Breathe

I am reading parenting books and praying, trying to love my children's socks off, train them up in the way they should go and serve as a positive role model for them...but the reality is that I am human. Despite my best intentions I often mess things up. This afternoon, I had an 'I-blew-it' Mommy moment.

It was 2:15 and I was dealing with 3.5 year old whininess, stall tactics about rest time, crazy requests that bordered on demands, and generally feeling tired and overwhelmed. I feel like one child at a time is hard enough, but trying to think through exactly what child A, B & C need emotionally from me uniquely, but simultaneously (through exhausted whininess) can just gobble me up sometimes. This afternoon it did.

I could feel my blood pressure rising and that bubbling up feeling inside that makes me overreact to everything. I walked quickly into the bathroom away from the children and let a bit out, growling to no one in particular, "I. AM. SO. FRUSTRATED."

I immediately heard P's little voice in the other room, "Take a deep bweaf, Mommy. A deep bweaf."

He has heard that a time or 2,000 from me...and I really needed to hear it back from him. They all fell asleep within minutes. I have exhaled a long, deep sigh, cracked open a Diet Coke, put on a praise CD and am about to read quietly. Things are back in perspective.

Edited to Add: A couple of minutes after I hit publish, K started singing in her room, as if to make sure I realized she was not actually asleep. She & I have spent the afternoon making more paperdolls. Quality time with her has been refreshing, even if not as much as alone time would have been. She was able to be the center of my attention for a while, which is always a good thing.