Sinners and Saints

This afternoon, K, asked if she could send "all her paper money" in the Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes. She said, "I just thought of it in my heart because they do not have any money and I do."

This is the same child that was reprimanded yesterday for repeatedly interrupting and upstaging herclassroom's birthday girl during her celebration.

Part saint, part sinner.

R's story is similar. The same dimpled little guy that pledges his undying devotion and love to his Mommy, showering me with affection when in the mood, ignores me, growls at me and stomps his feet with defiance and disrespect when things aren't going his way.

And P? He prays for the people inside every ambulance that drives by, for "families and even people who don't have families" yet he is also frequently sneaky, destructive and emotionally manipulative.

It is the inconsistency that befuddles me. These little bodies that live under my roof are walking mixtures of sinner and saint. And the two big bodies that live under my roof? We are too. There is no good in us apart from God. Left unto ourselves we will always choose the path that ultimately serves ourselves. Only through the work of God in our hearts and lives are we able to show grace, love, compassion, forgiveness, selflessness.

Yesterday's post was all about the stuff that I felt I needed to 'fix' in my children. Tonight my perspective is different. Tonight I marvel at the work God is already doing in their young hearts. They haven't yet accepted Him for themselves, but I get glimpses of how they are being brought nearer to Him.

It is a beautiful unfolding. Hearts, afterall, cannot get piecemeal bandaids. Hearts need radical change and renewal. Mommies are in the bandaid business, but God...He has much grander abilities than that.

A beautiful unfolding indeed.

Balance?

"When we are referring to God, balance is a huge mistake. God is not just one thing we add to the mix called life. He wants an invitation from us to permeate everything and every part of us."
Francis Chan, Forgotten God

Happy Lightning

This afternoon when I picked the children up from school I was greeted by their teachers--informing me that ALL THREE had "had a rough day" of not listening and obeying. Their sins were not hurtful, per se, just disrespectful. It was a bitter pill for me that all of them, in seperate classes, were acting out enough for their teachers to comment, on the same day. They went to bed on time and did not have sugar for breakfast. Am I doing something else wrong?

My children are bright, happy and vivacious. I am finding that this is a blessing...and a problem. They wake up at 6am every morning to a play date. What five year old wouldn't want to have non-stop play with their best friends? The trouble is, increasingly, that they are a force with which to be reckoned. Not so much because they are naughty...as because they are silly, noisy, energetic...and outnumber me three to one.

I am praying about how to give them constructive outlets for their energy,
limits on their hyperactivity in public,
respect for those who are in positions of authority.

I want them to be the joyful little creatures God made them to be...within limits that are for their good, not an attempt to break their spirit.

God give me grace, wisdom and patience to love my little lightning bolts with the appropriate balance of embracing who they are and who you are growing them to be.

One Day...

Yesterday afternoon while the children were enjoying an afterschool snack at our kitchen island, I was reading comments on the blog. They were chatting and giggling, so I didn't think they were paying much attention to me.

Then P asked me, "Why do you always put pictures and words about us on your computer, Mommy?"

I had never really thought about that moment before. I mean, of course it was going to happen. I never planned to keep blogging a secret from the kids. I am always careful to protect their dignity in the things I write and remember that they will one day be able to read it all. But, like most things in life, the moment itself snuck up on me and caught me a bit off guard.

"Well, buddy. You know how you guys like to hear stories about when I was a little girl? I have a hard time remembering many of them, so I am writing your stories down as they happen, so I won't forget. Come with me. I want to show you something."

As the kids dismounted their kitchen stools, I led them to the shelf in the study where I keep the hardbound copies of the blog. They were wide eyed in anticipation.

"I think you are big enough to try this now. Here are all the stories I have written about your adventures so far. One day when you are Mommies and Daddies, you will be able to read these stories to your kids."

For the next half hour they read through various volumes with laughter and smiles of pride at how much bigger they are now. Today after school they returned right back to the study and wanted to hear some of the same stories again,while exploring ones we had not gotten to yesterday.

It is a little strange that they have now crossed over to 'blog reader,' but such a precious blessing to see them beginning to unwrap the gift I hope my blog is to them one day. I always hoped they would 'one day' cherish these posts. It is so bizarre that one day is today.

Crashing

I had K & P home with me today due to tummy aches. Thankfully, by this afternoon it appeared that we had been spared a stomach bug and were able to enjoy a little fresh air.

My children have 'rediscovered' their bikes and K is currently practicing her balance without training wheels or pedals. She has taken to riding up and down our driveway with her legs outstretched as she works on her balance, challenging herself to go farther and farther each time. Obviously, this lends itself to a few good spills here and there.

This afternoon after a particularly hard fall, I dashed over to check on her. I could tell she was swallowing back tears as she said, "I don't want to crwy, but my knee rweally hurts. I had on my helmet and long pants, why did I still crash?"

"Oh, Sweetie, the helmet is not to keep you from crashing. It is to protect you when you do."
I paused and couldn't help but be struck by the reminder. I spoke the warning to her and to myself at the same time.
"You are going to crash. Everybody does."

God's truth came flooding into my heart and mind. Not being pessimistic, just realistic. We crash. Sometimes it is not so bad and sometimes it is complete wipeout. It is a part of the human experience...much like riding a bike. The crashes happen, but you have to get back on your bike and keep riding.

Realizing it was probably more of a lesson than her little 5.5 year old brain could soak up I said it anyway. "K, do you know that Mommy has you wear a helmet and pads so that when the crashes happen you won't be hurt as badly? Well, Mommy & Daddy teach you about God for the same reason. Sometimes as you get bigger you will have other kinds of crashes. Knowing that God loves you always, that he keeps His promises and that He is good will help just like this helmet does."

I stopped short of going into the armor of God. She was staring at me with big, brown eyes. I really think she was listening.

Or maybe God just wanted to remind me of my role as a God fearing Mama. I will never look at a bicycle helmet the same way again.

The Lens

My friend, Landria, took pictures of our family last weekend in Atlanta. Opening her e-mail Friday night, I felt like a kid at Christmas. I LOVE good photography. I especially love Landria's work because it is all done outdoors with natural light...no tricks with make up and bulbs...just who you are.

It is interesting that much of the world's message is about enhancing, touching up or faking beauty. Yet, her pictures look so fresh and picturesque because of the absence of artificial light.

I think there are some profound parallels between photography and life. My favorite shots are those that seem to capture the essence of a person...that split second,with just the right light that seems to illuminate the individuality of someone. You often have to take a lot of pictures to find just the one.

As we went through the proofs to select which to order, I found myself drawn not to the angelic portraits as much as the ones with expressions that seemed most familiar and 'real.' I am reminded that in my relationships with people, I should spend less time seeking perfection and more time giving grace for the 'bad shots' that caught people in an off moment. I want to be willing to invest in the adventure of looking for the true beauty that is harder to find.
Often it is not so much that the person is beautiful, but the moment or the emotion is...I love this one because it is the exact way they were positioned in utero during my pregnancy. K across the bottom like a hammock, P on my left side, R on my right...and in my favorite ultrasound picture their heads were all together in the center. We did not pose this. Yet, it was the first thing that struck me when I saw the proof.

My final observation is that the real key to photography is using the right lens. How often am I guilty of having the wrong lens (attitude) as I go through my daily life? My only hope is to wake each morning praying that God will equip me with His Spirit, His Eyes, His Heart for this world and the people living in it.

How much more beautiful the world will be if I seek to see it with His Lens and His Light!

Soccer Guys

We wrapped up our soccer season today. Of course, because of the unseasonable cool and wet weather we have been experiencing, it was the most gorgeous clear day we have had for any of our games.

I could not let the season end without a couple of observations about my boys on the soccer field. R, my ubercomptitive sports-loving son loves to be in the middle of the action on the field.

Do you see the other child clad in a white jersey in the photo above? That's P. He prefers to avoid the action. He likes to comraderie of sports, but not the confrontation or the energy required. Every now and then, in a burst of sudden enthusiasm, he'll get in the mix (even scoring a goal or two here and there).Then he returns to interpretive dancing, picking grass, playing in the goal or staring up at the clouds. (I wish I had taken this picture from farther away. The game was still going strong a few yards from where he decided to rest.)I love these two little guys.They are wired absolutely, completely differently...precious gifts to the world in their own ways.

I cannot wait to see what God has in store for them both.

Shoeboxes

One of our most enjoyable family traditions is participating in the annual shoebox collection week for Operation Christmas Child. Each year we are touched as we shop for, decorate and pack our boxes. As the children get older, it gets even more fun. This year, I have been serving on our local prayer team...and the children have joined me. It has been so precious to hear them pray daily for 'da kids who will get da shoe boxes for Cwistmas.'

This afternoon we packed our boxes and decided to take a photo to put inside with a note for the receiving child. I was having a hard time getting my three to all look and smile genuinely.
"Ok, kiddos, think about the children who will receive your fun boxes. They'll be so excited and happy. Show me what their faces will look like."

After the dramatic response, I did finally get some genuine smiles. Praying for the last several weeks definitely raised the level of commitment and anticipation in my children. Tonight before dinner P gave our blessing. "De-ya God, tank you for our food and I am so happy we finally got to get these boxes packed for the kids that need them."

If you are looking for a meaningful activity with your children and haven't tried this before, I highly recommend it. Collection week, nationwide, begins in 9 days. You still have plenty of time! This year, Samaritan's Purse is even offering the ability to track your box and find out where it winds up. Meaningful and educational...that's a great combination!