This morning over breakfast the children started asking me if any 'bad guys' would be in Heaven. This led to discussion about 'the way the truth and the light' and the profession of faith necessary to enter Heaven. (Heavy talks for four year olds at 7am!)
One of the children asked me if people in jail can ever go to Heaven. I explained that people who made really bad choices could, in fact, have a change of heart and follow God. We talked about the fact that there were people who specifically went to the jails to pray with and for the people being punished there. I told them that sometimes people who loved Jesus listened to 'the sneaky snake' and made bad choices that led to big trouble.
Then, R mentioned our relationship with KP. (We haven't heard from her in months!) As we talked about the fact that, yes, we loved on KP in order to show her God's love, R shook his head and said matter-of-factly, "But she sold drugs again and went back to jail."
P added in a truly concerned voice, "I think we need to pray for her some more, Mama."
There are times when I beat myself up for being a bit too intense. I wonder how on Earth I can shelter my children from things like Spongebob, yet expose them to stories about drugs and jail.
I worry how they will one day explain their childhood and their wacky mother who took them to camp with homeless children while wearing monogrammed clothing--or the day we left a preschool party we were hosting to go meet bounty hunters.
I have passion, good intentions and a human, sinful nature. I love people who have nothing, yet still like a comfy, cozy name brand life. I wish I had it together and could consistently love Jesus the way I want to. I have SUCH a long way to go as a Christian, a wife, a Mom, a friend, a daughter...Yet, as I catch glimpses of the compassion God is developing in my children or hear their desire to pray for others I am humbled and amazed at how the investment being made in our children is starting to come together. Line upon line, day after day, the exposure to God's Word in music, stories and real life experiences is developing a foundation in their hearts and lives.
The fact of the matter is, God wants them to love, serve and glorify Him WAY MORE than I want that for them. He can use this broken vessel and He can redeem my mistakes. My children's days have already been written in His book. My role is, frankly, more about how He is using parenthood to sanctify me than it is about what He is using me to do in their lives. It is not up to me to save them---but what an unbelievable blessing that I get to have a front row seat in the work God is doing in their little lives!
Isn't parenthood AMAZING?