Great Expectations

Next month my husband and I will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. I have been thinking a lot about the supposed '7 year itch' over the last couple of weeks--and how happy I am to be in this place in our marriage.

Today, as I was putting away laundry (ugh!) I was listening to some old favorites from my ipod. As U2's Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For came on, I couldn't help but remember those days as a single gal in my mid 20s. I was dubbed 'The One Date Wonder' by many of my friends. I cannot tell you how many blind dates and first-and-only dates I went on...but it is dozens. I really believed God had something worth waiting for in store, but how my heart longed for the fairytale to hurry up and arrive.

The next song was Dixie Chicks' Cowboy Take Me Away. I have very vivid memories attached to that song. New Year's Eve 1999, my two unattached roommates and I spent the millenium weekend in Highlands, NC. It was a watershed weekend midway through the two year 'break' my husband and I took during our courtship. I dramatically burned a couple of meaningful letters from him that I had been clinging to and uncorked the bottle of Dom Perignon friends had given me when I moved to Atlanta while we were dating. It had been set aside to celebrate our eventual engagement. That weekend I surrendered my dream of him and the girls and I toasted to the present instead of the 'what ifs.' We hiked to a great spot and as the sun set we toasted out 1999, a year that had been pretty difficult for all three of us.

On the hike down we sang "Cowboy" at the top of our lungs. "I wanna be the only one, for miles and miles...except for maybe you and that simple smile. Oh, it sounds so good to me..." I wondered who that mystery man might be that I was singing those words about.

I always had a list of what I desired in a husband, but I had no idea what marriage would be like. As I sang all those dreamy songs and prayed for God's ideal match for me I couldn't have dreamed how different the real thing would be. Books, movies, love songs...they all set us up for great expectations of love at first sight, being swept off our feet and slow dancing through the remainder of our lives. I think it is unfortunate that they don't spend more time on the parts that are really incredible...the quiet places where words aren't necessary, the grounding you can get from a glance across the room, the familiarity and strength of holding your partner's hand, watching your children together and being blown away that those remarkable individuals are the result of your falling in love.

No one ever told me how strangely wonderful it will be to have a partner to pull out the grey hairs you can't quite reach, whisper to you that you need a breath mint or how amazingly comforting it would be to climb in bed after a long day, intertwine feet and simply exhale.

I couldn't have imagined marrying a man who thought I was beautiful in the morning, who didn't try to change my quirks, but loved me enough to call me out on things that matter and who would lovingly wash my hair in a basin because he knew it would make me feel a bit more like a person after days in the ICU.

The fairy tales and Hollywood version are entertaining but they cannot hold a candle to the real thing.