Growing

"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." - John Wilmot

Last night my husband and I were discussing an issue with one of our children that we are working through. In a classic parenting quandary, we are trying to find the balance in how to bend the child's will a bit without breaking their spirit.

I am mindful that children are fearfully and wonderfully made, with steps ordered by the Lord and that all of their days were written in God's book before even one came to be. I know the Lord has plans to prosper and to give them a hope and a future.

Yet, I take seriously my assignment to train my children up in the way they should go while not exasperating them. I want desperately to do well with the little lives God has entrusted to me. It would be so much easier if I had a blueprint!

Teaching them to love God and love their neighbor, to study Scripture, to pray, to abandon false idols, to use their words and their lives for good not harm--these are clear cut Biblical objectives. It is the gray areas where I struggle.

What to do with the child who is very clear on what they do not enjoy and who is not very open to new life experiences? Do you force for their growth? How much is enough? Isn't part of my job as his parent to instill a confidence and a security that makes it ok to try and fail? How do I keep him from interpreting that as trying to 'make him something he is not?'

How about a child who is naturally a strong-willed leader? Or one who is fiercely competitive? Surely these are God placed personality traits that could one day be used for the glory of God and the furtherance of His kingdom--they could also become albatrosses that wrap them up and take them down.

I think of a gardener who lovingly prunes plants to allow for healthier growth--and builds structures to support, direct and guide a plant to grow in the direction they desire. They cannot change the type of plant--that has already been established. Their job is merely to provide a healthy environment and influence the direction of the growth.

I found this quote regarding wisteria vines:
"Think about the future when you plant: if you don't allow for your wisteria's ultimate weight, you'll end up with a vine that overwhelms its support. "
-www.sunset.com

Strong supports and a focus on the ultimate goal...sounds like great parenting advice.

Jesus himself spoke of vines and branches.

The struggle for me still seems to be not knowing what God has planned for my children. I know His will is for them to love Him and love their neighbors...but will they do that as followers, leaders, competitors, peacemakers, crusaders, teachers, students, artists or some combination of the above. It seems like I would be better at my job if God would just let me in on the goal, but I don't get to know that yet.

No, instead I must have faith. I must wake each morning and trust that God will grant me wisdom and insight for that day. He is sufficient. I must reframe my thinking. Perhaps it is that the long term goal has as much to do with my growth as it does theirs. It is not just about my children--it is about the sanctification He is bringing about in me. He is the vine. I am the branch. Without Him I can do nothing.