Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Infertility

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD. Psalm 113:9
I have never really written about our struggle with infertility, primarily because I am not one to dwell on the past. I prefer, instead, to move forward full of faith for the future. I have a dear friend going through her own difficult journey to motherhood and it has caused me to spend a lot more time remembering my feelings from those dark days.
Yesterday our Bible Study discussed God's covenants to Abram in Genesis. I thought a lot about God's promises to Abram about decendants and how the fulfillment of that promise defied "common sense."
We also noted how many times God told Abram, "Do not fear." This was evidence that he was fearful. He was human!
Thankfully, we discovered my reproductive health problems shortly after we were married. My journey was not marked by YEARS like so many others. It was, however, marked by the same overwhelming feelings of sadness, fear and emptiness.
I remember feeling like such a complete disappointment as a woman..isn't having babies what our bodies are built for?
We struggled with the prospects of medical intervention. Were we playing God? We sought wise counsel. We prayed. Ultimately, we decided what our parameters were for treatment (i.e., how far we would go).
God chose to bless us with 3 tiny heartbeats, despite the doctor's pessimism about our chances of conceiving even one child during that method of treatment and encouragement from health care professionals to terminate at least one of the babies to insure our best chances of a healthy outcome.
We plan to be open with the children about our journey. It is an amazing testament to the faithfulness and sovereignty of God. While I certainly do not plan to dwell in the pain of our past, I do think it is appropriate to revisit it from time to time.
Often, remembering is necessary to fully appreciate how far we have come.

19 comments:

Belle-ah said...

Jenn,
Thanks for sharing a part of your journey. I will pray for your friend that she has peace and patience as she travels this path to parenthood -- what ever it brings. There is a reason our DS#2 is named Samuel!

(((hugs)))
Belle

Amanda said...

I have to say that I am so proud of you. I know that sounds weird from someone you don't really know but as soon as I saw that sccripture I got goosebumps. I had hoped you would share your story someday. I just felt that there was a story, a journey that God had taken you through and I wanted to hear it. Thank you so much for sharing. When I meet amazing women, gifted women, I always want to make sure I am some sort of agent by encouraging them to do God's work. YOU have a testimony that is powerful. You have a timeline that must be shared. I can see you speaking to women. I know that so many women out there have been in your shoes. They have clung to that sccripture you posted. They have felt the things you have felt but are not able to share it. While I am not someone that has struggled with this in my life, your journey means so much to me. It's amazing how God has us all traveling different roads. Our struggles are different but it all unites us. This is my favorite thing you have written and God is going to use you. When I look at your family, I just see Jesus in all of you. He will use that!

LeslieAnn said...

Thank you for sharing, Jen. I also struggled with this for over 6 years and even had others tell us we weren't meant to have children. I dwelled on that a lot, but then realized these same people used modern medicine to treat life-threatening illnesses. Would I ever tell them they were just meant to die? Of course not. We had no doubt that this was the path we were meant to take and will take again if necessary. There is a lot more to it than I'm writing, but I felt God's hand in my journey every step of the way as I'm sure you and Ryland did. I pray that your friend knows she is not alone...

BooMama said...

And look at that beautiful family you have...such a sweet testimony y'all will have to share with your babies.

Alison said...

How beautifully you have shared your pain and how beautifully you have given God the glory for your precious treasures. You are all so very blessed to have each other!

Sean Dietrich said...

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I would be honored if you would check out my site. I am a musician and all my music is free on my site. Anyway, just wanted to share.

-Sean
___________________________
www.SeanDietrich.com
"All my music is free."

Kate said...

What a testimony! God is so good. What an encouragement you are to others. :)

Blessed Beyond Measure said...

I have never visited your blog before, and as soon as I arrived realized my daughter has mentioned you many times. Not only are your photos absolutely beautiful - look at those babies! Your writing is precious too. What you said about "its appropriate to revisit from time to time" could also sum up honoring 9/11 a few days ago. I already have about 75 blogs I follow, but youre just too good to pass up. Precious precious family and I bet you sleep like a rock!

Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

Our God is an awesome God. That's all I have to say about that.

Well, maybe one more thing. I share my story a lot. I like to remember where we came from (it was a long, long road) and where we are. I think that my story (like yours) gives hope to so many women and during the dark times of IF ... hope is a good thing.

Teresa said...

What a wonderful post! How inspiring!

I feel the same way. Our chances were very slim to become pregnant. Our first child came along very easily therefore we thought we could "plan" another...you know, try to play GOD. Boy did he have other plans for us. I know there's a reason he waited to give us twin boys seven years apart from my daughter. I didn't understand it at the time, but now I see just how great he is.

Patricia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Patricia said...

i'm still lurking in the background but am compelled to step into the light as a result of your post. your very timely post. i, too, am in the very midst of infertility treatment and think often of sarah. in fact when my pastor went over this scripture a few weeks ago, i approached her after church and she looked at me knowingly and smiled. i think she thought i was going to be upset. but i just whispered, oh please don't let me be 80 when it happens!

(errr sorry, i didn't make sense when i posted it the first time!)

Barbie said...

Thanks for sharing.... Praise God for all 3 of your little miracles!!!

Kili @ Live Each Moment said...

What a WONDERFUL story. Thanks for sharing and KEEP sharing.

Kilikina
My Blog
Email Me

Blessed Mommy said...

Thank you for sharing this post Jen. I love hearing you testify to God's goodness in your life...the very reason you are so blessed, He is a good God! :)
I love reading about all God has brought you through, amazing.
In God's GRACE and GOODNESS,
Liz :)

Renee said...

Thank you for sharing! I love to read your posts!

keri said...

it was so great to read your thoughts on your journey. you have a precious family jen.

Tracey said...

I stumbled upon your blog while hopping....and I am now in the adoption process since fertility didn't work for me....I see it worked 3 times for you! God Bless.

H said...

Thank you, thank you for sharing your story. Meaghan (from Meg and the Boys) connected me with your blog. I would really like to email you, if possible, to "speak" with you about infertility. If you are not comfortable with this, I definitely understand. I just hunger to talk with someone else, a Believer, who has wrestled with some of the same decisions my husband and I now face. Thank you.