My husband took our children out for a bit this afternoon while I started working on our taxes. As I was listening to random songs from my itunes I heard one of my favorites with different ears. I am a huge fan of David Crowder Band and their song "All I Can Say" is a beautiful expression of walking through a tough time.
It is a powerful (and melancholy) song that starts with his confession of how tired and alone he feels as he is walking through a challenging season. Just when you would expect a "good Christian" to switch gears and sing something uplifting he gets to the chorus which says:
"And this is all that I can say right now. This is all that I can give--I know its not much, but that's my everything."
(If you are not familiar with the song, check out the link. Don't worry. It ends really beautifully!)
When I am going through hard times I often feel guilty that I am somewhat speechless when it comes to prayer. I mean, God knows my heart. He knows what I am hoping to happen or not happen. He knows my thoughts and my emotions. And I know that God is going to do what He has planned to do...so I seem to run out of words pretty quickly. I find myself standing before Him saying something along the lines of, "Ok, God. Here I am. You are mighty, holy, good, omniscient, sovereign and worthy of my trust. So, even though I do not understand what You are up to, I am going to trust You. Help me trust You."
As my friends and I have been walking the terrible road of cancer with the Sweeneys, I find that we often end conversations with some word of truth and our bottom line, "That's all I've got."
We know God CAN heal Sweeney.
We know God loves him.
We know God has a plan.
We don't understand.
We love each other and hate the pain of this road.
But we keep walking, because we trust Him.
That's all we have--that's our everything.
For the first time today I realized the parallel to a story in the Bible about giving.
As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. "I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on." Luke 21:1-4 (NIV)
In our prayer, especially during tough times, we may only have a widow's mite to offer. But as the lyrics above say, "This is all I can say right now and that's my everything."
How encouraging that God is not looking for eloquence or verbosity. I don't think He is keeping a log of how many hours are devoted to prayer for something...He just wants our hearts. When our hearts are tired we may not feel like we have much to say. When we still come to meet with Him--even if the words are few--sometimes it is our everything.
10 comments:
Ah...thank you. That's all I can say.
Melanie at Finally Homeschooling
Ms. J...thank you for posting this. With a lump in my throat, thank you.
Many blessings to you and your family from our gracious and good God.
Love, Taylor
...I'm just not at the end of the song, and you're right--it ends beautifully.
This speaks volumes to me today. My dad is in a difficult season with some health issues. Thank you.
LOVE love this post! Thank you!
Thank you.
I fell in love w/ this song when Angie Smith had it on her blog while she was carrying her sweet baby girl, Audrey. If you don't know that story, email me & I'll fill you in. It is truly a beautiful song.
God has definitely had me in a similar place recently, as I wrestle with the plans he has for each of us - and how they can all be so different yet all bring glory to Him. How I can trust in His salvation when it looks so differently for all of us. How to give up measuring completely and just surrender to trusting Him and His absolute goodness not just to us but to Himself. HE is it. HIS glory is the purpose of our existence.
Anyway, He gave me this verse last week and I wrote it up on my mirror the other day as a reminder to me of those few things He is speaking over and over again to me right now. It has brought me a lot of comfort, so I wanted to share... :)
Psalm 68:19-20
Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Our God is a God of salvation,a nd to GOD, the Lord, belong deliverances from death.
Love this!!! Thanks for sharing!
I love that song!
I am a regular follower of your blog because it makes me, as a working mother of 2 toddlers, feel that I am not alone in the feelings that I have as a wife and mother. This really touched me tonight...I have been struggling lately with how I REALLY feel about things because I don't always have time to think that far into it and when I go to pray it's hard to spill my guts...but this is a reminder that HE does know my heart and He knows what I need. I just need to bring my HEART to Him along with the time that I give. And, while I'm here, I met your husband a few weeks ago when my great aunt was hospitalized and required surgery and absolutely loved him! His patience with her and her 91 year old personality was honorable and I was very impressed with the time that he spent explaining the procedure to us. I know that you are proud of him and all he does and I want to take this opportunity to thank YOU and him for your sacrifices for so many other families. :) God Bless!
~Amber Jackson
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