Our Wednesday morning schedule requires us to be out the door 30 minutes earlier than usual. Today it was especially cold, so there were extra steps involved in layering up. Additionally, one of my children had lost their coat (a real problem with uniforms) and another had the wrong shoes for 'dress day.' To top it all off, I REALLY value being on time--and have been known to suffer from (and spread around) anxiety when we are running late.
Suffice it to say, I was frustrated. I sighed. I grumped. I nipped at heels and snapped at the nine year olds in my path. My tone was sharp. As we got in the car (ironically, to go teach a 3rd grade Bible Study on the fruit of the Spirit) I was feeling the weight of my anxiety, impatience and its effect on our morning. I attempted to recover by inviting the kiddos to help me solve the problem.
I explained that we needed to work together to get out the door on time. I confessed that running late pushes all my buttons and that once I start panicking and acting impatiently the 'Mom' inside my head starts getting on to ME and it all goes downhill from there. (Accusations and guilt are rarely constructive...even when aimed at ourselves.)
From the backseat my little lady said, "Well, you should just fire that mean Mom."
"If the mean Mom in your head is making it worse, can't you fire her? It's YOUR head. Fire her."
It was an innocent, yet profound, encouragement.
I also recognized it as a prompting from the Lord--reinforcing something He has been whispering to my heart. It is not enough to simply name my junk and apologize for it. I need to LET GO of it and trust that the God of the Universe is big enough, strong enough and supremely capable of handling it.
In other words, (9 year old words) I need to FIRE the voice that mocks me and reminds me that I am struggling AGAIN with the same stuff. HE is the Lord of my life and HIS voice is the One I should listen to above all others.
So, with my K's encouragement, I am firing HER and trusting HIM.