Best Women's Bible Study?

I am here...trying to recover from a road trip and start putting the pieces together for Fall. Very high on my list is finding a resource for my Fall women's small group. I am so torn because of great reviews on several different studies. Our group consists of moms between the age of 30-40. We meet for 60-90 minutes weekly and would prefer weekly homework to be less than an hour. So, I figured this was a great opportunity to poll the audience: What was the best women's small group/Bible study you have ever done? Was it a book of the Bible or a book? Please share in the comments, I know lots of other readers will be blessed.

Putting Relationships Before Screens

You may have seen this post (How to Miss a Childhood by Hands Free Mama) making the rounds today. If you haven't, it is a poignant and challenging call to Mamas to not allow our technology to rob us of our relationships.

I strive to be an intentional parent. I attempt to protect my family time from volunteer responsibilities or social obligations. We have fairly strict rules about screen time in our family (daily limits, no televisions in bedrooms, only shows I have preapproved/dvr-ed, dvds in car only when traveling more than an hour, etc...) I also try to keep my blogging, surfing and pinteresting confined to times when kids are at school, asleep or otherwise engaged. But I am human. My conscience has been reminding me lately that I need to watch it. It is a slippery slope.

I am a reader. I am an information junkie. The temptation to escape into quick 'hits' from my phone often gets the best of me. This is especially true in times mentioned in the article when 'real life' is humdrum and boring--and alternatively when it gets too loud and overwhelming. 

I don't want to raise little narcissists who think the world revolves around them. I think it is important that they learn to wait when other things are higher priority. But, I have a responsibility to be honest about what really is higher priority and what is just my preference. I have school-aged children who are out of the house 35 hours a week and go to bed 2-3 hours before me. There is plenty of time for me to get my digital needs met at times when it doesn't impact my relationships.

But, honestly, I am feeling challenged about Summer. I am toying with idea of keeping the same screen rules for myself that will apply to my children: One hour a day for anything screen related (tv, Wii, DS, ipad, computer), restricted to before 9am and after 4pm. Rainy days we will flex and, obviously, texts and phone calls will be at my discretion as needed. (This aren't really what get me in trouble...it is the idle surfing.)

Anyone else have ideas about how to keep the whole screen scene under control? I would love to hear it.

Chicago

Tomorrow my hubby & I are headed for a few days away in the Windy City without our brood. We haven't been on a 'just us' trip in almost 2 years, so I am really looking forward to it. He will be in a conference, so I will have some time to read, rest, explore and shop. I am feeling relaxed already...

The children will be in very capable hands while we are away, but tonight is devoted to the scheduling, laundry, organizing and other assorted preparations that are necessary to 'hand off' my life for a few days. At some point I should also probably should pack... (There went the relaxation I was feeling in the previous paragraph!)

I have already made our dinner reservations, but if you have any Chicago 'MUST do's'-- especially ones I can safely navigate on my own during the day while he's busy--I'd love to know!

Summer Fun Ideas!

We have officially been out of school for 4.5 days and have already spent >12 hours at the pool. While it has been a nice celebration of Summer and relief from the heat, I know we can't keep this up for the next 10 weeks, lest we turn into brown prunes.

Thanks to the birthday presents we received on the last day of school, I have yet to hear "I am bored..." but I know it is only a matter of time. I do believe that allowing a child to become bored is necessary for them to be creative. My children's best ideas happen when I am in the next room, uninvolved in their play. That being said...I like to have a bit of structure in the Summer and ideas in my back pocket to keep us from going stir crazy.

So, here are my ideas...and I would LOVE to hear yours:

Summer Notebooks
I took them to select 3 subject notebooks Friday. The three tabs are:
1) Bible verses- I want us to memorize one a week. I am choosing them based on questions the kids are asking. Just this weekend they asked me if God was most important in the world and cleaning was next? (Ouch! Is this their view of my values????) So, we are doing Mark 12:29-31 this week and next.
2) Books- We have to read 11 books for school's Summer reading assignment, but my children really do enjoy reading a lot. We participate in our local Library's Summer Reading program, which provides a tally chart, but I am hoping that having them record the titles will keep their handwriting up to par over the next three months (under the guise of a little competition).
3) New words- We have informally been working on our vocabulary, so I thought having a tab where we write new words that we learn would be another interesting/sneaky way to practice handwriting. (This week's words so far have been purchase and amputate.)

Day Camps
I am a big believer in morning (9a-12p) day camps during the Summer. I think it gives the children exposure to all different types of activities without the commitment of a whole season. It also gives us a reason to get out of the house and get going every day.

We try to stick to our 1 hour of screen time limitation even in the Summer, so we have 13 hours to fill every day! (And a Daddy who is at work 11-12 of those.) Spending 3 hours learning something new, under the instruction of a knowledgeable person is constructive and fun...and it gives me time to get many of my responsibilities handled!

Adventure Cards
We are an adventure loving crew! So, I am working on index cards with daily adventures on the back and a clue or two on the front. These range from crafty ideas at home to a bike ride and picnic. I let the trio help me come up with ideas, so they contributed gems like 'breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed.' There are also a couple of special day trips in the mix.

I am not crafty, so these are not fancy, just handwritten on index cards...The clues include indoor/outdoor and how much time required--so we can make choices based on weather and how much time we have on a particular day.

We use a 'leader of the day' rotation to keep arguing to a minimum, so the plan would be to let the leader choose the day's card. I have tried variations of this before and it really helps with boredom busting!

So, now it is your turn...What are your ideas for constructive, inexpensive, boredom busting Summer fun? Please share!

Anybody Been to Vancouver?

We are knee deep in plans for a grand family adventure to British Columbia later this Summer. My husband will be serving as Camp Doc at Young Life's Malibu Club and the rest of us get to accompany him.

We are thrilled, but getting there is going to be quite a production....nine hours of flying to get to Vancouver. We will then drive and hour, ride a ferry for 45 minutes with our rental car, then drive 30-45 minutes more before boarding a 3 hour boat ride to our destination. Have we lost our marbles or what???

To make it a little easier, we are planning to stay a night in Vancouver on either side. So, wise and experienced Internet friends, anyone have any experience with Vancouver with children? I have done some google searches and found several fun options--but would love some words of real experience.

Lent

I received an e-mail this week from someone asking me about ideas for how to kick off Lent in a meaningful way with family devotion type activities. I admit, I was at a loss.

I am not sure I have ever broken down my denominational mutt-hood before, but I was basically unchurched as a child, a catholic school student from 7th-12th grade, while attending a baptist youth group as an adolescent. I was nondenominational in my twenties and am now Presbyterian.

As a result, I am not always the best resource for 'tradition' type questions. We use Resurrection Eggs in the two weeks before Easter, but I haven't introduced the concept of Ash Wednesday or Lent yet.

I know for a fact that many readers of this blog have GREAT ideas. So, would you mind sharing? Outside of your church activities, how do you observe Lent as a family?

Wiggling Through Church

I alluded to this in a post last week, but seriously, I need help with how to teach my children to behave in church.

We attend a contemporary service where the children only stay in for the first 20 minutes...but it sure feels like longer than that! I think part of our challenge is that there are three of them and only two of us. While most parents get to acclimate their children to 'big church' one at a time, we have had to take on three at once since they turned 6. (They were able to be in childcare the whole service until they aged out then.)

We have an ADHD diagnosis among us--and another who really has trouble sitting still. (Sidebar: I found the information in this article on the prevalence of these issues in low birth weight preemies very interesting.) I have tried giving them things to draw on, but the dropped crayons, whispering over passing colors, notebooks hitting the floor, noisiness of tearing and turning pages makes it feel like I am only adding to the problem.

At least twice in the past month I have found myself 'confessing' during that point in the service about my focus being more on what the people around me are thinking about my wiggly, wallowy children than on worshiping the God I love.

I look around at other 6 year olds (and younger) and they are behaving much more appropriately than my wiggle worms. I know I need to relax a bit and not be so concerned with other people's opinions...at the same time, I do care if my family is a distraction to their worship.

Letting them read their Bibles works somewhat (for 2/3 anyway), but they end up out of their seats, sitting on the floor or wallowing in our laps. Is that age appropriate and my expectations are just too high?

As I have mentioned, other people (laughingly/sympathetically) comment on watching us struggle through the service...so I know this is not just my imagination.

Help a Mama out here. What tips do you have?

Bad Words

Something I love about 6 1/2...

Even their versions of 'bad words' are innocent. In our home:
the 'h word' is hate,
the 'b word' is another name for fanny,
the 's word' is stupid, or shut up
the 'd word' is dumb and
the 'f word' is another way to describe passing gas.

We don't lived in a bubble, so they hear those words from people whose standards aren't quite as conservative as ours. I am also appalled at the words I continue to see perpetuated on magazine covers and in relatively 'innocent places' like G movies, comments on news articles or youtube videos.

I have been trying to explain to my children that it just sounds ugly for certain words to come from their mouths--and that we should strive to say words that encourage, not ones that offend. Because they are six they ask WHY this or that word is bad and I am stumped...I don't know that they can quite grasp the concept of connotation yet. Maybe I am just underestimating them.

So, seasoned Mamas, Grandmothers and teachers...how do you explain why certain words are uglier than others?

Jesse Tree

I tried to really concentrate on celebrating Thanksgiving before I moved on to Christmas this year. It was terrific, except now I feel a bit behind on Advent.

One of the things we do to keep Christ in the midst of our Christmas celebration is to observe Advent. Advent is fun for the children because it is the anticipation of Jesus' arrival. Isn't that the emotion most at the heart of the secular Santa fun anyway? Santa Claus visits our house (as does a pesky elf that should be arriving soon), but I would rather most of that emotion be directed towards anticipating the hero's arrival in the great story of Scripture.

Using a Jesse tree devotion each night has been a great addition to Christmas for our family. I started doing this when the children were 3. Honestly, it was probably a bit young but we managed and it started a great tradition. In past years I have used a couple of different free online resources that were a little over our heads. We have colored and cut out paper ornaments to use (also available as free templates online).

This year I was thinking of ordering something a bit more child friendly to use for the devotions, but found multiple well-rated books on amazon. I was particularly interested in this one and this one. Anybody have any feedback from personal experience? Since we were out of school again today I was hoping to have the children work on updating a few of our paper ornaments.

Lunch Notes

The last few days have been spent ordering backpacks, getting haircuts, signing forms, organizing uniforms, purchasing school supplies and making dental appointments. We are counting the days until Kindergarten starts.

One of the last items on my list was actually inspired by my sweet friend, Emily, whose son is also starting Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. She and I both have a strong desire to encourage our children during the day to be salt and light in their non-religious school environments. A couple of weeks ago we started talking about lunch box notes with Bible verses on them. I did a quick google search for resources in a stolen moment this afternoon and found that there seem to be quite a few options.

I would like to be able to print my own rather than purchase a set, as I have three children and would like to try to have the flexibility to do same verses or different ones depending on what was going on within our family. I also like the ability to chose different translations for verses, so the children are most likely to understand.

(And I am a control freak :-) It would certainly be nice to find a great template.

In the past I have written things on their baggies or their fruit--'banana notes' are a family favorite. Due to their age (and inability to read) these were generally simple 2-3 words notes or silly drawings. Now that I have proficient readers, I would like to go a little deeper than a banana peel might allow.

So, I thought I would open up the comments for input. Anybody have great suggestions/ideas/resources for packing the Word in your little one's lunch?

Small Group Study for Fall

The ladies' small group I am facilitating is trying to decide what to use for our study this Fall. This group has only been meeting for a few months. While we are similar in age (30-40), our religious backgrounds and faith walks are quite varied (a Catholic, an Episcopalian, a Baptist and 4 Presbyterians).

To kick off our study this Spring we used Conversations on Purpose for Women by Katie Brazelton. This was not steeped in Scripture, but definitely helped us learn to tell our story through the lens of the God's sovereignty. It was a great ice breaker for the women who had never been in a small group before. A lot of masks were shed and true relationships have been formed. Now the members of our group are interested in going a little deeper--without videos or excessive homework. After some discussion last week we decided we are not quite ready to tackle a book of the Bible (yet!), so I am looking for something that will get us into the Word without being intimidating. We aren't really looking for topical--we just want to know more of Him.

For some reason, I keep getting drawn back to something by Ken Gire. He has written several books about people's encounters with Jesus (Moments with the Savior). Gire is a very gifted author. He really brings the sights and sounds of those Biblical accounts out of his writing in a way that allows you to feel as if you are right there watching each encounter unfold. In addition to his excellent writing, I think a study on Jesus and the Scriptural accounts of His life could bridge some of our denominational differences. He is the point of Christianity, right?

My concern is that there is no study guide to Ken Gire's books. They are written as more of a devotional than a small group guide. It shouldn't be difficult (with a little preparation) to dig into the passages each chapter centers on, I am just curious if any one out there has ever tried to use one of his books in a group setting.

Or if you have other ideas of studies that might work for the group I have described, please share them....

Sentences

This week, much to the chagrin of my children, I discovered the age old punishment of writing sentences. It is not a novel concept, but it sure is working as a new addition to my disciplinary repertoire.

A couple of years ago a friend gave me a copy of Ginger Plowman's "Wise Words for Moms." I didn't feel like my children were old enough for it to be really effective at the time, so it has been on top of my refrigerator. This week I rediscovered the chart and have put it to use.

The chart begins with a list of several behaviors that bear addressing in children (lying, arguing, disobedience, etc.) The subsequent columns include heart probing questions to ask (to get your children thinking about why they may have behaved that way) and then verses for reproof (what they need to 'put off') and verses for encouragement (what they should 'put on' in its place).
I love the idea of the discipline not just about what NOT to do, but what truth to cling to instead.

I used it twice today to assign sentences (verses) for repeat offenses (hitting and outright defiance). I have been assigning the encouraging verse for the offense, to help the offender hide that Word in their heart for the next time they are tempted. It has been great perspective for me to take them back to the Word, not solely to convict them, but to encourage them as well.

So far so good--from my standpoint, anyway. (The little sentence writers might disagree.) They are learning Scripture, practicing their handwriting in the month before school resumes and they don't enjoy the 'time out' at the kitchen table writing while the rest of us are doing something more exciting.

For all of the newfangled (did I just use that word?) systems and ideas, sometimes you just cannot beat the old tried and true methods.

If anyone has a favorite verse or passage to assign, I would love to hear it. (I am thinking of developing my own family chart using some of Ginger's and some of my own...would love suggestions.)

Independence Day

We had big plans to celebrate the 4th of July this weekend: a minor league game, fireworks, church, pool and a cookout followed by backyard pyrotechnics with friends tonight. Somewhere in the midst of our revelry K & P contracted what I am hoping is a fever bug. (I am sure it has nothing to do with the 2 hours we spent in the pediatrician's office last week.) 

So, for the second year in a row I have spent Independence Day on my sofa while febrile children sleep upstairs and fireworks erupt overhead. Sadly, I can hear them but not see them.

Our cable is out (another casualty of the backyard digging) so I am in a quiet house reflecting on independence. I have started to write patriotic things, but cannot quite find the words to capture my feelings on God and country. 

I love living in the United States and the rights and freedoms associated with such. I am exceedingly grateful this is the time and place in history God chose to write my story. I am keenly aware that the life I live in this place has been fought for and defended by the great sacrifice and blood of brave men and women.

But, frankly, I am afraid I have become a stereotypically disconnected, lazy American. Before children I listened to talk radio, read political commentary and watched the talking heads try to sort out the issues on television. Somewhere along the way, amidst sleeplessness and diaper changes, I checked out. It started to all feel too stressful to fret over national issues I could do little to influence when I had my hands full in my daily life. 

I lost faith that there were really voices trying to inform the public. Instead, they all seemed to have an ideological or financial agenda. Frustrated by the lack of time to sort through it all I just gave up. What difference is this little housewife in Georgia going to make anyway? 

I am not encouraging this way of thinking, just putting it out there. I really don't want to be a part of the uninformed masses, blindly and complacently muddling through...but, truly, when there are children to raise, husbands to love and countless needy people/ministries within your local community how do you keep up with things at a national level?

With only 24 hours in a day, how do you decide when/how to make room for political in light of all the eternal/spiritual opportunities to invest your time--and a family that needs you irrespective of taxes, elections and border control? 

I pray for our country and I vote--but, otherwise, I feel disconnected. God wired me to be a passionate crusader, but there seem to be plenty of battles to fight on the home front and at a local level to even begin to think more broadly. Is it enough to trust that our Sovereign God has it under control and He'll call on me and impress it upon me to act if I am needed? 

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Birthday Gifts

This time of year seems to be a major time for birthday parties. It gets somewhat complicated when it comes to gift giving with three same-aged children. Because they have been in separate classes for the last two years, there are some friendships that are somewhat specific to each child. I never assume the invitation to a party is for all three--but generally the hosting parents are kind enough to extend the invitation to the siblings as well.

I feel like if they are all invited to the party we should give the equivalent of three gifts. Take three classrooms full of children and this starts to add up quickly. I love to give gifts, so I thought I would share some of our favorite gifts to give (and receive) at reasonable prices!

I keep a gift closet with things that most kids would enjoy. If I know that child has a particular passion we will branch out to something more specific, but the gift closet has made life much simpler.

Disclaimer: I get absolutely no kickback for things I write here...these are just some ideas I wanted to share.

Ed Emberly books (and stamp pads) I cannot tell you how much we adore these books. They are the source of endless rainy day fun. The best thing is that adults enjoy them as much as kids. I have found the stamp pads at the dollar store, but you have to piece together colors. Melissa & Doug makes a great rainbow colored set that I prefer.(age 3-99)

My Book About Me
This Dr. Seuss book was a gift this year that my children dove into immediately. They had a great time completing the book and I know we will treasure it (with their answers) for years to come. (age 5-8)

Fred & Friends Food Face Plates
I randomly discovered these at Barnes and Noble one day and bought them (as a trial run, of course) for my children. We had a blast with them (and continue to). My one hold up was a concern that it would encourage bad table manners. If you have a problem with children playing with food I do not recommend these...but we use them at lunch time from time to time and my children adore them. We have not attempted this yet, but I think they would be fun to use with toddlers at non-meal time with frosting, whipped cream, etc...just as entertainment. Note that this are ceramic, so probably not useful for very young children. (age 3-8)

McDonald's or Ice Cream Shop gift cards

This is an easy gift to keep on hand that my trio LOVES receiving. They like to look forward to the treat in the time between when they receive the card and when we get to use it. They also seem to revel in the opportunity to 'pay like a gwown up' with their own 'cwedit card.'

Stomp Rocket

Although this is billed as a 'boy gift' K loves this as much as the boys. The great thing is that our Daddy (ok, and Mommy) thoroughly enjoy it to. (age 5 & up)

Sticky Mosaics
I discovered these a couple of years ago and they continue to be a hit. My children spent hours on these last Summer (at age 5). They come in various themes (masculine and feminine) so it is fun to match the interest to the recipient and/or party theme.

So, I would love to hear from you in the comments. What is your 'go to' birthday gift that always brings a smile (at a great price)?

Modesty

I cannot wait for the feedback on this one...

A good friend & I have been concerned lately by our children's exposure to sexiness at the local pool. Specifically, the teeny tiny suits worn by 'big girl' teens that our little girls adore. It is concerning because our 5-6 year old girls notice all the extra skin showing and have questions. "Why are they naked?"
"Mommy, I can see her chest."
"Why do big girls like to wear swimsuits like that?"

My boys are too young for the leering to be an issue--but I am already concerned about what their little eyes are becoming accustomed to despite my diligence.

I really like to explain things to my children in a way that helps them understand the wisdom behind the rule whenever possible. It is not a matter of authority or convincing--I know I am the Mom and sometimes that is the only reason they get. But, generally speaking, I think they will be better equipped to make decisions if they understand the hows and whys behind the rules we observe.

Modesty, however, has me stumped. They are too young to understand lust and temptation--so without that as a framework, how else can you explain why you cover up and keep certain parts of your body private?

My children are, thankfully, quite modest. When I insist on a cover up to and from the pool or shirts on the boys outside the immediate pool area I use the reasoning that it is 'rude' to show your private parts. When they ask why (out of true curiosity not sassiness) I have nothing else worthwhile to add except, "It just is."

Anyone have any thoughts?

As for the teen girls--I had an eye-opening discussion with one of their Moms today regarding the real struggle to find cute, conservative suits these days. It seems there is teeny weeny and ultra-conservative and not much in between. So, if there are any resources you are aware of that still seem 'in the world' I know there are Moms who would appreciate that information.

This world is full of minefields to navigate as we protect these little eyes, ears and hearts!

Hospitality

One of my greatest sources of insecurity as a woman is when it comes to entertaining. I love having people in my home, but have had to work on making it feel effortless and enjoyable. 

I can become so afraid I have forgotten some detail in my presentation that I forget to simply enjoy the guests and make sure they are comfortable. The problem seems to be when it becomes more about me (my plans, my presentation, my ability to please) than about the guests in my home. I want them to feel honored, expected and treated well, but not at the expense of our ability to chat, laugh and enjoy our time together.

This has gotten a lot better over the last couple of years--largely due to practice. Like most things, I had to simply decide to get out there and do it. I have found that having a system of sorts (a couple of go to dishes, buffet set up, even how to best manage clean up) helps me relax tremendously. 

I still have a ways to go in terms of 'loving' to entertain...but I am learning that advance preparation of my home and my heart--and an emphasis on my guests over perfection or impressiveness of my presentation-- go a long way.

I have never done a Biblical study of this topic, but a quick Internet search revealed many resources. I think some reading on hospitality may be next on my list! As I read through some of the book reviews I loved the focus on living a hospitable life...not just having a hospitable home.

Would love to hear any tips that help you feel like a more gracious lady...

Summer Planning

It is the final countdown.

My children have 7 1/2 days of school left (and I am on jury duty next week!) It occurred to me this week that I have to get going on our Summer plans.

We only have one week of travel, so I am the cruise director for the remaining 80 days. I understand the importance of not over-scheduling my children, but I also understand that too much idle time (or screen time for that matter) is a recipe for in-fighting. 

We will participate in many of the library's Summer Reading Program activities and our church's VBS. I have also worked with the children to select several day camps they are interested in (art, tennis, baseball, basketball), but all of them are either 9-11 or 9-12. This still leaves 10-11 hours a day of time. I have learned as a Mom that it always behooves me to have somewhat of a plan in my back pocket--but for sanity's sake, I must hold it loosely. In other words, I like to have a plan that allows for spontaneity and some ownership and decision-making by my children. 

The way we approached this last year was to make a big list of things we would like to do during the Summer. Some were big--day trips to Atlanta or Chattanooga for the aquarium, the zoo, the children's museum. Others were small--making t-shirts, playing in the city fountain, a picnic. We wrote them on different index cards and put them in a large manila envelope. When we were 'bored,' we'd go to the envelope and pick an activity. As we completed them we posted the cards inside my pantry doors. By the end of the Summer we had lots to show for our time off from school.

I am brainstorming ways to build to this system. I am thinking of color coding the cards according to length of time needed (i.e, 1-2 hours, half day or full day). I am still debating the merits of random drawing (with Mom veto allowed, of course) or having our "Leader of the Day" select. 

I am also considering adding a few work projects around the house to the list like cleaning the garage, washing baseboards etc...(although I know those would necessitate random drawing :-)

I would love to open the comments up to how you organize your Summer.  I am certain there are some terrific ideas in this group. Please share!

Shrewd, but Innocent

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Matthew 10:16 NIV

I have been pondering this verse for the last several days. In at least three different situations as I have considered my response to a set of circumstances I have mulled these words. What does this mean exactly and am I taking it out of context to apply it to my own daily life?

The verse was part of the speech Jesus Christ gave to his disciples as He sent them out. He gave them their instructions to seek the lost, care for the flock and live out the great commission--and included this warning. Be careful. It is a dangerous world. Don't sin in your fear, but keep your eyes open.

I think, in that context, His modern day disciples (that's me and you) would do well to heed this advice.

I believe it serves as a reminder that being a loving Christian does not mean being a weakling that is easily fooled or taken advantage of. By the power of the Holy Spirit, we can be merciful peacemakers who love and serve our neighbor while exercising wisdom and appropriate caution. (TOUGH to do by our flesh alone, no doubt!)

Its application ranges from how to deal with toxic relationships to whether or not to send your young sons into a potentially dangerous restroom alone. I really appreciated the comment someone made about not being overly fearful. I agree--and yet, I do think we have an obligation to be discerning, prayerful and wise. It's all about that word isn't it...balance.

I have been praying God would give me greater insight into this concept. Still pondering...would love any insight anyone else has into this verse.

Little Boys and Bathrooms

A serious question: At what age is it no longer appropriate for me to take my sons into a "ladies" restroom?

Before I was a Mama to little boys, I thought it was strange that clearly potty trained boys would still come into the ladies restroom, but now...my perspective has shifted.

When my husband is with us we always split on gender lines. There are many times he is not around, someone has to go and there is not a family/companion restroom option. So, I am wondering what you other boy Moms do.

As P & R are turning 6 next month, I feel like it might be time--but I am scared. I know I can stand outside and wait, but the thought of a predator lurking makes me crazy. Last week I sent one of the boys into a restroom I consider somewhat 'safe' at the gymnastics gym. There is no outer door, so I could clearly hear in case there was anything amiss. As he entered I heard an almost-too-friendly adult male voice say, "Hello there, buddy" and it was all I could do to not follow him in.
I cleared my throat and called out, "R? Mom is right out here if you need me."
It was very frightening to think that he was vulnerable and out of my sight. This experience, even though it wound up being harmless, did more to frighten me than to reassure.

No one has stared at me funny yet, but I know that day is imminent. So, what is the age limit for crossing gender boundaries in the restroom? Any good tips?

To All the Single Ladies

Last week I had the pleasure of coffee with two of our local Young Life leaders. Both of these young women are bright, God-following, juniors in college. Over the course of breakfast (and the expected discussions of boys and relationships) I found myself on a bit of a soapbox (surprise, surprise) about the things I wish I would have known in my 20s. (For the record, I think I was told most of these things, so perhaps this should have been the list of things I wish I would have BELIEVED in my 20s.)

An e-mail I received today reminded me of something else I wish I would have added to the list...so I decided to start writing:

1- You have to be a queen to attract a king. Quite simply, your single days should be about becoming the woman God intended. As you focus on that a man of equal caliber will be attracted. Prioritizing being fun, cute, sexy or whatever above the condition of your heart will attract a man who also prioritizes those things over everything else. You really, really do not want someone you have to compromise yourself or jump through too many hoops to attract.

2- As Andy Stanley says, "Your direction, not your intention, determines your destination." I cannot tell you how many times I was tempted (and unfortunately gave in) to lowering my standards (thankfully only temporarily and not in a marriage covenant). When I look back I can admit that it was based in my lack of faith that God was going to come through with someone wonderful for me. There were times when I fell into the trap of accepting dates with people because they were cute and fun and I was flattered that they were interested in me--even though I knew they were not the type of guy I would end up with. I don't mean to disparage anyone. I just often wasted time on guys who were perfectly nice, just not what I believed God had in store.

Why waste your time or an available man's time if you know it is not going anywhere? It is desperate, dishonest and may result in a union you never intended.

3- Surround yourself with friends who love you enough to call you out when you need it and speak truth over your life. I have two distinct memories of close friends questioning my dating choices. In both instances I was ticked off and defensive in the short term and thankful for their honesty in the long term. They were right. (The addendum to this, of course, is the importance of speaking truth IN LOVE not just judgment.)

4- Remember that there are far worse things in the world than being single. Don't get me wrong. I adore my husband and am incredibly blessed with a precious marriage. But I can only imagine how very difficult it would be to be in a marriage that was less than God's perfect plan.

5- This is a random one, as far as the rest of the list goes, but I am going to boldly throw it out there anyway. PLEASE be careful with drinking. I have done a lot of talking with dozens of women over the years. Many of those conversations have centered on regret and lessons learned. Alcohol consumption was a factor in most every story of inappropriate rendezvous and situations where physical boundaries were overstepped.

I know there are many wise, wise women who read this blog. I invite you to contribute your own additions to this list.

I cannot conclude this post without stating this truth: God can forgive and/or redeem anything. I am reminded that there are often still painful earthly consequences when we stray from His Plan. I offer this post as one who has bumps, bruises and scars from some of the poor choices I made in hopes it may spare someone else from some of the same. Cling to Him. Seek His Will. He longs for relationship with you and to make His plans abundantly clear. Be patient. Wait for His plan. Resist the urge to resort to your own. You will not regret it!