Because I think I am Mom to the world...

Yesterday my family and I were on a major college campus for a huge rivalry football game. The stadium was electric with a sold out crowd of over 87,000 people. There were hundreds of additional people watching the game via satellite television and enjoying the revelry at the tailgate tents that covered the surrounding campus. The atmosphere was everything people love about college football.

As we walked around enjoying the college experience, I had four 13 year olds with me who had many real-life examples of the different types of choices older teens and young adults make. In a mere four hours within one city block, there were two outstanding examples of the dangers of reckless alcohol consumption that I feel need to be retold.

(This might be the time to tell you my husband no longer takes me to concerts because I cannot handle the dangerous situations I see highly intoxicated young adults--especially vulnerable girls and women--find themselves in. It pushes ALL my buttons. I am an advocate/busy body/protector to the core. In other words, I am not fun at parties.)

Back to the game.

Within a couple of minutes of the 2:30 kickoff we saw a young man being carried out of the stadium by his two larger friends. They were laughing and he was terribly incapacitated. The young man was slung over their shoulders because he literally could not hold himself up. I offered to help as his girlfriend approached them (also laughing). They assured me they had it under control. Within 30 minutes EMTs on bikes were rendering aid and an ambulance was called to transport him to the hospital for treatment.

Late in the third quarter darkness fell. I walked two of the children from our party to the restroom in a nearby building. As I waited in the hall outside for the kids to come out I witnessed an interaction between a very inebriated college aged couple. Three guys wearing fan gear from the opposing team had been flirting with her and she said something back. Her date started pulling her away from the building by her hand and up a short set of stairs. At the top, she tripped and fell. Her boyfriend walked away and left her--on her back, highly intoxicated in the dark and alone.

Just then, I heard one of the guys who had been flirting with her say to another of the guys in his group, "Hey, man, he just left her. Here's your chance."

The young man he was speaking to raised his eyebrows and the other guys laughed as they walked out of the hallway and towards her.The boyfriend was no where in sight.

I have no idea what their real intentions were. They could have been the nicest gentlemen on the planet, planning to help her get back to safety, but the sight of this incapacitated young woman on the ground like a wounded bird with laughing young men circling around her lit a fire in my belly. I went into Mama Bear mode.

"Hey, guys, I've got this."

They looked a bit surprised and were still laughing as they stood over her.

"I'm not kidding. Do you know her?"

(Nods no)

"Back off. She needs a Mom right now."

(Their smiles faded as they looked at me then each other trying to decide what to do.)

Honestly, I don't know why I pulled the Mom card here, but it as if I cape emerged on my back that made it my responsibility to protect her as if she were mine.

I won't bore you with the rest of the details, but the summary is this: After a couple of minutes and the back up of another middle-aged man we were able to find the tent where her real-life Mom was tailgating and return her to safety.

But here is the thing that compelled me to write this. As a Mama raising young teens who will likely reside on college campuses 6 years from now and be confronted with alcohol before then, I was reminded there are issues other than just breaking the law or DUI they need to understand.

Please talk to your kids about personal safety--and their responsibilities towards their friends or dates.

This girl told me over and over again she was fine--because she thought she was. She had no cell phone. She was alone, incapacitated and in the dark. She could not walk without assistance. And she was dating a guy that would leave her like that. This is how terrible things happen.

I know sheltering and creating a childhood where everything is magical seems more fun and protective--but our kids need to know before they are in the situation about the dangers that lurk. I am not a fearful person -- but the beginning of wisdom is truth. Please, parents of teens and college students, remind them to be smart and safe.

I will step down from my soapbox now as I try and decide whether I want to make it my ministry to go out every weekend and "Mom" people who need it, or put myself back on restriction from large parties and concerts. ;-)

Fearless

Earlier this week I was listening to a sermon by Andy Stanley that keeps coming back up in my heart and mind. Specifically, as he discussed how to 'recover' from the consequences of our sinful choices, his primary point was that "Recovery begins with a fearless moral inventory."

Andy basically explains that until we get completely honest, dig deep and allow God to reveal the real reason/root of our issues they will continue to pop up in our lives. It is frightening to take that on--but it is essential if we are to really be healed.

I couldn't help but think of the imagery of surgery to remove cancer. If a patient came into my husband's office and requested that he simply remove the part of the tumor that was causing discomfort--or just the part that people could see--he wouldn't do it. It would be pointless. The sheer nature of cancer is that it must be completely explored and removed. In surgery they even take margins--meaning they remove MORE than what is necessary--just to insure they didn't leave a trace behind.

We get this when it pertains to medical treatment--it seems obvious. Yet, I am increasingly convinced that we need to remember sin in the same way. It is not enough to address our surface issues and get those back to a 'presentable state.' If this is our approach, those issues absolutely WILL reoccur in our lives. God did not send Jesus to die so we would be comfortable or presentable. No, God sent his Son so we would be healed and free.

I am deeply saddened as I watch life after life self destruct because image and comfort is being prioritized over healing and freedom. We must be willing to risk our image for authentic spiritual health.

Removing what is eating you up may bring temporary pain.

It may very well leave scars.

But it is a small price to pay to be saved.

The Knot

I have pondered for three days whether or not it was worth it to write something as controversial as this post. Each night I have written a draft that I never published only to hear or read yet another story the following day that leads me back to the need to write about this topic.

I am going to be out of pocket most of the day Friday and unable to monitor/respond to comments. I don't particularly enjoy being a 'rabble rowser' but this is so heavy on my heart and mind I think I am supposed to write it. I am not sure who this is for, but after praying a lot I feel like it is intended for somebody reading.

Here we go.

No matter how it may be portrayed in novels and film, adultery is not romantic. It is not OK. If you are in a relationship/friendship you don't want your spouse to know about...stop, turn and run. Scripture is clear. "Flee sexual immorality." Do not walk away--run!

I know that was an extreme start to this post. This is not a political statement. It is in response the stories I keep hearing, lives I know who are effected and emails I receive. I am TIRED of reading romantic articles glamorizing the 'true love' people found in an adulterous relationship.

Why are people so flippant about fidelity? How do we keep falling for the Enemy's lie that this time the feelings are true and real and everyone else will get over it? How can we really convince ourselves that children caught in the middle are resilient and won't be effected? It is tragic.

Not long ago I was under the misconception that it was generally men who cheat. I am increasingly hearing stories of women, young Moms who don't fit the 'stereotype,' getting their emotional needs met by men other than their husband. They have traded the affections once reserved only for their husband to this new man. Before they even realize the implications their heart becomes split. Please, please set guard rails far enough away from something big that you don't fall into a pit you didn't intend to be in with consequences that break the hearts of people around you.

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.
Proverbs 27:12 NIV

Commitment, monogamy and marriage are a covenant rather than a pencil-written agreement until something better comes along or my needs are no longer being met. The very best part of marriage, in my opinion, is the freedom, trust and security that comes from knowing you are safe with the other person. Be a safe place for your spouse. Be secure. Be trustworthy. Keep your word.

It is amazing what God can do with a humble, obedient heart.

Dream

I had a rough day with one of my little people today. My R has always had a very strong, vocal personality. He inherited my love of justice and thinks quite logically for someone his age. As a result, he is the child that 'talks back' frequently.

I honestly don't think he intends to be disrespectful, he just wants to understand and debate my decisions. While I am generally a fan of explaining things to my children, I am human. I am flawed. I get worn down and it flies all over me to be questioned about my every decision. And, yes, I do sometimes resort to the dreaded, "I am the Mommy" response.

I will spare you the details, but we had a showdown before school this morning over the fact that I wouldn't allow him to bring a toy in the car. (We were already late. The other two were already out the door without a toy. I have an established rule about toys in the car being restricted to days when we are all ready ahead of our departure time.) It was really not up for negotiation in my mind.

So, R simply refused to get in the car. He camped out on the stairs inside--arms crossed in full pout mode. K & P were already buckled in and it was beyond time to leave. I calmly informed R that his choices were going to result in the loss of screen time. This prompted a very emotional response from him. That response resulted in the loss of more screen time. Unfortunately, by the time we got out of the driveway R had lost two afternoons of 'screen time.'

Thankfully, by the time we got a couple of blocks from the house we were back on track.
"I was just so angwy, Mom. I weally wanted to bring my tiger."
We had a little chat about it being OK to be angry--the trouble was when we sin in our anger.
Then I asked him another question, "Was bringing your tiger on the 5 minute drive to school worth losing an hour of screen time?"

He was quiet. He hadn't thought of that.

I was reminded again of the kitten in the tree. Then I thought of Eve and the fruit of that tree. We are battling a cunning Adversary. One of his greatest tricks is to get us so wrapped up in the here-and-now that later is not even on our radar screen. But don't be fooled--later WILL come.

I am on such a soapbox about this because I am currently surrounded by lives that are in complete turmoil because of this lust for the instant gratification and perceived ease of going for what feels good right now. I am not anti-pleasure or happiness by ANY stretch of the imagination. I am just pro-wisdom, self control, peace and joy.

I think this is why the new Katy Perry song drives me so crazy. As evidenced by its popularity, her 'teenage dream' resonates with people. They, too, want the carefree life of being young and irresponsible, getting 'drunk on the beach' going to a motel and...

I absolutely hate that the cute, sweet high school girls I know and love are beebopping down the road reciting those lyrics with gusto. I hate that the 'dream' Katy Perry is selling is, more often than not, going to be a nightmare of brokenness, shame, humiliation and lifelong emotional consequences. I wish the 'dream' could be one of laughter, innocence, purity, joy, peace, a desire for a fulfilling marriage and s*x the beautiful way it was intended to be...

I am well aware the world categorizes my thoughts as a prudish, washed up, Bible-beating housewife's dream. Why do we allow the Enemy to portray Christians as anti-everything instead of pro-love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control?

Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

>sigh<

It is late. I will dismount my soapbox. :-)

Facebook Theology

It is human nature to want to have an answer--words to say, some comfort to give to people we care about. I often put my foot in my mouth when I rush to fill a silence without thinking through the implications of what is about to shoot out of my mouth.

An interesting thing about the advent of modern technology and social networking online is that we can spew out words quickly with a far greater reach--and they cannot always be deleted. Sometimes our rush to comfort and fill the silence is immortalized as it is forwarded with lightening speed through cyberspace. Prayers that God would put a safeguard over my tongue must now extend to my fingers and my keyboard.

One of the places I have seen the most egregious offenses have been through facebook. (I am not anti-facebook in general. It definitely has pros and cons.) I am amazed at the personal nature of things people share as status update--especially things that are not entirely their story to tell. Heartbreak and disappointment get boiled down to emotionally charged phrases for all their 'friends' to comment on in a public forum.

I was struck a few days ago by someone's comment that "Life is too short to spend it doing anything that doesn't make you happy." Even more striking were all of the approving 'thumbs up' this comment received. Pardon my rant, but this is a lie straight from the Enemy. Last time I checked the purpose of life was not my personal happiness and ease.

I don't think pleasure is sinful. I don't think God's will is for us to me yoked to misery--but to ascribe to a life philosophy that major decisions should all be based on my happiness? Is it any wonder there is trouble in this world?

Real life involves joy and pain, responsibility and reward, leisure and hard work. I am deeply saddened by the seemingly prevalent belief that if something isn't easy it must not be right. 'Happy' is not the measure of right and wrong.

Is an athlete 'happy' to devote years of their life sweating it out in practice in pursuit of excellence? Does that always feel good? No, it requires some sacrifice.
Does it make an Army recruit 'happy' to leave his/her family to fight and defend on foreign soil?
Is a missionary 'happy' to sacrifice their personal comfort and safety for the souls of others?
Is a surgeon 'happy' to go into the hospital at 3am for an emergency operation? Or to miss important milestones in the life of their family because duty calls?
Is a young mother 'happy' to give years of her life away to the care of helpless babes?
Was Jesus 'happy' to be beaten to the edge of death before suffering a cruel demise at the hands of men who despised Him?

When will we wake up and stop trying to make it all about ourselves? (I am including myself in this statement.)

Jesus did not die for my happiness, He died for my eternal salvation. Jesus lived and died for my holiness, not my happiness. The blessings and joy we experience through the sanctification process here are an incredible bonus but NOT the point.

“Endurance and perseverance are qualities we would all like to possess, but we are loath to go through the process that produces them.” —Jerry Bridges

Questions and Stares

As my children get older, we get less and less attention from strangers intrigued by multiples--but they do still come. I understand that people are just curious--but sometimes I think they forget their manners. In this day and age of invasive reality television, something has been lost regarding respecting privacy.

Yes, I blog about our family. I put it out there. Still, I am discerning about what I choose to share with the world wide web. I am still somewhat amazed at the audacity some people have in asking me very personal questions about the conception of my children.

I am a fairly open book, so sometimes it surprises even me how offensive, intrusive and inappropriate the questions can feel. I know that the vast majority are based solely in a person's curiosity and yet it can feel judgmental, embarrassing and like I am being put on the spot. 

Most questions reflect little concern for my feelings or those of my children--but are just because they wanted to know. Your curiosity is not an adequate excuse for making someone else feel odd. 

Some questions may seem innocent enough, but I would rather my 6 year olds not have to try and figure out what these things mean or why they matter:

"Are they natural?"

"Are they real?" or

"Did you have to take drugs?"

When the questioner is going through their own fertility struggle or has been through the valley of infertility, I am generally more understanding of their desire to connect. But the other questions, depending on my mood, usually just seem unnecessary. If you don't know someone very well, it is generally not advisable to ask them intimate questions regarding the conception of their children.

While we are on the subject, please also try to avoid saying things like:

"Better you than me." or

"I'd kill myself." 

Unfortunately, both of these comments have been made on more than one occasion.

The proper response is always one of support, encouragement and blessing. 

I can only imagine what it feels like to have other more unusual outward markers that announce to the world that you have a story. Ivey's Mama wrote a very thought-provoking and enlightening post about this very subject recently. Check it out for the perspective of a Mom of a child with special needs. 

GGRRRR

I generally do not take to this blog to rant, but I am becoming increasingly annoyed at the perceived need for televisions in almost every restaurant in my town. What is the problem with dinner being a place for food and conversation? We do not watch television as we eat at home and I do not care to do so in a restaurant. 

It has been a real pet peeve of mine for the last couple of years. Some of our favorite non-tv spots (the last of a dying breed) have recently added them or renovated to make their existing screens more visible. I get that some restaurants are sports bars, but a burrito joint, a sushi place, a thai restaurant, a steakhouse? Really?

These televisions have introduced all sorts of conversations with my VERY limited television-watching children--especially because they are often planted on news stations which use shocking videos and photos to reel viewers in. Although the sound is generally muted, my curious children can read the ticker on the bottom and are very confused about this 'world' out there being reported.

"Why are those people fighting?"

"Mommy, there is blood."
"Who did they kill?"
"What happened to that little boy? Why can't his parents find him?"
"Do they only show BAD news on television?"

The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back for me today was the coverage of the whole Lebron James deal.

All we wanted was salad (for me) and sandwiches (for them), instead we got an eyeful of ESPN's coverage of the fallout from Lebron James' announcement. Because there was no sound, all the children could do was watch the video of people crying, punching posters of him, burning replicas of his Cavs jersey and being arrested spliced between shots of Lebron playing basketball. My sheltered offspring were very concerned by the violence.
"What is happening?"
I gave them the condensed version: He is leaving one basketball team to go to another and people are angry about it.
They did not believe me. How could all of that be over something so seemingly trivial?
"But, why is that making them cry, yell and do bad things, mama? It's just a game, right?"

From the mouths of babes.

I know there is more to the story regarding why people in Cleveland took it so emotionally--but the fact of the matter is people sinning in their anger has been the lead story all day long. The trio and I talked about it and they moved on...but I am still annoyed. Primarily because being IN the world but not OF the world is hard. At six, they are starting to see countless examples of the way our values don't match up with the way many people live their lives.

Secondarily, because I am realizing that I really need to just start cooking at home more. ;-)

To All the Single Ladies

Last week I had the pleasure of coffee with two of our local Young Life leaders. Both of these young women are bright, God-following, juniors in college. Over the course of breakfast (and the expected discussions of boys and relationships) I found myself on a bit of a soapbox (surprise, surprise) about the things I wish I would have known in my 20s. (For the record, I think I was told most of these things, so perhaps this should have been the list of things I wish I would have BELIEVED in my 20s.)

An e-mail I received today reminded me of something else I wish I would have added to the list...so I decided to start writing:

1- You have to be a queen to attract a king. Quite simply, your single days should be about becoming the woman God intended. As you focus on that a man of equal caliber will be attracted. Prioritizing being fun, cute, sexy or whatever above the condition of your heart will attract a man who also prioritizes those things over everything else. You really, really do not want someone you have to compromise yourself or jump through too many hoops to attract.

2- As Andy Stanley says, "Your direction, not your intention, determines your destination." I cannot tell you how many times I was tempted (and unfortunately gave in) to lowering my standards (thankfully only temporarily and not in a marriage covenant). When I look back I can admit that it was based in my lack of faith that God was going to come through with someone wonderful for me. There were times when I fell into the trap of accepting dates with people because they were cute and fun and I was flattered that they were interested in me--even though I knew they were not the type of guy I would end up with. I don't mean to disparage anyone. I just often wasted time on guys who were perfectly nice, just not what I believed God had in store.

Why waste your time or an available man's time if you know it is not going anywhere? It is desperate, dishonest and may result in a union you never intended.

3- Surround yourself with friends who love you enough to call you out when you need it and speak truth over your life. I have two distinct memories of close friends questioning my dating choices. In both instances I was ticked off and defensive in the short term and thankful for their honesty in the long term. They were right. (The addendum to this, of course, is the importance of speaking truth IN LOVE not just judgment.)

4- Remember that there are far worse things in the world than being single. Don't get me wrong. I adore my husband and am incredibly blessed with a precious marriage. But I can only imagine how very difficult it would be to be in a marriage that was less than God's perfect plan.

5- This is a random one, as far as the rest of the list goes, but I am going to boldly throw it out there anyway. PLEASE be careful with drinking. I have done a lot of talking with dozens of women over the years. Many of those conversations have centered on regret and lessons learned. Alcohol consumption was a factor in most every story of inappropriate rendezvous and situations where physical boundaries were overstepped.

I know there are many wise, wise women who read this blog. I invite you to contribute your own additions to this list.

I cannot conclude this post without stating this truth: God can forgive and/or redeem anything. I am reminded that there are often still painful earthly consequences when we stray from His Plan. I offer this post as one who has bumps, bruises and scars from some of the poor choices I made in hopes it may spare someone else from some of the same. Cling to Him. Seek His Will. He longs for relationship with you and to make His plans abundantly clear. Be patient. Wait for His plan. Resist the urge to resort to your own. You will not regret it!

Love Life

I recently saw this coffee cup and was stunned by it.

For all of the arguments on the pro choice side of the fence, the outright self centeredness advocated by this logo shocked me.

Love your life. That is the publicized marketing campaign for termination of a pregnancy? It is not an encouragement to love LIFE...just your own.

And apparently many view children as a hindrance to living a life they could really love.

We live in a fallen, broken, misled world.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Matthew 18:25 (NIV)

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

I must confess that my boycott of a certain magazine started back in 1993. My good friend and I split a subscription. After a few months of reading it, I felt very convicted that it was bringing me down. As a young woman committed to saving myself until marriage, reading that magazine made me feel like I was the only 20-something girl on the planet committed to such.

Sixteen years later that darn magazine has reared its ugly head again. A couple of months ago I complained at my neighborhood Kroger because there was a magazine cover that had two questionable (explicit) words my children could sound out. I requested (and they obliged) that this particular magazine would have its covers blocked by a piece of solid plastic. A small victory, but a relief nonetheless.

Today I was horrified to find myself standing in a WalMart checkout line with this same magazine (different issue) at eye level for my children. This one had three vulgar words on the cover...two of which the FCC would not allow on television during certain times...and six little eye balls were looking right in that direction. I distracted them, flipped the cover around backwards, paid for my goods and headed straight for the customer service desk.

I am not sure if they will take action, but I just cannot get over how exposed our children are to things in places that should be safe and innocuous. I am all for free speech as long as it does not infringe on someone else's freedom. I know I have a responsibility as a conservative mother to keep us away for seedy places, but really, a checkout line at Walmart for crying out loud?!

I never dreamed I would be a 'book burner' Mama...but I may be on my way.