"Every decision you make is eventually just a story you will tell." -Andy Stanley
For the last few months a decision has been weighing heavily on me. Specifically, our school choice for next year (Kindergarten!). I don't want this post to become about what we decided, but instead about what I have learned in the process.
For a small town we have a great deal of school choice: Public. Private. Homeschooling. Christian. Montessori. College Prep. Parochial.
As we have prayed and considered our options, I have discovered what an intensely personal decision this is--and that everyone has an opinion. I have also realized that no choice is perfect. Everything involves risk. And, most importantly, I have been reminded that God has different plans for different people--from talents, locations, vocations to education. There are good hearted, God fearing people in all of those places because God has put them there. One family's decision is not an indictment or an approval of another's...hopefully it is just what God has called them to do.
God has a plan for our family and our children. In the end we pray, we seek God's Will, then we move forward boldly trusting Him to complete the good work He began.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillippians 1:6
The final thing that I have realized through this process is that I am more insecure than I thought I was. I want to be understood-and frankly, approved. I want to make sure people know that I have thought about and prayed through my decisions. Last Wednesday I was completely convicted about this in Bible Study. I was reminded of Paul's letter to the Galatians:
Am I now trying to get people to think well of me? Or do I want God to think well of me? Am I trying to please people? If I were, I would not be serving Christ. Galatians 1:10
Practically speaking, it means that as people ask me why we chose what we chose I'll resist my urge to share a pro/con list, launch into a 20 minute discussion or fall into a position of 'defending' our choice. Instead, my answer may just have to be a simple phrase: We just felt like it was what God had for us. Period.
20 comments:
Great post. School choice is a big topic in what I call the Mommy Wars (right up there with breast feeding).
Stand firm in your choices and don't feel like you have to justify them. But I will admit to being a little perturbed that people feel the need to ask "why?"
I am so in a similar boat. My daughter is 2 mos younger than your 3. We live in MO and the cut off for school here is July 30. Tori's bday is July 5th. We went ahead and started her in Kindergarten this year and she has really done exceptionally well. However, we have wondered if we made a mistake in starting her this year. We have considered holding her back a year, not because of the work, but because she will be a year younger than most of her peers in high school.
Her teacher is discouraging this because she is afraid repeating Kindergarten will just make her bored and frustrated. I know you don't have the answers either, LOL and I certainly didn't mean to make this about us. Just wanted to let you know I understand the weight of this decision.
As someone with a 20 yr old, a 17 yr old, AND a 7 yr old, I think your choice of responses is very wise.
I also think that each year you may go through the same hand wringing. School choice is a dynamic decision; your children change and grow, the school you chose changes and grows, and your parenting goals change and grow. It's a wild ride. Keep enjoying it!
And to Hope: We had a similar issue with our middle until someone asked us if anyone can be "too" mature in high school? There are always ways to challenge a child academically.
Great points, everybody! I especially appreciate the wisdom that it is a dynamic situation...so true!
Obviously I am feeling a little touchy. :-)
(And Hope, we redshirted our May birthdays, but I know others who have moved forward and been pleased.)
My son is 3.5 and we are already thinking through what we will do! We are planning on selling our house and moving next year thus...thinking about what school district to move too and then their are all the private school options and the cost that comes along with that! It's overwhelming to say the least....mostly I just want to do what's best for my children academically and spiritually yet still prepare them for life! Being a parent is HARD!
I hope that when the time comes to make a decision that I will be as confident as you and not feel like I need to tell everyone our process!
Melanie, LOL I am so glad you responded. My other kiddos are 18,17,and 13, so I have older kids as well. My 18 yr old was one of the youngest in his class and he's the one being the loudest in expressing his desire for us to hold her back a yr.
I am not completely against just keeping her home next year and homeschooling and then sending her back to first grade the following year. I only work 10 hours a week and have a job that she can be with me, so it's a non issue there. I just think the extra year of maturity or lack there of now doesn't make a huge difference, but later it might.
I really just wish I wouldn't have started her this year. Thanks for your input, ladies.
As a first grade teacher of 20 years, I always believe that the parents of my students have the higher wisdom. There is no doubt you are seeking the heart of God in this decision, so be still and know...you know the rest! As a mom of now adult children I also want to add this: we reprayed our decision every school year K-12 for both of them. I wanted a fresh confirmation every August that my children were where God wanted them. I did not want to assume anything for each new school year. (Can't wait to hear the confirmations that God give you!)
Boy I know the dilemma you're facing & the pros/cons to all of the choices you named. Like someone else said above...you may have to go back through these same emotions & decisions annually. With my oldest, I attempted homeschooling but decided it wasn't for us. With my middle one, I had to make the choice about whether or not to hold him back before starting Kindergarten. Our youngest would've possibly been the only one I could've successfully homeschooled, but we decided to give her siblings' school a try & see how she did...and she's done fine. At one point we thought about pulling our oldest out & moving her to a charter school. The list goes on & on.
Each child requires a different decision making process and each one of them grows & changes from year to year so what's good now for 1 may not be right next year.
Parenting is hard! I'm glad to hear that you've come to a conclusion for this year & that you've already worked out your response. People can get so nasty about schooling choices!
I so understand your struggle. My oldest turns 5 in May and starts Kindergarten in the fall. I have really struggled with where to put her this year. In our area (NJ), I don't even know anyone that homeschools and we have lots of schooling choices as well. We have 1/2 day kindergarten too so some families search out private kindergartens for full day. Academically our town has great public schools but I just worry about the social/emotional/spiritual stuff we will face. I'm so thankful my husband and I share this decision making process together. I'm glad you feel confident in your decision. I've read your blog for awhile and so much of what you write resonates with me. Thanks for sharing. :-)
Boy do I know! Mine are grown now, but private christian was our choice for elementary. EVERYONE had an opinion. Funny, none of those offered to pay!:) They are YOUR children on loan to you from our precious Lord....He is trusting YOU with them. He is pleased with you.
I think you are smart to prepare you answer ahead of the questions! Satan will use what is most dear to us to manipulate us and deceive us. And as moms, our children are what he uses most often, or at least he does with me. We must stand firm and hold fast the convictions God places on our hearts. We are commanded to be obedient to Him. He's entrusted your children to you so you are wise to allow Him to lead you to their school choice.
I don't comment often but I read your blog everyday and I am encouraged by your faith. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Our prayers are with you. I agree the school decision is dynamic and child dependent. I too wanted approval for our choice and got zero, but we knew it is where the Lord wanted us to be for that moment. True to HIS plan our child has been blessed.
This year as we praise God for the success of this year, we also prayerfully seek direction for next. I encourage you to observe your child as you pray. Sometimes HE speaks to us in the quiet moments of watching our children.
Be Blessed
Seek HIM...and then trust HIM...HE knows where you guys belong and where you can join HIM in what HE is doing...that's where your security will be...not in what someone else's opinion is about your kid's education...
Excellent post J and something I needed to be reminded of as we start praying over where my oldest will attend - she will be a young 5when starting school next August of 2011. I applaud your heart on this matter, and I know how you feel about wanting approval for your choices, yet knowing that what God calls you to do trumps anything other people might say.
We live in a small town with many choices as well, and we have already received strong "opinions" from family and friends - and my child doesn't even start for another 18 months!
But it's never too early to pray.
Thinking of you.
Amy@balmingilead.typepad.com
No wisdom to share from me....just wanted to acknowledge we are in the same boat!! I am uber-stressed right now trying to make a decision. Can't wait to see what you have decided for your precious ones.
Great post. Our cut off is Sept for MN...my son turned 5 the end of July and we had the same thoughts. I am a teacher myself so of course I hear more cons about sending someone so young, especially a boy to K...but I had to put it all of that to the side and do what was best for my son. We started him that year and he is now a 2nd grader...doing incredible but he's worked hard to get there. In whatever your choices are...you have to do what is right for you and your children!
I can't wait to hear your decision...and you should be proud that you can say you prayed about it and went with what God led you to do. You can never be wrong following His lead. We are praying about our next year too!
Hope, Our cutoff in NC was Oct. when our children started school and our daughter's BD was in Oct and we let her start. She was always the youngest in her class. The ONLY time it bothered her was when she didn't get her driver's license until months after everyone else. :) Now, she is 22 and soooo excited that when she finishes law school she will be a young 24!
Great post. You are doing exactly what you are called to do as a parent, PRAY for His guidance. He will definitely give you peace in the right decision for your family. God called me to homeschool and I faced some criticism from family who feared my daughter would suffer socially. I stood firm in my call from God and He has silenced the nay-sayers. My daughter is soaring in her home studies, we even just started curriculum a whole grade level ahead of her age. She is active in lots of activities at church and in our community, so no socialization worries! I wish you luck in your decision and can't wait to hear what God has called you to do!
well I only have a 5 year old and a 3 year old but am already too facing this...I have homeschooled for part of this year and now we have decided on private Christian school..but my oldest is diabetic and requires ALOT of medical attention and our school of choice doesn't have a nurse on staff. So, trust me I know what it is like to wriggle with this decision. However, I WILL say God provides! Without Him, it would not be possible for Jax to go where he now goes. I still cannot believe we were able to work it out. But, He makes a way for us to be where He wants us to be. It is really that simple.
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