A friend and I were talking a couple of days ago about Summertime being the opportunity to really hone in on 'heart issues' with our school aged children. Increased quality time offers a glimpse into their behavior that is a little harder to get during the school year.
The issue we are currently facing in our home is listening and obeying. I am weary with asking my children to do basic things--put on shoes, load the car, stop rocking in their chairs, use forks not hands, brush their teeth, buckle their carseats. I told my husband today that while I know consistency is key, I feel that I may go insane from hearing myself repeat the same request so many times a day.
As we were talking about it tonight I used the following phrases:
Don't they understand I love them and have their best interest at heart?
I am just trying to keep them safe and help them be their best. Why won't they trust me?
I know they hear me, but they insist on doing what they want to do.
Why won't they listen?
And suddenly I realized God must ask the same questions of all of us. He has lovingly pursued us throughout history. He sent His one and only son as an atoning sacrifice for our eternal souls. He inspired a love letter through Scripture that holds the key to life. He left us the Holy Spirit to guide and direct us. And yet we go our own way. We pursue life on our own. He may know what we need. He may be right, but we just cannot seem to resist trying it out on our own.
I am convicted. I understand my children a little more and judge them a little less...but I also feel a sense of urgency about helping them grasp the importance of authority deep in their hearts and a simultaneous sense of being defeated by the sheer force of sin nature.
I wind up in a familiar place...at the feet of the cross...prayerfully asking God to guide my steps, fill me with wisdom and patience and love, strengthen me for this journey of motherhood. How do people do this without Him?
9 comments:
My 11 year old attended a wildlife camp this past week. On Friday the parents were invited to attend. The leader, who is a full time educator for the GA DNR, had a wonderful talent for getting 30 kids engaged and following her directions. I was so captured by her style - each time that she needed the kids to do something, she asked them what they needed to do. Something like "put sunblock on" or "wash your hands before snack" was posed as "what do we need to do before we play in the sun?" and "what do we need to do before we have snack?" - the kids immediately answered and went to do what was needed to be done. It struck me at how much I tell my daughter to do and it does feel like I am constantly nagging & repeating (even at 11 and she's not a difficult child!). She's a bit older than your crew, but I'm going to try asking "wht do you still need to do before we "X"? (leave the house, have dinner, go to bed, etc.) We'll see how it goes!
Debbie
I do not know how it ALWAYS happens that whatever I am dealing with you are also.... I was just praying abot how thin my patients is when asking 100 times to do something and I get upset and loose it.... I am a yeller that I hate and feel bad about all the time!!!! you are the greatest and help me see what my answers are from God ii really believe ....
Congratulations!! You have normal kids!! Seriously, I know its frustrating! You begin to wonder what's wrong with them that nothing is sticking in their minds!
I have used marble jars for positive reinforcement for behavior. I used it both with third graders and with my grandchildren when they would visit. (the marble jar no longer thrills them at 14 and 15!!) If you want details about it. please email me and I will happily share the rules. If you have heard about it, many parents are not using it correctly, as they take OUT marbles for misbehavior and that takes away the positive reinforcement quickly!
Just a thought. I know your frustration!! "Been there, done that!"
What might help is when your going to do something....Make the announcement what is going to happen...then ask...what do YOU need to do in order for this to get done...Like for instance...You announce "it's bedtime" ask the kids what do you need to do before bed??? Have then give you the answers and ask them to carry it out...Hope this helps some..
If I had a dime for every time I said,"Go brush your teeth". I'd be really rich! Three girls X go brush your teeth, every day for 18 years = some serious money.
Some things just bears repeating. Still to this day they are 27,23 & 20 and if we are talking and I think their teeth are not looking "brushed" I say, "Have you been brushing your teeth?"
A mother's job is never done :)
When I taught two year olds in preschool, I borrowed a phrase from one of my moms...Obey right away, all the way in a cheerful way. After thinking about it, I shortened it to Obey Right Away. I know it is not always easy to be cheerful in obedience and I am 54 years old!!! I am thankful for a God who knows our hearts and loves us anyway.
Awesome! Yes, now I am convicted too! You are absolutely RIGHT ON!
I stumbled upon your blog and I'm convinced it's not by chance! This post is exactly how the Lord spoke to me today! He's just SO patient with us. We learn so much about His love for us through mothering our children.
Great post!
~Erica
I have NO IDEA how people can do this parenting job without Him! I have asked myself those same questions and usually God reminds me that I behave much the same way. We are currently struggling with listening and obeying at our house (mine are 7, 5, &2). I loved some of your commentor's suggestions about asking them what they need to do. I am going to have to try that approach.
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