This morning a couple of girls from the group home made a series of very bad choices. One of the girls has been troubled and acting out in the last couple of weeks due to upsetting events within her birth family. While we were saddened by her actions, we were not completely surprised.
The other girl, however, had been showing great signs of maturity and responsibility. The attitude around the group home staff today was one of complete disappointment. There were tears shed by adults who had invested in her, sighing and shaking of heads. Were we foolish to believe in her? She had appeared to be on the right track--working, saving money, making better choices. She was earning more privileges as a result. The very privileges she had earned were abused seriously today. She really blew it and will face legal/life consequences as a result. Part of growing up is dealing with testing, trials and temptations.
Temptation got the better of her. She failed this test.
Because my six year olds' discipline issues are (mercifully) on a much smaller scale, my comparison will seem weak, yet, the human nature is the same. When my children do something completely out of left field (like spitting on the rug at school last week--seriously!) I cannot help but ask, "Why? What were you thinking?"
A friend schooled in child development has informed me that it is a terrible question to ask because they are too immature to think through motives until they are in the late teens. I ask it anyway. I want to teach them to examine their heart--to test their thoughts--to ask God to take captive the ones that are not godly. Temptation will always be there. I want them to learn to trust in God to get them through.
No one needs to remind me that this 6 year old stuff is small potatoes compared to what is to come...my 'other life' with these teenagers is reminder enough. Yet, I think the foundations laid at this age--There is grace and unconditional love, but disobedience still brings consequence--are essential to what is to come.
Until then, I pray. Discernment and grace for today. Trust and faith for tomorrow.
2 comments:
It is so hard to watch young people make mistakes.
Regarding the girl who had been making great strides: my first thought is that she suddenly panicked that she was leaving her comfort zone. Our comfort zone is not always good for us; it is just what we know and therefor familiar. It seems something scared her about the "right path." Sometimes I think troubled kids sabotage themselves because they think they are unworthy of the rewards of life; or they want to test the adults in their life to see who will fight for them - and how far someobdy will go to save them.
I know you are not giving up on these kids. And I'm so glad of that. One day, regardless of their life choices, they will look back at you and your fellow workers and say "they are the ones that hung with me to the very end. They are the ones who were Jesus to me."
My husband always asks "Why" when one of our children disobeys or does something completely out of character. I always cringe inside because I know they can't really answer that question yet (my oldest is 6). Not once have they been able to answer with anything other than a shrug. I prefer to just explain to them why it was wrong, what the Bible says about it, etc. They are given a consequence and hopefully they will learn to show more restraint next time. Memorizing scripture is a good tool as well.
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