We have been at the beach for a few days now, enjoying a little family time during Spring Break. After a couple of days that were a bit too chilly to enjoy the outdoors, today was perfectly gorgeous. (Finally!) Late this afternoon, K & I were able to spend a little time strolling along the beach collecting shells.
I have written before about K's love for collecting things. It is a stark contrast to my personality. I am a purger, a minimalist. I do not attach a lot of value to things. I do not like extra 'stuff,' but K is wired differently. For her, it is all about the quantity of things. She also seems to possess a knack/gift for finding random beauty and 'specialness' in the most common and disposable of items. As a result of this trait, she was totally indiscriminate in the things she collected and placed in her pails. (Yes, two pails worth!)
I tried to talk her out of some of her choices, but she would hear nothing of it. As we were 1/3 of the way through her second pail we came across a plethora of gorgeous, intact spiral shells.
"Oh, K, these are the ones we have been looking for!" I exclaimed.
She listened, but was still reluctant to release her broken treasures.
I have to confess, I then started sorting through her pails and throwing out some of the broken ones without her knowledge. I felt a bit guilty as I tossed the worst of the shells out behind us and into the ocean as she ran ahead. I prayed God would give me a lesson from this--and boy, did He.
K stopped abruptly, turned back and said, "Mommy? Are you throwing some of my shells away?" (I am apparently not as slick as I thought I was.)
Game time.
I knelt down and said, "Yes, Sweetie, I am. But, look at these beautiful shells. They were getting lost in all of the other broken mess."
She nodded.
"You know that my job as a Mommy is to help you sort through all the stuff in life and just hold onto the good, special things. You don't want what's best to get lost in all the other stuff. Will you let me help you do that?"
"Yes, Mommy," she grinned.
Together we went through those shells and tossed the majority, keeping only the ones that she truly found worthwhile.
I know it is a little deep for a 5 year old, but she hung with me. And now I hope she & I both can remember our agreement when estrogen, friends and peer pressure enter the picture.
I realize there is a place in life for the broken things, too. I know that God makes it His business to be a collector of the broken...but for the purposes of our lesson today, I just stuck to the chance to emphasize our need for sorting through the garbage of this world to find the glorious. (I am not comparing people to those shells.)
As we reunited with the rest of the family, she held the choicest of her treasure in her hands. She ran towards them, arms outstretched with an offering of excellence. Again, I was struck by the beauty of the picture. I pray one day she will go out into the world the same way, with an offering of purity, excellence, truth and godliness.
Thank you, God, for the absolute gift of these types of moments. Like the intact shells we discovered today they are rare treasures to be valued.
11 comments:
This made me think that she will grow into a woman who always has a heart to reach out to those who are lost, broken. I think she will see perfection and beauty in those that the world deems "less than."
This is not to say I don't understand your lesson for her - just where my mind went as I read your post.
HW- I hesitated to write this post with this lesson because I do think you are right about her future. I cannot wait to see what God does.
It can be so confusing to know how to emphasize some lessons with our children at some times and others at other times, isn't it?
Sometimes the thing that looks the most broken on the outside - isn't really all that broken at all. Maybe she has a keen eye and really does see a different kind of beauty. Not many people have that gift naturally - most must be taught. Definately a lesson in those shells.
I am still learning from those shells tonight as I read your comments...:-)
This is so funny that you wrote this. I am blessed to have women in my life who have a ton of wisdom to share in parenting. Yes, my oldest is 18, and I have other kiddos, but I have not been walking with the Lord that long.
Anyway, she told me that she had a talk with her daughters when they were 10 and 12 and asked them if they trusted her. They said yes. She asked them to promise her that as they got older and started making friendships, dating, etc... that if she and her husband both came to them and told them they felt the relationship was wrong, that they would trust them and end the relationship. Both girls made that promise. Years down the road one of the girls was in a relationship with a young man that turned out to be less than honorable in a huge way. My friend and her husband went and knelt before their daughter and asked her if she remembered that promise. She said yes. They told her what was on their heart and what they had prayed about and that they both felt she should trust them and end this relationship.
She was very tearful and didn't want to submit to that, but she did. She is now married to an amazing young man and knows they were right. I am sorry this is so lengthy, but I am a firm believer these conversations as they grow will be frutiful in the future.
I loved this post! You have such a beautiful way of looking at what God has to teach you everyday. You are an amazing mother, K is lucky to have you as a role model and to watch you grow in our Lord. Enjoy the beach, there are many lesson to be learned by watching and listening to the ocean. Praying for Sweeney everyday.
I feel compelled to be honest here: I found this post so painful to read. It's hard for me to imagine micro-managing my 5 year old in such a way--on the beach, in such a joyful uncomplicated activity--your post just made me feel so sad. Not so much for K, but for you. These are complicated issues of control and perfection and pride, and well, I wanted a different outcome. As I was reading, I kept saying to myself: "please let her be. back off. let her make this tiny choice of what SHE finds pleasurable and worthwhile."
I'm sure this is hard for you to read. I do love your descriptive writing, and you do a great job of really bringing your experiences so vividly to your readers. But in this case, I would have loved the lesson at the end to have been more about acceptance and fulfillment in things and relationships that aren't "perfect."
Hey! I haven't seen it, but Wendy was telling me about a Nooma about Rob Bell collecting sea shells with his son. He made the comparison of serving. His son had so much of the broken shells that he didn't have room in his hands when the perfect shell for him came along. Kind of like when we say yes to everything--we miss our chance to serve in our giftedness. I didn't do it justice---but you get the point....
I have a daughter who is a "collector" too. You can't keep everything!!!
WOW! What a great post!
I have to agree with Pam. I'm a longtime reader and love your style and wisdom, but I think maybe the lesson there was for you to learn, kwim? I am trying not to be harsh because I love your heart and think you have one of the most gracious ways of parenting I've ever seen (well, read about). ;-) Still, maybe K's love for things imperfect should not have been tossed aside in order for her to find outwardly perfect objects.
K is so blessed to have you as her mom who models so well the love Christ. She may be wired different and yes I think there will be some times when she will not understand your reasoning or desires for her, but you are using every chance you get for lessons. Great post and thanks for sharing! Blessings!
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