Thursday, January 15, 2009

Funk

I am in a funk. Not a pray-for-me-my-life-is-falling-apart kind of funk. More of a I-feel-heavy-and-tired kind of funk. I just feel a bit out of sync and like someone is squeezing their hand around my heart.

I paged my husband to talk about it at 8:15 this morning. (Do you love it? Next time you are in a waiting room, console yourself with the fact that the doc may running behind because he had to take care of an unplanned patient, his emotional wife.) He is a very good listener.

I had K home Monday, P & K home Tuesday, a full day of catching up on Wednesday, and P home again today. (All for yucky chest cold symptoms--nothing serious.) I have not been able to do much of anything. I have missed meetings, my exercise group and Bible Study. I know getting out of my normal routine has left me feeling disconnected from my community.

Meanwhile, I am concerned about people in my life. I am OK, but there are many around me dealing with divorce, death, illness, addiction, financial woes. My heart hurts even though I have no personal reason to feel sad. I am not sure if this makes any sense...

I do not want to be mastered by my circumstances, yet I think loving others involves getting our hands dirty and our hearts involved.

I am reminded that we are battling a slick, sly Enemy. Satan is the Great Deceiver. I am angry at the lies I am watching people around me fall for.

I am feeling hard on myself for all the ways I do not measure up as a wife, mother, friend, school volunteer. (Even though I know these things fall into the category of lies. Why am I entertaining them?)

Then there is the guilt I feel in whining about my funk when there is not anything serious ailing me--especially when compared to the circumstances others are facing...

In the midst of writing this post I decided that letting the world wide web in on my crazy was probably a bit more vulnerable than I needed to be. As I was preparing to hit delete, I called two good friends of mine and shared how I was feeling. To my surprise, they both admitted feeling the same way. So, I am publishing this in the hopes someone else may feel a little more normal knowing there are others who feel like you do.

Winter duldrums, economic stress, being homebound with sick children, the burden of real life taking its toll...whatever the cause of this funk, it is good to know I am not alone.

I am reminded of Galatians 6:2 "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Here's to friends to share burdens with...and may we always remember to carry them straight to the foot of the cross!

I am feeling a little better already.

23 comments:

Laura said...

I am so glad that your husband stopped to listen to you while he was at work. If he was my doctor, I would have been proud of him if I ever found out why he was late (and if I didn't find out that it was because he needed to take care of his family, I would have probably just been annoyed that the appointments were scheduled too close together which is in my head the reason why doctors are late). Anyways, I am so glad that your husband cares so much for you!

MamaBear said...

I'm feeling better too J. Thanks for being so transparent for us. I am experiencing many of these emotions as well. It hasn't been above zero in days which isn't helping. Thanks for helping me feel normal.

Samantha said...

Take heart. When it happens to me I end up telling my husband "my insides hurt." Drink lots of water, get extra rest and turn on some praise music - Chris Tomlin usually works pretty well for me. Also, don't underestimate the power of your hormones or how relieved you can be with a good cry. May God pour out the warmth of his goodness upon your hurting heart and bless you richly with his loving presence!

picturesofhisgrace said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. It does make me feel better to know I am not the only one. I have been this way since the weekend after new years. I feel like it has been a cloud of depression over me. It continues to get better day by day. I have found that I am having to continually renew my mind with God's truths to get thru it. I have also been learning a song that is entitled "More Than Conquerors." The words of this song remind me that all the battles have been won thru the blood of Jesus Christ. We don't have to be afraid because of what He has done for us. We just have to keep hanging on His promises. God's word truly is the key to keeping our minds focused on Him.

Laura said...

I am in a funk too! I was doing OK until I got a surprise bill on Tuesday night and nearly had a meltdown. It was the final straw to all the stress and it nearly took me out. But then I sold my old car this morning for almost the EXACTY amount. God provides, doesn't He? I still feel like "someone is squeezing their hand around my heart" but it's going to be OK. Thank you for being vulnerable ... cause it helps me know I'm normal.

Beth said...

I'm feeling better also. The "funk" is exhausting...is so good at creeping in to steal away my energy and happiness. Yet, my joy remains...choosing to focus on Him rather than all "this" is a choice to make daily. Know you are not alone. Thanks for being so open. I truly believe sharing with others in this life brings Him glory when the common thread shared is that life is messy but He is perfect.

Jill said...

I call it the January blues. Yesterday it seemed as if each phone call, conversation and news I heard was sad, bad and depressing.
The temp this a.m. was -15 degrees.
But now the sun is shinning, we have a clean house, spaghetti sauce on the stove and a 4 year old resting upstairs.
God is good.
Hope that your funk turns around soon. I pick up a book and transform my mind to a different time and place.

Kris said...

I feel the same way!

Mindy said...

I can totally relate to being home with sick kids and missing social interaction with adults! Praying for you!!!!

Renee said...

Thanks so much for sharing. I just wrote a winter blues post, myself. I am really, really encouraged, but at the same timing, hoping for an easier time for you!

Pamela said...

I am so glad that you shared how you were feeling today. That is exactly how my day has been. Yesterday was a busy day for me. I had to have a not so pleasant doctor's appointment, my son had a doctor's appointment, and then we took the kids to see Bob the Builder--a trip we had planned for a long time. Yesterday was much better than today. All I have done is sit in my pj's all day and sleep off and on most of the day. Don't understand it!

I am up now and functioning. I just hope that it isn't the start of several days of wanting to do this. I may just have to make myself get moving!

Again, thanks for putting yourself out there for all of us.

pscole3467 at gmail dot com

Tari said...

Hang in there - it happens to all of us! And get some extra rest - you may be catching the same thing that kept the children home.

Bailey's Leaf said...

Boy girl, you are more normal than you give yourself credit for! It's funny that you should bring this up today. I was tagged the other day for something called Honest Scrap. I posted mine today. Guess what? It's a bunch of stuff saying AAAAHHHHHH!

Here: http://baileysleaf.blogspot.com/2009/01/tagged-honest-scrap.html

You're a good mama and good wife. All of us get into that trap of not feeling good enough. But give a little lean. The Lord, your husband, friends and the blogosphere will hold you up.

Hugs, my mama friend.

Anonymous said...

It happens - doesn't it! You may be under attack from the enemy who wants to bring you down because of the good work you are doing with those young ladies. May God keep you strong as you fight the lies and the funk.

Just me said...

Yesterday at my Bible Study, we dove into the words of John 10. I was so encouraged by the vision of Jesus, the good shepherd, laying down by the only entrance of the sheep pan so that he could protect us. And he knows us!!!
He knows that we get overwhelmed, we are out of sync, and he is there. To be sure that Satan does not get us.

Michelle said...

I have been feeling "funky" lately as well. I really do think that it has to do with winter.

k and c's mom said...

OK: your post makes me feel normal. The excitement of the holidays is over, family is all gone, I'm back in my classroom trying to get my pace with 19 six-year olds...and haven't found time for time with friends. I feel like I'm running on empty! But I know it is time to run to Him and renew and refresh the vision He has for me. Thanks for the encouragement.

Colored With Memories said...

i'm so glad you decided to share all of this.

have you ever read Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss?

a great read!

Jen said...

I have been struggling with the same stuff this week. Winter often makes me feel that way, then I feel guilty for it.

Thanks for sharing.

Tara said...

This happens to me every January even though I try to not let it happen each year. I'm trying to make the best of it and pray my way through.

Angela said...

I am also in a "funk" for lack of a better word. I tried to explain it to my husband, but, as a man, he just doesn't get it - he listens, though, which is very important.

My scripture memorization for the LPM blog for Jan. 1 is Philippians 4:6 and I've been hanging onto it:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Angela in TN

P.S. It doesn't help that it is so cold here!!! It was 6 degrees this morning. I am near Chattanooga and that is waaaaaay too cold!

Tanya said...

Thanks so much for sharing your vulnerabilties with all of us...you are an inspiration. There is so much going on in our world right now to drag us down...I think everyone who has any feelings at all for mankind cannot help but feel 'funky'. Be they young parents struggling to provide a safe and loving home for their children, college students struggling to get the degree that gives them hope for a brighter future, retirees trying to live off of social security and 401K income, or anyone in between... these are scarey times for all of us. Those of us who trust in God are lucky, we have faith in an all seeing, all knowing deity, yet even we cannot help but worry.
I believe this may be a wake up call for all believers...we need to become more of a community than we have been in the past 20 to 30 years...to actually 'care' about our fellow man and pitch in to help where ever we can.
God will bless you for what you are doing...just keep trusting him...he is the only one who knows the plan.
Tanya

casey said...

Thank you for that. I take comfort in knowing others are feeling the funk too! The verse about being anxious is comforting too.