When Words Take Root

"He (Jesus) saw the potential in the lives of sinners. In Simon, He saw a rock. In Matthew, the publican, He saw a faithful disciple who would one day write one of the four Gospels..." -Warren Wiersbe

I have a house full of big personalities that illicit a wide range of emotions from their Mama--laughter, frustration, delight and a fair bit of cringing. When left unto itself, my mind races away with thoughts of what a child's future will look like if this or that weakness isn't reigned in. I have written many times about my temptation to parent from a place of fear rather than hope.

I want to be a wise steward of these little lives, but I also want to be like my Lord. Not leading anyone or anything impatiently or in a panic...but living and moving as an expression of faith. I loved this reminder that Jesus, Himself, was a seer of potential...focused on who people were to become moreso than where they were currently stuck.

During a recent session of purging my trio's backpacks I came across projects that gave me pause. Each of my 5th graders had completed a coat of arms assignment, researching colors and symbols to use in the design they felt best represented them.

The artwork was cute, but the attached explanations allowed a glimpse into their self image, values and aspirations that does not come frequently with tweens. As I savored these snapshots of who my 11 1/2  year olds are becoming, I pondered the implication of words spoken to them through this first decade+ of their lives.

To read what my kiddos state as their beliefs about their burgeoning identity left me awestruck. They were given a word bank of colors, symbols and their corresponding meaning, then free reign to express themselves. There was only one duplicate on their pages.

Here are a few excerpts of what they chose.

 P: "I chose a dove which represents trust in God, because I have faith in the Lord. I used silver because it represents peace."
"Gold represents generosity. I like to help people like our foster kids."
"I chose a globe because I love to travel the world."
"Green represents joy, hope & loyalty. I chose this because I'm usually happy and hopeful. For example, I hope our foster children will learn about God."

K: "I chose the Ichthus (Greek for fish)representing belief in Jesus. I thought this would be a good image to choose because I trust and love Jesus and God with all my heart."
I decided on blue for my background color. It represents truth and loyalty. I used this color because I always tell the truth and never tell a secret.
I chose thyme for my image. It represents courage and strength. I used this because I am brave when it comes to heights and ropes courses. I am also not scared of anything.
I chose gold because it means generosity. I share my stuff with my foster sisters."

R: "I picked the allerion because I trust God and He gives me strength. I chose white because I trust God and He helps me with my choices. I chose the anchor because I have a big belief in God and I love him from the bottom of my heart. I chose maroon because it means patient in battle and victorious. I chose this because I'm doing my best and having a comeback in school."

These are just excerpts. There were certainly humorous parts that reminded me these are children with lots of growing left to do...like the fact that R chose black for "constancy or grief because I am coming out of some hard times." (Concerned, I asked him what he was referring to and he flashed dimples and confessed he just thought black would look cool.)

But, typical 11 year old behavior considered, I was struck by the insight this project offered. Even while groaning at chores, attempting to sneak in a little extra screen time or practicing making body noise sounds that annoy, truth IS taking root in their hearts.

Exactly 4 hours before these beautiful, hope giving words came home I was confessing to my small group all the ways I feel like I am blowing it. I lamented that the business of life and ALL THESE CHILDREN was not allowing for the neat, picturesque moments I like to imagine my family having...

The evening Bible studies by the fire I aspire to as marks of a godly, together Mom are a stark contrast the wet haired children I am trying to coral into bed or the exhausted big kids splayed across the sofa watching replays of American Ninja Warrior.

But through the faithfulness of God and the countless adults God has placed in the lives of my children, Truth is taking deep root in their hearts.

As I read their assignments, I recognized some of the words their father and I have spoken over them--prayers we have prayed through the years. But their were other parts did not come from us, but from coaches, teachers, children's ministry volunteers, friends, family members--and oh, how God is weaving all of it together to form identity in their hearts! Truly breathtaking.

"A person becomes a person through other people." Desmond Tutu

This is the body. This is community. This is how lasting identity is formed. What a reminder to show up for other people's kids with well placed words and the investment of life on life! What an encouragement to stick with the rhythms of Bible study, church attendance and even Sunday afternoon lunch traditions with friends that have become family. These rituals form a framework where truth can be safely spoken and actively lived out.

Moment upon moment identity is being forged. Just as it is hard as a Mama to see just how much your children are growing in height, I think it can be equally challenging to see how their hearts are growing in depth. Every now and then we get these moments where we rub our eyes and go, "whoa." All of this investment of prayer and love and talking is adding up to something.

And here's the thing:  NOTHING IN THE ECONOMY OF GOD IS WASTED, even those real life moments! Squabbling siblings, ropes courses, family travel, grades that reflect not doing our best, the blending in of younger foster kids and the stretching and growth it requires? God is using it!!!

"It's an unbelievable experience to watch your kids become their own person. You know that all humanity has walked this way before, but for you and your child, it's all new. You are living the clichés, but now they are real and different."
- Sara Groves

This week I had the chance to sneak out of town for 24 hours of reconnection with dear old friends. I realized it is the same way in my adult heart. I have known these girls for more of my life than I haven't. Over 23 years we have experienced the highest of highs in joy, love and laughter and the lowest of lows in loss, pain and regret. Yet, even in our 40s, when we get together and share our hearts we remark to each other "My, how you have grown since I saw you last."

Nothing is wasted in the economy of God--not in a child's life and not in their Mama's.

So, today, Lord, lead us and guide us in having eyes to see and marvel all the ways You are at work. Give us words of hope, love and truth  and the courage and commitment to speak them. May we plant words that help each other grow into the people You have planned.

Signal by Sara Groves

Just after I hit publish on the previous post, I stumbled across this video and lyrics. What a beautiful expression of the heart of an adolescent's Mama.

"All the clichés about how fast kids grow are true.
I woke up this morning eye to eye with you.
The love songs and adages couldn't explain the hope
Of all you're becoming, body and soul.

Your heart goes out,
I can hear your song.
Your signal is getting stronger
Your signal is getting strong.
There's no cliché when I hear your song.
Your signal is getting stronger.
Your signal is getting strong.

Many clichés about living this life are true.
The path is worn, but for us it's new.
There's no way to know it without discovering.
We are marking our missteps with mercy.

Your heart goes out,
I can hear your song.
Your signal is getting stronger.
Your signal is getting strong.
There's no cliché when I hear your song
Your signal is getting stronger.
Your signal is getting strong.

It's all been said, but don't be afraid to throw back your head and sing anyway.
Your heart goes out I can hear your song.
Your signal is getting stronger.
Your signal is getting strong.
There's no cliché when I hear your song.
Your signal is getting stronger.
Your signal is getting strong.

All the clichés about how much I love you are true.
As big as the sky and up to the moon
A million zillion
Infinity plus one."
-Signal by Sara Groves (from the album Floodplain)

Five things in Five Months

I haven't intended to write less lately, I am just so mentally and emotionally tired at the end of a day I want to veg out rather than reflect. When I do sit down with the intention of writing, my thoughts and feelings swirl into a tangled mess that I lack the energy or clarity to sort. I know I will look back on this season and regret not leaving more sign posts.

Writing about our family's experience with foster care is tricky for me. I want to fairly represent the experience, the beauty and the brokenness, the challenges and the blessings. But this is real life and it is so complicated, multilayered and constantly changing that I struggle with words that explain without cheapening or overgeneralizing.

Tomorrow marks the 5 month anniversary of our current foster placement. In light of that milestone, I thought I'd attempt to break it down to the top five lessons this experience has taught us at this point:

1- This is a 'brutiful' ministry (Glennon Melton's phrase for parts of life that are equal parts brutal and beautiful) Loving children as my own that I did not have any influence over for the foundational first years of their life feels a bit like walking into someone else's kitchen on Thanksgiving day. The original cook started a meal. There are ingredients and half prepared dishes all over--and I have to try and piece together what they were doing, where they left off and keep cooking--aware that I can be tagged out at some unknown point along the way.

A mistake people make is assuming that bio families of foster kids were all bad. My girls have a lot of tender memories of their family of origin. They absolutely do not view my husband and me as heroic rescuers. We are merely substitutes for the real deal that they remember and miss.

A week ago I heard one of the girls crying "Mommy, Mommy, Mommmmm-eeeee." She was in the middle of a bad dream. I went to her bedside and wrapped her sobbing upper body in my arms.  I rocked her for several minutes. Her hair still wet from the shower pressed against my chest, she calmed down, still periodically saying 'Mommy' softly between sniffles. It occurred to me that I did not know whether she was calling for me or her bio Mom. I got the very strong feeling that she didn't really know either anymore.


2- We really are not 'so great' for doing this. I physically cringe when well-intentioned folks use superlatives to describe our role in these girls lives. I know the truth. We are stumbling and fumbling our way through foster parenting. I beg God to make all five of us full of grace as we handle these sometimes angry, frustrated, frightened children--but I would not describe our performance as 'graceful.' I apologize a lot...not just for the life circumstances these children find themselves in, but for how poorly my flesh often responds.

I feel a lot like the Velveteen Rabbit these days--not particularly shiny & fluffy, but very loved and real.

 I am broken. They are broken. The best we can do is limp together to the cross.


3- Stepping out in faith and getting in over your head is the surest way to really get intimate with God. My life has been pretty comfy. I have managed to feel mostly competent and generally in control, until now. I cannot sing a hymn in church without tears these days, because the lyrics touch a raw place in my soul.

Faith, hope, healing, trust, need, love, grace, forgiveness...they are not just words...they are the cry of my tender, tired heart. I am grateful for this glimpse of the Gospel and of God's tender mercies. Every member of my family knows Him in a deeper way as a result of the stretching, overwhelm and sanctification of this season.


4- Preserving my own family's personality and identity has been harder than I thought. I naively assumed other kids thrown in the mix would jump in and after a few modifications we would all be fine. The reality is that these kids bring their life experiences, personalities, preferences, quirks and unique identities.

There is much bickering and competition that requires rotations, routines and systems. It saps my energy and is tricky for my eleven year olds to navigate because it has effected some of their previous freedom.

The Scotts aren't nearly as spontaneous, adventurous and silly as we were last Spring--and while these girls are undoubtedly leaving their mark on our hearts, lives and evolving family identity I miss some of who we were. I am simultaneously reminded that 'preserving' has more to do with fear and scarcity and little to do with the abundant, pouring out associated with the Gospel.

I know God is writing our story--and am trusting Him for how our identities will evolve.


5- As challenging as this life adjustment has been for our family, it is unquestionably harder on our foster kids. It makes so much sense to read that statement, but I confess it is hard to remember in practice some days.

We signed up for this. They didn't. While it is certainly not our intention or plan, the reality is that we can pull a ripcord and exit this with two weeks notice--meanwhile, our young charges are swept up in this unfamiliar, no promises life until the system says they aren't.

It is hard enough for me to wrap my middle aged brain around--I cannot fathom how 7 & 8 year olds attempt to process this as their reality.

I post a lot of sweet moments on Instagram. Despite how this posts sounds, there are many. I write to offer a balanced account.

Ryland & I have no regrets about answering this call. God commands us to love our neighbors, care for the needy and to advocate for those who cannot do so for themselves. He doesn't say it will be easy, but promises He will be with us. I am experiencing this truth in a whole new way.

We can preach to our children about compassion, self control, patience, kindness, gentleness and self sacrifice--moving it into our home is another story entirely. This is nitty gritty life on life. There are tough realizations about our selfishness and precious joys as we watch these girls learn and grow.

Words cannot quantify the snapshot moments:
Hearing these girls pray "Jesus, you are my favorite person ever."
Watching our kids teach them things like cartwheels, throwing a football, doing a dive, baking cookies
The sweetness of how they adore my husband..and how it is clearly changing their definition of Father
Celebrating new accomplishments
Listening to my children's prayers for them and heartfelt concern for their future

I am grateful for this opportunity.

Perhaps the most enduring lesson of all for me is that hard and good can be fully present simultaneously. This season is definitely challenging, but also rich in deep heart lessons. And so we press on...