My daughter, however, is a keeper of things. She is a collector. And I am struggling to understand. I don't want to change her natural inclinations. I love that God wired her differently than me. I love that she finds beauty in rocks and acorns, shells and dead bugs, leaves, mushrooms and used airsoft pellets from our neighbors yard... but I don't want clutter (or her collection of discarded cicada skin) all over my house.
When I try to get rid of junk (broken plastic toys, empty toilet paper rolls, the purple rubber bands from asparagus) she protests tearfully that they are 'special' or that she wants to 'use it for a craft one day.' She even lingers at the trash can when she throws things away, checking to make sure I have not disposed of something she perceives as valuable.
So, I have made a rule that filthy or living/once living treasures have to stay outside--and I have given her a couple of spots inside as her 'special places.' I try to just avoid looking in the cabinet and box reserved for her treasures, but yesterday I could not resist. This is what I found...
As I giggled at the randomness of the things she valued, I prayed that the Lord would help me respect her desire for stuff--but give me the wisdom and discernment to help her learn to keep it under control. I tried to see it with different eyes,could some if be sentimental? There are Valentines from classmates, a rubber duck cheerleader from her birthday party, a red golf tee from the centerpiece at our Father's Day luncheon.
Learning to take my hands off and let my children express their natural selves is proving to be a challenge for me. Because I know it is essential to their growth, I am taking deep breaths and trusting God to keep dealing with me and my control issues. I have a feeling this is a lesson I will continually be learning.
9 comments:
I admit that I can be a bit of a pack-rat (but not in a horrible way.) My daughter will stand at the garbage, sometimes opening the lid and digging things out! Ewwww! Maybe it is a 5 year old thing? I, too, struggle with the random bits of life my little one has collected and deposits all throughout the house. I would love to have a spotless, clutter-free home, but know that it isn't completely in my genetic make-up and neither is it in hers. Every now and then, a bit of something falls quietly into the garbage, but I try to respect her collections of whatnot. I struggle, though. Oh girl, do I struggle.
Do you find these collections in your car as I do? I give her a paper sack and have her clear the backseat every two weeks. And I only have one!
This made me giggle! I have a little collector myself. My new favorite show is "Clean House" - I just discovered it. I record it and then I'll put one on when I'm frustrated at having to pick up stuff and deal with piles of everyone's stuff. It inspires me to keep things neat and under control! A neat freak I am not, but I like things clean. This causes no small amount frustration for me. My girls watch the shows with me sometimes. And now my little collector sees what happens when you let that hoarding impulse get out of control! It's also given me the opportunity to talk to her about how they are just things and things aren't as important as people and relationships and how the "things", when they get as out of control as they are on that show, can really get in the way of having good relationships with people we love. Made it a lot easier to declutter and clean out the toy cabinets downstairs too!
i gave my boys "do-dad" buckets aka mop buckets. that's where they put their treasures. i went to clear their dressers because every time laundry was put away, treasures would fall off and make me crazy.
I love that you are trying so hard to lovingly accept this part of your sweet girl. It's really inspiring to me.
While I also avoid clutter and like for things to be extremely tidy, I do hold onto things that I perceive as having sentimental value. I have notes that friends wrote to me in middle school! ("He is SO cute! Do you like him? Circle yes or no!") :-)
Great post!
Oh my goodness!! You and your daughter are so much like me and my daughter. I love your idea of giving her special places. My daughter is 9, her whole room is a "special place" which drives me nuts...I think I need to provide her a smaller spot to limit her treasures. That is great. I, too, am trying to understand and see the sweet side of her 'stuff' - but, there are limits!
It struck me that all of the things you mentioned are tiny. They are things that fit into her little hand. Perhaps she really needs the tactile connection to the events they represent.
My daughter is 15 and is still a collector of things. It has helped as she's gotten older, that she loves to take photos. Now her treasure boxes are mostly photographs. Her room? Still a disaster. I just keep the door closed.
I have a collector too. I had never thought about it the way you viewed it. Thanks for the inspiration, I will try to think like you the next time I am purging her room.
My little 5 year old is a collector too. Drives me crazy until I realize that she has a story/memory for every little thing in her "precious" box.
My toss and move on philosophy of things does not work on her, and I'm learning that it is ok.
God can use us both.
I think it's precious at this tender age, that those things have special meaning for her. Already, she doesn't want to forget the people and memories that brought her happiness :) Can you tell I am a collector too? I have a bad memory. So I take lots of pictures and keep mementos of important events. It's less about the stuff and more about remembering what it represents.
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