A couple of months ago I received an unexpected call from my friend Michelle. She and I met last March when our family toured the Holy Land during Spring Break. Michelle works for Young Life organizing trips for people of all ages and stages to serve on cultural expeditions with the ministry. She invited me to join a group of women traveling to Haiti this month.
Something flipped in my chest immediately as we spoke and I knew this sounded like an adventure I would love to join. As a middle-aged homemaker, the idea of going with a small group of people I had never met to see this place so often in the news for its spirit of overcoming amidst devastation lit a fire in me.
Trip preparation included shots and preventative medications. It also involved reading about this nation's difficult history and the hope the people possess despite their circumstances. I was intimidated but inspired. I was praying and preparing for my heart to be broken into a million pieces and buoyed by the great hope of the Haitian people. The preparation made me feel challenged in a new way and more courageous than I have felt in some time. I realized that I wanted my kids to see me as brave.
My bags were packed a full week in advance of my departure--including the extra bag I was responsible for carrying over 50 pounds of supplies which had been donated for the various ministries we were planning to visit.
My instructions for kids, husband and in-laws were typed. Laundry was caught up.
And then, real life happened.
At 4am the night before I was scheduled to depart my RyGuy woke up with a 102 fever. I took him in for flu and strep swabs once the sun came up--and he was positive for Flu A. Several considerations flooded my brain to be factored into my decision.
In no particular order:
A sick kid (no matter the age needs their parent).
My husband has to work with already ill people all day, he can't get sick nor can he stay home for a week.
What if all the other kids contract it too?
Who will keep a flu positive kid (or 3) while I flee town?
What if I start showing symptoms after I have flown in a confined space with dozens of unwitting passengers? Or been holding babies in an orphanage and interacting with our Haitian hosts?
It seemed pretty clear that the wise thing to do was stay...but my plans had been made, my bags were packed and I felt like a quitter... So much for being brave.
Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21 NIV
I resisted the urge to rush to a lesson too quickly. I wanted to start writing about all of this immediately but decided to talk to God about it instead. I realized that disappointment was rooted in the fact that my heart was longing for the adventure of somewhere else and my God was asking me to serve right here. It was not as sexy or exciting, but it was needed.
As I kept asking God for a big revelation of why he left me here instead of sending me there I found myself looking at the moments of my life with renewed expectancy. My calendar was literally blank. Each day felt like an uncommitted, free gift. I found myself asking, "Show me why I am here, God. I wasn't planning this, but apparently, You were--so show me why. Use me today."
After a couple of days of praying that, it hit me. This prayer, this PERSPECTIVE was why God left me here. After my near-death experience when the triplets were born, I felt this way a lot. I had a renewed lens for looking at the world where every day felt like a bonus round. As that has become a distant memory, I have been taking my days for granted. It turns out the not going to Haiti was a chance to wipe my lenses clean--clear off the smudges of busy-ness and look for God and His Purposes in my everyday life again.
I was going on an exposure trip--to take supplies, prayer and encouragement to the Haitian nationals already serving. They didn't need me. My family did.
I thought I was going to come back with a message of hope to share from a third world nation and instead I got an important chance to reprioritize some things-- right here in my first world life. Dare I say, I found a renewed message of hope to share right smack in the middle of the ordinary life I live.
“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.
“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree.
Jeremiah 29:13-14a
I am a big fan or going, serving and getting out of our first world bubbles--but I was reminded this week that I serve a God who can be heard, felt and experienced in powerful ways wherever we are.I am grateful for that.
Lord, I am yours--and so are my days. Help me to remember each one is a gift from you and for you.
2 comments:
I'm so glad that you shared this. Often I must remember to serve right here where God placed me, rather than seek a glorious and seemingly glamorous mountaintop elsewhere.
I've had to learn to hold my plans very loosely, hand them over to God, remembering often that my plans are exchanged for Gods plans on a regular basis and so long as I'm in His will, doing His work, no matter how unglamorous it may look, I have peace and His contentment. The times I charge bull headed into my own plans, no matter what, I always reap negatively and it never works out. I've had to learn to serve within my own family first and then when God opens up doors, outside of my family. Truth be told, I do more serving within my own family than anywhere else, but as they grow my children are learning to serve also and serve others well. Therein lies satisfaction and joy to see my children serving others well, and holding on to their plans loosely also. Life with God is always filled with lessons.
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