A couple of days ago I overheard P telling K she could "keep Grassy the dinosaur forever." Grassy is a special stuffed animal to P. He is a sweet child, and he adores his sister, but I couldn't help but be a little surprised at his gift.
Even K was unsure.
"I can keep him forever?"
"Yes, forever."
I had forgotten about the conversation until this morning when P saw K cuddling Grassy. He asked if he could hug Grassy because he missed him. K allowed him to...and then P refused to relinquish the little green dinosaur.
"But you said I could have him forever," K protested.
"I changed my mind. I looooove him," P cried.
"I love him, too," K whined.
And a custody battle was born.
A million thoughts raced through my brain. I heard him promise her. He needs to learn to keep his word...but look at that pitiful face. He's five. He has no grasp of 'forever.'
It was too much for my pre-caffeinated brain.
I remembered a favorite Bible story from my childhood...where wise King Solomon asks the feuding mothers if he should cut the baby in two and give them each a half...
"NO!!!" they both yelled at my suggestion.
I asked them what they thought we should do to be fair.
"I should keep him like P promised," K asserted.
"I did hear you say it, P" I added.
"My mouth said those words, but my brain was thinking something else," he cried.
Then K offered to be the Mommy and let P be the Daddy--a plausible solution, I thought. But P immediately inquired, "Who does that mean he gets to sleep with?"
Another breakdown in the peace process.
Suddenly P was crying again, "My heart is sad. I made a bad decision, Mom."
And then my heart was a little sad too.
We decided to put Grassy up on the shelf and wait for Daddy to help us figure it out. Then, over snack this afternoon I happened to ask R, as an objective observer, if he had any ideas.
"I think they should take turns sleeping with him P,K,P,K,P,K--like that!"
"Yes!!" both his siblings responded.
Ahhhh. The beginning of logic is a good thing. And seeing a glimmer of hope that they can work things out for themselves (occasionally) was very rewarding.
Interestingly, bedtime tonight included absolutely no mention of Grassy...He is still on the shelf in my bedroom. Five year old drama at its finest!
6 comments:
"And a custody battle was born." HA!
This sounds like a round table discussion in Geneva. You are so wise and patient to let your three little ones work it out.
They work it all out, don't they? Those 5 year olds surprise us everyday!
So funny. I have tried the King Solomon approach too...it hasn't worked for me either.
That makes me laugh nobody thought of him at bedtime after all that...just like my kids!!
And there's a lesson in there for all of us, I think. How many times do we end up in situations where the fight is the thing rather than what you're fighting over? I know that I've gotten worked up over things in the heat of "discussion" that don't really matter all that much to me in reality. Or once I'm calm, anyway.
That is just so precious. We have an opposite sort of problem in our house. My 2 year old has fallen in love with one of my almost five year old's teddy bears - a dog - called doggie - he couldn't care less for it, except for on the rare occassion that he remembers it is his and wants to cause a little bit of a scene. For the most part he is very gracious and sharing though.
What a sweet story. It's so hard to make a child stick by something that you know they can't possibly understand. Yet, it's important to teach that they have to mean what they say and keep their word. I think you have a wonderful trio of smart AND sensitive kids. Not only do they weigh the options and express their opinions, but they seem to have each others interest at heart too. Having an odd number may be your salvation on issues like this. Very good call!
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