He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD. Psalm 113:9
I have never really written about our struggle with infertility, primarily because I am not one to dwell on the past. I prefer, instead, to move forward full of faith for the future. I have a dear friend going through her own difficult journey to motherhood and it has caused me to spend a lot more time remembering my feelings from those dark days.
Yesterday our Bible Study discussed God's covenants to Abram in Genesis. I thought a lot about God's promises to Abram about decendants and how the fulfillment of that promise defied "common sense."
We also noted how many times God told Abram, "Do not fear." This was evidence that he was fearful. He was human!
Thankfully, we discovered my reproductive health problems shortly after we were married. My journey was not marked by YEARS like so many others. It was, however, marked by the same overwhelming feelings of sadness, fear and emptiness.
I remember feeling like such a complete disappointment as a woman..isn't having babies what our bodies are built for?
We struggled with the prospects of medical intervention. Were we playing God? We sought wise counsel. We prayed. Ultimately, we decided what our parameters were for treatment (i.e., how far we would go).
God chose to bless us with 3 tiny heartbeats, despite the doctor's pessimism about our chances of conceiving even one child during that method of treatment and encouragement from health care professionals to terminate at least one of the babies to insure our best chances of a healthy outcome.
We plan to be open with the children about our journey. It is an amazing testament to the faithfulness and sovereignty of God. While I certainly do not plan to dwell in the pain of our past, I do think it is appropriate to revisit it from time to time.
Often, remembering is necessary to fully appreciate how far we have come.