When I have a twisted knot in my stomach over the vulnerability required to write certain posts, they usually end up being the ones that elicit the greatest response. So in the spirit of keeping in real, I want to confess something I am struggling with: envy.
It doesn't make much sense. I am living my fairy tale...a loving husband whom I adore, healthy children that I enjoy, challenging and fulfilling ministry opportunities, caring friends. If I were to focus on my life and the fact that the Lord has put me in this place at this time, I would be content and grateful. When my focus is right, I consider myself incredibly blessed.
The trouble is that I go through periods of taking my focus off of Him. My eyes wander. Especially when on facebook. I look around at the snapshots and images that people have chosen to best represent themselves online...and wish my birthday parties were that cute, outfits were that trendy, vacations were that fabulous. Even nights out with friends I wasn't invited to start getting under my skin. (Because those are the things that matter most :-) It is embarrassing to type, but it is true. Truly, comparison is the thief of all joy.
I am reminded of a sermon illustration I have heard Andy Stanley use. He spoke of how the designers of shopping malls thoroughly understand how human nature works. They place the anchor stores at the end of a long path with a plethora of distractions on either side and in the center of the aisle. They know that the human tendency is to browse and survey our options. It is easy to distract us.
"Let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't." (Romans 12:6 MSG)
Even as I have confessed this today, in prayer and to my accountability partner, God has restored my perspective. He has reminded me of how foolish it is to waste precious time and energy on such silliness. These are the days He has ordained for me and written in His book.
It is astounding how quickly our perspective gets distorted and our hearts are deceived when we take our eyes off the Prize. Lord, keep our gaze fixed upon You.
18 comments:
Thank you for your honesty. I have also been struggling in this area. We had to cancel our summer vacation because I am due with #3 later this month. As friends and family have gone away and come home relaxed and full of fun stories, I have been so full of envy and bitteness. Instead of being happy for them, I am sad for myself. Like you said, my eyes were not on the prize - on my Heavenly Father. He planned this baby to come in His perfect time and who am I to question or find fault in that timing.
Thank you so much for the reminder and perspective that I have been missing for several weeks!
Wow. You amaze me with your honesty. I know we don't know all about you...as we too don't reveal everything. But when you write these things, I sooo relate.
Facebook too. It has been an absolute Godsend in many ways...i've connected with several friends I had lost contact with and they are true, true gifts from Above. I've found many people and created newer relationships than that we had in high school. And, AND, I've reignited some rivalries and jealousies, and stirred some envy seeing some other people. It is good and bad. I guess same as the world. It is the focus. You challenged me today. And I thank you!
kristi in texas
Wow! That is a hard one to admit to oneself. I think we all struggle with that. I can read your blog and be envious. I like the way you said Lord, keep our gaze upon you.
Thanks for your transparency. I struggle with this so much sometimes it isn't even funny.
Sometimes I find myself being envious and jealous of someone and i'm taken aback....wondering where in the world that came from....
Me, too. And (and yes, I know this sounds way out there & crazy) I'm convinced that lots of "social media" - FB in particular - can be evil. A means used to divide us.
It happens to all of us when we look outside of our own lives. I am the most guilty of this!
I just read this statement from Beth Moore which is so true:
"To become a person who delights in Him, remember to check your JAW.
Are you Jealous?
Are you Angry?
Are you Worried?
Roll it all on Jesus.
He's strong enough to carry it"
Great post. It came at a time that I needed to be reminded. I have been having trouble with my attitude. My son (26 years old and now living back home with us) has uncontrolled epilepsy and sjogren's syndrome (autoimmune disease) and instead of being thankful that he is alive, I have been focusing on all the problems. When I see healthy kids of my friends...I keep asking why my son. He almost died and I am grateful that he now has a wonderful testimony of how the Lord touched his body and even with problems, he continues to praise God. (He had viral meningeal esephalitis and the infection went to his brain.)
One day he will be healed, either here on earth or in heaven. In the meantime, God is going to use his story.
Thanks for being honest and sharing.
What an honest post. Wow! I stand in awe of your willingness to be obedient to the Father. He is pleased with your heart attitude just by opening yourself up and being humble. He sees and knows your heart. You are and will be blessed. Thank you from all of us that can relate to being envious of others and of things.I am blessed that I read your blog.
Thank you for your honesty. This is a struggle for me too. Facebook feeds into it, because people almost use Facebook as a "bragging" area...where I feel sometimes people try to "out due" each other with their status updates and exciting lives. I start to feel as if my life isn't as exciting as other people's lives.
You are so right- about keeping our eyes on God...so we can be content and thankful-when I do that, I have no problems with envy.
Thank you so much for sharing. What a trap of Satan to make us feel inadequate.
Kelly in Michigan
I am totally with you. A few months ago this same thing was really on my heart. I struggled. I was frustrated that I would allow myself to be envious of others even when I knew my life was extremely blessed and even when I knew that people only put the "good parts" of their life on display for others to see. Social networking in general was frustrating to me. The blogs, facebook, twitter, all of it. I really had to pray about this issue for some time. There are still times when I struggle with seeing how "good" other people's lives are. But as soon as I shift my perspective back, I realize that I am blessed beyond measure.
that was good! love you!
I envy you! : )
That just shows you are human!
Regarding the facebook thing: I think many just post the "great" things about their life. And there are some that I know that only do that to kind of say "hey, look at me and how great things are now". These were people that didn't have such a great life way back when!
I also have a "friend" that posts about how wonderful her life is and the great trips she takes, but I know some things about her life that she would be mortified if people really knew. So I guess what I am saying is that those sites can be "managed" to make everything look fantastic.
I have been reading your blog for quite a while and think your life looks pretty good to me! :)
Well, you're human! :-)
Thank goodness!
Thank you so much for this post. I have written Romans 12:6 down, so I will remember that. I too sometimes struggle with envy. Your posts are always such a blessing!
I am right there with you and Amen!!
My name is Emily and I'm a PA Student in Dallas, TX...I stumbled upon your blog recently and have been reading it faithfully ever since!
I felt compelled to leave a comment because I SO identify with this exact post - down to the line about Facebook! Your post was especially interesting because to an unmarried young woman such as myself, you are one of the many people whose lives I could easily envision as the object of envy. How ironic.
A few months ago, after realizing that Facebook has this effect on me, I try to limit my "browsing" so I don't make myself miserable with envy that shouldn't be there in the first place.
I wanted to thank you for this honest and vulnerable post and also leave you with a little comfort from a stranger than you are certainly not alone in this battle!
Love the posts and the comments. Yes, it is so easy to get envious of others and loose sight. I'm guilty. While I confess the sin, I also am reminded by God that in most cases the persons of my envy really are not living the perfect life it appears. And I'm also guilty of sometimes trying to put up that "perfect persona" as well.
First of all, I love the new blog look- it's gorgeous!
Secondly, thank you for this post. I often look at pictures on Facebook of my friends and their new baby, and I feel so much jealousy. That's what I want to be doing, snuggling a brand new baby. I want to be doing play-doh with my preschooler and helping my kindergartner with basic math. For now though, God has chosen not to bless me in this area, so I try to fulfill my longing my babysitting and teaching. Sometimes it's just not enough.
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