtones and exam room dance party yesterday!

I made a complete fool of myself dancing, twirling, high kicking and trying old cheerleading jumps (pitiful). Seriously, the old body just ain't what it used to be. Each time I tried another toe touch, I thought about how ridiculous I would feel explaining myself if/when I injured myself.

Thankfully, my children who will one day be MORTIFIED by their uncoordinated, has-been mother didn't seem to notice. As a matter of fact, after dinner, they wanted to do it again. Since I really dislike exercise, this is the closest to aerobics I have been in years. What fun we had!

After a long few days, it was so wonderful to laugh, dance, sing and enjoy each other! Now, I am off to bed. (Who wants to bet I am going to be sore tomorrow?)

And An Equally Long Night...

There were no lullabies at my house last night, only coughing. R appeared in my bed around midnight. I escorted him back to his room after an hour or so of snuggles and head rubs. K appeared in my bed around 4am and there was absolutely no sleep after that. My poor little seal! In between there were 3 or 4 times out of bed to reposition everyone, adjust the humidifiers, administer more Bromhist, etc...

I think I got 3-4 hours of sleep. During that time I had a dream that three toilets in my house were all overflowing simultaneously and I couldn't figure out how to prioritize dealing with them. I don't think I need a dream interpreter to help me analyze that one!

Proving again that the energy supply on a three year old is unmatched, I woke at 6:20 to a little curly haired head with a raspy, exaggerated whisper one inch from my face. "Mama, can a crawl around on your covers and legs like a dog?"
"Aren't you tired?"
"Nope."
"Sure. Just do it quietly."
"Then can I climb all over you like you are a mountain?"

She sounds terrible. She had no sleep. But apparently, she feels just fine. My husband's new theory is that their unmatchable energy is fueled by all the energy they are sucking out of us.

Thanks for the prayers! I have a sitter for a couple of hours this afternoon while they (hopefully) sleep. I may just close the door to my room and do the same.

A Very Long Day

I grew up in a “neighborhood” that my friends referred to as a compound. My mom's side of the family surrounded us. Literally, my maternal great-aunt & uncle, grandparents, aunt & uncle, paternal great-aunt, and paternal great-grandmother lived on adjoining lots. I grew up completely enveloped by family. While there were plenty of things about that set up that were challenging, (like, say, the complete lack of privacy), the on-call nature of family is something I sometimes miss. Especially on days like today!

K was well enough to go back to school today(i.e., she had been vomit free for 36 hours). She joined P, who remained my healthy trooper. R was still febrile and wiped out (not to mention coughing his sweet head off!) so he stayed with me. We had a terrific, low key morning together. When I arrived at the preschool at 1pm, Ms. Traci & Ms. Jennifer warned me that K & P seemed to be fading.

K woke up from her nap with the croup. She was flushed and in good spirits, but my sweet girl's voice had been replaced by the soundtrack of a seal. As P described, "K's voice sounds like a ball bouncing up against a wall."

Because we've been through RSV, I am always a little nervous about respiratory issues. The pediatrician's office advised me to give her a breathing treatment at home and see if that helped. While I had her hooked up to the nebulizer watching a video, the boys were eating a snack in the kitchen. Suddenly I heard R squalling and dashed into the kitchen to find him covered in stomach contents. He had coughed until it made him vomit. I cleaned him up and changed his clothes before going back to the family room to check on K. Her breathing still sounded funny--and that cough was unchanged, so I called the pediatrician's office again. It was 4pm, so they advised me to take her to Immediate Care.

My husband was in surgery and had another case to go...and you cannot exactly call a sitter to come stay with your febrile, vomiting child(ren). So, I loaded everyone up and off we went. What a ragtag group we were! K crouping, R hacking, P beginning to cough and me lugging a large purse containing wallet, cell phone, books, Purell, three sippy cups, a bottle of water, two Magna Doodles, a notebook and a handful of small plastic toys. I was hoping to not repeat the hour and a half wait from yesterday, but determined to be better prepared just in case. As we settled into the waiting area, I couldn't help but giggle. The children were not in coordinating outfits, R's hair had not been combed all day, and I was definitely looking worse for wear. The symphony of coughing and sniffling was truly something to be heard and we were surrounded by sick people who I could tell were squirming at what additional germs my trio of preschoolers were spewing! Eventually we were led back to a small triage area where K received another breathing treatment as her brothers climbed the walls and explored as much of the off limits medical equipment as possible.

At one point K looked at me with her little sick eyes and asked, "Mommy, why did God make my throat sick?" (I choked on a good, age appropriate theological response and replied, "I don't know." Then, I quickly changed the subject.)

Two trips to the potty later, we were still waiting to be seen. In our small 8 X 10 exam room, I had almost completely exhausted my bag of tricks. At one point we were having a dance contest to the various ringtone choices on my cell phone. Seriously.

The pleasant doctor finally made it to our exam room, gave K a good once over (as I assured him my even more ill-looking son, R, was indeed on an antibiotic for his obvious ailments) then sent us on our way. It was 6:15pm and we still had to go pick up the prescription. Suddenly, I was one of those mothers. You know, the ones who bring their obviously sick children out in public when they really should be at home resting and sparing the world their germs...but what could I do?

We stopped by the grocery store pharmacy, then made a mad dash through the store to stock up on the basics: Gatorade, Children's Tylenol, Purell, and ice cream. As we sat waiting at the pharmacy, I realized it was an hour past our usual dinner time. We had been out for 3 hours. Despite being under the weather, the children had truly been troopers...so I opened the frozen Dibs and had a little ice cream snack with the children. It immediately bought us a few more minutes of happiness and compliance. Which was a good thing, because we had to make 2 more trips to the potty while we waited. There is nothing quite like leaving your cart full of groceries outside the door while you unload three children into a disgusting public bathroom, only to hear "maybe I didn't weally have to go."

As we were driving home, I was reminded that I had a feeling this was coming a couple of days ago when I blogged about teetering on the edge of sickness. Interestingly, that foreknowledge has made all the difference today. Somehow there have been no tears shed by Mommy--and a lot of resigned laughter. I also do not think it is a coincidence that the CD playing in my car all day was a story teller's version of the Jewish folktale, Things Could Always Be Worse.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Even after a long, exhausting day full of challenges, I am so thankful for my life.

Cures for Cabin Fever

K & R stayed home sick today, he with an ear infection and she with an upset tummy. This marks day four of no structured activities and no break for Mommy. Fortunately, I have discovered several new preschool crowd pleasers I wanted to share for those of you also in the Winter Boredom Doldrums.

Last night we made cracker chicken for dinner. I am not a very good cook, but this was easy and very good. The children helped prepare it (smashing the crackers and shaking the chicken inside the ziploc), therefore they were also willing to eat it. A win/win. In true form, R had to make the recipe his own. He insisted I leave his chicken breast plain. He placed one Ritz cracker on top and had me bake it that way. "Dis is my way to make cwacker chicken!"

This morning, K & R painted my bathroom with shaving cream (thanks to whoever left that idea in the comments a few days ago) AND cleaned it up (with a little help from Mommy). It was all part of the game.





The two little sickies also enjoyed a new website a friend told me about: http://www.starfall.com/.

I have only recently let them start playing on the computer, but I really like this site. It is very user friendly, engaging and educational. The preschool games are all about phonics--and kept the children entertained long enough for me to make all the beds, get dressed and fold/put away two loads of laundry. Another win/win.

We made a late morning trip to the pediatrician to confirm R's ear infection and get a prescription. The only plus side to the hour plus we spent waiting was a terrific article I read on why mommies blog. The author, Catherine, speaks words straight from my own heart when she says, "Writing gives me a way to step back from my life and really see it. To watch my kids and feel the gratitude flood through my veins. To connect the dots so I can tell the story the way I feel it..." So true!

Meanwhile, P had a wonderful day at school as an only child. "One of his best yet" according to his teacher. One of the elementary schools we are looking at only has two classes per grade, so I am already paying a lot of attention to who should be on their own versus which two will be OK together. P really seems to thrive when he is not under the shadow of the other two.

Finally, I borrowed an idea from Perri. It was a fun exercise with the children this afternoon. They loved watching me type their responses. I hope to remember to do it each January.

Warning: Some of these answers are so sweet, while others are completely RANDOM. Just like a 3 1/2 year old! I did not edit them at all.

R's Answers:
What are you good at doing? Putting away instruments.
If you had ten dollars, how would you spend it? Get my own lotion.
What are you afraid of? If a monster comes to scare me.
Who are your friends? Jesse & P & K
What is important to you? When K plays with me.
What is your favorite book? If You Give a Mouse a Cookie
What is your favorite food? Ooh, how 'bout pizza!
What is your favorite thing about school? Eat Oreos
What is your favorite thing to do? Go to Santa's house
How do you show your family you love them? If you give them a candy.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Baseball player
Why? Because I like to play baseball.
What are you thankful for? For swimming in the pool when it is Summer
Tell me something about God. If it is time to go to heaven.

K's Answers
What are you good at doing? Running fast
If you had ten dollars, how would you spend it? Get my own picture frame that I can't break.
What are you afraid of? If, if, if I'm, if I'm hurt.
Who are your friends? R & P
What is important to you? Joke, when I take care of him.
What is your favorite book? Old McDonald Had a Farm (R interjected, "but P tore it up!" which reduced K to tears.)
What is your favorite food? Pork
What is your favorite thing about school? Playin' with toys
What is your favorite thing to do? Read books
How do you show your family you love them? Um, hmm, I love them so much.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A draw-er and a cheerleader dat cheers for R
Why? Because
What are you thankful for? Thanksgiving
Tell me something about God. Kind of like, loving Him.

P's Answers:
What are you good at doing? I am good at doin' swimmin'
If you had ten dollars, how would you spend it? I would put it in my piggy bank.
What are you afraid of? Monsters
Who are your friends? Marcus & Jesse & Olivia & Thomas
What is important to you? Swimmin' and colorin'
What is your favorite book? Um, a book with a lot of stories.
What is your favorite food? Umm, fishsticks and tater tots and what's a food tha starts with P? Pizza!
What is your favorite thing about school? Make friends and color with white on purple paper
What is your favorite thing to do? Swim
How do you show your family you love them? Make friends
What do you want to be when you grow up? A clown and I wanna grow up to be a Daddy and a fireman and what grow up thing starts with P? A peece officer.
Why? Because that's jus' what I want to grow up to be.
What are you thankful for? For my dog
Tell me something about God. I love him.

Perspective

Things are a little dicey at my house. No one is sick, per se, but I just have a funny feeling K & R are teetering right on the edge. R had a fever last night and is coughing for the second day. K has complained of a tummy ache. We have been remarkably healthy this Winter, so it is probably our turn for the junk.

It is frigid outside and we Southerners have thin skin. I have frittered my morning away with HVAC repairmen (since our downstairs furnace went on the blink this weekend leading to temperatures below 50 degrees on the first floor of our home) and a gas guy who might be able to help me get a roaring fire in our family room for a low price. I am debating whether to get the children out of the house or not, seeing as illness and another wintry mix may both be on their way. As a result we've been indoors for 7 hours, playing every game imaginable and watching a few videos. We have cooked, cleaned and colored. Now we are bored.

Anyway, as I was pondering all this and how it certainly wasn't anything to write about, I was reminded that all this normalcy is real life. This got me thinking about how misleading it can be to only see a 45 second slice of someone's day. I write almost daily about one tiny portion of our life. There is so much more that, depending on the slice I recorded, would give a very different perspective. I could come here to complain or vent (sometimes I do). I could only write about the chaos, or the humor, or the difficult things. I could write only about the things I do well--or only about my failures.

I choose to use this blog as a place to chronicle the stuff I really want to remember. A place to reframe my perspective--to encourage myself, and maybe, encourage someone else that they are normal and not alone, in the process

Life is full of the inevitable, that is frequently not sweet, glamorous, meaningful or special. It is just real life. It is the life Sovereign God put us in and commanded us to live. I picked Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel up again last night. I admit I never read past the first chapter on my previous attempt. I still am only about 30 pages in, but loved the verse he chose as a Christian parent's commissioning:

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life...
Philippians 2:12-16

A worthy aspiration for me AND for my children. As we work out our salvation, even in the most mundane of circumstances, we are teaching our children. May we model for them how to "shine like stars."

Today is dull and boring. It is also a day the Lord has made. I will work hard to avoid complaining. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I resolve to look for the lessons and the joy in today (while praying tomorrow is warmer, healthier and more fun.)

Another Snow Day (sorta)

Our forecast today called for 12-15 hours of snow. We got about 2 1/2. We were forecasted to see about 2 inches. I think this pictures speak for the lack of accumulation.

We were determined to help the children overcome some of their disappointment from earlier in the week. They desperately wanted to make snow angels and a snowman, have a snowball fight and save some snow in the freezer. The snow angels and snow man were impossible, but we did manage to pull together a couple of very small snow balls.

Sweet Daddy had to shake snow off of leaves to get enough. Snow tasting remained the highlight of the event.Today it just tasted "like snow" rather than blueberry candies.And here is my supposed germaphobe, licking snow off of shrubs and off the wooden playground. Good thing there was no flagpole around!

Luring them back indoors was tough, but we managed to come up with a sweet payoff... hot chocolate!

It is going to be COLD here tonight and tomorrow. My hat is OFF to those of you who deal with entertaining children indoors all Winter. It has been a LONG day!

Nature or Nurture?

A friend of mine & I were just discussing the need to "lighten up" in our parenting yesterday morning. Observing my P's recent displays of neurosis has solidifed my belief that it would be a good move in our family. He has always been a bit overly concerned about some random things (while quite underconcerned about others). I am beginning to wonder if he is wired that way or a product of the neurosis of his mother.

A few days ago I asked him (as leader of the day) if he would like his favorite, spaghetti, for dinner. He paused, scrunched up his face, looked down at his shirt and replied.
"No. I weally like dis shirt and don't wanna get sauce on it."
Overbearing, stain stick crazy mother perhaps?

Yesterday, as I picked him up from preschool, I was informed that he had experienced a complete meltdown in the restroom. Apparently, his pants were down, but he refused to mount the potty. Instead he stood, naked, screaming about the germs on the potty that were going to get him sick.
I think my feelings about public bathrooms are well documented. Clearly, in this instance there is a germaphobic, Purell-bearing mother to blame.

I know the old saying about passing on the "sins of the father." I am thinking there should be an addendum about passing on the quirks of the mother.

Bedtime

Bedtime is a mixed bag in our house. We have a solid routine, but the three respond very differently. P is wired at night. He loves the individual conversation time and is very lovey-dovey, but giggles and kicks his feet around like a jitterbug during our tuck-in ritual. Each time I say something affirming like "I love you" or "I am SO glad God gave you to me" he responds with a precious, twinkly-eyes smile and "Yes!" It generally takes another 30 minutes or more after I leave his room for him to fall asleep.

R is generally quite exhausted and grumpy at bedtime. He is the most difficult to put to bed without some sort of emotional response. He vacillates between amazingly sweet and loving to angry and demanding with no notice. He wants to stick to the routine, is very specific about the way bedtime is done and wants to make sure he & P get exactly the same amount of time. He is also KING of stall tactics.

K revels in bedtime. She loves the one on one, hushed tones, close-face conversation. Her grin is wide as she breathlessly tells you a long drawn out story with lots of "and, and, and, and, ands" to fill time while she makes up something else to keep your rapt attention just a little longer. I am frequently struck by the depth of her thoughts at night, as she (like me) tends to be reflective before bed. You can almost see her putting the pieces together of what she learned about life that day.

Last night, I noticed lambie was getting a little smelly and went to trade him for a clean one. When I returned, she reached out for him and said, "I am a big girl now, so I don't need to suck on his blanket to sleep. I'll just wrap him up right next to my face."
I was a little surprised by this, as I have never tried to persuade her to break this habit. Nevertheless I was impressed with her initiative!
"That sounds like a great idea."
"And then on the night right before I go to heaven, I will find another little kid who doesn't have a lovey and give him to them."
"Sweetie, that is so nice of you to share something so special." (I was trying to let the whole death and dying thing go, but she had other plans.)
"What day will it be when I go to heaven?"
"Oh, we don't ever know, but I think it will likely be a very , very long time from now."
"How will we know when it is going to be?"
"We don't, babe. It is up to God to decide when we are finished with the special plan He has for us here."
"Then we go to be in heaven?"
"Yes, honey."
"What will it look like?"
"I don't know exactly, but you know how you want to hear God talk and see His face? You'll be able to do that then."
Her eyes grew excited and she grabbed my face with both hands, pulled me close and quickly kissed my nose.
"Mommy?"
"Yes, sweet girl..."
"I don't like the way your breath smells."

Winter Fun

Guess what the trio experienced for the first time IN THEIR LIVES today?

It was only a slight dusting of flurries, but the children had an absolute blast anyway!

This morning my cousin in Alaska sent a picture of her husband and two small children standing in front of a digital sign bearing the temperature -35F. There were mounds of snow all around them.

I was jealous for a moment of the experience of a real Winter, but just for a moment.

Getting the children in all their gear (and back out again a few minutes later) was not much fun. I cannot even imagine dealing with snowsuits.

Even though there was no accumulation, preventing R from making the snowman he had in mind, a little dusting still allowed us to make fun memories like tasting the snow.

In case you were wondering, "it tastes like blueberry candy!"

Leader of the Day

One of the tips that I gleaned from other multiple moms is instilling a "leader of the day" tradition. This has proven to be tremendously helpful as my children become increasingly competitive with age.


The parameters are fairly loose in our family, but every third day ("It goes K P R Mommy!") each child gets a chance to be my 'go to.' Primarily, it determines who gets to be first to do things, who chooses clothes for the day, an afternoon activity or the restaurant for dinner. Additionally, since naps have become less frequent, I have been trying to do something special with the leader when time (and babysitting) permits. Generally, this just means running errands with Mommy.


Today was K's day, so we went to run a few errands, registered for gymnastics as a way to burn some excess energy indoors during these Winter months, got a "lem-a-lade" from Chick-fil-A and visited a local doll store. As we were heading home from our hour together K said, "Mommy, I love you. That was really fun."


I cannot describe how wonderful it felt to hear her express heartfelt gratitude without having to ask for it. I want to raise grateful children. I am reminded how important it is just to pause and notice what others have done. But noticing is not enough, voicing it makes all the difference.


Tonight after dinner, she did it again. 'Mommy, 'dis is good chicken soup. Thank you for making it."


It is enough to make even me want to cook every night!


I think as parents we can spend so much time perseverating on all the things we are dropping the ball on. We forget how good it feels to just enjoy the small victories. There were bad moments today. I lost my temper. I raised my voice. But as I lay my head on the pillow tonight I will think on my precious daughter's expression of a grateful heart and be satisfied that today was a good day.

What's In a Name?

A few weeks ago, R re-nicknamed himself. We once called him a variation of his real name, followed by Guy. He decided he wanted to be known as "Tough Guy" instead. He even sometimes refers to himself in third person now, saying things like, "Did you see how high Tough Guy can jump?"

P, always much less demanding and generally OK with the status quo, seemed content to keep his primary nickname the same: Doodle.

The events of Saturday morning have us all rethinking that position.

We were at our local IHOP when on-call Daddy, who had managed to break away to join us for breakfast, was paged back to the hospital. As he got up to leave, P started wailing. "I'll miss my Daddy. I want him to STAAAY."

R remarked, "I don't cwy when my Daddy leaves 'cause I am a Tough Guy."

Before I had a chance to respond he continued, "I am a tough guy, but not P. He's just a doodle bug."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. P is clearly the more sensitive of the two these days, but that is not necessarily a negative! When I retold the story to Daddy later we decided it is time for a stronger nickname for P. (Still working on what it will be.)

Meanwhile P, who has been calling my husband "Dr. Daddy" assigned a new name to me this morning, "Honey Mommy."

Kids Know Your Quirks...

...and are not afraid to talk about them!

Back when I was a career girl a co-worker once remarked that he could always hear the wheels turning in my head. I laughed like it was a cute compliment.

"No, really. You make these little sounds when you are thinking hard."

He was right. I wish I could explain them, but my lips pucker, my tongue touches the roof of my mouth and I make this rapid little sound like a baby squirrel. From then on, Dave called it my Jen-tium processing. (Get it, pentium?)

Anyway, I had completely forgotten about this until this morning when I was putting K's shoes on and my thoughts were obviously elsewhere.

"Mama! Why are you making that sound?"
"What sound, babe?"
"The one you always make when you are looking for something at Kroger."

Lighter

One of the things that makes my husband an awesome partner is his wisdom and discernment regarding when to point things out and when to let it go. I wish I had this gift! He very rarely points out my weaknesses or inadequacies and is thoughtful to point out things he appreciates.

Last night he mentioned that I seemed "lighter" (and unfortunately, he was not referring to my post-holiday weight!) He noted that I seemed happier, more fun and like I was enjoying the children. I had not really thought about it prior to his comments, but I think he is right!

I promise I am not getting a kickback from the authors of Love & Logic, but I have finally found a parenting philosophy that works for our family. (It is important to note I am still only on page 60, so there may be things I disagree with to come.)

One of the points that has made a HUGE difference to me is the encouragement to give away control whenever you can, so you are able to take it back when you really need it. As a structured, type-A, control freak my first response to this was skeptical. However, after trying it for a few days I am sold. Practically, this has involved my looking for as many things during the day to let the children choose (between two acceptable choices I have narrowed it down to). The author's point is that by allowing them to choose when it is not important, you encounter less resistance when it is important for the parent to choose. It is a win/win.

The children love this. They light up when I ask them to make a choice and seem to feel "important" as a result of more empowerment. I feel like I am saying "NO" much less and encountering less push back when I do. It feels so good to not be saying no so often, without the guilt that I am being too "permissive" in order to avoid conflict.

The other fantastic byproduct has been the forced evaluation of my "rules." Is there a logical reason for my decrees, or is it just for my convenience or preference? I am lightening up--and rather than feeling like it means I have "lost," it is feeling like a win.

Things are not perfect. There are, afterall, three often irrational 3 1/2 year olds--and an imperfect Mommy--under this roof. But, things are definitely better.

The children don't necessarily enjoy my renewed committment to consequences. As a matter of fact, P responded to being put in Time Out yesterday by yelling, "You are not berry nice, Mommy!" I am having to thicken my skin, but it is worth it because he did not repeat the behavior once he was out.

Off to read some more!

Breathe

I am reading parenting books and praying, trying to love my children's socks off, train them up in the way they should go and serve as a positive role model for them...but the reality is that I am human. Despite my best intentions I often mess things up. This afternoon, I had an 'I-blew-it' Mommy moment.

It was 2:15 and I was dealing with 3.5 year old whininess, stall tactics about rest time, crazy requests that bordered on demands, and generally feeling tired and overwhelmed. I feel like one child at a time is hard enough, but trying to think through exactly what child A, B & C need emotionally from me uniquely, but simultaneously (through exhausted whininess) can just gobble me up sometimes. This afternoon it did.

I could feel my blood pressure rising and that bubbling up feeling inside that makes me overreact to everything. I walked quickly into the bathroom away from the children and let a bit out, growling to no one in particular, "I. AM. SO. FRUSTRATED."

I immediately heard P's little voice in the other room, "Take a deep bweaf, Mommy. A deep bweaf."

He has heard that a time or 2,000 from me...and I really needed to hear it back from him. They all fell asleep within minutes. I have exhaled a long, deep sigh, cracked open a Diet Coke, put on a praise CD and am about to read quietly. Things are back in perspective.

Edited to Add: A couple of minutes after I hit publish, K started singing in her room, as if to make sure I realized she was not actually asleep. She & I have spent the afternoon making more paperdolls. Quality time with her has been refreshing, even if not as much as alone time would have been. She was able to be the center of my attention for a while, which is always a good thing.

Missing Naps

Dropping naps is catching up to us.

Yesterday the children were exhausted and had the attitudes to prove it. So, the boys took afternoon naps and although I am only on page 32 of my new parenting book, I decided to start implementing their tactics. There was shock and horror among my offspring that I was calmly administering immediate consequences like being removed from the table, but it was VERY effective.

The philosophy is not that different from what I had already been doing, but for the addition of empathy before every consequence. The emotion I have used before most consequences up to this point in my parenting has been frustration. Changing that to "it stinks that you can't finish this game, how disappointing" as you remove them has helped me and my children.

I am now keeping the book on my front seat and reading it in carpool line and at red lights!

The children slept until 7:20 this morning: Hallelujah! The downside is that P, my regular rooster, slept so hard he forgot to wake to use the potty.

He also had a bad dream around 3am. As I went into his room to comfort him he said through sniffles, "Mommy? I dweamed K & R were not he-ya any-mo-wa."
I assured them they were safe and sound in their beds and he exhaled a large sigh and fell right back asleep.

Sweet, sweet boy!

Adios to the Siesta!

For the last 3 days, I have intentionally prohibited P & K from napping. They just don't need it any more and when they do fall asleep it completely spoils their night time sleep (and, therefore, mine!) The result has been worthwhile, for two consecutive days my children have slept until 7am. This is a HUGE improvement over the 5:30-5:45 wake ups we have had for years! I have even been able to wake up before them and have a quiet time. What an accomplishment!

The downside of skipping the nap is the additional hours of entertainment/activity I must provide. Because my R still needs a nap to maintain a positive attitude, quiet indoor activities for the other two are a must. Yesterday, it was paper dolls and they were a remarkable hit.

I am really not crafty, so I googled for printable paper dolls and found quite a selection at about.com. The best part of this activity was that it was very time-consuming. :-) K loves art activities and although P's attention span for completing his own is quite short, he loved watching her work. We filled a total of 90 minutes printing, selecting accessories, cutting, coloring, taping, them playing with our creations. And it was free!!!

When R woke up, he joined in the fun--and the results of our efforts are now posted on our refrigerator to serve as a source of smiles for us all.

Completely unrelated, but entertaining nonetheless, P was the source of a funny incident Sunday afternoon at the playground. While playing, he noticed a Hispanic family.
"Mommy, dat Mommy over dare is talkin' in Spanish."

We have dabbled in learning conversational Spanish and P seems especially interested in it. So, I asked him if he had tried to speak Spanish back to them.

"Not yet," he replied. Then he darted in their direction shouting, "Hey! Hey! Uno, UNO! UUU-NOOO!"

Thank heavens, the family did not seem to understand he was talking to them.

That Spanish instruction sure is paying off!

Flashback 2004

Saturday morning we spent some time at our old house (you know the one we moved out of 9 months ago, but still own >cringe<) doing a little housekeeping. In the process, we decided to tackle the last place we've wanted to deal with, the office closet. It was stocked with old files, notebooks and keepsakes that we have no immediate need for and knew it was going to be incredibly time consuming to sort through. We had our precious bundles of three year old energy in tow, so we only devoted 45 minutes or so to the project...but I uncovered some terrific treasures that were a real blast from the past.

The children were 14 months old when I started blogging, so the time before that is a blur of sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, grungy, greasy haired, spit-up memories. I lost most of my pictures due to an unfortunate hard drive crash, so imagine my joy to discover a pregnancy journal I had kept with good old fashioned pen and ink. There were only about 15 pages of entries, but it was wonderful to read back through it and realize just how CLUELESS I was about how my life was about to change.

I found a few items from the NICU and the size was remarkable to me. I put the playing card there for comparison. How were these rambunctious, healthy children ever that small? The hat and diaper were actually too large on the children when they were born.

I also found my trusty triplet medical notebook that accompanied me to every visit to the pediatrician. It seems a bit psycho and overdone to an outsider (and, honestly, even to me now)...but trying to keep track of who was eating what and how their bowels were moving, not to mention sleep schedules, medications and therapy was a task that sleep deprivation made impossible without a list. Add to the fact that I love, love, love Excel spreadsheets and voila, a huge triplet mama geek is born. Even my pediatrician teased me ruthlessly about this extreme act of geeky-new-motherness. I kept this log religiously until they were 10 months old.

As we've removed 1/3 of our bed rails, taken down the last of the baby gates, given up on booster seats at the dinner table and given away our last pack and play I am realizing those days are all but gone.

Funny thing is, today anyway, I am not sad. I am excited. These children are blossoming and I am so completely in love with who they are. Do they exhaust me? Absolutely! Do they frustrate me? Daily. Do they fill my life with laughter, joy and perspective? Beyond anything I could have ever imagined!

Thank you, Father. Thank you!

Removing the Rails

A couple of weeks ago while I was washing all the children's sheets one of them asked me to leave the safety rails off when I made the beds. I was a little skeptical, but since we have been in big kid beds for 10 months and there is no real barometer for when to take the rails off, I gave in. Nap time went without incident, but I could tell they were nervous as I packed pillows around them. By bedtime the boys had decided they liked the security of the rails and tearfully begged to have them put back on.

K insisted that she was ready "to sleep like a big girl" so I followed her lead and left the rails off. Each night since, I have put pillows on either side of her and one on the floor. I check on her as we turn in for the night and make sure she is adjusted back to the middle of her bed if she is creeping precariously close to the edge.

Last night, when I was awakened by a huge thud following by crying I knew the inevitable had happened--she fell out of her bed and onto the hardwood floor below. As Daddy comforted her, my heart physically ached. I knew it must have hurt and been a frightening experience. I also know she cannot sleep with rails forever and she had seemed ready to remove them. I was struck by how this illustrated the challenge of parenthood.

We use rails/structure to keep our children safe while we train them, but the true test of readiness usually cannot be done without removing the safety device. There is generally no set rule for when to 'remove the rails,' so we pray, we ponder, we discuss, then we hold our breath, remove the rails (or their equivalent) and hope for the best.

There WILL be falls. They may be painful (for us and them). Yet, their growth will be stunted if we don't leave room for them to challenge themselves (within reason, of course).

Thirty minutes later, I awoke to the sound of a stool sliding across the bathroom floor across the hall. Then I heard tinkling. He did it. R listened to my little pep talk before bed and actually went to the bathroom without waking us up to help. As I listened to his movements, I noticed he was still tinkering in the bathroom after he should have been heading back to bed. Then I heard it, "Mommy. I need a little hay-yulp in he-ya. I tee-teed all over my-say-ulf." I climbed out of bed to clean him up, change his pajamas and clean the bathroom. UGH! Rather than making life easier, this exercise in independence had caused more work.

Parenthood is often one step forward, two steps back. I am thankful I get to be the arms they fall into, the shoulder they cry on..and, yes, even the one who gets to clean them up. Thank you, Father, for this gift of being on the front row as they grow.

But is it too much to ask to just get 8pm-7am off for a little R & R? :-)

Naughty, but Entertaining

I must admit that I love the spunk my children possess. While some moments leave me wanting to pull my hair out, other times God gives me a fresh sense of humor to sift all their antics through. One of the more entertaining aspects of this age is watching them try to finagle their way out of a tight spot. Oh, the drama! Oh, the placing blame on others!

Three examples from today:
#1-My R is a control freak. He is extremely specific about how he wants things done--not in an OCD way, just in a way that makes it obvious he needs to be in charge. One of the ways that has manifested itself lately is in his bedtime demands. Every night he seems to "need" another lovey (stuffed animal) in addition to the ones he already sleeps with each night. Yesterday, as I was making his bed I counted them and realized we are up to 13, in addition to three pillows and two special blankets. I informed him that from now on he could pick his favorite five each night. There was some push back, but I felt like I had won the battle. Tonight I noticed they were all in his bed again. When I questioned him he said.
"Mommy, dose are left from nap time. Sto-wee (the sitter) doesn't know da rules and she put 'dem in da bed. You need to tell Sto-wee da rules."
Ahem.

#2- We are having a real issue with having to get up with the children in the middle of the night for potty breaks. Each one of them typically wakes up at least once during the night. They will not get out of bed without parental assistance, despite nightlights, so we are up 3 or more times every night. I have been trying to cut back the liquid intake before bed (with limited success). Additionally, our children are BIG milk drinkers and tend to drink so much there is little room left in their tummies for food. So, tonight I laid down the law: no drinks with dinner. Once they had eaten all of their quesadilla, they were allowed a small cup.

P, is our worst offender of the milk-as-primary-source-of-nutrition diet. I promise the child could live on cereal, milk and tostito chips alone...sometimes I think he does. He whined and balked and put on a very dramatic show as he choked and coughed that he "jus' (fake cough)needed (cough cough)some-pin (cough) to wash it down(cough)."

He finally cut the act and started waving his arms over his food like a conductor. P loves music, so I just assumed he was enjoying the tunes playing overhead.
"That's a nice dance, P."
"I not dancin'. I'm jus' twy-in' to make 'dis food disappear."
I admit Daddy & I both almost spit out our food at that response.

#3
Dinner was finished. The table was cleaned up. Coats were donned. We loaded the car, got everyone buckled and drove about a half mile before K says, "I weel-y need to go potty now."
As I bit my tongue, took a deep breath and tried to think about whether we should attempt to make it home or stop, she continued,
"I had to go for a while when we were at dat rest-want, but I didn't tell you."
"Whose fault is that, honey?"
Without missing a beat, "Joke's!"
Ah, Joke...of course!

Life with 3 1/2 year olds

When you are up to your eyeballs in preschoolers, it can be easy to forget that many of the moments that unfold are priceless. Just today I have had a couple experiences that made me smile and think I need to write that down.

Scenario 1:
A new fun game for K is to boss R around. I call this a 'fun game' because R is a control guy who likes to call the shots. He is truly like a little man stuck in a 3 1/2 year old body. K is a rabble-rouser. When she tells him what to do it drives him crazy, which makes her practically gleeful. I try to chose carefully when I intervene because a lot of this is just typical sibling stuff.

This morning over breakfast I was not really paying attention to their conversation until R whined, "Mom-mee. K is pwe-tend-ing she is da Mommy. Tell her to stop saying things to me." I advised him to just ignore her. (I can remember when my own Mom would handle sibling squabbles this way. I found it so annoying and frustrating! Yet, like many other things in parenthood...here I am doing it too!)

"But, it is huw-ting my fee-wings!!!!!"

Before I could say anything, K looked up and said very calmly and sincerely, "I'm so-wee, R. I so-wee I huwt your feewings. I love my bwo-vers."

Those signs of progress I wrote about needing yesterday? I got one! It was really a touching moment. A lot of adults could learn a lesson in communication and forgiveness from that interchange.

Scenario #2:
Before rest time today the children and I were playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos. We were having fun, but the boys were starting to get particularly whiny. Losing a match led to crying and fits. I warned both boys that one more outburst meant we were going to stop playing and go down for naps. A minute later, they were both on their backs crying that they didn't win.
"Ok, I see we're tired. Straight upstairs for naps."
"No. No. No. No. No. I want to be nice. No. No..." R responded, as I picked him up and started carrying him upstairs.
"Buddy, it is rest time. I can tell you are tired by the way you are behaving. I warned you, honey."
"No. No. No. I want to be nice..."
As I laid him in bed, he was kicking his feet wildly, still repeating, "No, no, no. I want to play some more. I want to be nice."
"You made a choice, son. Sorry, Charlie."
Then he wailed as if he was completely exasperated and it was the final straw, "MY NAME IS NOT CHAR-LEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

They were all asleep less that two minutes later.

Scenario #3:
This little serenade from my boys a couple of weeks ago over supper:

2008: A Progress Report

Because I've blogged a lot lately about the energy level in our home, I thought this picture was a perfect example.

This was taken New Year's Eve as the children were playing in our front yard with friends and sparklers. Those faint little blurs like to move!

So far 2008 is amazing. I had an incredibly productive day today. For the first time in weeks, my laundry room is empty. Everything is clean and put away. The children even helped me reorganize the "dress up closet." Costumes are hanging, everything has its place. My great toy purge is continuing!

This afternoon our sitter came so I could hole up in the office and get organized. What a wonderful feeling to sort, file, shred and purge! I am a hopeless geek. It was completely fulfilling to get bills, statements and tax documents organized. I even got to listen to a great online sermon while I worked.

Then, while the boys napped, K & I reorganized the china cabinet.

Rather than being exhausted, I feel exhilarated. I realized over the last couple weeks that I can only hang out with no agenda for so long before it starts to really impact me negatively. I am wired for activity. I enjoy output, measurable results, productivity. I want to see that my work is making a difference.

Frankly, this is what makes motherhood so draining and frustrating for me. I want an immediate reward. Parenting is truly a marathon, and although there are certainly glimpses of results along the way--they can often seem few and far between.

My sole parenting resolution for 2008 is to pause and really 'see' my children. I want to give them at least 10 minutes a day of individual, delighted attention--the kind of excitement an extended family member brings when they come for a visit. I want to notice the neat things about who they are becoming and to rejoice with them in their realizations about the world. I am resolving to slow down long enough to laugh at their jokes, appreciate their individuality and share in their experience of life. In short, I want them to experience my enjoyment of them.

As a well-intentioned mama, I often inadvertently spend the majority of my time focussed on structure, rules, expectations, safety concerns, physical needs, behaviour, orchestrating life experiences, etc...and it leaves little room for pausing to look a child in the eyes and smile.

The last 2 days of attempting to do this have been RICHLY rewarding. I think this is a resolution it will be wildly satisfying to keep.

A Painful Reminder

Yesterday afternoon, I ran into a nearby gift shop to pick something up. As I stood at the counter completing my purchase, I could overhear two women behind me, in their mid-forties, gossiping about another woman. They were speaking in hushed, but harsh and judgmental tones. I was not trying to listen, I was simply within earshot. I must admit, though, that as I overheard the words "pregnant with triplets...lost them...fertility treatment...twin pregnancy" my curiosity was piqued. That is, until the woman doing the majority of the talking stopped whispering and loudly said something to the effect of, "serves her right, playing God like that. Clearly, there are reasons God chooses not to allow some people to have children." Both women cackled with laughter and my insides caught on fire. I felt like I had been slapped.

I simply could not believe how ignorant, unfeeling and hurtful their comments were! They were in a public place with three people (the two sales clerks and me) within earshot. They did not know our stories and they were giggling about someone else's fertility struggle.

My friends refer to me as the Equalizer, because I am often overcome by the need to "set people straight." I am not bragging about this, I am actually really trying to submit this weakness of mine to God. Even though I embrace the grace God has shown me, I too often want grace-less justice when it concerns other people. I have this need to let people know that I know what they did--and they aren't getting away with anything. (Again, I am not saying I think this is right, fair or good...it is just the truth about my fleshly struggle.)

As I was burning with anger and pain, I spun around and looked squarely into the eyes of the woman who was doing most of the talking. As our eyes met, I opened my mouth, planning to tell her how hurtful and ignorant I found her comments. She looked right at me and flashed a warm, friendly, clueless smile. She had no idea how her words had stung, she was just catching up with a friend as they shopped. I closed my mouth, turned away, signed my sales slip and darted out of the store before my anger won the battle.

It was a painful reminder on many fronts. First, how often do I carelessly talk about situations I only know the half of...shoes I have never walked in...judging how I would handle it "if it were me?"

Second, there are many, many people who do not understand fertility issues and who do believe we "played God" in the creation of our children. Most of them don't voice those thoughts to our face (although it has happened). I know it is complicated. We struggled with these very questions. We prayed, sought godly counsel, even attended a retreat for Christians dealing with infertility. In the end, we trusted the Sovereignty of God and sought Him every step of the way.

We reached the conclusion that God is bigger than Reproductive Endocrinologists and their procedures. If He wanted to close my womb permanently, He could have. A dear friend of mine was my nurse through our fertility journey. She has reminded me several times that God was absolutely involved in the creation of our children. According to science, they should not be here. My numbers were terrible, my eggs looked poor. Yet, sleeping upstairs right now, are three growing miracles, testimonies to the power of God to work through the science of man--that He created in the first place.

Should I have said something--attempted to enlighten these women? I am still not sure. I do know that I should not have spoken in my anger. I am glad I walked away when I did. I seriously considered going back a few minutes later. Could I have changed them? Almost certainly not. Can I learn from that encounter and allow God to change me? Definitely.

New Year's Potpourri

It is a new year, time for a clean slate. It's the closest thing we get in this life to CTRL-ALT-DEL. I have thoroughly enjoyed our holidays, but I am very excited about getting back on a schedule and being productive again. I get in a bit of a restless funk after too much down time. So, here is a little list to get some random things out of my brain:

First, this is a fantastic New Year's Day, football watching snack recipe: Black-eyed Pea Salsa AKA Texas Caviar. There are a lot of ingredients to chop, but it is TOTALLY worth it! (and for chopping, this little gadget from Williams-Sonoma has made me very happy!)

Second, a new blog I have discovered that is warm, funny and thought-provoking. Danielle is in her final year of medical school. I can relate to so many of her stories and musings as a spouse of a medical professional. If you are missing Grey's Anatomy because of the writers' strike...you're sure to love this. (And it doesn't appear to be nearly as immoral, although the only profanity I have read on the entire blog is on the most recent post...sorry!)

Third, I am SO HAPPY to have my awesome hubby around more lately. Things just run more smoothly with him here to balance us out! There is definitely a reason God gave us spouses.

Fourth, I just ordered a new parenting book that has come highly recommended within my triplet networking group: Love and Logic. I'll be sure to give a review once I have been able to spend some time reading. (2009, maybe?)

Fifth, because there have been a couple of comments/questions about the piano mat pictured below, I need to report that it is a hit. One key feature for Moms is the volume button! I also love that it rolls up for easy storage in the closet. As Renee observed a few days ago, having a big empty room has been a huge gift this Christmas (that I am thinking is going to continue to be appreciated through the winter weather).

I am impatient. I want the room to be pulled together. My children, on the other hand, love the freedom to run, dance, throw, kick, play and be wacky, wild 3 year olds. It is a nice reminder to not always fill our lives with so much stuff that we leave little room for real life to unfold.

Happy 2008!