To All the Single Ladies

Last week I had the pleasure of coffee with two of our local Young Life leaders. Both of these young women are bright, God-following, juniors in college. Over the course of breakfast (and the expected discussions of boys and relationships) I found myself on a bit of a soapbox (surprise, surprise) about the things I wish I would have known in my 20s. (For the record, I think I was told most of these things, so perhaps this should have been the list of things I wish I would have BELIEVED in my 20s.)

An e-mail I received today reminded me of something else I wish I would have added to the list...so I decided to start writing:

1- You have to be a queen to attract a king. Quite simply, your single days should be about becoming the woman God intended. As you focus on that a man of equal caliber will be attracted. Prioritizing being fun, cute, sexy or whatever above the condition of your heart will attract a man who also prioritizes those things over everything else. You really, really do not want someone you have to compromise yourself or jump through too many hoops to attract.

2- As Andy Stanley says, "Your direction, not your intention, determines your destination." I cannot tell you how many times I was tempted (and unfortunately gave in) to lowering my standards (thankfully only temporarily and not in a marriage covenant). When I look back I can admit that it was based in my lack of faith that God was going to come through with someone wonderful for me. There were times when I fell into the trap of accepting dates with people because they were cute and fun and I was flattered that they were interested in me--even though I knew they were not the type of guy I would end up with. I don't mean to disparage anyone. I just often wasted time on guys who were perfectly nice, just not what I believed God had in store.

Why waste your time or an available man's time if you know it is not going anywhere? It is desperate, dishonest and may result in a union you never intended.

3- Surround yourself with friends who love you enough to call you out when you need it and speak truth over your life. I have two distinct memories of close friends questioning my dating choices. In both instances I was ticked off and defensive in the short term and thankful for their honesty in the long term. They were right. (The addendum to this, of course, is the importance of speaking truth IN LOVE not just judgment.)

4- Remember that there are far worse things in the world than being single. Don't get me wrong. I adore my husband and am incredibly blessed with a precious marriage. But I can only imagine how very difficult it would be to be in a marriage that was less than God's perfect plan.

5- This is a random one, as far as the rest of the list goes, but I am going to boldly throw it out there anyway. PLEASE be careful with drinking. I have done a lot of talking with dozens of women over the years. Many of those conversations have centered on regret and lessons learned. Alcohol consumption was a factor in most every story of inappropriate rendezvous and situations where physical boundaries were overstepped.

I know there are many wise, wise women who read this blog. I invite you to contribute your own additions to this list.

I cannot conclude this post without stating this truth: God can forgive and/or redeem anything. I am reminded that there are often still painful earthly consequences when we stray from His Plan. I offer this post as one who has bumps, bruises and scars from some of the poor choices I made in hopes it may spare someone else from some of the same. Cling to Him. Seek His Will. He longs for relationship with you and to make His plans abundantly clear. Be patient. Wait for His plan. Resist the urge to resort to your own. You will not regret it!