Blessed by Accountability

Five years ago a womens' small group I was a part of assigned each of us "accountability partners" within the group. There was not really a structured plan or job description. We were merely encouraged to get together periodically and share prayer requests and struggles that could not be handled as openly in a group of a dozen women.

I was assigned to Beth. We scarcely knew one another, but lived in the same neighborhood. My children were only a few months old, so I didn't have much time for a social life. We would meet at her house or mine, once a week for an hour to chat and pray.

Five years later, the small group has dissolved as have all of the other partnerships that were assigned back then, but we are still meeting. It is not always weekly these days, although we do try. Sometimes our chats are by phone and much less formal--but I cannot convey what an important relationship this has become in my life.

I suppose it is not that different than a great friendship--except that it is. There is something about knowing that the express reason for your meeting (and the foundation of your friendship) is a desire to follow Christ more closely. I love that I have someone I trust to confess my junk to--and know that she will not judge me, but she will encourage me in truth. It is so great to have someone to share heartfelt prayer concerns with on a regular basis. It is especially wonderful to be able to call breathlessly to share when God has done something huge.

Yesterday morning as we met I asked her to pray for my children because "they are just going crazy and it is making me crazy."

And in the way only a close friend whose motives you trust could, she asked me a poignant question. "Are they really going wild, or do you just have a lot going on right now that's making you feel more stressed out?"

It was such a comfortable, casual question. It was positioned like she was clarifying. I don't even think she meant it to impact me the way it did. But it did. I spent the rest of the afternoon mulling that question. I concluded that my stress level is unusually high. As a result, my expectations of my children are higher and my tolerance has been lower. They haven't been especially wild--they have just been behaving like 5 year olds whose Mommy has been a bit distracted.

I prayed about it yesterday while they were at school and when they came home I spent a solid hour just being on their level. We rolled around on the floor and tickled. We played kitty cat, wake up sleeping Mommy, and kung fu training. Their behavior was awesome and my stress level went WAY down.

Then an amazing thing happened. They moved on to do what they wanted to do in the playroom and I had an uninterrupted hour to get the house in order. Once they were filled up and their needs had been met, they did not feel a need to compete with my chores for attention. They left me to get some work done.

This morning the rat race returned. I was trying to get them ready and out the door 10 minutes earlier than usual so I had time to get to an 8:30 exercise group. I felt my chest tighten. My blood pressure was rising. My kind, loving attitude was dissipating and God reminded me of yesterday.

There is some stress in life that is unavoidable. There is other stress we invite into our lives. I had a choice about this morning's stress. So, I prayed and then I made a semi-drastic decision. I chose my family over my plans. I cancelled my group attendance and cleared two unnecessary things from my calendar. Just making the decision was joyful. I immediately felt like a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. I spent the entire morning at home getting things done. I had an unrushed quiet time. I purged toys. I cleaned closets. I made a big dent in laundry. I got several things marked off my list. I even had time for a couple of phone chats with sweet friends. I was so blessed by time at home alone--and when the children got out of school, I was ready.

The things I had planned to do outside my home today were not bad things. I was going to exercise and meet with two different friends to catch up. Our conversations surely would have been encouraging. I probably would have left both feeling filled up and motivated to be a better wife and Mommy, but my To Do list and the disorder at my house would have still been waiting. As my undone tasks taunted me, my attitude would have soured.

Today I was reminded that even GOOD things aren't always the BEST things to do with my time. And I am more committed than ever to take a Mary Month in January!!