Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Knot

I have pondered for three days whether or not it was worth it to write something as controversial as this post. Each night I have written a draft that I never published only to hear or read yet another story the following day that leads me back to the need to write about this topic.

I am going to be out of pocket most of the day Friday and unable to monitor/respond to comments. I don't particularly enjoy being a 'rabble rowser' but this is so heavy on my heart and mind I think I am supposed to write it. I am not sure who this is for, but after praying a lot I feel like it is intended for somebody reading.

Here we go.

No matter how it may be portrayed in novels and film, adultery is not romantic. It is not OK. If you are in a relationship/friendship you don't want your spouse to know about...stop, turn and run. Scripture is clear. "Flee sexual immorality." Do not walk away--run!

I know that was an extreme start to this post. This is not a political statement. It is in response the stories I keep hearing, lives I know who are effected and emails I receive. I am TIRED of reading romantic articles glamorizing the 'true love' people found in an adulterous relationship.

Why are people so flippant about fidelity? How do we keep falling for the Enemy's lie that this time the feelings are true and real and everyone else will get over it? How can we really convince ourselves that children caught in the middle are resilient and won't be effected? It is tragic.

Not long ago I was under the misconception that it was generally men who cheat. I am increasingly hearing stories of women, young Moms who don't fit the 'stereotype,' getting their emotional needs met by men other than their husband. They have traded the affections once reserved only for their husband to this new man. Before they even realize the implications their heart becomes split. Please, please set guard rails far enough away from something big that you don't fall into a pit you didn't intend to be in with consequences that break the hearts of people around you.

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.
Proverbs 27:12 NIV

Commitment, monogamy and marriage are a covenant rather than a pencil-written agreement until something better comes along or my needs are no longer being met. The very best part of marriage, in my opinion, is the freedom, trust and security that comes from knowing you are safe with the other person. Be a safe place for your spouse. Be secure. Be trustworthy. Keep your word.

It is amazing what God can do with a humble, obedient heart.

33 comments:

Deborah said...

Thank you for taking such a stand! Marriage is so important, so many people are falling into adultery, affecting not only their marriage but their children. God bless you, and your marriage!

piperparadise said...

Wonderful post!

twiceasnice said...

worth the read and worth the words! Agree totally. Great post.

maya said...

Beautifully written, as always. There is no more important human relationship to which we are called. Thank you for reminding us all to stand strong in our vows--for better or worse, and everything in between.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

If this is rabble-rousing, you go and rouse that rabble! You are speaking truth that so many people don't want to hear. I have seen from every different angle the heartbreak that infidelity causes. It is a great evil that has received a blessing by our culture.

Thank you for speaking truth, J.

Peter and Nancy said...

I wish it were different for Christian couples . . . but in the last year, we have seen two couples at our church in crisis over infidelity (one on the part of the wife, one because of the husband). My heart cries for their children.

My pet peeve (except that's not nearly strong enough) is movies and TV programs that glorify adultery. Years ago, I went to see "The English Patient," (ugh) and saw one of my professors there with a date who was not his wife. Ironic, to say the least.

We have a duty to be bold if anyone we know is even contemplating a flirtation. So much harm comes from infidelity.
Nancy

Kylie and crew. said...

Amen. I believe their is a shift happening in the spiritual world....marriages are being attacked in numbers right now! It's everywhere I turn.... infidelity, wrong thinking of oh I'll be happier if I leave, etc. Jesse and I have met with so many couples in the last year....our church is seeing more marriage issues, and I'm hearing it everywhere!

Lord, come and renew our hearts and minds. You created marriage and we are thankful. We intercede for others and ask for a leading by your Holy Spirit on how to battle in this war.

Stay bold Jennifer!

Liz said...

Bravo!!!!

JP's MOM said...

I wish more people would take a stand like this.

Cathy said...

Shout this from the rooftops. My ex-husband cheated many times over 10 years until I said enough. For every man cheating, there is usually a woman cheating with him. It takes two. God has now blessed me with a wonderful husband and I know true love and what trust feels like.

elizabeth said...

Good for you. Couldn't agree more!

Kristen Keeling said...

Yes! I teach young high school girls & their thoughts on romance is so skewed by this world & the messages they receive through today's media. We need to tell them the truth & what God says about love, romance, and marriage. Amen, Sister!

Lisa said...

AMEN!

Ally said...

It seems like placing "guardrails" as you call them is considered extreme as if we don't understand the danger that is lurking. I guess most people think they'd never do such a thing until it's too late, which is why it's so important to remember that we're not "above" any sin and that we need to operate accordingly.

Tee said...

Outstanding post!

As You Wish said...

Amen! I see nothing controversial here. Adultery is wrong. It tears people apart and wounds so deeply. That really is not an idea that should be up for debate. Thank you for declaring the truth.

Beren said...

"The very best part of marriage, in my opinion, is the freedom, trust and security that comes from knowing you are safe with the other person."

I am a young newly-wed and this sentence just summed up exactly what I have been trying to portray about my marriage, and being married. Thank you for writing this post, because truer words have never been spoken.

Paige said...

Awesome post on this Friday morning! I appreciate your struggle with whether to post or not, and even more, your obedience to what the Holy Spirit called you to do. Well done!

delee said...

Wonderful post!

Marta Jeremy Emily and Abigail said...

What a sad state our society is in, to think that writing about staying true to your marriage vows would be thought of as "controversial"! It IS terribly sickening to see people talking about finding their "soul mate" (vomit) in someone other then their spouse. They probably made that statement about their spouse earlier, and they will likely recant it about the newbe soon.

As Christians we should shun the world! Why do we buy into the worldly philosophies that are self centered, live in the moment, be true to your SELF (the old man Paul spoke of). Why is desperate housewives something that Christians watch?! Seriously, I'm amazed how many "Godly" (or so I'd thought before) women find nothing wrong with this show and many of its cousins. We are so addicted to pop culture, TV/movies, "stars"... Where is Jesus in our lives. Do we spend even half the time in our Bibles DAILY that we spend watching the world's media? Likely it is way less then that. Many of use choose a Christian devotional instead. Nothing wrong with those, but we need some MEAT from God's word first!

I'd like to challenge each of us to put in at least an HOUR of time in our Bible before we turn on the TV. And then don't watch more then an hour, if you can even stomach any of it after reading your Bible. Do this for a month and find out if any of your priorities and relationships have changed for the better.

Down load a free mp3 Bible to play on your computer for background noise, if that is what you use the TV for. But fill your mind with Christ and the world's temptations will be easy to avoid!

Laura said...

I agree. I've been posting things about the problems with sex outside of marriage aimed more towards the unmarried on my blog recently. I'm glad that you are encouraging married couples to do what's right. hhtp://lauraakamommy.blogspot.com

Mary Lou said...

A very loud Amen from me! you spoke The Truth and if anyone does not agree with you....they need to read their Bible and check their heart. You were right on target. Bless you for taking a stand...your husband and children will rise up and call you blessed....

Alyssa said...

One of Satan's lies is that you can't choose who you fall in love with. It's all over music and TV. "I couldn't help that I fell in love with him/her." The Bible is very clear that love is a choice. Also, "set your affections on things above" is very clear that we can choose where to place our affection. Thanks for the post. None of us are above sin, and it's nice to be reminded to "guard our hearts."

Kimmy said...

I think it's fantastic that you wrote this. I have been deeply affected by an adulterous relationship that I witnessed growing up, it's nothing I would ever wish upon anyone. Thank you for writing so honestly. People need to hear this kind of stuff.

michelle said...

Wonderful, my friend!

afc said...

really fantastic and so important for everyone to remember. not sure if you read the recent announcement in the NYT about the marriage of a couple who had met at their respective childrens' preschool and they were family friends. the fallout was amazing - I can't link right now but I hope you read it. that and the recent article on the huffington post "the myth of the sophisticated divorce".

Peggie said...

This needs to be said more often. It is so upsetting to see it happen in so many families, including my own. Having been a pastor's wife for about 30 years we saw it over and over in the church as well, including elders. It hurts, messes up families and is taken as part of life now even by believers. Shout it, preach it, billboard it! Do not keep quiet!

HW said...

When somebody is ill they quickly find out there are two kinds of "friends" - those who say "Let me know if you need anything and then silently wait for the call; and those who make a meal and show up at your door and feed you without being called upon.
This post is like that second friend. There was a need and you jumped to action and filled it - you jumped beyond your comfort zone.
We are called to be doers - not those who "offer to do."

This was on your heart and you were bold enough to put it out there because you felt the need to do so.

We are called to be bold and you were bold.

Good for you.

emily ann. said...

Thank you for being true to the Word of God. In this post and every other one you write.

Love Being a Nonny said...

I am still shocked at the number of people involved in infidelity. I like to believe people truly do not set out to be unfaithful. Sin is attractive. We all need to have a coping mechanism for turning away from attractive sin. Jesus.

Thank you Jen Mom. This post is right on target and maybe someone who is struggling will be touched by your words. Bless you for sharing.

The Layne Family said...

Outstanding!!! BRAVO!!!

Tara said...

GREAT post! And you should never apologize for speaking the truth in love. We know what pain adultery can cause which is why God tries to protect us from that. We should want to protect anyone we know from that heartache.

And we should all go hug our spouse a little closer when we think of all that is out there trying to attack them and cause them to be tempted to stray. Thanks for such a wonderful post!

Shannon said...

AMEN! I always tell my husband.....'thank you for being a real man and not someone who is on the prowl.' He loves me/our children as I am and that frees us up to be who we really are without all the baggage and drama that comes with infidelity....plus..HE KNOWS I WOULD KILL HIM!! lol
(joking) sort. of.
-Shannon in Austin