I am in a funk. Not a pray-for-me-my-life-is-falling-apart kind of funk. More of a I-feel-heavy-and-tired kind of funk. I just feel a bit out of sync and like someone is squeezing their hand around my heart.
I paged my husband to talk about it at 8:15 this morning. (Do you love it? Next time you are in a waiting room, console yourself with the fact that the doc may running behind because he had to take care of an unplanned patient, his emotional wife.) He is a very good listener.
I had K home Monday, P & K home Tuesday, a full day of catching up on Wednesday, and P home again today. (All for yucky chest cold symptoms--nothing serious.) I have not been able to do much of anything. I have missed meetings, my exercise group and Bible Study. I know getting out of my normal routine has left me feeling disconnected from my community.
Meanwhile, I am concerned about people in my life. I am OK, but there are many around me dealing with divorce, death, illness, addiction, financial woes. My heart hurts even though I have no personal reason to feel sad. I am not sure if this makes any sense...
I do not want to be mastered by my circumstances, yet I think loving others involves getting our hands dirty and our hearts involved.
I am reminded that we are battling a slick, sly Enemy. Satan is the Great Deceiver. I am angry at the lies I am watching people around me fall for.
I am feeling hard on myself for all the ways I do not measure up as a wife, mother, friend, school volunteer. (Even though I know these things fall into the category of lies. Why am I entertaining them?)
Then there is the guilt I feel in whining about my funk when there is not anything serious ailing me--especially when compared to the circumstances others are facing...
In the midst of writing this post I decided that letting the world wide web in on my crazy was probably a bit more vulnerable than I needed to be. As I was preparing to hit delete, I called two good friends of mine and shared how I was feeling. To my surprise, they both admitted feeling the same way. So, I am publishing this in the hopes someone else may feel a little more normal knowing there are others who feel like you do.
Winter duldrums, economic stress, being homebound with sick children, the burden of real life taking its toll...whatever the cause of this funk, it is good to know I am not alone.
I am reminded of Galatians 6:2 "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Here's to friends to share burdens with...and may we always remember to carry them straight to the foot of the cross!
I am feeling a little better already.