What Happens Next

One of the general behavior issues we have been dealing with in my home full of 7 year olds is impulsiveness and the lack of self control. I have been especially grateful for the curriculum our church has been covering with the children on Wednesday nights: Proverbs--and specifically, wisdom versus foolishness. The foundation has been laid for some great conversations regarding decision making, actions and reactions--pursuing wisdom and fleeing from foolishness.

The phrase that has resonated most with my trio, however, was born (out of all things) from a recent discussion of tanning salons. As we were driving past a strip mall a couple of weeks ago, K noticed a tanning salon.
"Mom, do people really go there even though that causes cancer?" she asked.
"Yes, they do."
"But, why, Mommy?" she pressed.
"Well, honey, they just want to get a quick tan because they like the way it looks. They are only thinking about now--they aren't thinking about what happens next." I replied.

At least 6 times in the week that followed, I found myself using that phrase when explaining why something wasn't a good choice.
"Think about what happens next..."
They really are starting to grasp the concept. This week I have even overheard them reminding each other, "think about what happens next."

Consequences. This is not just a lesson for our children. I was recently with a friend whose life is in turmoil, complicated greatly by an inappropriate relationship. As I listened to the back story of all the factors that led to the relationship I couldn't help but think about the dozens and dozens of decisions that were made to lower guardrails and take one small step at a time towards sin with devastating consequences. After we had been talking for a while, I asked my friend (with far more curiosity than judgment), "What did you think was going to happen? How did you think this was all going to turn out?"
A tearful, broken stare looked back at me.

Isn't it true for most of us that the real problem lies in the fact that we don't stop to ask ourselves this most basic question. It is true of me far more often than I would like to admit.

When I am frustrated and want to fire off a biting remark,
when sending an e-mail to defend my pride would feel great,
when I want to overeat,
impulsively purchase,
share a story I have heard about someone else,
yell at my children...

Rather than thinking only about how good it will feel in the moment, I would be well-served to pause and ask myself, "what happens next?"

Chosen

I have mentioned previously that my small group has been reading The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer. I really recommend it. It is an easy read broken into small segments--but the truths and the encouragement contained within are powerful!

This week there was a passage that I wish I could shout from the rooftops to women who are wondering how/why they are 'stuck' in their current life position. Pardon how much I am about to quote...but I feel strongly that there are many reading my blog who need to read these words:

"You are not here by accident at this moment...It is not mistake that you are living right now with your own set of circumstances, dealing with your specific set of issues all while working within your personalized set of skills and abilities.

God has made you and placed you here. On purpose.

He has selected you, and everything about you, to participate in the work He is doing at this point in history. Like a coach who methodically considers what runner to put on the track at particular stages of a relay race, God's choice of you for this leg of the marathon was by design.
That's why you're here. In this position.
Facing that project.
Married to that man.
Involved in that friendship.
Dealing with that issue.
Living in that neighborhood.
Spearheading that committee.
Participating in that activity.
Mothering those children.
Living this life.
Not because it has accidentally happened like this but because you have been known and chosen by the one Coach who sees you as uniquely suited, equipped, and capable of carrying out such amazing plans with such intricate precision.
You are the one, my friend.
You. Are. The. One."
-Priscilla Shirer, The Resolution for Women

Can I get an Amen???

If you need some Scripture to back this up (as you should), I leave you with this:

"Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you.
Before you saw the light of day,
I had holy plans for you..." Jeremiah 1:5 The Message

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord..." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

"You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit..." John 15:16 The Message

Whatever you circumstance right now...no matter how you got there (your sin, the sin of others, illness, etc...) it DID NOT catch God off guard. You are not beyond the reach of His love, His forgiveness or His restoration. I may not understand it, but I do believe it. I pray that all who read this will find some comfort in His Truth today.

Light 'Em Up

I am not sure how I haven't come across this blog before...but in a few minutes of poking around last night I realized I really like the tone and the ideas. Specifically, this idea for ways for families with children to celebrate Christmas in a way that blesses our communities. Don't we all want to raise children who are compassionate and trained to look for ways to bless others? I love the idea of being salt & light as a way to celebrate Advent...and the ultimate Light of the World's birthday.

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:13-16 The Message

The post includes several free printables to make this VERY doable, even with short notice. I am planning to begin later this week with my children, by putting the action items in the pockets of our Advent calendar...I love the thought of waking up each morning anticipating what we get to do to serve others that day!

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

I really appreciate that this is not intended to be guilt producing or stressful--but rather an opportunity to refocus our children (and ourselves) on giving that they can take part in. What better new Christmas tradition to establish than one that adds real meaning to the holiday?

And if this is not your thing, make sure to check out the links to other great Christmas celebration ideas at the end (including Ann VosKamp's Jesse Tree devotion).

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!

On Giving Thanks

I mentioned earlier in the week that this trip to New York had been in discussion for a few years. Only over the course of the last several months did we begin actually making reservations and plans. Then, in the last couple of weeks my in-laws generously began making it clear that this trip was largely a gift from them.

As a very independent woman, I resisted at first. It was certainly not out of a lack of gratitude, as much out of a sense of respect (and my fleshly battle with pride and control). While I thought their offer was incredibly generous, it didn't feel necessary. I appreciated it but was a little uncomfortable.

Throughout the trip, each time they insisted on paying for a meal I felt somewhat embarrassed. My mind raced with ways to even the score. How could we pay them back? What type of gift could we give them to possibly 'catch up.'

Somewhere along the way (honestly, far later in the trip that it should have been) I realized, they didn't want us to try to get even. They simply wanted to give--to love us extravagantly. They wanted the gift of time together, making memories and building/strengthening relationships. They wanted us to share an adventure (even one that was hard on them physically). They wanted to enjoy the laughter and smiles of my children as they made new discoveries.This morning over breakfast I told my mother-in-law what a fairy tale trip it had been--and how sincerely we enjoyed and appreciated it. Her eyes welled up with tears as she said, "that's just what I wanted!"

And I had a revelation: While it may have seemed we had scrapped traditional Thanksgiving in lieu of other pursuits, I think I have actually learned to understand thanksgiving a bit more. Our Father in Heaven gives good gifts to His children. He wants us to share the adventure of life with Him. From His Hands come our every meal, breath and experience.

We can drive ourselves crazy trying to even the score...but it is simply impossible. He has given more than we can ever repay.

The greatest gift we can give in return is gratitude. As we stop the power struggle, the pride, the feeble attempts at repayment and choose instead to engage in relationship with Him...He is satisfied.

All we need to bring is an offering of thanks.

NYC Day 4 & Day 5

Two years ago I had my only experience with Black Friday craziness. My experience seeking Zhu Zhu pets at midnight at Toys R Us was enough to deter me from trying that again anytime soon. The thought of the crowds and chaos of Manhattan amplified by Black Friday was more than I could bear...so you can imagine my surprise to find my family standing smack in the middle of Toys R Us NYC at 8:30am the day after Thanksgiving.

My husband had this brilliant idea that the fact we are raising early birds might actually work to our favor when it came to getting a ride on the Ferris wheel inside the TRU store. I scoffed. It was BLACK FRIDAY in Manhattan. Had he lost his mind? Yet, after waking at 6:30, eating doughnuts from a street vendor and walking around for a while, we decided to wander by just to see. The store was quite empty--and particularly devoid of people young enough to desire a ride on the Ferris wheel! There was no line at all.

After marking that off the children's list, we walked over to Bryant Park in time for a morning of ice skating.After skating and lunch we went to see the fantastic Mary Poppins. It was everything a Broadway show should be--the costumes, dancing, singing, set, theater...everything was first rate! The only downside was that a very important football game was happening during the whole second half of the show. (LSU/Arkansas)

We found a terrific place for dinner (The Counter) that had the game on--and had ourselves an SEC football tailgate of sorts with burgers and football smack in the middle of NYC.

We took the children back to the hotel for bed and were able to enjoy a few hours out with an old friend and his fiancee.

This morning we woke up intent on making the most of a very small window of time. We walked back to Central Park and let the children explore until the Museum of Natural History opened at 10--then we tried to see as much as we could in 1 hour (which was about 4 exhibits on fast forward) before checking out and venturing back to LaGuardia for our flight.

We are all the best kind of tired...filled with many new memories, lots of stories and no regrets.

Real life was waiting...with stacks of bills to be paid, an empty refrigerator, lists of to do items and bags of dirty laundry. The heartbreaking 'real life' stuff going on with people I care about is still here...but it is OK. NYC was a fairy tale--I feel both exhausted and rejuvenated from the temporary escape, but I prefer to live in real life.

It was so easy to miss God amidst the glitz of the big city. I have a better understanding of how people can get caught up in the lights and the noise and miss His still small voice. As challenging as it can be to live in the grime, I am thankful for the opportunity to see Him at work here.

NYC: Day 3 (Thanksgiving)

One of the primary deciding factors in our hotel selection (other than price) was proximity to the parade route. With three 7 year old bladders and unpredictable weather, we really wanted to try to secure a room with a view. After a bit of research, we decided the cost for that privilege was not something we could get comfortable with. My father-in-law loves a research challenge--especially as it relates to value--so he took it on and found a great older hotel on the route.

Although we had read all about how early people arrive for the parade, I honesty thought that applied more for people who were trying to get seats in the prime viewing areas on Columbus Circle, near Macy's etc...We woke up at our usual 6ish this morning and lounged a bit. At 6:30 I wandered downstairs to get a Starbucks and 'scout it out.' When I found the hotel lobby completely quiet I felt like the early bird. Then, I stepped out onto the street and realized we were actually quite behind! I frantically texted the rest of our crew and rushed back upstairs to bundle up our people.

We made it down the street around 6:45 and took our place on the cold sidewalk. The weather was clear and 35ish degrees. We were about 5-6 rows back. There are a few tips I wish I would have known: you can bring chairs, you should get there by 6am for a front row seat...or stand on a corner where the will be shutting down a cross street. Nevertheless, for two and a half hours the children were TROOPERS fueled by handheld games, hot cocoa, bagels and a lively rocks-scissors-paper competition.

At 9:15 the parade came into view with clowns, police officers and the first marching band rousing everyone to their feet. By this time, a community of sorts had formed and the children (ours and others) were allowed to line the front two rows for the duration of the parade. The children had PRIME viewing--but it was virtually impossible to get a glimpse of their faces (or a photo). I was afraid that after all the preparation and the waiting we might be disappointed by the parade--but it was simply not the case. We watched for two solid hours with no whining, complaints or potty breaks. The atmosphere was jovial and exciting. It is very different watching the parade on the route than the version we see on television. Although all the marching bands perform all along the route, the 'celebrities' do not until they get in front of Macy's. Also, the balloons are really incredible in person. And, even though I am really not a Santa-crazy person I confess I had chills when he arrived. It was the anticipation largely--and seeing the side profiles of my very excited children. We will never watch the parade on tv with the same perspective.

After the parade we got gussied up for a very nice traditional Thanksgiving lunch my inlaws had reserved.

Our usual Thanksgiving surroundings are my dining room in small town Georgia--a far cry from the fancy, Uptown Manhattan table where we dined today. Yet, the warmth was the same because it wasn't about where we were as much as who we were with. I missed the prescence of my side of the family--and we all paused to talk about the loss of Nana this year. My mother-in-law brought along a sweet touch of home--the small battered slips of paper bearing Bible verses we read each year.

After our formal Thanksgiving celebration we explored FAO Schwartz and enjoyed some of the incredibly decorated store windows before capping off the day with a carriage ride through Central Park.

When we got back to the room tonight K put on her pajamas, laid down and looked up at me with a loopy, satisfied grin. "Mama, I am worn-ded OUT!"

All of my fears about the children being too young for this have been allayed. We are truly having a fairy tale trip!

NYC: Day 2 (A FULL Day!)

Yesterday was our first full day in the city. The weather was less than cooperative, raining off and on all day. But staying in the hotel all day didn't seem like an option, so we suited up in rain gear and made the best of it!

Our morning began with a brisk walk to the edge of Central Park for a delicious breakfast at Sarabeth's (a favorite of my friend Deanna). We were first in line for their 8am opening (an advantage of children who rise like clockwork between 6-6:30am). After breakfast we took a cab ride to pier 84 to board a water taxi down the Hudson River. (P journalling along the way. Makes this Mama's heart happy!)

I wasn't sure what to expect, but the combination of the airport-like security screening, the presence of my children and the large collection of photos documenting the world's response to the tragedy stirred my emotions. As we approached the memorial pools the scope and the depth of the tragedy--and the overwhelming number of lives lost felt very tangible. Being able to touch the names was a stark reminder that they were each really lives. One of the attendants at the memorial gave us scrolls and crayons for the children to make rubbings of a few names (including the lump-in-throat-producing "Deanna Lynn Galante and her unborn child"). It was a collision of my worlds---10 years apart.

One other striking part of the Memorial is the buzz of activity and rebuilding happening all around. It is a reminder of the redemptive nature of God. We mourn what was lost, even as we rebuild and move on. Poignant indeed.

We grabbed hotdogs from a street vendor before we reboarded the water taxi for a photo op with the Statue of Liberty. After our tour we saw the Lion King--which totally lived up to the hype. The performances, the music, the set design and costuming were all totally enthralling for all ages in our group.

Following the show, we journeyed back to Central Park (via the subway!) to see the annual balloon inflation in preparation for the parade. It was a sight to see--but VERY crowded. We capped off our evening with a yummy Mexican dinner and returned back to the hotel for rest. (R crashed at the restaurant!)

Along the way I heard from a dear friend from high school who happened to also be in town and only a couple of blocks away (sometimes 'checking in' on facebook pays off). It was an unexpected treat to get to spend some time catching up with her while my sweet husband stayed with our sleeping trio.

Whew! It was a long day--but no one seemed to mind--except maybe our tired feet!

NYC Day 1

Despite a lot of rain, our first day in Manhattan did not disappoint. After checking in our hotel and rejuvenating at the infamous Carnegie's Deli, we started exploring. From M&M World to the Lego store, Nintendo World and all four floors of American Girl the children were all eyes! (And we managed to not purchase a thing.)

At one point R said, "I am so glad this is not just a dream because this is FUN!"

It was amazing to see the scaffolding around the Rockefeller Center tree. Men in hard hats were stringing lights in dark rain in preparation for the holidays. Most magical was the amazing display on the Saks building. Hundreds of people (including our party of 8) were standing in the cold drizzling rain transfixed by the sights and sounds.

We capped off our evening with dinner at Ellen's Stardust Diner. All the servers are Broadway hopefuls who perform while waiting tables. It was delightful!

Rain is forecast again tomorrow, which will be less than ideal for our planned tour of the Statue of Liberty and Ground Zero--but if today was any indication, I don't think it will dampen our spirits!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

We're Gonna Be A Part Of It...

*photo courtesy a friend's visit from New York years ago :-)

We are off to take a bite out of the Big Apple and I am GIDDY with excitement.

My Mother-in-law and I started talking about this trip a few years ago...waiting until we felt like the children were old enough to handle the walking and the cab riding. This year seemed like the right time. (We will find out soon enough if we were right! :-)

It is quite the departure from our usual tradition of Thanksgiving at my house. I confess, I am a bit wistful about not cooking a turkey and preparing a big table for both sides of our family this year. Our hearts will still be grateful, they will just be in different surroundings.

I honestly can't remember the last time I have been this excited about a vacation. My in laws are accompanying us, as well as our Scott. It is sure to be a quick, whirlwind adventure! We have big plans...Mary Poppins, Lion King, Ground Zero, Lady Liberty, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, Central park, ice skating...and a few store fronts in between. I am planning to take good notes...I am just not sure if we are going to spring for the (rumored) $5/minute Internet in the hotel to blog while away. We'll see...

Blessings

I was listening to a sermon this afternoon about the times when we find God to be uncooperative with the plans/hopes we have for our life. It was a wonderfully sobering reminder that our circumstances are not the yardstick by which we should gauge His care for us.

He sacrificed His only Son to save us from an eternity of suffering---any other blessing after that is gravy. And, frankly, my comfort is not the primary goal of God. The Enemy can so easily lead us to a place where we question everything we have seen, known, felt and believed about God's Sovereign, grace-filled goodness as a result of being uncomfortable for a season.

As we approach this week of giving thanks, I am challenged to rejoice in and be grateful for the non-traditional things...the hard times, the seasons of little, the circumstances where God has told me No...or seemed to tell me nothing at all. It is a lot harder to do isn't it?





As the sermon concluded, a soloist performed the song Blessings by Laura Story. With a lump in my throat I tried to really take in the lyrics:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Courtesy of lyricshall.com

My life (like many, I suppose) is a bittersweet mixture of extreme gratefulness and deep sadness. I am so very blessed. And yet, my heart physically aches about several situations involving people I love. It defies logic some days that I can simultaneously be so heartsick and so hopeful. It is ONLY possible because I really believe God is who He says He is--even when I don't understand the whys and hows.

"My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name." Matt Redman

Temptation (with a side of salsa)

Tonight we were trying to decide where to go for a little Friday night family dinner outing. R was being particularly negative about every option we discussed. Finally, the other four of us decided on Mexican food. As we pulled into the parking lot of a nearby Mexican restaurant, R started crying. "I really don't want to eat here, Mom! They have tvs in every corner and since I lost my screen time (restriction/punishment) I will not enjoy my dinner because I will be very tempted."
He paused for just a second before adding with great drama, "I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!!!"

I had to laugh--then pause to appreciate the beauty of a child finally learning a bit about self control--and the wisdom of trying to avoid your temptations.

I learn A LOT from my seven year olds.

(We did wind up eating there, by the way, in the back corner banquet room...the ONLY place without a view of a television!)

One little, two little, three little...

So thankful for these precious people and all the richness they add to my life!

Hearts for Guatemala

While on an overnight without children in 2007, my husband and I spent some time discussing and crafting a "family vision." Call us geeky if you will, but it was a challenging exercise in being intentional. So many things in life seem to 'just happen.' Far too many people spend their lives merely responding. It was a special thing to sit around a table prayerfully and thoughtfully discussing the 18 years we have been given to lay a foundation in our children's lives and what we felt like the Lord wanted us to commit to doing during that time.

To be honest, I don't remember everything that was included in our final paper...the discussion proved more meaningful than the actual document we produced. However, I definitely remember many of our non-negotiables: our Christian faith, unconditional love, honoring our marital vows, being debt free and taking our children on at least one family mission trip a year.

The children and I have accompanied my husband as he served as camp doc for Young Life several times during their infant and toddler days. This past Spring we took the leap to foreign missions, with a service trip to the Dominican Republic. I was concerned that they might be too young for it to make a difference in their hearts. While it was certainly not without its challenges, the trip definitely impacted them in a meaningful way.

Two weeks ago we met with a missionary friend of ours regarding plans for 2012, a Spring Break trip to see the work Food for the Hungry is doing in Guatemala. As we discussed the agenda/emphasis options for the trip (seeing how a missionary family lives, medical care, microbusiness opportunities for the impoverished so they can better sustain themselves, Bible school for the children in remote mountain villages, visiting orphanages...) one particular project really resonated with my children--a clean water project named Eli's Wish.

The simplicity of it all gave them a clear mission--many Guatemalan children are malnourished because they don't drink water. They don't drink water because it is contaminated and gives them diarrhea. For approximately $40, water filtration systems can be installed in a home providing them with clean water. Even a first grader can get it!

My children (especially K) have really taken this need to heart. As we have looked at prices of toys they have compared that to how many families could have water. Clean water for the people in Guatemala has become a frequent prayer request. Ideas for how to raise money are periodically discussed (with no prompting from me) in the car. God is already working on their hearts and the trip is 4 months away!

But you only imagine how my heart was blessed when I received the following e-mail tonight:

"I had to share with you our dinner conversation. K told (my son) today that there are people in Guatemala that don't have clean water. He took 2 dollars out of his saved allowance to give to K for their water. Too sweet. He would die if he knew I shared but I just had to. So if K gives you a few dollars from (my son), you'll know what it's for."

When I read it to my girl she smiled and said."Great! I spent a lot of time at recess telling people about it today. There are still a few that don't know, but my friends are going to help me tomorrow so everyone in first grade will know. Do you think I should have a popcorn and movie party for whoever raises the most money?"

R then excitedly suggested it not just be the first grade. "We should get the whole school to raise money. Every class can have a contest!"

I was blown away!! God is at work in little 7 year old hearts. My girl is bold in her love and care for a people she has never met. I understood Matthew 19:14 in a whole new way.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Parenting Without Guarantees

"God never called us to be the Holy Spirit for our children. Our calling is to be parents. The work of the Holy Spirit is already being done quite well and it has been from eternity past.

Read the Bible and it's not hard to see that God works in such a way that keeps us from boasting. This is not to put us down, but to set us free. If parents and parenting were truly the deciding factors in a child's faith, we would be inclined to feel proud when it all turned out well. And we would blame ourselves mercilessly when things turned out badly.

So to all proud parents, be careful of your pride. And to all heartbroken parents, don't wallow in blame and shame. Your child belonged to God long before he or she belonged to you."

-Mark Crumpler, Peachtree Presbyterian Church (Atlanta, GA)

My mother-in-law subscribes to a devotional from her church that she frequently forwards to me. Today's message was such a wonderful reminder that I wanted to record it here and pass it on. I really encourage you to go read the whole thing. (in the drop down box in the top right select 11/16/11- Guidance, Not Guarantees)

While there is clearly no 'formula' for perfect parenting and/or raising children that never break our hearts, I really loved the three questions his post concluded with (taken from Deuteronomy 6.)

"First, what do I truly love? Before Moses said anything about passing faith to the children he told the nation to love God. So what is the deepest affection of my own heart? (See 6:4-5)

Second, am I living a relationship with God or merely practicing a religion? Do the words and ways of God permeate my daily life or am I a weekend church-attendee? (See 6:6-9)

Third, do I have a story to tell? When and if my children tell me they don't understand what all the God stuff is about, will I have a story to help them see what it means and how it works? (See 6:20-21)."

-Mark Crumpler, Peachtree Presbyterian Church (Atlanta. GA)

Challenging words...such a wonderful reminder. In the successes and the failures, God is writing my children's story, just as He is writing mine.

I must follow Him and trust Him to work out His purposes in our lives.

The End of an Era

Tonight marked the end of R's first Junior PeeWee football season...and perhaps his last (at least for a while).This has been a very interesting youth sports experience for us. I have always encouraged my children to try lots of different things so they could begin to coalesce what they enjoy, but this experience has been hard.

Our team is young and small. We only scored one touchdown the whole season. Our boys have all commented on how "tired of losing" they are. R's enthusiasm really waned.

I think it has been especially difficult because we had such high hopes of it being incredible. My little guy is a HUGE fan of the game of football. He studies it. He understands it. He was very excited for the chance to suit up.But he is small compared to boys his age. (That is not an optical illusion. He is the red 48 jersey in the middle being dwarfed by other boys his age.)

And as it turns out, he really does NOT enjoy being tackled.
About a month into the season (after a few long weeks of 3-4 night a week practices) he decided he didn't want to play any more. There were tears shed more than once over not wanting to go to practice.

I confess that the sacrifice our whole family was making (no weeknight family dinners at home) seemed especially frustrating when he wasn't even enjoying himself. There were two long evening conversations in my kitchen after the children had gone to bed where my husband and I discussed the cost of a lesson in honoring commitments. My husband was giving a considerable amount of the little free time he has to volunteer as an assistant coach. R quitting would take the team down a player and a coach. We had also invested in equipment, registration fees and a uniform.

I am a HUGE fan of real life moral lessons, but honestly, I was tired of the afternoons spent explaining why he had to go, then rearranging our family's schedule to shuttle a kid with a poor attitude. There were two evenings where he 'took a knee' the whole practice because he told the coaches he didn't want to participate. This Fall has held some HARD lessons for R...AND for me.

When his Daddy and I decided he was going to honor his word and finish the season, R stopped complaining. He went to practice willingly and started working harder. He started getting more playing time. Even when he was on the bench, he still really enjoyed watching the game.
And slowly but surely, our decision to stick with it and not give up appeared to pay off. As a result of tough decisions my R was learning and growing. So were we.

I am not sure R will ever remember this 'life lesson,' but I will. In a world of instant gratification where decisions are increasingly based on what 'works for me' with little regard for the effects on other people, it felt a bit strange to draw a line in the sand about something as seemingly insignificant as Junior PeeWee football. But, you have to start somewhere. I am glad we did.

I am thankful to be married to a man of strong character that knows in life there are few 'little things.' Being intentional and consistent requires attention to all the decisions we make--especially the ones young eyes are watching.

I Was Wrong

One upon a time, not so long ago, I had preconceived notions about children participating in martial arts.

For months my boys asked if they could take a class and it never worked out with our extracurricular schedule. R moved on to other interests, but P kept mentioning it. Because he is more of an introvert, I really preferred that he find a team sport to participate in--"to stretch him." We tried lots of things, but he didn't get particularly excited about any of them.

In mid-August I noticed that our local YMCA had Kung Fu classes, so I signed P up for a two week session. I really think I thought it would "get it out of his system." Instead, my P found his "thing." He absolutely loves it.
His confidence, his concentration, his agility and his self control have ALL improved.And today, my kid that had previously been unmotivated by other athletic pursuits...my child who tends to lose focus, get frustrated and fall apart...my son who takes the passive role within his sibling set...Today, my P, with great confidence, poise and skill tested for and received his yellow belt.Both sets of grandparents were on hand as we cheered him on. K & R were sweetly proud of his accomplishment. Tonight he was still beaming as he came downstairs in his pjs with the yellow belt tied over them.
My preconceived notions, hesitations and fears were wrong.

It won't be the last time.

Disastrous Isolation

This morning a read a well-written piece on the tragedy of the Penn State scandal by an old high school friend of mine. I have only been following the news about this loosely, but have been struck by the ripples of destruction that long-term ignored sin has caused. Rioting? Really?

This particular quote was like being punched in the stomach with truth...

"Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation. Sin wants to remain unknown. It shuns the light. In the darkness of the unexpressed it poisons the whole being of a person. In confession the light of the Gospel breaks into the darkness and seclusion of the heart." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

This week I spent time with someone whose walls are crumbling around them--largely as a result of long term, secret sin. The effects are complicated, multi-layered and devastating because the situation went unchecked for so long. I have no doubt that God can rescue even from this, but it is going to be slow and painful.

As I have been sorting through this mess with my friend and again as I read this poignant quote from Bonhoffer, I am reminded of why we MUST live in community. We MUST be real with each other. We MUST care enough about each other to hold one another accountable--not in judgment, but in love.

Let's pursue each other the way God pursues us-- in truth and in love.

Gloriously Different

When I found out I was having triplets, one thing that I specifically prayed was that they would be free to be completely individual. I didn't want them to be lumped together forever, unable to make their own name/way in the world.

I purposefully refrained from ever referring to them as 'the triplets,' although I do sometimes refer to them as my trio. (Is it really any different than parents of singletons calling their children by a group name?) I wanted them to be called and known by name.

I was criticized by some for dressing them alike, if individuality was indeed my goal. Since they started selecting their own clothes, pursuing their own hobbies and interests and being in their own classrooms I have almost ceased to worry about them being known as themselves. I have three very different little people growing up in this home.

I am currently working on a plan to get the boys into their own individual rooms, but this morning I reveled in how their uniqueness is apparent even in the places where surface sameness exists. Look at those beds. :-)
Praise God for the way we are each fearfully and wonderfully made. Same womb, same life experiences, SUCH different personalities and functions in the 'body.' I love my neatnik and I love my rumpled one. I rejoice that they each add different spice to my life!

How wonderful to know that God feels the same way about us...my order, your creativity. My impulsiveness and my husband's circumspect nature. The fact finders and the passionate ones. The homeschool Mom and the working Mom. Introvert, extrovert, single, married, divorced. The ones that appear to have it all together and the ones who are hanging on by a thread.

God not only loves us all--He delights in us!

When I walked in and looked at those beds I wasn't frustrated. I was delighted...because each one obediently did what I asked. Is one 'better looking' than the other, yes! But their hearts were both in the right place. And that is what this Mama values.

Our mothering may look different...our paths through this life most certainly are. All God asks is that we focus on Him and do what we can, with what we have, where we are...to His Honor and Glory.

A Little Morning Banter

If ever there was a 30 second conversation that sums up my little people at 7 1/2 it happened this morning as we were getting into the car for school.

P stopped and turned to me, "Mom, can you give me a good metaphor for loading the car?"
I giggled at my precocious little man.
"How do you know about metaphors?"
"You explained it to me once, remember?"
We thought of a couple of metaphors as everyone buckled up.
R, our leader of the day, had the honors of selecting what we would listen to on the radio. Usually it is a song from my ipod, but this morning he had a different idea.
"Mom, I would like to either hear Fox News or Jazz."
Before I could even respond, K piped up, "R, you are an old man!"

I love my little people!

Amazing Grace

I am tired. I am tired from all of the hurt I see in the faces of people I care about lately. I am walking through an exhausting season that is fraught with pain for several people I know. Much of it is a result of sin.

^1-2Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

^2-3You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way. James 4:1-3 The Message

Daily I find myself torn between grace and truth...mercy and justice. And I keep going back to that darn dog in the road last Tuesday. I didn't evaluate how he got there, what negligence or poor choices led to his getting into the road, whose fault it was...I was simply moved to compassion because a creature was in pain (honestly, the helplessness and hurt on the face of his owner was what moved me most). I believe in natural consequences, but when someone/something is hurting and you have the power to help compassion takes the reigns.

Isn't this the way Jesus operated? With the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, even the hosts that ran out of wine at the wedding in Cana. He didn't lead with "how did this happen?" or "what have you learned?" He showed them compassion in the moment and He met their needs. I am sure there was time later for evaluation of the circumstances, repentance and learning a lesson... Even as I type, the justice seeker in me cries (like the prodigal's older brother) "Is that really fair? How will they learn if responsible people (like me) keep bailing them out?" And suddenly I am blinded by my own foolish pride.

I am sinful. God's grace is HIS to freely give. By virtue of accepting His gift do I now somehow feel that it is my role to decide who else is worthy of it? How incredibly prideful! I am not the judge and jury.

^4-6You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble."James 4:4-6 The Message

Truth be told we are all addicts--addicted to our own comfort. We are all adulterers--choosing the things of the world over God on a whim--time and time again. We are idolaters--who place our own dreams, ideals, plans ahead of those of our Creator. And He pursues us anyway. It's incredible.

"God is not proud...He will have us, even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him." C S Lewis

^7-10So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet. James 4: 7-10 The Message

So, tonight, instead of judging the worthiness of others to receive His grace, I am challenged to ponder my own unworthiness--and rejoice in my thankfulness that He loves me--in spite of myself.

^11-12Don't bad-mouth each other, friends. It's God's Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You're supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it. God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others? James 4:11-12 The Message

Lessons From a Wedding

There are a lot of wonderful things about being involved with the ministry of Young Life. It is such a blessing to see God at work in the lives of the 'target audience' of high school students--but one of the richest rewards for our family has been the special relationships we have developed with the college students who serve as leaders. It is amazing to watch a young person mature from an 18-19 year old college freshman to a young adult/college graduate.

Our family has a particularly special bond with the group of leaders who graduated from college this past Spring. This group was selected and trained by Sweeney. They kept the ministry going during Sweeney's frequent absences as he battled cancer. We walked through mourning his death together and rebuilding the ministry. We traveled to the Dominican Republic together last Spring. We have watched as they mulled graduate school versus entering this difficult job market. We have done real life.

Yesterday afternoon we witnessed the wedding of one of our special long time leaders, Taylor. She & I share a passion for social work and have served side by side at the group home. She has been a frequent babysitter to my children and a special friend to me. I have loved walking through her courtship with Harris through our coffee dates, prayers and excitement as it became clear he was 'the one.' It was a treat for my family to be asked to serve as greeters at their wedding.

It was so touching to watch the wedding through the eyes of my children, who recalled many of the elements of the only other wedding they have attended. P was all about our role as greeters. He loved the responsibility of handing out the programs to arriving guests. R was obsessed with what the groom might do to the bride during the 'cake fight.' And, K? She was 100% all about the bride. She has never been overly interested in princesses, so it was surprisingly touching to see how transfixed she was by the bride. She was quite simply captivated!

As I watched K watch the bride and take it all in--I was so thrilled that her exposure to courtship and marriage was so Christ-centered. I listened with new ears to the words spoken during the ceremony. During the pastor's homily he made a great point. He wished the new couple lots of laughter, but he also wished them their share of tears--because, he acknowledged, it is the tears that will be the reminders of their need for Christ. The tears, when shared together and before the cross, will be the circumstances that draw them close and sanctify them.

As I am watching marriages close to me crumble, I am reminded of this truth. I wish we as a society did a better job of presenting the total package of marriage (not just the extremes of Disney fairytale or sarcastic sitcom fodder).

In a Christian marriage there is the security of the covenant vows we make to one another, there is the joy of sharing life with your best friend, there is the peace of knowing someone is always there as your #1 fan...but LIFE still happens, the rains still come and fairy tales are never without their crisis moments. I wish young couples knew that when these choppy waters are navigated together with Christ at the helm they can be amazingly strengthening--and the source of great lessons about the person of Christ.

The beauty of marriage is not in the avoidance of conflict, but in the overcoming--and we can't do that alone. The Lord is our champion. We must allow Him to be at the center of our marriage--and have our unions be characterized by fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control.

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4: 9,12 NIV

Real Life is Beautiful

Our family was blessed to be part of a very special wedding this afternoon. Since the children were all gussied up, I thought I would try to snag a special photo for Christmas cards. That didn't exactly happen.
Not by a long shot...
But thank goodness, when I got frustrated that my plan was crumbling, my husband kept shooting...because these pictures
with real life
real joy
and their real bond captured...
These pictures make me smile.
I am thankful I snapped out of 'my plan' in time to enjoy these moments...because the light, the laughter...it was beautiful.
Oh, what joy if we would learn to stop stressing out about 'posing' our lives and joyfully let the real stuff unfold. I am realistic enough to know that it is not possible all the time. But for things that don't really matter...like a Christmas card, ahem...it is a lesson I would do well to remember.
Because I am pretty sure 15-20 years from now, having a Mommy that loved, laughed, and smiled more than she snapped will certainly be more meaningful to these little hearts than a perfect Christmas card.