When I was a working gal, I spent a few years of my career as Director of Leadership Development for a financial services holding company. We spent a lot of time helping company leaders evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. One of the catch phrases we taught was that "any strength overdone becomes a weakness." There is so much truth to that. I had a pretty good handle on what my strengths and weaknesses meant in terms of my career, but am now starting to realize the same type of assessment is necessary as a mother.
The area I am particularly struggling with right now is how to balance my strengths (passion, leadership and responsibility) so that they do not become weaknesses. (I have enough of those already, thank you very much!) Some people feel most connected to God through music, others through Bible Study, nature, prayer, etc...I worship God best through ministry. My passion is for young people, particularly the disenfranchised. I am a do-er...a Martha, if you will. But truly, I feel like I am most often sitting at Jesus' feet like a Mary when I am working for His glory like a Martha. Does that make any sense? I love having a front row seat to see God work in people's lives. Scripture makes it very clear that we are to take care of widows and orphans--and that whatsoever we do unto the least of these we do for Him.
Last Fall I let go of several things I was involved in that were good things (garden club, medical alliance), but did not fit into the scope of ministry I felt like God had put on my heart. There are, afterall, so many hours in the day. I am now only committed to things outside my home that really resonate with me...but it involves a lot of time because they are big, important things. After a lot of prayer, the new standard I have decided to use is to ask myself is "Can I explain this use of my time to my children and my husband with a clear conscience?" If I have to pause to answer this question, I don't do it.
I know there are different schools of thought on this. I have heard other stay-at-home Moms comment that their home is their ministry period. I firmly believe this to be true. I believe we are all called to different walks and that mine involves ministry outside the home as well as inside the home. I believe that as my children grow up and see ministry and service to others outside our family modelled for them, it will inevitably be a ministry to them as well. I am also convinced I am a better mother as a result of "getting my hands dirty" in the lives of those less fortunate.
I want my children to remember their mother as a person who always embraced responsibility...who didn't just sit around wringing her hands over unfortunate social issues, but who tried to bring God's love to those who needed it most. I don't want to be selfish with the blessings God has bestowed on us--not just material, but our time and our hearts too.
So, back to why I am rambling. The 3 chief things I am involved in (children's home, starting Young Life in our town & pastor search committee) seem to all have major things happening this month which have been dominating my life this week (on top of a small home renovation we are currently undergoing). As a result of one of these responsibilites, I have to take a marathon trip out of state this weekend and leave my husband and the kiddos for 36 hours. I am NOT looking forward to it. I am, however, committed to a role that requires it. It is the right thing to do. It is still not easy. We have gone for weekends away without the children, but I have not been away from the 4 of them for more that a few hours EVER.
I feel so lame whining about this, people do it all the time...but my attitude is poor and my heart is sad. As ridiculous as it sounds, it has made me call into question the extent of my involvement in things outside my home.
I wanted to write this not so much for anyone other than my little family. I know this week has been crazy. I am trying desperately to determine exactly what God wants from me and what you need, too. Never, ever, ever doubt that I love God and I love you.
I am off to spend as much time as possible loving on my sweet ones before I depart Saturday.
10 comments:
Balancing ministering to others outside the home with your primary ministry to your family is difficult. I share the opinion that it is important for our children to see us serving others in some way. My husband and I spent 3 years in HS youth ministry and one of my main reasons was to help those teenagers see what a holy (but not perfect) marriage is, outside of their immediate family experience. We did end up choosing to leave that ministry, but have both since spent time in others. God will surely reward you and your family for your dedication.
Jen, thank you so much for letting us in on your life.
I have spent the last year doing nothing outside of the home - a deliberate, but temporary choice as my husband and I were expecting twin boys, adding to our current 3 kids. So we decided to take a 1 yr hiatus from everything (except his job. Bosses are funny that way).
Well, the year is up and right now I'm in the process of figuring out what God wants me to get involved in, and I'm struggling with it. I found SUCH freedom in narrowing my focus to just my little home. But I also see gifts in me and needs out there and examples that need setting for my children.
Enough babbling. Your Blog blesses me in so many ways. So many ways! Thank you for your writing. Oh - and please post more videos! Loved that!
Chris from Canada
It depends...a lot depends on the ages of your children and what season of life you are in...I feel differently about this than I did when my older 2 daughters were little. I was involved in a lot and sometimes things I had no business trying to do with the children so young. (I was President of a Junior League type organization which serves under privileged children and served as an officer for quite a few years...but,it was only a five year committment)It was okay and I did feel that it was a ministry of sorts when I did it...and my husband was fine with it...but even good things can be bad when they take you away from more important things.
Now,we have 4 children with 1 on the way...I am different now. I see my role as a mother differently...I am more focused on their hearts...teaching and training them. This takes lots of time and I want to do things right, trying to bring glory to God. I choose not to do too much outside the home. When I am older and the children are grown,I would love to be one of those older women who are teaching the younger women to love their husband,children and God...this would be a ministry I would enjoy...either in a mentoring type realtionship or a teaching role.
This comment is way too long...I'm sorry,I will stop here! I could really expand on this,but it would be way too lengthy!
I will pray for you as you seek what would be the BEST for you,your husband,and your children. We are so blessed to have even have these options before us.
Kim
Kim
I know it will be hard to go. But think of all the fun your husband is going to have. All the choices he gets to make that are usually done by you.
He will get to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when all 3 are in bed, tummies full and sleeping like angels. He will know he can do it, too.
I know it is hard on you, but you have to know it will be so good for them.
Think how much Ryland will appreciate you when you get back! And what a great way for some good Daddy bonding time, not to mention Mama-can-eat-without-cutting-up-somebody-else's-food time :)
And I love how much thought you've obviously put into your ministry at home and your ministry outside your home. The people in the minsitries you help with are blessed to have you!!
Jen, you're awesome.
Have a great weekend. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and your family will be positively THRILLED to see you when you return. Just think of how much fun your reunion will be! In the mean time, try to enjoy yourself. These moments of (somewhat) solidarity are fleeting.
Of course you already know that!!! :)
Stay safe.
I have recently found your blog and enjoy reading it almost daily. As a working mom whose baby has been in daycare since the age of 8 weeks, I know your struggle with leaving your chidlren. I still struggle with that. But, remember that part of sheparding a child's heart is helping them become independent from you a little at a time. And, your husband will be there with them so they won't be missing him as well. I know these are words from a stranger and this may not make it easier, but they will all be just fine. Blessings to you on your journey, both this weekend and always.
At least you are not leaving without a thought to the others. I will pray that your heart is not burdened by this trip but that you enjoy the time it gives you to refresh.(if you get a chance....)
I am so impressed with the amount of thought you put into making your decisions. I am sure your family and the ministries you support are all the better for it.
My heart pulled a little as I read through this post, as you addressed your 'struggle'of making these decisions. I'm at a loss as to giving 'advice', so to speak, but will offer up a prayer for you to come to peace with the decisions you make. I really believe your family and the ministries you work with are blessed to have you!
Tamatha
Thank you for posting this! I am having a struggle right now trying to discern what is best for me and my family as far as ministry outside our home. My husband has been leading our youth group for 6 years (as well as maintain his professional career). We have prayed for years for God to provide a youth pastor for our church.
It's getting much more difficult to maintain this ministry and do it well now that we have our own children (5 and 18 months). I want to do what God wants me to do. It seems that I am needed more at home now to nurture them and teach them in His ways. It takes a lot of prayer and discernment.
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