I don't typically struggle with fear. Every now and again it rears its ugly head in my life, though, in a full-on effort to rob my joy of today.
Ironically, it is usually when things are going very well--too well my fearful heart whispers. You know it can't always be this great. Life's been too smooth for too long. It doesn't work this way. Something major is going to happen any day now. Brace yourself.
My Southern friends have an idiom for this: waiting for the other shoe to drop. It is the inability to fully enjoy the blessings of today because you are distracted by the fear that there is more to come. This becomes a downward spiral in my thought life to worst case scenarios and frightening visions of what life will look like in the fictitious then.
It is painful to realize that the things I most fear losing are the things that I am perhaps clutching too tightly. There is nothing wrong with financial security, a life-giving marriage, sweet friendships, enjoying the blessing of children. But, there is a problem when the fear of losing any of these things causes me to clutch them so tightly that I leave no room for trust in the Lord. He is, afterall, the very Creator and Giver of these blessings in the first place.
It's a bit like when I buy my children an ice cream cone and they refuse to let me have a lick. I bought it for them. Don't they trust that I want them to enjoy it? Can't they spare a bite to the very one who had the idea and made the provision for it in the first place?
As I have been praying/pondering over this in the last few days I realized that fear issues are, in fact, TRUST issues. So, today I am praying that instead of tuning my ears in anticipation of the sound of the other shoe dropping, I will choose to tune them to the voice of my Father.
Where the Enemy taunts me with doubts about my future and the way God works, my Creator says, "I love you. I won't leave you. I have a plan. I got this. Trust me."