It is not the 'big stuff' I struggle with, per se, it is the attitude of my heart. At this point in our Christmas vacation my nerves are a little frazzled, my patience is wearing thin, the Enemy taunts me with reminders of how I have blown it...sharp tone, impatient sighs, bad attitude.
And you know what? As a Mommy of impressionable young people in my home and the wife of a man with an incredibly stressful career, a bad heart attitude IS a 'big thing.'
I know what I need in these moments...and it is not a glass of wine, a vacation or a pill. It is my Lord. So, I put a video in for the children, walk away, confess my sin and ask for the grace, patience, wisdom, love, kindness and resolve that only He can fill me with.
I am reminded that it is not just the addicts, the perpetrators of sexual sins, the murderers and the thieves that need Him. It is those of us that profess to know Him, to love Him and desire to live a life that glorifies Him. We grow weary. We sin. We need Him. I need Him.
Thank you, Lord, for your ever present grace and love. Thank you for loving me when I am crabby. Thank you for stolen moments to refresh my thought life, heart attitude and soul. Thank you for being ALL I need.
8 comments:
Wow, I really needed that. I tend to resort to food or chocolate or the computer when I need to get away from it all...and as soon as I type this, I'm closing all my windows and I'm going to go spend some time in the Word while the kids are watching their video. Thanks for the reminder.
Love reading your blog!
I could copy and paste this post. Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. Thank you Jesus for grace.
This is a great reminded to all of us. The Word is what washes us and renews us and refreshes us. It is the "little foxes" that I have to watch out for too. Bless you...
I really needed this reminder today. Thank you.
It's good to see that I'm not alone with my challenges.
On Christmas Eve, I was feeling so defeated. Then I clicked over and read your blog and felt even worse.
Everything in your world seemed so perfect and bright. Your children were excited for Christmas and your heart was full. Meanwhile, at our house, my husband and I were debating canceling Santa due to terribly misbehaving five year olds.
Talk about the enemy getting a strong hold in your mind. I went to bed on what I consider the most holy and joyful of nights, wondering why I am such a bad mother? Why must I have a quick temper and sharp tongue? Why can't I better manage my beautiful children with more love and patience? And why am I comparing myself to other parents who seem to have it "all together"?
We ALL have our struggles and challenges. Being home, alone, with multiple small children - for days and days on end - just amplifies those struggles. And what I realized late on Christmas Eve, is that taking some time to sit and pray and ask for guidance is the ONLY way to get back on the right track.
I'm convinced that children are God's way of drawing us closer to Him. At least for me ... I've never prayed as much or as fervently as I have since I've become a mother!! :)
It's great to read my thoughts and feelings so well written and well said. I feel this way all the time, I just don't ever put it together as eloquently as you do. Thanks for sharing your heart...it helps to know we all struggle with these things. You are a blessing!
Oh yeah...had a BLAST visiting yesterday! Thanks for having us over. Love you so much!!!
Beautifully-said! You're right, heart attitudes ARE big things when you're raising little ones and trying to model not just good behavior, but a humble heart.
I suspect there's not a mom out there who, at some point in the past two weeks, hasn't struggled with what you're describing. Changes in routine, holiday excitement, more "together" time than normal...so many things this time of year that can raise stress levels and push the limits of a mom's patience. Thanks for the reminder of Where to go for a remedy!
Amen to THAT prayer!
Way to say it JMOM.
Shannon in Austin
(with 3.5 yr old twins)
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