Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Shells: Take Two

I will never look at shells the same way again.

I read with great interest the comments in last night's post and spent quite a bit of time mulling, praying and discussing yesterday's lesson(s) with my husband.

I sincerely hope this post does not come across as defensive. It is really not my intent. I really appreciate hearing dissenting opinions when they are presented constructively. I think we can learn a lot from each other through challenging conversations. (And I found myself taking my friend Holly's advice from Monday's post--asking, "God, show me. Is this true?")

Without further adieu, lessons I learned from yesterday's post:
1- It is dangerous to try to to boil 24 hours of your life into a 3-5 minute post each day. It is one encounter among a dozen hours of other ones. When I blog, it is typically about THE lesson from a whole lot of other mundane moments.

2- In teaching lessons--especially to 5 year olds--it is best to keep it simple. Jesus himself spoke in parables. Parables are short illustrations, generally with only one point. There were multiple ways that encounter could have gone. I prayed, felt led and went with it. Most days that is the best any of us can do.

3-I do not get it right all the time. I hope it is obvious from my writing that I am willing to admit when I miss the point. In this case, I do think the lesson was the one K needed to hear. Had it been one of my other children--particularly the one who struggles with control and perfectionistic tendencies--the lesson about finding the beauty in imperfection would have been right on target.

K, however, struggles with greed, hoarding from her brothers and decision making. Her natural bent is to find beauty in unusual places. I wanted to challenge her in other ways.

Her final bucket is a glorious mix of perfect and apparently imperfect--shells that remind her of angel wings, butterflies, tigers and lockets.

4. I looked at today's shell collecting in a totally different way thanks to the dissenting opinions. I searched for beauty in the less than obvious places. Thanks for the encouragement to do so.

15 comments:

HW said...

After reading all the comments from yesterday's post, I went back and read it again.
As I said in my comment, I saw the point you were trying to make. I just happened to comment on my first thought.
If I read correctly, you were trying to teach K to discern the pure from the impure (broken vs. whole) - not when it comes to people and their need of her; but influences and values.
Is that right?
Going along with that, a broken shell is more likely to cut and leave a wound, just like a bad influence and a person who might not have her best interest at heart.

You know your heart and what you were hoping to communicate for this legacy you keep for your children. And kudos to you for keeping ALL the comments on and accepting all the different reactions and opinions.

Janice said...

I have read your blog for quite some time, and really enjoy all that you write about for so many reasons.

I love your post(s) and think that you handled the teachable moment wisely and with great care for K. As a self declared purger and minimalist... your letting her keep even a small bucket of shells deserves KUDOS!!!

I have 5 children and struggle with letting them have their independence ... without lego men and K'nex becoming the household decor! Now that they are older, the potato launchers are vying for display time!

Truly you have a great parenting style, and that you let the Lord lead each day is quite evident. God Bless!!

Susan said...

Thank you for challenging us by modeling the use of daily happenings for meaningful, spiritual growth...and even sharing your own process of listening to God. So appreciated the link to "Who told you that?". Must have read it 1/2 a dozen times already...could not have been more timely.

J & A said...

Love this response!

elizabeth said...

As I read yesterday's post, I too was waiting on the "broken/whole".."imperfection"..what have you, lesson. However, I loved what you did and the lesson you felt that was needed with YOUR daughter at that particular time and circumstance. I wasn't disappointed in the outcome/lesson you got from it at all! I loved it. It is like that day that K was climbing the rock wall at the CCC and she was scared to come down. I made a comment then about how I knew this would turn into a blogpost about how hard it is to let go and let God. You laughed and said that you were thinking a completely different lesson in it, but you saw my point of view/lesson as well.
I think God has many lessons for us to learn in life and sometimes it can come from the very same, or similar experience...it's just what He puts on your heart at that time.
I always enjoy reading and hearing your perspective, angles on things, and lessons you're learning. It might not be the same lesson I get, but I enjoy seeing all life's lessons that God has to share with each one of us.

twiceasnice said...

Don't think too hard....YOU are on vacation....
You know your children better than everyone else and I am thankful for you and your blog. You make me a better mom, Christian and person. Never stop writing and you have a gift.
Thanks!

k and c's mom said...

I loved yesterday's post, and was challenged by the comments. As a parent of now-adult children, I think one of life's challenges is to teach them how to "extract the precious from the worthless" (Jeremiah 15:19) in a world that is all too ready to offer less than the best.
Enjoy your vacation and be at peace.

Miss Bennet said...

Yesterday's post actually is what I love most about your parenting, and what I hope to be able to find in my own someday: a realization that what is 100% right for one kid is 100% wrong for another. For a hoarder, it is necessary to be told that some *things* are just too broken. It is a teaching moment that shouldn't be backed down from, just because it's not a perfectly romanticized parenting moment. It's still necessary.

After all, shells aren't people, and if you start comparing things and people for too long the metaphor breaks down.

(Besides. I don't think the children of a parent who regularly visits prisons and your Monday group can possibly miss the message that there is no such thing as someone that's too far gone. Maybe that's just me.)

Debra said...

I didn't read any of the comments from yesterday, nor did I post one of my own, but I want to say now that I think you handled the shell situation perfectly!!!

Keri said...

I had to go back and read yesterday's comments to see what you were responding to, because I thought your shell lesson was spot-on and couldn't imagine how it could have been taken in a negative way. And I was just about to start this next sentence with "I think..." when it occured to me that maybe you don't need any more opinions on this issue.

As a frequent reader (though infrequent commenter), I know that your wisdom and discernment as a parent far exceeds my own. You know your children intimately, know what their struggles and strengths are, and - most importantly - you're always reaching for the Lord's guiding hand in the rearing of your children. I hope that you'll continue listening most closely to God and filtering everyone else's comments through His lens.

Wait. A lens would be a visual thing not an auditory thing, which wouldn't serve you well for listening...anyway, you know what I mean! :-)

Stephanie said...

Maybe you should avoid a post about "Collecting Eggs"...with Easter upon us!! LOL...just kidding!

Your Kids and Your Lessons!

The beauty I see in all of this "shell talk" is the communication, discussion, compromise, and time you spent together with your daughter! If the two of you were throwing out rotten apples (imperfect) out a bunch collected or torn up coloring book pages (imperfect), the responses would have been entirely different! I see it as the same concept!

Please keep posting your life lessons in these "snippets"...I enjoy reading them!

Unknown said...

Jen - I've re-read these last 2 posts, and the comments that have followed and I decided that I must de-lurk on this one! I appreciate so much the graciousness, humility and gentleness you showed in your response to the comments. I love that while you're a teachable woman (not opposed to being corrected if needed)...that at the same time, you're not one who is easily swayed. You are a thinker! And you hold fast to your virtues.
Thanks so much for your willingness to make public some of your parenting journey. I learn!

Chris in Canada

Kelly said...

I absolutely love your blog. I'm 22 and nowhere near becoming a wife or mother, but I love the example you show. I sincerely hope that I will one day be a mom and wife that exemplifies God the way you do.

Yesterday, I too was among those that were "disappointed" in the lesson for K. I didn't say anything because I did not think you needed to hear from me on what I thought about your situation. Today's post made me smile big. I love how you explained your situation with such grace and poise. Had it been myself, I would have immediately become defensive and written a not-so-nice post in response.

Thanks for showing us, once again, that God has his hand in your life and the lives of your family in a big way! I loved it.

Mom of Eleven said...

YOU are the mother of YOUR children. You know them best. Thank you for explaining it was the lesson K needed for that day. I have one that will always pick up the broken shells. . they're just shells, they can't always keep every single one. That's also the lesson. We can't keep every single thing just because we want to. . that's life. You do a fabulous job with your kids, I appreciate your ability to accept naysayers. . I'm not so good at that!
w

Felicia said...

I had commented as well..but my comment doesn't show now..but again..I think you handled it all very well...sorry if my comment offended anyone?? not sure why it's now not visible?