Of course you are tired. Keep going.

We are in the midst of track season with Kate. She primarily is a distance runner, but sometimes participates in the 4x800 relay.

No matter how many races I have seen, the relay gets me every time. Runners push their bodies to the limits as they carry the baton for their leg, individually contributing their best to the team score, and then the focus shifts to the runner awaiting the handoff. There is anticipation, positioning, and movement. Sometimes it appears seamless, other times awkward, as the two runners try to match their speeds for a brief moment of connection. 

It takes true technique to secure a smooth handoff and despite all the practice, there is the occasional slip or miss that produces a loud clanging, a sympathetic crowd reaction, and a shift in the anticipated outcome of the race. 

I was thinking about all of this today because I have spoken to six different parents in 24 hours who are in the thick of teen parenting. We all feel this same sense of anticipation, excitement, and exhaustion as we try to finish this portion of our race well and hand off the baton of daily responsibility for these almost-adult lives. 

What I didn't understand until I experienced this phase is that there is not a single moment of release. Instead, we are performing this hand-off over and over again as we are passing our teens the responsibility for their academics, social lives, finances, health, and all other manner of choices. Sometimes we are more in sync than others. And THIS is the part of teen parenting that is exhausting.

I heard a seasoned Mom recently say, "I am really not worried about the outcome. I truly trust God with that. I just want to know I did my part well." Isn't that the cry of a faithful heart? 

So how do we do this part well? I think the attitudes of our hearts are a huge part. Much of the rest, ironically, came from one of the many online lists I saw of proper baton handoff techniques. I couldn't help but giggle when I read these seven steps in a ten-step list.

• One carries the baton.
• Adjustments are made as they approach the handoff.
• The runners share the baton.
• Communication is vital.
• Release when the baton is firmly in the next runner's hand.
• Do not slow down until the baton is passed. 

And the last one made me laugh out loud...

• Stay in your lane.

As always, so much easier to pontificate than to practice, but I couldn't help but share this metaphor God used to speak to my heart.

My runner taught me another important lesson recently. When I asked her how she ran so many miles without pain she replied, "I don't. After 2-3 miles my body starts to hurt a little but I tell myself 'of course you hurt, you've run a long way,' and then I keep running." 

That, my friends, will preach. 

"Let us run with patience the race marked out before us." -Hebrews 12:1b

When Words Take Root

"He (Jesus) saw the potential in the lives of sinners. In Simon, He saw a rock. In Matthew, the publican, He saw a faithful disciple who would one day write one of the four Gospels..." -Warren Wiersbe

I have a house full of big personalities that illicit a wide range of emotions from their Mama--laughter, frustration, delight and a fair bit of cringing. When left unto itself, my mind races away with thoughts of what a child's future will look like if this or that weakness isn't reigned in. I have written many times about my temptation to parent from a place of fear rather than hope.

I want to be a wise steward of these little lives, but I also want to be like my Lord. Not leading anyone or anything impatiently or in a panic...but living and moving as an expression of faith. I loved this reminder that Jesus, Himself, was a seer of potential...focused on who people were to become moreso than where they were currently stuck.

During a recent session of purging my trio's backpacks I came across projects that gave me pause. Each of my 5th graders had completed a coat of arms assignment, researching colors and symbols to use in the design they felt best represented them.

The artwork was cute, but the attached explanations allowed a glimpse into their self image, values and aspirations that does not come frequently with tweens. As I savored these snapshots of who my 11 1/2  year olds are becoming, I pondered the implication of words spoken to them through this first decade+ of their lives.

To read what my kiddos state as their beliefs about their burgeoning identity left me awestruck. They were given a word bank of colors, symbols and their corresponding meaning, then free reign to express themselves. There was only one duplicate on their pages.

Here are a few excerpts of what they chose.

 P: "I chose a dove which represents trust in God, because I have faith in the Lord. I used silver because it represents peace."
"Gold represents generosity. I like to help people like our foster kids."
"I chose a globe because I love to travel the world."
"Green represents joy, hope & loyalty. I chose this because I'm usually happy and hopeful. For example, I hope our foster children will learn about God."

K: "I chose the Ichthus (Greek for fish)representing belief in Jesus. I thought this would be a good image to choose because I trust and love Jesus and God with all my heart."
I decided on blue for my background color. It represents truth and loyalty. I used this color because I always tell the truth and never tell a secret.
I chose thyme for my image. It represents courage and strength. I used this because I am brave when it comes to heights and ropes courses. I am also not scared of anything.
I chose gold because it means generosity. I share my stuff with my foster sisters."

R: "I picked the allerion because I trust God and He gives me strength. I chose white because I trust God and He helps me with my choices. I chose the anchor because I have a big belief in God and I love him from the bottom of my heart. I chose maroon because it means patient in battle and victorious. I chose this because I'm doing my best and having a comeback in school."

These are just excerpts. There were certainly humorous parts that reminded me these are children with lots of growing left to do...like the fact that R chose black for "constancy or grief because I am coming out of some hard times." (Concerned, I asked him what he was referring to and he flashed dimples and confessed he just thought black would look cool.)

But, typical 11 year old behavior considered, I was struck by the insight this project offered. Even while groaning at chores, attempting to sneak in a little extra screen time or practicing making body noise sounds that annoy, truth IS taking root in their hearts.

Exactly 4 hours before these beautiful, hope giving words came home I was confessing to my small group all the ways I feel like I am blowing it. I lamented that the business of life and ALL THESE CHILDREN was not allowing for the neat, picturesque moments I like to imagine my family having...

The evening Bible studies by the fire I aspire to as marks of a godly, together Mom are a stark contrast the wet haired children I am trying to coral into bed or the exhausted big kids splayed across the sofa watching replays of American Ninja Warrior.

But through the faithfulness of God and the countless adults God has placed in the lives of my children, Truth is taking deep root in their hearts.

As I read their assignments, I recognized some of the words their father and I have spoken over them--prayers we have prayed through the years. But their were other parts did not come from us, but from coaches, teachers, children's ministry volunteers, friends, family members--and oh, how God is weaving all of it together to form identity in their hearts! Truly breathtaking.

"A person becomes a person through other people." Desmond Tutu

This is the body. This is community. This is how lasting identity is formed. What a reminder to show up for other people's kids with well placed words and the investment of life on life! What an encouragement to stick with the rhythms of Bible study, church attendance and even Sunday afternoon lunch traditions with friends that have become family. These rituals form a framework where truth can be safely spoken and actively lived out.

Moment upon moment identity is being forged. Just as it is hard as a Mama to see just how much your children are growing in height, I think it can be equally challenging to see how their hearts are growing in depth. Every now and then we get these moments where we rub our eyes and go, "whoa." All of this investment of prayer and love and talking is adding up to something.

And here's the thing:  NOTHING IN THE ECONOMY OF GOD IS WASTED, even those real life moments! Squabbling siblings, ropes courses, family travel, grades that reflect not doing our best, the blending in of younger foster kids and the stretching and growth it requires? God is using it!!!

"It's an unbelievable experience to watch your kids become their own person. You know that all humanity has walked this way before, but for you and your child, it's all new. You are living the clichés, but now they are real and different."
- Sara Groves

This week I had the chance to sneak out of town for 24 hours of reconnection with dear old friends. I realized it is the same way in my adult heart. I have known these girls for more of my life than I haven't. Over 23 years we have experienced the highest of highs in joy, love and laughter and the lowest of lows in loss, pain and regret. Yet, even in our 40s, when we get together and share our hearts we remark to each other "My, how you have grown since I saw you last."

Nothing is wasted in the economy of God--not in a child's life and not in their Mama's.

So, today, Lord, lead us and guide us in having eyes to see and marvel all the ways You are at work. Give us words of hope, love and truth  and the courage and commitment to speak them. May we plant words that help each other grow into the people You have planned.

On Being in the Ensemble

Last Fall my K auditioned & was cast in her first theatrical production. She had an incredible experience as Gretl in the Sound of Music. When my husband & I saw her perform it was clear to us she had found something she loved.

Shortly after the show run was completed, friends told us about an upcoming local production of Beauty & the Beast. They urged K to consider auditioning and told her she would make a terrific Chip. The thought of that role thrilled her and motivated her to go and see the musical in a nearby town. 

The week of the audition, K lost some steam. She had heard how many were auditioning & how much time it would require. The day of the audition arrived and she was still on the fence until two separate encounters with adults involved in the show who urged her to audition. It was just the nudge her confidence needed. 

On the night of the audition we learned that over 100 children from our community had auditioned for about 50 spots. K was called back for the role she wanted. There were 5 children in contention for the part. 

I stayed up until midnight waiting for the list online and then woke her up the next morning with the news. She had indeed been cast, but not as Chip. K had been cast in the ensemble. She had 24 hours to decide if she would accept the part--and the rigorous schedule that she would be committing to--3 nights a week for 3 months and 4-5 nights a week as production time closed in. That's a lot for a precocious, active 10 year old with varied interests!

Although it was not what she had planned and hoped for, K chose to accept the assigned roles with grace. She has worked hard & enthusiastically--and it has been a wonderful learning experience. 

On the surface it seemed like a bummer--sacrificing four months of extracurricular time for a part in the background--but, truly, it was an honor just to be cast. After a few rehearsals, K was selected as the understudy for Chip, which meant additional rehearsals and much more to learn. After all the extra work she will never take the stage as Chip, but we've appreciated the gift of extra coaching and exposure to voice and acting direction. 

Beauty & the Beast opened this weekend and I smiled as my little ensemble member beamed in each of her roles---villager, tea cup, broom and narrator. She wanted one big name part and instead she was given the chance to shine in several 'smaller' roles.

She was able to let go of the role she would have 'chosen' and embrace the ones she was assigned. And I have spent some time reflecting on how even in middle age I struggle with being in the ensemble sometimes. I want to matter. I want to do something big & meaningful for the the world and God says, "how about you play these countless 'small' roles with great enthusiasm instead?" 

Be a member of your community that thinks beyond your own bubble and your own needs. 

Be a Mama that teaches your children to see & love others.

Be a wife that esteems her spouse and supports him as a partner. 

Be a church member that serves where needed. 

Be a neighbor that's not too busy to slow the car, roll down the window and chat. 

Be a follower of the Lord that lets His light shine in the little things of your daily life.

 There is so much to be learned in the ensemble--so many chances to grow and shine.

I am grateful for this first lesson in 'not getting what she wanted' because she's learned a lot about the beauty of being in the ensemble and so have I!

Because Long Division is Life

There is a word that strikes fear among the hearts of students and parents alike. It is the source of great emotion in homes across this nation each evening. It interrupts our notions of 'family time,' ruins many dreams of Rockwellian dinner scenes and leads to breakdowns in both adults and children.  It is homework.

I believe in letting my children do their own work. I try not to nag or hover. I seek instead to create an environment and a schedule that allows for adequate time and space for work to be completed independently and be on hand for clarification or feedback.

And yet, there are vocabulary pages, technological hiccups and most recently...long division. 

Last night as K was struggling with 'not getting' her Math, I looked into her face and saw my own. I could completely remember the frustration Math assignments often brought to my academic life. I wanted to curse Math with her until I considered the beauty of learning to do hard things early on...and, seriously, can we just pause to praise the Lord that her 'hard things' are Math assignments not the litany of other things some children her age around the world have already had to face.

It's not cancer or molestation or divorce or terror or hunger or ebola or the loss of a parent. It's long division. And I get the chance to cheer her on and encourage her as she tackles this hard thing at 10 years old, hoping and praying this will be a relatively painless building block God uses as she works her way up to countless other hard things in life.

We can dismiss homework as a stupid interruption or we can see it as a tremendous opportunity to work together on perseverence and problem solving. (Some days I'm better about this than others.) This is part of real life. Frustrating, inconvenient, challenging.  

Tonight she had second thoughts about a commitment she made to run in an elementary cross country meet Friday. The timing means she will miss all the Halloween festivities at school, which have historically been very enjoyable to her. But weeks ago she committed and now she wants to drop out. This isn't a major life decision--and yet, it is a wonderful, safe opportunity for her to learn about keeping her word, being honest, and thoughtfully choosing 'best yeses.'

Her Dad & I listened to her. We offered our opinions. Then we let her email the coach & prayed God would give her strength to honor whatever they decided.

As a parent, I have a choice. I can try to remove all the 'hard' things in her life--which again, mercifully at this point are pretty small in the grand scheme of things--or I can listen, counsel, pray and let her work through some age-appropriate life lessons at 10 that God will use to strengthen her and embolden her for what is to come.

Frankly, the desire to remove all the obstacles in our loved ones' lives is a false hope. We cannot protect our children from every danger, threat or bad choice. Attempts to do so make us feel courageous, but can communicate that we believe our children are weak, untrustworthy or unable to make solid decisions. 

God is leading us through a changing parental season. I feel him urging us to guide, direct and encourage a deepening faith that truly trusts God and His voice in their gut. 

It is so tempting to keep the reigns. Letting go means risking embarrassment, relinquishing control. Honestly, I like to rescue. It feels good for her to still need me...but increasingly, this is not the best long term parental strategy.

It will be hard for my children to recognize their need for Savior when I am busy trying to fill that role.

I feel peace tonight that these are places where God is telling me to back off and give Him some space to show Himself as real and relevant in K's life..

So I pray, exhale and loosen my grip a bit more, trusting that He has got her (and me.)


**Before the comments turn into a debate about the merits of homework, I acknowledge some types of assignments are more beneficial than others. My point really was about the temptation to remove all 'struggle' from our kids lives. 

Decisions, Decisions

I had all sorts of random fears when I first learned I was carrying three babies. 

Would I ever sleep again?

Would people ever be able to tell them apart?

Would they speak in their own language & plot an uprising without my knowledge?

How on Earth would I manage alone time with each child?

Would this "trio" be able to find themselves as individuals outside of the group? 

So many of these fears weighed into early decisions like: 

Sharing a room or not (and for how long)

If/When to split them up at school

and even whether it was detrimental to dress them as a unit

There were so many opinions and a healthy amount of discussion surrounding each of these topics.

And like so much of parenting, my husband & I ultimately made decisions as they came and then we exhaled a prayer or 25 and went with it. Often we had to tweak and adjust, because life works that way. An important lesson in parenting was reinforced: There is no formula but to love hard, pray hard and be willing to recognize and follow through with necessary adjustments along the way.

As we enter these tween years, I do a lot more coaching that instructing--and that requires observation. I am loving the opportunity to watch and see how God is bringing things together in these young lives.

After a decade of investment, shoots of growth & fruit pop up at random times, like last night during our school's Open House. Each 4th grader made an "About Me" wheel that was displayed on the classroom walls with a visual representation of 8 things they enjoy. I marveled at 24 examples of my children's stories unfolding.

At 10 years old, she aspires to be a Veterinary Surgeon or a National Geographic Photographer "that hangs off cliffs." 

At 10 years old, his career goal is to be a video game maker or a dog trainer.

At 10 years old, he aspires to be a professional sports player.

I am documenting these for posterity's sake, because I know time will change the specifics, but the message to my heart is the same.

Take the role as parent seriously, but remember their story is ultimately being written by One far greater than you. 

Love. Pray. Breathe. Pay Attention. Marvel.

Because even though mine have shared a womb and a life they are each growing and bending and blooming in different ways under the direction of the master Gardener who continues to provide, nurture, and prune.

And so am I.

Pictures and Perspective

This weekend my boys went on a special fishing trip with my husband and his Dad. Three generations of Scott fishermen meant sweet memories for all.

While they were piling up red fish, I had a chance to plan a special adventure with my K. Her number one request was "a bike adventure around town where you teach me more about photography." Well, twist my arm...on Saturday afternoon we took off.

As I handed over my Nikon with just a few basic tips, I marveled at my girl.

From her stance, to her zoom I realized by observing her that she has certainly been watching me. She had picked up so many nuances that I never mentioned, nor realized I was modeling.

And the implications were clear. She had her own style, but it was heavily influenced by what she has seen through the years.

She reveled in her chance to be in control, behind the camera, independently choosing the subjects. She didn't have many questions. She just wanted to experiment. We talked briefly about composition and light--and then I kept my mouth shut and let her click away.

Today when I finally pulled the photos off my memory card and onto my computer I was blown away. Here are just a few of the images she took.

It was both astounding and humbling to realize my little bit took every one of these images without any intervention from me--a true picture of her budding independence. As I flipped through the dozens of images she captured I couldn't help but grin at the surprises that often come when we back up and let our kids explore.

And I marveled at the gift of really being able to see things from her perspective.

I felt like the photos were little glimpses into the types of things she notices and cares about.

We talk a lot, but this was different...as if I had gotten to be her eyes for an afternoon. If only it were always so easy to see what they are seeing, to have a way to capture what they value! 

I am grateful for this glimpse--and the reminders that:

 She is watching what I model. 

She's going to learn a lot more from experience than lectures. 

There is so much I've yet to learn and know of her.

Her point of view/perspective is not the same as mine.

We can have a lot of fun on this journey to adulthood. 

I really love this phase of parenthood!

A Prayer for the First Day of School

K, P, & R,
Happy first day of fourth grade! This morning you dressed yourselves and made your own breakfast. You gathered your own backpacks and tied your own shoes. You reminded me about the traditional first day of school photo and we made it to school not only on time, but with a few minutes to spare.

I was there. I woke you up (and you groaned). I circulated with reminders and prompts. I offered a little extra height to reach the cereal bowls and brushed 2/3 of your hair because you still haven't quite grasped that grooming is a part of getting dressed. But you have essentially figured this elementary school thing out. There were no tears--from me or you. We have come a long way, babies!

And now I am home in an eerily quiet house. For the first time in three months I can sip a second cup of coffee with only the soundtrack of a humming refrigerator and the occasional thumping of the dog's tail on the hardwood floor...and of course, the tapping of my laptop's keys.

I need to do a lot of things, but first on my list was to sit for a while and think about what I hope and pray for you in this age and stage of life. The older I get the more complex this world seems, and yet the clearer my call feels. I have read plenty of parenting/womanhood/life checklists, but it always seems to come back to this:

May you love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind...and love your neighbor as you love yourself. 

I borrowed those words from Jesus and I offer them as your benediction.

Loving the Lord with all your heart means trusting Him with your hurt feelings and your greatest wants. I pray as you grow, you will want Him first and above all else. When your heart seeks approval from your peers, your teachers and even from me and your Dad, I pray you will remember you are ALREADY approved in Him. Lean into Him. Allow Him to shower you with His love.

Loving with your soul is about the deepest places, loving Him with who you are. At ten, we are only beginning to discover your talents and unique gifting, but some are becoming apparent. I urge you to love Him with your leadership, R, your energy, K, and your sensitivity, P.

Loving Him with your mind, means being diligent about what is being allowed into your brain, what thoughts you allow to take root. It also involves applying yourself at school. God has gifted you each with different kinds of intelligence. My problem solver/strategist, my creative and my curious, I pray you will give those minds back to Him. May you see school as a place those gifts are being nurtured and refined for your good and His Glory. This is not about all As, it is about being engaged and interested. Education is a gift and a journey to further equip you for the call on your lives.

Loving your neighbor as yourself is a tall order, but when we begin to grasp how He loves us, it all makes a bit more sense. Your classmates, your teachers and those younger students who are looking up to you are dearly loved by God. Part of loving Him is loving them...especially, when we don't feel like it. Look out for who needs a friend. Be respectful of and grateful for the teachers and school staff who are giving their lives to your care. Forgive those who are hurtful or rude--you have no idea what may be going on in their lives.

If you are ever in doubt how to respond in any situation, I pray you will ask yourself one question: what is the loving thing to do?

I hope this list doesn't make you feel overwhelmed. It is a lifelong journey I am still on at 39...and why I know I need Him. I am praying for you. God has plans for your lives--not just one day when you 'grow up,' but right now in the thick of elementary school.

I love you dearly and am so grateful for the front row seat to what He is doing in and through your lives.

So, go forth, laugh, play, discover, fall, fail, forgive, learn, grow...and may you do it all with love.

God's Provision in a Plastic Container

Yesterday K made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
"Mom, can we spend some time together cleaning and organizing my room?"

It was an especially welcomed suggestion since my girl is not exactly marked by neat and orderly tendencies. My energizer bunny would much rather be climbing a tree or conducting a science experiment than sorting, folding or straightening indoors!

I didn't ask any questions, but chose to accept it as a kind gesture. After dropping the boys at tennis this morning, we set out to tackle the project. I didn't want to risk her enthusiasm having a chance to wane.

Before long, music was blaring, stacks were being formed and her room was shaping up. After two hours we had a large black garbage bag full of trash and neat cabinets and drawers.

My little one is a bit of a pack rat with sentimental attachment to lots of things, so I was surprised by the number of formerly treasured items she was setting aside "for someone else to enjoy." We managed to fill a large plastic bin.

As I closed the lid on this girly treasure trove of stuffed animals, dolls, games, craft kits and jewelry she said, "Mom, I want to find someONE to give this to instead of just dropping it off somewhere."

We went about our rather ordinary Summer day. I dropped K off for a play date and went to retrieve my sons.

Around 2pm I received a text from a friend that serves as a foster parent with news that she had recently taken in a sibling group (two boys and a girl). She indicated that the children had arrived with very little and she was working on securing a few things to make them feel more at home--especially dolls and toys for the 6 year old girl.

I couldn't believe it! I excitedly informed her that we had a freshly packed container of great things that would be completely age and size appropriate. When I collected K from her friend's house we drove over to meet this sweet girl and deliver the goodies.

As the little girl opened the box and went through the items with K I was overwhelmed by God's provision for this sweet one. I saw the contents in a fresh way--through her eyes--and it looked like a 6 year old's Christmas wish...a doll with clothes, bottles, brushes and a stroller. Stuffed animals. A veterinary kit. Craft sets. Costume jewelry for dress up. A swimsuit and cover up. A church dress and play clothes. It suddenly didn't seem like donations, but instead like a suitcase that had been custom packed for this little one.

All the uncharacteristic interest in cleaning up had been for a much grander purpose.God had this child on His mind. What we considered a Summer chore was a way He was planning to shower love.

As we were leaving I couldn't help but point it out to our new friend. "Hey, do you know how much God loves you? He had us thinking of you before we had even met you. God had us pack up this container just for you!"

She smiled and I gulped as the implications in my own life sunk in. I looked over at my friend who had tears in her eyes too. 

When we drove away I reminded K not to miss the sweetness of this story. God loves US so much He let us be a small part of His big plan today. 

This is the way our God operates. He is thinking of us, loving us and putting us on other people's hearts even when we don't realize it. Even tonight I am shaking my head at the reminder of His Provision. 

I don't retell this story as a "look at me," but as a "Look at HIM!" God made a moment today that all of my well-intentioned orchestrating could not have crafted. He is woo-ing that sweet foster child, just as he is wooing my daughter, my friend and me...with undeniable reminders that He is weaving all our stories together. We must simply pay attention. 

Notes from Camp

Last month, BEFORE my people had taken off, I wrote a hopeful post about the positive points of Summer camping. Now that we are right smack in the middle of the adventure, I thought it would be appropriate to make some notes from the field.

1. Individual attention is beautiful--and sometimes makes them more grateful for their siblings.

While my husband and I have relished the rotation of 1-on-1 and 2-on-1 time that different camp weeks have allowed, at least one of our children has found all of our individual attention a bit much. One day, as we took P out on a lunch date he said, "Could you please stop staring at me and asking me all these questions?" He was overjoyed when we got a sitter to go out on a date one night and gave him a break. 

P and I even got a fun overnight road trip together when we journeyed to pick R up from North Carolina. I loved the sweet conversations with my introvert who so often gets drowned out by the more verbal members of our family. 

When R got in the car they were squabbling within a few minutes. Through a crooked grin P said, "I'm so glad he's back. I've been bored out of my skull."

2. While family is a beautiful foundation, our kids need a chance to be known beyond just that. 

One of the things I adore about small town living is how 'known' you can feel. The old Southern stereotype of "how's your mama?" is true. I enjoy knowing more about a person's roots--the dynamic they are coming from--but for an increasingly independent child (and maybe specifically a triplet), making your own way can be difficult to accomplish.

We intentionally chose camps for our boys that are not 'popular' among people from our town. While it has been a bit more of a leap of faith to drop them off with 'strangers,' I think it has been to their benefit. They didn't have the pull (or the comfort) of a group they've long known. They were stretched--and as children so often do--rose to the occasion and made new friends.  

Apparently, this included not talking about us much. When P & I arrived to get R his counselors were surprised. "He never mentioned any siblings." 

3. Pray a lot about the balance of 'preparing the road versus preparing the child.'

This is not really specific to camp, but I've been reminded of this phrase a lot during this experience. As our children age we simply cannot be everywhere as their apologist or their specialist outlining operating instructions. I am so guilty of this! I have made it my mission to become an expert in my people. As a result, I want to share that knowledge with everyone they come in contact with--to make sure they get maximum enjoyment/performance from my children. (Yes, I gulped when I typed that. But it is true.)

This comes from a good place. I've learned a lot about their temperament, challenges and strengths from experience. Wouldn't offering a cliff notes version be helpful to everyone? While there are places where this is important, I received some very wise advice to really pray over when and where to intervene in this way. My children must learn to adapt to this world because it is unrealistic to think it is always going to adapt to them.

My husband and I agreed: one paragraph. That's all I got to write on their camp forms. One paragraph to sum up 10 years of expertise in my people. The rest would work itself out. And guess what? It did.

4. Make sure to give their camp address to people in their life. I have absolutely loved opening up those smelly trunks full of dirty clothes to find card and letters from neighbors, friends and grandparents. I know my children probably don't fully appreciate the gift, but I am sure they felt loved. 

Handwritten letters are a dying art in today's world--camp is a perfect excuse for the tradition to be resurrected. These small notes of encouraging words and individual attention spoke care and concern to my people. Isn't that the real beauty of a handwritten note? Each crumpled note shouted, "I thought enough of you to pause my day, find a card, envelope, pen and stamp, and take a moment to write." 

At all three of my children's camps mail is delivered during the one hour rest period. I loved the thought of them lying on their bunks being poured into by little notes. Admittedly, I am a 'words' girl, but there are not many other occasions in a 10 year olds life when they can be pulled away from screens and siblings and just receive this kind of special attention.

5. Don't expect letters in return. I got two letters from P during his nine days away. K has been gone six days and I have received one. Shortly after picked R up from his week he announced, "I never wrote any letters because I played poker every day during rest time. It's a fun game. Want me to teach you?" 

Well, there you go.  

One more week away for my girl before all the birdies are back in the nest--and the ones who are home have already started talking about next year. 

An Arbitrary Recap of Pieces of May

Life in a family accelerates to warp speed in the month of May. As a result, all kinds of things happened that never rose to the level of having their own blog post. Since this is my children's only semblance of a scrapbook, please pardon me while I recap a few things:

1. My R, who is showing a lot of interest in music these days, performed in a cello concert earlier this month without removing his camo sunglasses. We were indoors in a gorgeous chapel. He was out of my reach and never chose to make eye contact...so I watched in wonder. Strong willed little future rock star?

2. My K is showing interest (and talent) in photography. She borrowed my camera for a bit recently and returned with several cool shots--including this one of our sweet Haley dog.

She's so comfortable in front of the camera, it is interesting to watch her transition to behind it. :-)

3. P is blossoming into a much more confident (and active) fella--and it is fun to watch. His introversion and sedentary nature is still dominant--it is the way he's wired. But I am happy to see him showing more interest in being outdoors some as well.

Dropping him off at sleepaway camp for NINE DAYS was a source of anxious anticipation for me for months but he truly seemed to show signs of readiness right before my very eyes in the 7-10 days before he left. There is SO much to be said for leaving room for our children to rise to the occasion. 

It was a true answer to prayer for this Mama (and his Daddy too.)

4.  These two really are pea and carrots. So sweet!

I can't help but think they will marry people with personalities that mirror each other. Only time will tell. 

5. Having 20 boys over for a Nerf birthday party in our backyard was epic...but at 5'2" I had ZERO control or voice. Many of these 9-10 year old boys are my height already--and they definitely are louder! Daddy took over leading the games and it was a testosterone fest to be long remembered!

6. Our 'girl party,' a photo scavenger hunt downtown, was also an active, memorable hit.

 The greatest souvenir for us, were some hilarious pictures of K's friends being their silly, sweet selves. 

7. iphones don't fare well in washing machines..especially when they go through the spin cycle.

And there you have it, a totally random wrap up of loose ends--a pretty accurate depiction of my Summer brain!

Listening to Little Love Languages

I fancy myself a bit of an amateur sociologist. Fascinated by people and what makes them tick, I have attempted to be a student of my children. Who are they? What's God up to in those little hearts? What do they need from me?

We've talked about things like "love tanks." I've asked them questions about how I can love them best--and predictably, as children, sometimes they've been better able to express their true needs than others. I am quite sure they wouldn't been able to articulate their love languages with words--but they are becoming quite clear at age almost-ten.

It was very apparent this morning at Muffins for Moms. As I read the letters they had written me and the "coupon books" each Third Grader was encouraged to make it became undeniable how uniquely each of my trio give and receive love.

My girl is undoubtedly acts of service. Her coupons were tasks that might lighten my workload: making my bed, laundry, dishes, car wash, breakfast in bed. Even her letter was complimentary of the things I do.

My introverted P's letter screamed of his love for physical touch and words of affirmation. His offers were snuggles, back scratches, kisses and hugs. All marked by little hearts and scrawls of  "I love you, Mom." And seriously, this beautifully written cursive letter melted my heart.

And, man oh man, is R a quality time guy. He feels love through play. His letter was about places we've been together, the photos he selected were from adventures we've taken and his coupons were all other experiences we can share: putt putt, bowling, go karting. (I asked if he intended to pay :-)

As I surveyed my stack a wide grin spread across my face. This is the way they seek to express love to me because it is what speaks love to their little hearts.

And it is most definitely not a formula. They shared seven months in a womb...but their love languages are as different as their appearances.

Thank you, Lord, for these glimpses and sign posts along the way...While so much of this parenting journey is mysterious, your guiding hand that is present and trustworthy. May we be found faithful in keeping our eyes and ears open.

Even if they they don't realize it, our kids are telling us who they are and what they need all the time--we just have to learn to SLOW DOWN, listen and pay attention.

Her Race & Our Banner

Today was triathlon day for my K--and although she has participated in six other races over the last four years, this was a big one because her age demanded that her distances double. This meant my tiny 48 lb and 48 inch nugget had to swim 100 meters, bike 4.6 miles and then run 1 mile as fast as she could.

She has been a little nervous anticipating the event. As we've talked about the challenge, we decided it would be meaningful to run in honor of a couple of other elementary aged girls she knows who are also doing hard things--one battling liver cancer and another who has faced many challenges as a result of a chromosonal disorder.

Armed with a purpose and her trademark grin, my ex-preemie hugged me quickly and lined up for her race.  

And this is where a triathlete's parent will tell you OUR workout begins--because for 35 minutes as she gave it her all on the course-- we were on the sidelines waiting for her to pass so we could cheer her on. The course stretches over 6 miles. We simply can't be everywhere, so we choose our spots, squint our eyes and crane our necks for glimpses and then go crazy when we think she is within earshot.

But today, I was reminded of the necessity and absolute TREASURE of community--because there were countless other people there to fill in the gaps.

As she entered the pool area, parents had to stay outside. But she wasn't alone! She was greeted by two high school girls she adores from camp who were working as volunteers.

As she exited the pool and set out on her 4.6 mile bike trek she was surprised by our long time sitter and dear family friends--with a sign quoting her favorite triathlon verse.

And then, as she was completely exhausted coming into the final 1/4 mile of her run a gaggle of 8th grade girls left their posts cheering on the sidelines and ran by her side shouting encouragement.

I was blown away by gratitude for such big hearts in those teenaged girls--what precious role models.

Once she crossed the finish line there were grandparents, brothers, other triathletes and parents with high fives and congratulations on a race well run. And it was a picture of the way community ought to look--affirming each other for the courage it takes just to race, celebrating each other and offering encouragement freely.

As she stepped up onto the podium, I was struck by the sponsor banner brimming with names. It was a picture of how I felt about my girl's race...so many backers. From the ones I've mentioned to the others I have not: the teacher who brought this great event to our community and her hardworking support team, the swim coach/Mom who spent a little time boosting K's confidence in the pool, the awesome YL leader/sitter/friend who took K out for one last run yesterday morning when she could have been sleeping in.

And, ya'll, this was just one race. It is but a snapshot of all the friendships/relationships that are leaving holy fingerprints all over my child's life and mine.

What a reminder of how essential it is that we are intentional about the community that we build--because this is about far more than a Sunday afternoon triathlon--it is about the 'great cloud of witnessess' surrounding us on this journey of life. Just as in the race, we can't be everywhere for those that we love, but our 'community' can be spread all over the course of life.

It led me tonight to ponder not only how and where we are the blessed recipients, but where are we giving back. For whom am I cheering? Who might I encourage? Who in my life needs me to remind them of the Truth they hold dear? And who simply needs me to run alongside them when they are ready to quit?

There are many on my list. I pray I may be found faithful to the opportunities I am given.

But tonight, I am simply grateful--for the way God designed us for interdependence--and the blessing of seeing it lived out so beautifully today.