Wednesday night, before bed, P prayed, "Lord, thank you for making me and my brother so funny (giggle). Thank you for making my family just the way you did. Thank you for the way you made the Earth and everything in it just right..."
He went on to mention some other specific things, namely his nightly prayer for "the poor people to have enough money for food and shelter so they can survive--and just a little extra." That little man has a precious heart.
For the 36 hours since, I have been stuck on the first part of his prayer...such pure gratefulness. A thankful heart. An innocent, unadulterated view of the world not yet marked by the "but..."s that the years seem to add to our prayers. There were no exceptions to his gratitude. He spoke as clearly as his heart seemed to feel it. All things come from God. He is trustworthy. I will thank Him.
I am not saying that God doesn't want to hear what is really in/on our hearts. I just wish what was really in my heart was as pure and grateful as P's.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14 NIV
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
There's No Pause Button
Today I had a minor procedure done to help with some reflux issues. As a result of the anesthesia, I was not able to drive this afternoon, blessing our family with a midweek break from our activities. From 3pm-7:30pm we were able to snack, complete homework assignments, have dinner and PLAY at an unrushed pace.
As I watched the electricity of ordinary life happening in my backyard my heart smiled. The swinging, biking, sliding, basketball playing, giggling, chasing and ziplining was such a picture of the simple pleasures of healthy, active children.
I decided to get my camera because I have fallen out of the habit of recording the ordinary pleasures of real life. I don't need any more posed pictures of special occasions. I want reminders of the precious, ordinary, unremarkable moments of home life.
I love these dirty, snaggle tooth faces...
but walking around and gettng a picture of the other side of those heads always makes my heart melt. (And the basketball R is clutching? That's real life.)
And so is this.
I was talking to a friend today about how she was coping amidst a difficult season of life change. She shared that the best bit of advice she had been given is that she wouldn't always feel like this--the searing pain would subside, the heavy fog would begin to part.
This led to a discussion of a Beth Moore study we both remembered from a couple of years ago. (I think it was Esther...) I am paraphrasing, but Beth made the point that when women get all tied up in our anxiety we make the mistake of allowing our thought life stop at the moment our worst case scenario occurs--the late night phone call, the diagnosis, etc. She challenged readers to not stop there, but to think about what would come next. There would be a next breath, a next step, a next chapter.
This is the nature of life. It is fluid. It doesn't just 'pause.' Yet when we get tangled up and immobilized by fear we forget that.
This afternoon I was thinking about how this is important to remember in the ordinary blessings of our busy lives as well. We don't get to press pause on the devastating parts of life, but the same holds true for the beautiful chapters. Time waits for no man. It marches on.
So, I resolved to slow down today and intentionally focus on remembering the little details.
The sweet sound of their giggles.
The size of their bikes.
The colorful crayola toothbrushes scattered all over the bathroom counter.
Those skinny little arms doing pushups before bed.
That wild head of hair that cannot be tamed.
The gravelly little seven year old voice that still hasn't mastered the R sound.
The mischievous grin on the face of the Daddy that loves playing with them so much he can't quite bring himself to settle them down for bed.
Because this too shall pass.
As I watched the electricity of ordinary life happening in my backyard my heart smiled. The swinging, biking, sliding, basketball playing, giggling, chasing and ziplining was such a picture of the simple pleasures of healthy, active children.
I decided to get my camera because I have fallen out of the habit of recording the ordinary pleasures of real life. I don't need any more posed pictures of special occasions. I want reminders of the precious, ordinary, unremarkable moments of home life.
I love these dirty, snaggle tooth faces...
but walking around and gettng a picture of the other side of those heads always makes my heart melt. (And the basketball R is clutching? That's real life.)
And so is this.I was talking to a friend today about how she was coping amidst a difficult season of life change. She shared that the best bit of advice she had been given is that she wouldn't always feel like this--the searing pain would subside, the heavy fog would begin to part.
This led to a discussion of a Beth Moore study we both remembered from a couple of years ago. (I think it was Esther...) I am paraphrasing, but Beth made the point that when women get all tied up in our anxiety we make the mistake of allowing our thought life stop at the moment our worst case scenario occurs--the late night phone call, the diagnosis, etc. She challenged readers to not stop there, but to think about what would come next. There would be a next breath, a next step, a next chapter.
This is the nature of life. It is fluid. It doesn't just 'pause.' Yet when we get tangled up and immobilized by fear we forget that.
This afternoon I was thinking about how this is important to remember in the ordinary blessings of our busy lives as well. We don't get to press pause on the devastating parts of life, but the same holds true for the beautiful chapters. Time waits for no man. It marches on.
So, I resolved to slow down today and intentionally focus on remembering the little details.
The sweet sound of their giggles.
The size of their bikes.
The colorful crayola toothbrushes scattered all over the bathroom counter.
Those skinny little arms doing pushups before bed.
That wild head of hair that cannot be tamed.
The gravelly little seven year old voice that still hasn't mastered the R sound.
The mischievous grin on the face of the Daddy that loves playing with them so much he can't quite bring himself to settle them down for bed.
Because this too shall pass. Monday, September 26, 2011
The Parable of the Lost Ninja
We have lost things before...but tonight was perhaps our most emotional loss: a brand new souvenir from Chicago--a white Lego Ninja--has disappeared.
P insists he knows "exactly" where he left it before school this morning, but in the true spirit of a ninja it is hiding somewhere so secret that a four person crew searching for a solid 45 minutes could not find it. We went to great lengths...emptying every toy basket and bucket, cleaning out every upstairs bedroom and playroom drawer, sifting through every toy in a desperate attempt to recover the lost ninja.
P was very tearful. R was determined to be his brother's hero. K was compassionate--patting him on the shoulder and telling P how sorry she was for his loss. It was a sweet picture of sibling empathy and love.
After a top to bottom search (twice) I told the children it was time for bed. We would have to try again in the morning. Then the real tears began. I acknowledged how sad I knew P's heart was, then assured him it would turn up.
"How do you know?" he cried, "You can't say that for sure. You are not PSYCHIC, Mom."
"You are right, but I have lived a lot of years," I responded.
As I was tucking the children in I shared the parable of the lost coin--adding that the way we would feel when we found the ninja was akin to how heaven rejoices when someone starts a relationship with Jesus. I (mistakenly) thought this might resonate with them in light of their experience.
P sniffed and looked up at me.
"But, Mom, this was not a coin or even just a plain Lego block. This was a Ninjago on a spinner with a numchuk--and it is still missing!"
So we prayed and tomorrow we will search again. And when we do find it we will have another lesson...this time about the importance of putting important things away where they belong.
P insists he knows "exactly" where he left it before school this morning, but in the true spirit of a ninja it is hiding somewhere so secret that a four person crew searching for a solid 45 minutes could not find it. We went to great lengths...emptying every toy basket and bucket, cleaning out every upstairs bedroom and playroom drawer, sifting through every toy in a desperate attempt to recover the lost ninja.
P was very tearful. R was determined to be his brother's hero. K was compassionate--patting him on the shoulder and telling P how sorry she was for his loss. It was a sweet picture of sibling empathy and love.
After a top to bottom search (twice) I told the children it was time for bed. We would have to try again in the morning. Then the real tears began. I acknowledged how sad I knew P's heart was, then assured him it would turn up.
"How do you know?" he cried, "You can't say that for sure. You are not PSYCHIC, Mom."
"You are right, but I have lived a lot of years," I responded.
As I was tucking the children in I shared the parable of the lost coin--adding that the way we would feel when we found the ninja was akin to how heaven rejoices when someone starts a relationship with Jesus. I (mistakenly) thought this might resonate with them in light of their experience.
P sniffed and looked up at me.
"But, Mom, this was not a coin or even just a plain Lego block. This was a Ninjago on a spinner with a numchuk--and it is still missing!"
So we prayed and tomorrow we will search again. And when we do find it we will have another lesson...this time about the importance of putting important things away where they belong.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Yesterday was another great day in Chicago--despite waking up with a tummy ache. It really should not have come as a surprise, we literally ate our way through the city!
I crossed many things off my list: MillenNium Park, Grant Park, The Art Institute, American Girl and Lego stores for goodies for the kids & Sprinkle's Cupcakes for treats for us. We watched the Alabama game from our room before enjoying a wonderful dinner at Japonais.
I was intrigued/moved by the homeless people who were panhandling along the most heavily traveled/touristy streets--especially the disabled and the women. I wondered about their stories--how much role the economy played in their predicaments versus addiction or mental illness. I think I have watched too many episodes of Intervention.
The person who had the biggest impact on me was a middle-aged Asian American man I encountered on Michigan Avenue. He was well dressed and did not appear to be homeless. It was Saturday afternoon. The streets were packed. He had positioned himself on one of the most prominent corners--directly across from Saks Fifth Avenue. With a broad smile across his face and a twinkle in his eyes he was shouting at the top of his lungs: I LOOOOOOOOOVE JESUS. I LOVE HIM AND HE LOOOOOOVES ME. He unashamedly announced his love over and over again. He was undignified and he didn't care what passersby thought.
He was not asking for or accepting donations. There was no judgment. He wasn't preaching to anyone. Instead, it appeared he couldn't contain his joy. He wanted the world to know his good news and so he was testifying--loudly and proudly. And, frankly, to the world he looked like he had lost his marbles.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. If we really believe what we claim, why aren't we all shouting from the top of our lungs?
I don't know.
As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard. Acts 4:20 NIV
I crossed many things off my list: MillenNium Park, Grant Park, The Art Institute, American Girl and Lego stores for goodies for the kids & Sprinkle's Cupcakes for treats for us. We watched the Alabama game from our room before enjoying a wonderful dinner at Japonais.
I was intrigued/moved by the homeless people who were panhandling along the most heavily traveled/touristy streets--especially the disabled and the women. I wondered about their stories--how much role the economy played in their predicaments versus addiction or mental illness. I think I have watched too many episodes of Intervention.
The person who had the biggest impact on me was a middle-aged Asian American man I encountered on Michigan Avenue. He was well dressed and did not appear to be homeless. It was Saturday afternoon. The streets were packed. He had positioned himself on one of the most prominent corners--directly across from Saks Fifth Avenue. With a broad smile across his face and a twinkle in his eyes he was shouting at the top of his lungs: I LOOOOOOOOOVE JESUS. I LOVE HIM AND HE LOOOOOOVES ME. He unashamedly announced his love over and over again. He was undignified and he didn't care what passersby thought.
He was not asking for or accepting donations. There was no judgment. He wasn't preaching to anyone. Instead, it appeared he couldn't contain his joy. He wanted the world to know his good news and so he was testifying--loudly and proudly. And, frankly, to the world he looked like he had lost his marbles.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. If we really believe what we claim, why aren't we all shouting from the top of our lungs?
I don't know.
As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard. Acts 4:20 NIV
Friday, September 23, 2011
Chi Town
It has been a robust 24 hours in Chicago! After arrival last night we ventured to a steak restaurant with a great view of the river. It was much later than I usually eat, so I didn't enjoy it as much as I would have liked. This morning I woke up ready to take on the city... and it did not disappoint!
I took an early morning walk down to Navy Pier before boarding a boat for a 90 minute architectural tour. Even though it started raining about 45 minutes in, it was a great experience. Thanks for all the encouragement to try it. I am not necessarily an architecture buff, so I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.
After the tour my hubby was able to join me for a delicious lunch at The Purple Pig, a delightfully eclectic place whose tagline is cheese, swine and wine. When he returned to the meeting, I went to work--shopping.
The most entertaining part of my day was trying the outfits selected by my young, hip personal shopper at Nordstrom. He was way out of my league, but I humored him for a bit. At one point I barely recognized myself in Laboutins and a fancy designer dress, but I enjoyed the opportunity to play dress up. When Geoffrey (the gentleman helping me) asked if the fabric would be breathable on the dance floor I had to tell him the truth...this small town Mama of three isn't exactly the target audience for the club scene!
After a few hours of that, my tired feet carried me back to the hotel to curl up in bed for a whole hour and a half of controlling the remote while I waited for my husband to finish up and join me for dinner at Joe's--which was completely delicious!
After dinner we ventured back to Navy Pier and enjoyed a view of skyline from the ferris wheel. We also stopped by Garrett's popcorn to try some of their heavily touted wares. While there we received a phone call from old friends I had bumped into earlier (in town for a different conference) and joined them for a glass of wine at Trump Towers. What a view and what a day!
I miss my children. I keep finding myself taking pictures of things I know they would want to see, but we are having a really great time (and from the sounds other excited little voices on the phone, so are they!)
Now for some rest...tomorrow it's the museums!
I took an early morning walk down to Navy Pier before boarding a boat for a 90 minute architectural tour. Even though it started raining about 45 minutes in, it was a great experience. Thanks for all the encouragement to try it. I am not necessarily an architecture buff, so I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.
After the tour my hubby was able to join me for a delicious lunch at The Purple Pig, a delightfully eclectic place whose tagline is cheese, swine and wine. When he returned to the meeting, I went to work--shopping.
The most entertaining part of my day was trying the outfits selected by my young, hip personal shopper at Nordstrom. He was way out of my league, but I humored him for a bit. At one point I barely recognized myself in Laboutins and a fancy designer dress, but I enjoyed the opportunity to play dress up. When Geoffrey (the gentleman helping me) asked if the fabric would be breathable on the dance floor I had to tell him the truth...this small town Mama of three isn't exactly the target audience for the club scene!
After a few hours of that, my tired feet carried me back to the hotel to curl up in bed for a whole hour and a half of controlling the remote while I waited for my husband to finish up and join me for dinner at Joe's--which was completely delicious!
After dinner we ventured back to Navy Pier and enjoyed a view of skyline from the ferris wheel. We also stopped by Garrett's popcorn to try some of their heavily touted wares. While there we received a phone call from old friends I had bumped into earlier (in town for a different conference) and joined them for a glass of wine at Trump Towers. What a view and what a day!
I miss my children. I keep finding myself taking pictures of things I know they would want to see, but we are having a really great time (and from the sounds other excited little voices on the phone, so are they!)
Now for some rest...tomorrow it's the museums!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Chicago
Tomorrow my hubby & I are headed for a few days away in the Windy City without our brood. We haven't been on a 'just us' trip in almost 2 years, so I am really looking forward to it. He will be in a conference, so I will have some time to read, rest, explore and shop. I am feeling relaxed already...
The children will be in very capable hands while we are away, but tonight is devoted to the scheduling, laundry, organizing and other assorted preparations that are necessary to 'hand off' my life for a few days. At some point I should also probably should pack... (There went the relaxation I was feeling in the previous paragraph!)
I have already made our dinner reservations, but if you have any Chicago 'MUST do's'-- especially ones I can safely navigate on my own during the day while he's busy--I'd love to know!
The children will be in very capable hands while we are away, but tonight is devoted to the scheduling, laundry, organizing and other assorted preparations that are necessary to 'hand off' my life for a few days. At some point I should also probably should pack... (There went the relaxation I was feeling in the previous paragraph!)
I have already made our dinner reservations, but if you have any Chicago 'MUST do's'-- especially ones I can safely navigate on my own during the day while he's busy--I'd love to know!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I had the best dinner with a few sweet friends tonight. It is so good for my soul to sit around a table and enjoy delicious food and authentic conversation. I am blessed with some amazing women in my life.
Cabell shared that someone recently told her they envied the friendships she shared with a handful of women in our little town.
"I want friendships like that," the person confessed.
Cabell replied, "But you don't want what it took to get us here...a year of praying together on our faces for a miracle."
And then there was the pain, the loss...and the rebuilding.
These friendships are true, sweet and deep--a rare treasure--but they definitely came at a cost. This didn't just 'happen.' Our friendships have been forged in the heat of the firey trials of life.
Isn't it true of the comparison games most of us play? We 'window shop' other people's lives and envy the ones that appear so much more put together or appealing than ours. The truth is, in most cases, we have no idea at what expense those lives have come to be.
In Chapter 8 of Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl Lysa Terkeurst discusses our tendency to compare our lives to those around us. She points out that each of us has a story that has been written for us--and the Lord has uniquely equipped us for OUR story--NOT someone else's.
I LOVED her strategy for interrupting these thoughts and replacing them with truth.
"Whenever I get an overly idyllic view of someone else's circumstances, I often remind myself out loud:
I am not equipped to handle what they have...
I am not equipped for her good.
I am not equipped for her bad.
I am not equipped to carry the weight of her victories.
I am not equipped to shoulder her burdens.
I am not equipped to be her in any way.
I am, however, perfectly equipped to be me.
Therefore, thank you, God, for only entrusting me with what I have and who I am."
AMEN.
Cabell shared that someone recently told her they envied the friendships she shared with a handful of women in our little town.
"I want friendships like that," the person confessed.
Cabell replied, "But you don't want what it took to get us here...a year of praying together on our faces for a miracle."
And then there was the pain, the loss...and the rebuilding.
These friendships are true, sweet and deep--a rare treasure--but they definitely came at a cost. This didn't just 'happen.' Our friendships have been forged in the heat of the firey trials of life.
Isn't it true of the comparison games most of us play? We 'window shop' other people's lives and envy the ones that appear so much more put together or appealing than ours. The truth is, in most cases, we have no idea at what expense those lives have come to be.
In Chapter 8 of Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl Lysa Terkeurst discusses our tendency to compare our lives to those around us. She points out that each of us has a story that has been written for us--and the Lord has uniquely equipped us for OUR story--NOT someone else's.
I LOVED her strategy for interrupting these thoughts and replacing them with truth.
"Whenever I get an overly idyllic view of someone else's circumstances, I often remind myself out loud:
I am not equipped to handle what they have...
I am not equipped for her good.
I am not equipped for her bad.
I am not equipped to carry the weight of her victories.
I am not equipped to shoulder her burdens.
I am not equipped to be her in any way.
I am, however, perfectly equipped to be me.
Therefore, thank you, God, for only entrusting me with what I have and who I am."
AMEN.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Talking Truthfully to Kids (even when it is hard)
My parenting style has always included lots of conversation with my children. With a few exceptions regarding mythical characters we use around holidays, I strive to be age-appropriately truthful with them in my explanations. (Even when it comes to the exception mentioned above I am trying to stay very loose and open ended as we 'play the game' replying to their increasingly savvy questions with things like, "Hmm. I don't know. What do you think?")
These conversations have ranged from explanation of 'mommy band-aids' in the cabinet, to cancer diagnoses, how babies are born, divorce of friends' parents, and child abuse. Whew! Each time one of those conversations start I let their questions guide me and pray hard as I speak. I am hopeful that I am building a foundation of trust with them--that they can come to me for answers and guidance even when it is a 'hard thing.'
After a particularly challenging conversation the other day, I was talking to my husband about some of my doubts about the wisdom of this strategy. There is the temptation to believe that blowing them off--or making something cute up--would be so much easier than introducing them to some of the less rosy aspects of life in this world. I want them to stay innocent and idyllic for ever--but even though I closely monitor what they are exposed to, learning to read and becoming more aware of their world makes this increasingly challenging.
As my husband & I were talking I had a bit of a revelation. Soon enough they will have all of these 'hard things' explained to them by someone. I would just as soon have had the first strike. I want to get to them first so that the perspective I am able to offer them--truth spoken in love--has had time to take root. Then, other perspectives on all these issues will have to be heard/viewed through the lens of the foundation that has already been laid. It is far easier to lay groundwork and build than it is to tear down and remodel.
So, continued prayers from this Mama--for wisdom, discernment, self control and courage--may I pray more than I talk and even then may the words I speak that are totally inappropriate and/or off base be redeemed!
These conversations have ranged from explanation of 'mommy band-aids' in the cabinet, to cancer diagnoses, how babies are born, divorce of friends' parents, and child abuse. Whew! Each time one of those conversations start I let their questions guide me and pray hard as I speak. I am hopeful that I am building a foundation of trust with them--that they can come to me for answers and guidance even when it is a 'hard thing.'
After a particularly challenging conversation the other day, I was talking to my husband about some of my doubts about the wisdom of this strategy. There is the temptation to believe that blowing them off--or making something cute up--would be so much easier than introducing them to some of the less rosy aspects of life in this world. I want them to stay innocent and idyllic for ever--but even though I closely monitor what they are exposed to, learning to read and becoming more aware of their world makes this increasingly challenging.
As my husband & I were talking I had a bit of a revelation. Soon enough they will have all of these 'hard things' explained to them by someone. I would just as soon have had the first strike. I want to get to them first so that the perspective I am able to offer them--truth spoken in love--has had time to take root. Then, other perspectives on all these issues will have to be heard/viewed through the lens of the foundation that has already been laid. It is far easier to lay groundwork and build than it is to tear down and remodel.
So, continued prayers from this Mama--for wisdom, discernment, self control and courage--may I pray more than I talk and even then may the words I speak that are totally inappropriate and/or off base be redeemed!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A Good Day
Maybe it was the bright, crisp early Fall weather--
allowing me to wear jeans comfortably all day.
Maybe it was the fun things we had on our agenda--
birthday party, soccer game, theater tickets.
Maybe it was the two hours of backyard play to cap off our day.
After a stressful, busy, challenging few weeks today was a very good day.
It was marked by sunshine, giggles and good attitudes.
We all enjoyed each other.
Even though my husband is on call and worked most of the day,
I was able to carve out some one-on-one time with each of my children.
I was reminded again of how much joy they bring to my life.
More than once today I thought: People are praying for this. (So if you were, thank you!)
Today wasn't perfect. My husband worked 12 hours. I spent 3 hours with a man at my house cleaning up raw sewage from a leak under my home. I didn't feel so great.
But none of those things can take away from the fact that I really enjoyed today.
I am so often tempted to think that a bad day--or a challenging week or two--means we are headed for a difficult season. Today I was reminded that there is joy even in trying seasons. When will I learn that real life is not clean and easy?
Real life is messy.
Real life is often hard.
We must stop working so hard to get to the next place because 'it will be better then.'
There are lessons to be learned, memories to be made and love to be shared
right smack in the middle of the imperfections of TODAY.
allowing me to wear jeans comfortably all day.
Maybe it was the fun things we had on our agenda--
birthday party, soccer game, theater tickets.
Maybe it was the two hours of backyard play to cap off our day.
After a stressful, busy, challenging few weeks today was a very good day.
It was marked by sunshine, giggles and good attitudes.
We all enjoyed each other.
Even though my husband is on call and worked most of the day,
I was able to carve out some one-on-one time with each of my children.
I was reminded again of how much joy they bring to my life.
More than once today I thought: People are praying for this. (So if you were, thank you!)
Today wasn't perfect. My husband worked 12 hours. I spent 3 hours with a man at my house cleaning up raw sewage from a leak under my home. I didn't feel so great.
But none of those things can take away from the fact that I really enjoyed today.
I am so often tempted to think that a bad day--or a challenging week or two--means we are headed for a difficult season. Today I was reminded that there is joy even in trying seasons. When will I learn that real life is not clean and easy?
Real life is messy.
Real life is often hard.
We must stop working so hard to get to the next place because 'it will be better then.'
There are lessons to be learned, memories to be made and love to be shared
right smack in the middle of the imperfections of TODAY.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Drawing Near
We have a funny little family tradition around here that makes alarm clocks unnecessary. My husband rises in the wee hours of the morning and once he vacates the bed, the 7 year olds in my home creep in to take his warm spot. Sometimes it is all three, other times only two, but there is always at least one. We cuddle there in the dark until 6:30ish then we go downstairs for breakfast. If any sleepy heads miss this morning cuddle time they will frequently express their disappointment in tears.
"I missed my cuddle time."
"I am sad because I didn't get morning snuggles."
or as P said this morning, "Mommy, I just need to start the day close to you."
I have commented here before about the fact that I am not a morning person. (As a result I confess I RARELY have a first thing in the morning quiet time--which is very guilt-inducing) It is hard for me to get up and going in a still and quiet house. Additionally, I treasure this special time with my kiddos (that I know they will soon outgrow). Yet, I was so convicted by P's comment this morning.
Wouldn't it be amazing if my heart cried for quiet time being close to my Father the way my children NEED that time with me to get off to a right start. It helps me think of intimacy with Him in a different light. I am not preaching at my children, teaching them any lesson, or even playing with them during those treasured moments. We are simply being together.
I think we so often feel like quiet time has to be on a checklist or has to 'produce' something. What if we are missing the boat? May our hearts' comprehend the sweet value of just drawing close...listening to His heartbeat and being held securely in His arms.
"I missed my cuddle time."
"I am sad because I didn't get morning snuggles."
or as P said this morning, "Mommy, I just need to start the day close to you."
I have commented here before about the fact that I am not a morning person. (As a result I confess I RARELY have a first thing in the morning quiet time--which is very guilt-inducing) It is hard for me to get up and going in a still and quiet house. Additionally, I treasure this special time with my kiddos (that I know they will soon outgrow). Yet, I was so convicted by P's comment this morning.
Wouldn't it be amazing if my heart cried for quiet time being close to my Father the way my children NEED that time with me to get off to a right start. It helps me think of intimacy with Him in a different light. I am not preaching at my children, teaching them any lesson, or even playing with them during those treasured moments. We are simply being together.
I think we so often feel like quiet time has to be on a checklist or has to 'produce' something. What if we are missing the boat? May our hearts' comprehend the sweet value of just drawing close...listening to His heartbeat and being held securely in His arms.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Notes from the Trenches
For the last couple of weeks I have been writing less because in 'real life' I am working through some parenting issues that I was just not ready to make 'blog fodder.' Lest I start any rumors, it is nothing earth-shattering, just the regular growing pains of being a Mama watching the world's response to her offspring as they begin to venture out and make their way in the world.
I have a few notes from the trenches I thought it might help to record here.
1- While I do not ascribe to a works-based view of salvation. I have realized that I have been clinging to that lie when it comes to parenting. As my children have encountered some behavioral challenges, I have caught my pride defensively crying: "This is not fair! I am doing a lot of right things. We pray. We love. We talk. I discipline consistently. My kids should be 'good.'"
Note to self: This is not really the way the world works. :)
2- We have to be careful as to how much of the world's parenting theories we adopt as our own. I have often said, "I don't want to break their spirits," but that assumes that their spirits are entirely pure and holy.
Don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. Ephesians 6:4 The Message
Will someone please send me the specific handbook for each of my people?
3- The comments I heard as a young mother regarding how parenthood never got easier, just a different kind of hard, are beginning to make sense to me.
My exhaustion is not sleep deprivation anymore. Instead it is mental and emotional exhaustion from wondering if this is just a phase or a character defect that will present a major stumbling block in their future and trying to 'figure out' what to do.
And they are only in 1st grade. (sigh)
It was a great reminder in the midst of my worrying and praying to read this quote today from proverbs31.org:
"God's got it all figured out. Always has. Always will. And He invites us to ask Him for wisdom."
I am again reminded that God is writing their story--and sanctifying me GREATLY in the process. Godly counsel has a place, but when it is a substitute for praying to God himself I am out of whack. I must exhale and put the throne before the phone. I need to talk to Him more than I am talking to everyone else.
So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. James 1:4-8 The Message
And then I need to do what God leads me to do and WAIT for Him to work out the rest.
I have a few notes from the trenches I thought it might help to record here.
1- While I do not ascribe to a works-based view of salvation. I have realized that I have been clinging to that lie when it comes to parenting. As my children have encountered some behavioral challenges, I have caught my pride defensively crying: "This is not fair! I am doing a lot of right things. We pray. We love. We talk. I discipline consistently. My kids should be 'good.'"
Note to self: This is not really the way the world works. :)
2- We have to be careful as to how much of the world's parenting theories we adopt as our own. I have often said, "I don't want to break their spirits," but that assumes that their spirits are entirely pure and holy.
Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits. Colossians 3:21 The Message
Don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. Ephesians 6:4 The Message
Will someone please send me the specific handbook for each of my people?
3- The comments I heard as a young mother regarding how parenthood never got easier, just a different kind of hard, are beginning to make sense to me.
My exhaustion is not sleep deprivation anymore. Instead it is mental and emotional exhaustion from wondering if this is just a phase or a character defect that will present a major stumbling block in their future and trying to 'figure out' what to do.
And they are only in 1st grade. (sigh)
It was a great reminder in the midst of my worrying and praying to read this quote today from proverbs31.org:
"God's got it all figured out. Always has. Always will. And He invites us to ask Him for wisdom."
I am again reminded that God is writing their story--and sanctifying me GREATLY in the process. Godly counsel has a place, but when it is a substitute for praying to God himself I am out of whack. I must exhale and put the throne before the phone. I need to talk to Him more than I am talking to everyone else.
So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. James 1:4-8 The Message
And then I need to do what God leads me to do and WAIT for Him to work out the rest.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Football Photos
Friday night my husband & I went out to dinner with friends so our beloved babysitter, Annie, had bedtime duties.
R had been chattering incessantly about football. He even borrowed my camera to photograph his uniform so he could show his class. He took 13 pictures...one of his new red socks, one of the left side of his helmet, one of the right side, the front of his pants, the back, both sides of his jersey, each cleat, his undershirt...you get the idea.
In light of all this talking, Annie was surprised when he didn't mention football in his bedtime prayers. She encouraged him to pray for safety for his game. His reply?
"I don't need to PWAY for safety. I have padded unda-wear."
I laughed. It wasn't until this afternoon that I thought about some of the similarly ridiculous things I have chosen to put my faith and trust in. I may not be shunning prayer because of my undergarments, but if I am honest I certainly do frequently find myself placing my faith in the illusion of protection that other things offer.It was a bright sunny day to kick off our season. I think my husband had as much fun coaching as the boys did playing.
And a final pic of my Junior PeeWee total package: Grandparents cheering on the sidelines, heart, hustle and padded undies. :)
Wrong Worship
Remembering my love for satire that makes a strong point, my friend Lindsay passed this along to me.
Anybody else convicted?
Anybody else convicted?
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Remembering
Dear K, P & R,
As our nation pauses to reflect on the events that took place on September 11, 2001 I have been mulling what your Daddy & I should impress upon you about this event in history.
Ten years later, the only effects you see are the security check points at the airport. I have broached the subject of 9/11 with you as you have inquired about why we have to be examined so thoroughly in order to fly. It is such a miniscule representation of the incredibly emotional experience 9/11 signifies for those of us who lived through that day.
I hope that one day our stories of where we were when the world as we know it changed forever--Daddy in Atlanta, working trauma at Grady Hospital while I was at work in Columbus, GA--will mean something to you. If nothing else, I hope they will communicate that every American felt rocked that day...and for days and weeks after. September 11th forever impressed upon us all why such acts are called terrorism.
Our illusion of security was shattered. Our feelings of superiority and invincibility were replaced by vulnerability, anger, sadness and loss.
Our nation mourned and we rallied. We lined up to give blood. We held vigil around our television sets for days, awaiting word that missing people had been recovered. 
Patriotism was at an all-time high, regardless of political party. Newscasters ended their nightly broadcasts with words like "God Bless America" and "Pray for our country."
For a season we were really the United States of America-- in grief, in disbelief and in resolve. It is one of the great ironies of life that devastating tragedy was the catalyst for such unity.
It is also a reminder of the hatred and sin that exists in this world--as well as the courage and love we are also capable of as human beings. It is further evidence of humanity's great need of a Rescuer and increases my longing for Heaven.
I sincerely pray your lifetime never includes such an experience, but know that is not a promise I am able to make.
But one thing I know, there are things in this broken world that are stronger than hate: patriotism, hope, community, faith and love.
We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
As our nation pauses to reflect on the events that took place on September 11, 2001 I have been mulling what your Daddy & I should impress upon you about this event in history.
Ten years later, the only effects you see are the security check points at the airport. I have broached the subject of 9/11 with you as you have inquired about why we have to be examined so thoroughly in order to fly. It is such a miniscule representation of the incredibly emotional experience 9/11 signifies for those of us who lived through that day.
I hope that one day our stories of where we were when the world as we know it changed forever--Daddy in Atlanta, working trauma at Grady Hospital while I was at work in Columbus, GA--will mean something to you. If nothing else, I hope they will communicate that every American felt rocked that day...and for days and weeks after. September 11th forever impressed upon us all why such acts are called terrorism.
Our illusion of security was shattered. Our feelings of superiority and invincibility were replaced by vulnerability, anger, sadness and loss.
Our nation mourned and we rallied. We lined up to give blood. We held vigil around our television sets for days, awaiting word that missing people had been recovered. 
Patriotism was at an all-time high, regardless of political party. Newscasters ended their nightly broadcasts with words like "God Bless America" and "Pray for our country."For a season we were really the United States of America-- in grief, in disbelief and in resolve. It is one of the great ironies of life that devastating tragedy was the catalyst for such unity.
It is also a reminder of the hatred and sin that exists in this world--as well as the courage and love we are also capable of as human beings. It is further evidence of humanity's great need of a Rescuer and increases my longing for Heaven.
I sincerely pray your lifetime never includes such an experience, but know that is not a promise I am able to make.
But one thing I know, there are things in this broken world that are stronger than hate: patriotism, hope, community, faith and love.
We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
I Corinthians 13: 12-13 The Message
Friday, September 09, 2011
My Little Realist
In anticipation of their first scrimmage games tomorrow, R's Junior PeeWee football team received their uniforms last night at practice. He & his Daddy came home and promptly decorated his previously plain white helmet with pride. (It was clearly a ceremonial guy thing I didn't quite get.)
R has had mixed reviews about the three 2 hour practices a week in the preseason. He and one other boy are considerably smaller than the other guys on the team (like 20 -30 pounds and a helmet's height smaller). R does not enjoy getting tackled, but last week when he (helped) tackle two different 3rd graders it seemed to redeem the whole experience for him.
My nerves about his football experience were put at ease when he climbed in my bed at 6 this morning and whispered excitedly, "Mom! Today is Fwiday. Tomowwow is my fiwst football game. I am inviting my whole class to come watch me play."
I managed a sleepy half-smile, then he added, "I know we get dog bone stickers on our helmet if we tackle someone. What kind of stickers do we get when we get tackled?"
Bless his little late bloomin' heart. :)
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Fearless
Earlier this week I was listening to a sermon by Andy Stanley that keeps coming back up in my heart and mind. Specifically, as he discussed how to 'recover' from the consequences of our sinful choices, his primary point was that "Recovery begins with a fearless moral inventory."
Andy basically explains that until we get completely honest, dig deep and allow God to reveal the real reason/root of our issues they will continue to pop up in our lives. It is frightening to take that on--but it is essential if we are to really be healed.
I couldn't help but think of the imagery of surgery to remove cancer. If a patient came into my husband's office and requested that he simply remove the part of the tumor that was causing discomfort--or just the part that people could see--he wouldn't do it. It would be pointless. The sheer nature of cancer is that it must be completely explored and removed. In surgery they even take margins--meaning they remove MORE than what is necessary--just to insure they didn't leave a trace behind.
We get this when it pertains to medical treatment--it seems obvious. Yet, I am increasingly convinced that we need to remember sin in the same way. It is not enough to address our surface issues and get those back to a 'presentable state.' If this is our approach, those issues absolutely WILL reoccur in our lives. God did not send Jesus to die so we would be comfortable or presentable. No, God sent his Son so we would be healed and free.
I am deeply saddened as I watch life after life self destruct because image and comfort is being prioritized over healing and freedom. We must be willing to risk our image for authentic spiritual health.
Removing what is eating you up may bring temporary pain.
It may very well leave scars.
But it is a small price to pay to be saved.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
The Gap
This weekend through a whole silly set of circumstances that don't require rehashing, I was reminded again that there are still some places in my heart where a gap exists--between who I wish I were and who I really am.
I am so thankful that I have a faith at work in my life that acknowledges my sin, my struggles, my insecurities, my pride, my greed and the rest of my junk. It is not who I want to be--I am striving for less junk and more fruit. But, I am human--and I like to live life honestly. The trouble in being authentic in my relationships happens when that gap becomes exposed.
I am embarrassed about the less than flattering truths about who I am sometimes.
This week I have been reminded that true friendship, true love is feeling safe enough to admit it--not justifying it or asking for validation that those less than holy places are "just fine"--but being in relationship with folks who love me in process.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Philippians 3:12 NIV
I am so thankful that I have a faith at work in my life that acknowledges my sin, my struggles, my insecurities, my pride, my greed and the rest of my junk. It is not who I want to be--I am striving for less junk and more fruit. But, I am human--and I like to live life honestly. The trouble in being authentic in my relationships happens when that gap becomes exposed.
I am embarrassed about the less than flattering truths about who I am sometimes.
This week I have been reminded that true friendship, true love is feeling safe enough to admit it--not justifying it or asking for validation that those less than holy places are "just fine"--but being in relationship with folks who love me in process.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Philippians 3:12 NIV
Monday, September 05, 2011
Labor Day
Who says rainy days aren't any fun?
As we enjoyed a much needed dousing, courtesy of Tropical Storm Lee, we found this guy...
We snuggled on the sofa and watched Soul Surfer as a family.
And we watched Daddy extract P's first tooth...
Our day was capped off with BBQ indoors and a little dress up with friends.
Slowing down, scrapping the schedule and hunkering together as a family = good times and great memories. Everyone is tucked in snugly as the rain continues to fall...dozing off with dreams of the Tooth Fairy's highly anticipated visit.
I tried to spend just a little time today reflecting on Labor Day, as an 'unemployed' stay-at-home Mama. While washing dishes this morning I mused (to myself) about the fact that homemakers don't get a stay-at-home vacation. Thankfully, that thought process didn't turn into a bitter pity party.
God is so faithful to renew my perspective. Tonight, as I reflected on our day I realized that I spent it being reminded of why I labor.
Truth be told, I labor for days like this--days when all the birds are in the nest, snug, secure and loved. Smiling faces, full tummies, joyful hearts, pure childhood memories, growing faiths, precious friendships--a fitting reminder on this Labor Day of the sweetest rewards of my work.
As we enjoyed a much needed dousing, courtesy of Tropical Storm Lee, we found this guy...
We snuggled on the sofa and watched Soul Surfer as a family.And we watched Daddy extract P's first tooth...
Our day was capped off with BBQ indoors and a little dress up with friends.
Slowing down, scrapping the schedule and hunkering together as a family = good times and great memories. Everyone is tucked in snugly as the rain continues to fall...dozing off with dreams of the Tooth Fairy's highly anticipated visit.I tried to spend just a little time today reflecting on Labor Day, as an 'unemployed' stay-at-home Mama. While washing dishes this morning I mused (to myself) about the fact that homemakers don't get a stay-at-home vacation. Thankfully, that thought process didn't turn into a bitter pity party.
God is so faithful to renew my perspective. Tonight, as I reflected on our day I realized that I spent it being reminded of why I labor.
Truth be told, I labor for days like this--days when all the birds are in the nest, snug, secure and loved. Smiling faces, full tummies, joyful hearts, pure childhood memories, growing faiths, precious friendships--a fitting reminder on this Labor Day of the sweetest rewards of my work.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Slices of Seven
It is true that there are stages and phases as we grow. One of the reasons I enjoy photography is the challenge of trying to capture a representation of those phases--it's an attempt to freeze time and preserve it for posterity.
I admit that the iphone has become my default camera (due almost entirely to its portability and availability.) Today I brought my 'big camera' to the pool to catch a few higher quality shots. When I downloaded tonight I was thrilled with the results--a few photos that really seemed to capture the essence of my trio at this point in time.
K is maturing into such a lovely, feisty & fun little lady. I want to freeze her innocence and her zest for life.
She can hold her own with the boys (which can get her into trouble)--but there is a responsible and nurturing element to her that is undeniable. Some days I think she really could hold down the fort around here if I fell ill.
She is creative and fiercely independent--yet really enjoys spending time with me. I know it may not always be so, so I am trying to drink it all in while I can.
P continues to entertain us with his antics while flooring us with his insightfulness. He is completely an individual, absolutely content to march to the beat of his own drummer.
He is imaginative, yet surprisingly literal when it comes to the way the world works. He is outwardly silly, yet inwardly quite sensitive. That sensitive side is simultaneously his greatest strength and his greatest weakness.
I could write a book chapter about this face. R is communicative and deeply committed to whatever hill he opts to die on. I think he is the most like me...which keeps me on my toes.
It is so interesting to watch him try to find his place in the world. He is more socially motivated than my other two seem to be at this point and fairly approval seeking.
R has a seemingly bottomless love tank that needs filling up by quality time with his Daddy & cuddles from his Mama--but it is on his terms.
R is tough, opinionated, competitive and passionate--a natural born leader who gives the world all he's got. I cannot wait to see how God harnesses all the fire that is in this belly for something amazing.
Until then, praying hard and keeping a ball in his hands seem to be the most effective of my parenting strategies.
I still have a hard time reconciling that all three of these kiddos shared a womb. They are so uniquely wired!
It is further proof of our incredibly creative Father and His distinctly different plans for the lives of His children.
I admit that the iphone has become my default camera (due almost entirely to its portability and availability.) Today I brought my 'big camera' to the pool to catch a few higher quality shots. When I downloaded tonight I was thrilled with the results--a few photos that really seemed to capture the essence of my trio at this point in time.
She can hold her own with the boys (which can get her into trouble)--but there is a responsible and nurturing element to her that is undeniable. Some days I think she really could hold down the fort around here if I fell ill.
She is creative and fiercely independent--yet really enjoys spending time with me. I know it may not always be so, so I am trying to drink it all in while I can.
He is imaginative, yet surprisingly literal when it comes to the way the world works. He is outwardly silly, yet inwardly quite sensitive. That sensitive side is simultaneously his greatest strength and his greatest weakness.
I could write a book chapter about this face. R is communicative and deeply committed to whatever hill he opts to die on. I think he is the most like me...which keeps me on my toes.
It is so interesting to watch him try to find his place in the world. He is more socially motivated than my other two seem to be at this point and fairly approval seeking.
R has a seemingly bottomless love tank that needs filling up by quality time with his Daddy & cuddles from his Mama--but it is on his terms.
R is tough, opinionated, competitive and passionate--a natural born leader who gives the world all he's got. I cannot wait to see how God harnesses all the fire that is in this belly for something amazing.
Until then, praying hard and keeping a ball in his hands seem to be the most effective of my parenting strategies.
I still have a hard time reconciling that all three of these kiddos shared a womb. They are so uniquely wired!
It is further proof of our incredibly creative Father and His distinctly different plans for the lives of His children.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Rescue Me
I am not a complainer by nature. I know that whining doesn't change anything, so I try to look for the best and keep my attitude in check. All that being said, I confess, these last couple of weeks have been difficult.
My children have been adjusting to first grade behavior expectations. My R has been sick and received a definitive asthma diagnosis. Football practice has demanded 6 hours a week from my husband and one of my sons--relegating family dinner to a weekends only activity. (As a quality time gal, this is killing me!)
We have limited our children to only one extracurricular activity each-but when you add weekly Speech, Occupational and Physical Therapy--plus a school meeting for parents and a Wednesday night church obligation--we have fallen into a schedule that I am not a fan of! My husband's work schedule has been especially crazy--leaving me to feel like a single Mama as I dash around in the afternoons trying to be 2 (or 3) places at once. All the free time we enjoyed in the Summer feels like it is a part of the distant past.
This weekend has felt like a great big therapeutic sigh. I have been so anxious to be home with no plans, no alarm clocks and no agenda but to reconnect and rest. Today was a great beginning. We slept late (for us that's 7:30) and stayed in our pajamas until 10. As we ventured outdoors for a walk to the pool a classic scene played out: a kitty in a tree.
And I reveled in the normalcy of it all.
For some, there will be great rest this weekend in beach trips, days at the lake, big cookouts or some other plan...but for us a little unrushed togetherness and relatively boring daily life is exactly what the doctor ordered. Sometimes 'no plans' are the very best plans of all.
My children have been adjusting to first grade behavior expectations. My R has been sick and received a definitive asthma diagnosis. Football practice has demanded 6 hours a week from my husband and one of my sons--relegating family dinner to a weekends only activity. (As a quality time gal, this is killing me!)
We have limited our children to only one extracurricular activity each-but when you add weekly Speech, Occupational and Physical Therapy--plus a school meeting for parents and a Wednesday night church obligation--we have fallen into a schedule that I am not a fan of! My husband's work schedule has been especially crazy--leaving me to feel like a single Mama as I dash around in the afternoons trying to be 2 (or 3) places at once. All the free time we enjoyed in the Summer feels like it is a part of the distant past.
This weekend has felt like a great big therapeutic sigh. I have been so anxious to be home with no plans, no alarm clocks and no agenda but to reconnect and rest. Today was a great beginning. We slept late (for us that's 7:30) and stayed in our pajamas until 10. As we ventured outdoors for a walk to the pool a classic scene played out: a kitty in a tree.
 |
| "Yes, my brother chased me up here." -Cotton |
 |
| "Ova he-ya, K." -R |
 |
| "I think I can reach her." |
 | |
| "I'll help you, R"-K "Um, K, he is taller than you." -P |
 |
| Daddy to the rescue. |
 |
| Please note that Boo, the brother kitty, is relaxing in the background watching the whole ordeal. |
For some, there will be great rest this weekend in beach trips, days at the lake, big cookouts or some other plan...but for us a little unrushed togetherness and relatively boring daily life is exactly what the doctor ordered. Sometimes 'no plans' are the very best plans of all.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
P's Bedtime Prayer
"Dear God,
Thank you for giving me my Mom instead of some other mom.
Thank you for giving me my Dad instead of some other dad.
Thank you for my family and all the people that I love.
And please, please help the poor people get some money for the things they need.
Amen."
My P is a sensitive soul with a sweet, sweet heart.
Thank you for giving me my Mom instead of some other mom.
Thank you for giving me my Dad instead of some other dad.
Thank you for my family and all the people that I love.
And please, please help the poor people get some money for the things they need.
Amen."
My P is a sensitive soul with a sweet, sweet heart.
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