Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A True Love Story (Part 2 of 2)

Buck was a big man. He had served in the Navy. He raised beagles. He loved to hunt. He drove a truck, wore flannel shirts, blue jeans and boots. When he left Grandmama, he walked away from his life.

Buck was gone. Gloria called him "Curtis," his given name. He moved from the old farmhouse he had been born in to Gloria's small lake house decorated in pink marble and white carpet. He traded in his flannels for pastel Izod cardigans. His beagles were replaced with teacup poodles. He had more contact with Gloria's only child than with his own 6 children. They married within 3 months.

Most of my memories of my Grandmama over the next few years were of her weeping as the two of us drove to and from church. She never spoke ill of my Granddaddy. She moved on, although it was obvious she was deeply wounded. She went back to college and was in the Honor Society until her hearing loss effected her ability to understand the lectures.

Curtis and Gloria were married for about 12 years (I think) before she died of cancer. My mother and her siblings had been rebuilding a relationship with him through those years. After Gloria's death, it was decided he needed to move back closer to his family. He moved into a duplex owned by one of his daughters and gradually started attending family functions that included my Grandmama.

Then, he was diagnosed with cancer. By the time the diagnosis was made, his illness was advanced. It was determined that he was terminal and had a very brief life expectancy. As the family discussed where he should live, my Grandmama stepped forward and offered for him to move back in with her. "I'll take care of him," she said resolutely. She had meant her part of the vows, even though he betrayed his.

He did not go to live with Grandmama. It was decided that he would spend his final days with my parents instead. Grandmama lived next door and would check on him and bring him supper. It was never intended to be romantic. He died a few weeks later.

I should stop writing and just let this story speak for itself. But, I want to tell you a couple of things. Through the darkness and pain, God brought about beauty. I started attending church regularly and subsequently made a personal decision for Christ. My Grandmama lived out the ultimate example of grace and forgiveness. She did not love him based on anything he did for her. She loved him in spite of it...maybe not with a romatic love in those last years...but in a committed, unconditional way.

This is the heritage my sweet Grandmama has left for my family.

18 comments:

Jessica said...

God works ALL things for good, doesn't He! What a great story to be able to pass on - and thanks for sharing it with us! Your Grandmama sounds like a wonderful woman!

Leslie said...

What an example...that could not have been easy for her. Any of it.

And the fact that she turned to God instead of turning against him is such a testament. And look where it brought you!

I loved this, Jen! Thank you for sharing...it was so heartbreaking, but a love-story, none-the-less.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Stephanie said...

How amazing and what a wonderful legacy...

The Amazing Trips said...

I cried when I was reading this. Not just because your Grandmama is a wonderfully loving woman, but because she reminds me of my own mom. My parents were married for 23 years and divorced when my father met another woman. My parents had 7 children together - and at that point - 1 grandchild (they will have 20 grandchildren when our baby boy is born in July). Following the separation - and a relocation from MA to SC - my mother was absolutely devastated. Not only did she feel like she'd lost her husband - she lost the family that she had known. With the exception of me, my 6 siblings remained behind in MA.

Three months ago, it came out that my father's wife (that he's been married to almost 25 years) had met another man. At 75-years old and with Parkinson's Disease, my father is absolutely devastated - much like my mother was, 27 years ago.

Rather than chalk this up to kharma and say "Serves YOU right!", my mother has been a shining example of God's Grace - reaching out to my father whenever she can. After all that she has been through with a horribly painful divorce (that she is still mourning) - she is a model of forgiveness. She is an inspiration.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Girl Raised in the South said...

"Beauty from ashes"; "working all things together for good" - He took your grandfather's unfaithfulness, and through it gave you the gift of your grandmother's steadfast commitment to the vows she'd made. THAT is a legacy to cherish, which you've obviously done. THAT is something worth taking into your own marriage, and passing on through your children. What a blessing she was to you.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful expression of agape love! Thank you for sharing her fine example.

Living to Love said...

That is an amazing picture of grace on your gradmama's part. Without seeing her or meeting her, I can assume that your grandmama is a beautiful person in more ways than one! I have to say that it was a shocking story as well. After all of those years and still?

Renee said...

Such a great reminder than none of us are "exempt" from the horrible things that we might encounter through God's providence. And after 40 years... Even with my husband's recent accident, I was reminded of the same thing. The legacy that your Grandmama will leave behind is priceless and what a great idea for you to have her write down her stories. I'm sure those will hold a special place for years to come.

Anonymous said...

You're right; this is definitely a TRUE LOVE STORY. What a shining, brilliant example of honoring your marriage vows, in spite of, regardless of. I'm so glad that you shared this story because love isn't always about how you feel, it's about what you committed to.

Kimmy said...

Crying again . . . thank you for sharing such a painful, yet incredible story. Wow, what an example of forgiveness.

Erin said...

Wow! That was beautiful. I love the last paragraph. Thanks so much for sharing a bit of your sweet heritage! Your Grandmama sounds like quite a lady!!

Perri said...

Oh the things we could learn from a woman like her.

Grace, love, forgiveness - she had it all.

Rmomof3 said...

Wow!Soooo precious@

Sarah said...

What an amazing lady, with a story that could only be attributed to the love of Christ. I hope that someday my grandchildren can say I have that kind of love and commitment!

Thank you for sharing this :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your sweet story. Grandmothers are awesome - I became a Christian and ultimately met my dh (who was youth minister at her church) becaus of her. She too had heartbreak and I started spending more time with her and attending church with her because she was alone - only my granddaddy had passed away (after 54 yrs of marriage).
The good news is, ultimately my father accepted Christ too, at the age of 54......

Anyway - loved your sweet love story. Just proves God is indeed faithful and we can trust his word, when we see no evidence ourselves, huh?

Take care.

hi my name is mommy said...

Thank You for sharing this story. I am dripping with tears. What a beautiful example of forgiveness and grace. In my journey, and with the help of the good Lord, I strive to have such a pure heart as your Grandmama.

Cheri (aka "The Mom Lady") said...

Just as you stated in your mother's day post today (5/11/08), it "takes a village" to raise a child and this bears that out as another example. There were many brethren at the congregation we attend when our children were teenagers who were "other mothers" and as well as dads. There were times when the children did things and, despite our greatest efforts, they would be defiant of our advice. But a word from one of these precious friends of like faith could put things in perspective for them. The Bible is "no dummy" for sure - and the scripture about "evil companions corrupt good morals" has such a marvelous, wonderful flip side - that moral, loving, Christ centered friends keep us focused, help shoulder the burden, close wagons against the world - it's all part of His plan.

And as Christians, we lead by "action", not "reaction" as your grandmother seems to have shown. This reminds me of your post of reciprocity as a motivation or the false hope of living that way.

A stranger once scolded me for disciplining my child in public - and I told her that I had a higher power to answer to than her. I probably could have been less angry in my reply but the point was the same non-the-less.

There are days when I wish you lived next door. :)

Ally said...

Incredible. Stories like this are inspiring and a wonderful reminder of how Christ can work in each of us.