Something I love about 6 1/2...
Even their versions of 'bad words' are innocent. In our home:
the 'h word' is hate,
the 'b word' is another name for fanny,
the 's word' is stupid, or shut up
the 'd word' is dumb and
the 'f word' is another way to describe passing gas.
We don't lived in a bubble, so they hear those words from people whose standards aren't quite as conservative as ours. I am also appalled at the words I continue to see perpetuated on magazine covers and in relatively 'innocent places' like G movies, comments on news articles or youtube videos.
I have been trying to explain to my children that it just sounds ugly for certain words to come from their mouths--and that we should strive to say words that encourage, not ones that offend. Because they are six they ask WHY this or that word is bad and I am stumped...I don't know that they can quite grasp the concept of connotation yet. Maybe I am just underestimating them.
So, seasoned Mamas, Grandmothers and teachers...how do you explain why certain words are uglier than others?
16 comments:
I teach first grade and I always tell my students to try and use different, kinder words instead of the ugly words. I remind them that they are too smart to be using those ugly kinds of words. I hope that helps!
Don't know if I'm "seasoned" with a 9 yr old and 5 yr old. But I usually just say something like "that's not an appropriate word to be coming out of a child's mouth." Or the old "I'm your mom and I say you can't say that." ;)
I'm definitely behind you in the "mommy world" but I try to remind my son, and myself, that we should strive to act as Jesus did. That includes words. Very, very hard to live by sometimes but that's what we strive to do. Good luck and give those babies a hug for me!
I'm not a seasoned mama. Just a mom of a just-turned 7 year old child.
We talk about how some words are acceptable for kids to say at their homes, but they certainly aren't at ours. Our walks to school (it's about a mile), provide a lovely time to talk. One day, K- said, "Um, Mom? There's sompin I want to ask you. There's sompin that they're sayin' at school and I don't know if it is okay." "What is it? I promise, I won't be mad."
"What t*he?"
"Huh?"
She repeated.
"Well, it doesn't sound bad when you are saying just that, but it is generally followed up by something very, very bad. I'd rather you not say it. If you would say it, then people might think that you are saying the very bad word when you aren't."
"That's what I thought!"
Just this week, she was talking about the "h" word. You see, there is a boy in her room with the last name of Heckman. "Well, heck is not a nice word for you to say, but Heckman is his last name. In that instance, it isn't a bad word."
"But MOM! He has the 'h' word in his name!"
Poor kid!
This post got me tickled thinking about one of my mom's favorite stories. I came home from church and told her that a boy said the "f word." Of course, she thought her baby had heard THE f word but asked me what it was anyway. I told her I couldn't say it. When she asked me to spell it I spelled f-a-r-t. However, the same boys taught me to shoot a bird and told me it was ok. I got in trouble for that one! I knew I needed to find other friends and still remember them 20-something years later!
Talking with my teacher hat on- keep teaching them not to say even the "milder" words- with my kids it was a time to talk about our culture and how different places and groups of people have different cultures and it's best to try to avoid all those words so our language won't be knowingly or unknowingly offensive. And we talk about trash in and trash out and keeping sweet hearts and of course, good southern manners. You can run the gamut here and the more you talk the better equipped they'll be.
We have taught our kids the distinction between the kinds of bad words. Blasphemy is using God's name irreverently and we don't even use derivations of God or Jesus because the Bible has lots to say about the power and holiness of God's name. Then there are bad words that the we tell the kids they refer to inappropriate things that nobody should be talking about. There are crude words that we don't say because they can be said in a more discrete way. There are unkind words that shouldn't be said like calling names. And you could go on, but it helped us to distinguish between sinful words (blasphemy and unkind) and crude words that are inappropriate. The Bible has lots to say about words. Jesus is called the Word, "the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run in and are safe," and lots more. And we try to teach that they need to know what words mean before they use them. It's always OK to ask what a word means or ask if a word is a bad word.
We call them *potty words*...they need flushing. Your boys might like that since boys adore bodily functions!!!
Funny, true story: When I was in sixth grade, some boys on my bus asked me if I was a virgin. I thought it was a potty word, so I said *NO!*. They laughed and made fun. When I got home I told my mom: *They asked me if I was a virgin and I told them NO I AM NOT!* Imagine how my mom must have felt. UGH!!! :)
Oh, and yeh, SIXTH grade! I was an innocent girl. Kids now know this at age seven, don't they?!
Oh, I'm glad I'm not alone in this. We have those same references at our house, but I am still shocked to hear my child refer to what someone said as the "s word." Then I remember what word they are talking about.
I was always told that if you are smart you will use the best word possible for the situation. You don't want to bring down yourself by using words that are not smart. And when you use slang words that is what you are doing. They have become accepted over the last 50 years are so, but it still doesn't mean it's the best words to use.
We talk a lot about good, better, best in our home, and this is just one more area that we use that scale. We expect the best our kids can do at their age. So slang is not an option.
I told my children that those are words that I do not say and you should not say them either. Sometimes I think the Because I said so line is pretty good until children can really understand the ugliness of some words. Keep up the good work!
I love asking a question like this and reading your responses!! GREAT wisdom here. Thanks for the ideas!!!
My dad, who worked in an auto factory for 37 years VERY rarely ever said a bad word in front of us kids. In fact, as much as I am sure he was around it day in and day out, I would imagine he never used those words even working in the plant.
We laugh now about what he used to say to us. He used to put up his index finger as he would say to us, "Cursing is crutch for conversational cripples."
I remember as a kid rolling my eyes at him but as we have gotten older, we all look back and laugh about it.....and as much as it made us nuts as kids, we STILL remember that...and I have used it on my kids a time or two.
It's funny how things like that stick with you.
It is so difficult because the world is not on our page about this! One of the most difficult things when my kids were little were the words "butt" and "crap." I cringe even writing them here. Not only did many of our (Christian, homeschooling) playmates use them, but their parents did! I told my kids some families may think it's o.kay, but in our family we don't use those words. (Had to resort to soap in the mouth at a couple of points . . .)Nowadays, as teenagers, my kids and the whole world seem to use the word "suck" constantly. I hear it everywhere -- even from adults. When I was a teenager you could get suspended for using that word at school!
In a recent conversation with my former pastor's wife, she shared with me something that she had recently discussed with her granndaughter, who was in 1st grade. They talked about how the words that come out of our mouths should be "pleasing to God's ear." I thought that was really sweet and special....and it seemed to stick with the little girl. A way for a little one to decide whether its ok to say something or not.
Are family motto for our words is, "do they glorify God"?, if not then we don't say them. This is a quick and easy explanation when my kiddos ask me "why"?. Our "bad" words are the same as yours:)
We weren't allowed to say those words when I was a child either. And I am glad about it to this day. My sister and I were told that ladies don't use those words, but that was because we did not grow up in a Christian household. I much prefer your description that words are meant to encourage.
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