No More, No Less

One of my favorite Nooma videos is called Lump. In it, Rob Bell tells a story of a time his son spent hours hiding and ashamed because of the trouble he was in. The end of the video shows the father seeking out the son, inviting him out of hiding and ultimately rocking him in his arms, reassuring him over and over, "There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you any less."

I borrowed that phrase from Rob and try to periodically, during our little bedtime one-on-one, remind my children. I love you so much I can't even describe it...and there is nothing you could ever do to make me love you any less.

I am hopeful that in doing so, they will feel a bit more freedom to come to me when they have royally messed up. I am also hopeful that if anyone ever tried to convince them to enter into some sort of secret sin with the threat of how their parents (or God) would respond, my kids will be able to counter those lies with the truth they've heard since childhood.

A few weeks ago, K stunned me one of her deep bedtime questions: "Mama, do you always love me just the same, or do you love me a little more every day?"

Because I overthink things, I got nervous. The truth is, I feel like I learn more about her each day that makes me enjoy her more...but is it possible to love her 'more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow?' 

I grew up a pleaser. I desperately wanted my parents to approve of and be proud of me. I do not want K to fall into that same trap. Especially with siblings her age...I do not want my home to be ruled by a spirit of competition.

I stumbled through an answer for K that satisfied her that night--but have decided to amend Rob Bell's quote. I am now trying to periodically remind my children that there is nothing they could ever do to make me love them any less OR any more. I hope that they will learn that true love is not related to performance.

Some days this is easier than others. I confess that my flesh tempts me to sometimes show disappointment by 'shunning' them just a little. There is too much on the line for me to model this kind of conditional love. 

Sure, I celebrate their accomplishments and revelations of new talents...but I pray they will know my affection is in no way tied to those things. In doing so I pray they are shown a small example of the way God feels about us. He delights in us, but He is not keeping score of 'how much' He loves one versus another or this day versus a particularly good or bad day.

I find great relief in that!