In the Tension of Intentionality

"The thing is, for parents like us who have been so intentional, we can't forget that we also have to  intentionally let go."

My friend's words stopped me in my tracks. 

This is exactly where I am. Even though I had three humans on the same day within minutes of one another, there have always been differences--physically, emotionally, socially. They are individuals. Of course, each will be on their own timeline for development! And a lesson my pride keeps having to be reminded of is that this is merely one leg of a lifetime journey. There is not a prize for speed. 

Lately, I have fallen prey to a pressured timeline. Our chosen social and academic environment compounded by my task-oriented nature has me feeling the real pressure of a ticking clock. Over and over my head and heart remind me: 14 months until graduation. 

The peace I have felt regarding God's faithfulness to complete this work and my ability to shepherd/steward/manage is crumbling under the weight of my anxiety. Like the story of the emperor's new clothes, the closer we get the more naked I feel. It is NOT a good feeling. I desire to do well, but how do you measure 'well' when you are referring to in-process human beings and your own scrambled heart?

So, my friend's words keep coming back--letting go is also an act of intentionality. It is the job.

The rate, the speed, the degree--all of these decisions (because they are individually based, NOT according to a manmade calendar) keep me humbly on my knees and/or awake at night ;-). 

This is the job: To stay in the tension, prayerfully. To be consistent, but not formulaic. Loving, listening, and learning. Letting the Lord set the pace of my letting go.