Yesterday my family and I were on a major college campus for a huge rivalry football game. The stadium was electric with a sold out crowd of over 87,000 people. There were hundreds of additional people watching the game via satellite television and enjoying the revelry at the tailgate tents that covered the surrounding campus. The atmosphere was everything people love about college football.
As we walked around enjoying the college experience, I had four 13 year olds with me who had many real-life examples of the different types of choices older teens and young adults make. In a mere four hours within one city block, there were two outstanding examples of the dangers of reckless alcohol consumption that I feel need to be retold.
(This might be the time to tell you my husband no longer takes me to concerts because I cannot handle the dangerous situations I see highly intoxicated young adults--especially vulnerable girls and women--find themselves in. It pushes ALL my buttons. I am an advocate/busy body/protector to the core. In other words, I am not fun at parties.)
Back to the game.
Within a couple of minutes of the 2:30 kickoff we saw a young man being carried out of the stadium by his two larger friends. They were laughing and he was terribly incapacitated. The young man was slung over their shoulders because he literally could not hold himself up. I offered to help as his girlfriend approached them (also laughing). They assured me they had it under control. Within 30 minutes EMTs on bikes were rendering aid and an ambulance was called to transport him to the hospital for treatment.
Late in the third quarter darkness fell. I walked two of the children from our party to the restroom in a nearby building. As I waited in the hall outside for the kids to come out I witnessed an interaction between a very inebriated college aged couple. Three guys wearing fan gear from the opposing team had been flirting with her and she said something back. Her date started pulling her away from the building by her hand and up a short set of stairs. At the top, she tripped and fell. Her boyfriend walked away and left her--on her back, highly intoxicated in the dark and alone.
Just then, I heard one of the guys who had been flirting with her say to another of the guys in his group, "Hey, man, he just left her. Here's your chance."
The young man he was speaking to raised his eyebrows and the other guys laughed as they walked out of the hallway and towards her.The boyfriend was no where in sight.
I have no idea what their real intentions were. They could have been the nicest gentlemen on the planet, planning to help her get back to safety, but the sight of this incapacitated young woman on the ground like a wounded bird with laughing young men circling around her lit a fire in my belly. I went into Mama Bear mode.
"Hey, guys, I've got this."
They looked a bit surprised and were still laughing as they stood over her.
"I'm not kidding. Do you know her?"
(Nods no)
"Back off. She needs a Mom right now."
(Their smiles faded as they looked at me then each other trying to decide what to do.)
Honestly, I don't know why I pulled the Mom card here, but it as if I cape emerged on my back that made it my responsibility to protect her as if she were mine.
I won't bore you with the rest of the details, but the summary is this: After a couple of minutes and the back up of another middle-aged man we were able to find the tent where her real-life Mom was tailgating and return her to safety.
But here is the thing that compelled me to write this. As a Mama raising young teens who will likely reside on college campuses 6 years from now and be confronted with alcohol before then, I was reminded there are issues other than just breaking the law or DUI they need to understand.
Please talk to your kids about personal safety--and their responsibilities towards their friends or dates.
This girl told me over and over again she was fine--because she thought she was. She had no cell phone. She was alone, incapacitated and in the dark. She could not walk without assistance. And she was dating a guy that would leave her like that. This is how terrible things happen.
I know sheltering and creating a childhood where everything is magical seems more fun and protective--but our kids need to know before they are in the situation about the dangers that lurk. I am not a fearful person -- but the beginning of wisdom is truth. Please, parents of teens and college students, remind them to be smart and safe.
I will step down from my soapbox now as I try and decide whether I want to make it my ministry to go out every weekend and "Mom" people who need it, or put myself back on restriction from large parties and concerts. ;-)
8 comments:
Jennifer, one of my triplets is experiencing all of this as an RA in college. He is a 19 year old sophomore. He has duty on the weekends until 2 am and has to deal with many of the situations you describe. He says it wouldn't be a Friday night if he doesn't have to call 911. One weekend night, he had to call the EMS and police 3 times in one night. One incident involved an inebriated young lady passed out in an elevator with no pants on. No friends stayed with her. A resident found her. Another incident involved 2 guys carrying an unconscious guy up a flight of stairs and depositing him on the bathroom floor, then leaving him. These types of incidents have been so upsetting and draining for my son to deal with that he is considering giving up his position next year. It is a LOT of responsibility to put on a 19 year old kid.
I cannot imagine the strain on a 19 yr old dealing with this. I am still upset 24 hours later and I wasn’t even “responsible.” Thinking of your boy...
first of all, good for you for doing the right thing and being a mama bear to someone else's cub. i always hoped that someone would take care of mine when they were out and about -- the same way i looked out for others. now, after receiving custody of my young grandchild, i am once again being reminded that i need to get my 'mama bear' gear back out of the cedar chest and start acting in that fashion. thanks for the reminder.
terre @ zoomama speaks...
OH MY, you did the absolute right thing! I have no children, however I am a teacher and I see the lack of parental involvement or concern. What really alarms me it's across all walks of life and the churched and unchurched. Just when I think we are really, really in trouble there are several parents who take raising their kids serious and those kids are such great teachers to the others.
I am sitting here wondering about the family you returned this girl to. A old coworker of mine went through an excessive drinking incident with one of her college aged sons. She ends the story with "once we found out he was going to be ok my husband was ready to kill him" I imagine the parents of the girl felt like that.
~Molly
I pray that if my daughter was ever in such a situation she would be lucky enough to have someone like you appear to help her. You absolutely did the right thing. College these days is SO terrifying. My friends and I partied a LOT in college 25 years ago (way too much, in hindsight), but I don't ever remember any of us getting into the kind of trouble that kids seem to these days. I think maybe because: we weren't too sheltered in high school (most of us had at least some experience drinking and/or being away from parents before college); and we drank mostly beer, not liquor. But also, it just seems like we treated each other better - I would NEVER have left a highly intoxicated friend alone, and not would my friends have left me alone. Anyway, rant over. From a fellow mother, thank you. I hope my daughters never end up in a situation like that, but if one of them does I hope someone helps her.
I'm so impressed that you are compelled to ACT when you see disturbing situations such as the one you've written about here. You won't be surprised to know that I bookmarked this post of yours from 2010 (and thus was able to find it immediately): http://lotsofscotts.blogspot.com/2010/01/woman-at-pool-bar.html
ahh Jennifer! Just thought i would check in and see if you had written lately and saw this post. I wish i could just follow you around in life. i love that you are not afraid to get involved in other people's lives. it is something i am used to here in the DR - asking if someone needs help, butting in and offering a ride... but often in the states if feels like that is a taboo. it is such a good reminder to be sensitive to the nudge of the Holy Spirit.
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