I read this last night and it really struck me:
"Regardless of how long we've been Christians and how deeply we've studied God's Word, most of us don't really believe down in the marrow of our bones that God is entirely, wholeheartedly and unwaveringly on our side. We live most of our lives unconvinced that God is really for us. We have little trouble picturing ourselves on God's side, but for the life of us we can't picture God stooping down enough to be on ours." Beth Moore, Stepping Up
I must confess that I don't always live as if I believe He is for me. I rarely think He is against me, it is more that I think the God of the Universe has far more important things to devote his attention to like hurricanes, global poverty, economic issues, presidential elections, victims of abuse/grave injustices, etc...
Beth Moore went on to point out that most of us look to circumstantial evidence to conclude whether or not God is for us, against us or merely tolerating us. I was reminded of the tough choices we often make as parents--unpopular decisions by our children's standards-- that are generally rooted in a bigger picture lesson.
The real application point came for me when she referenced John 13:7:
Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." (NIV)
K, P & R are doing well in their new school environment, but we are experiencing some regression in terms of separation anxiety. Because they have always had each other in nursery/preschool situations, we have really never dealt with problems in this area. School (and separate classes, specifically) has changed that. It is a long day away from me and the first three hours are away from each other.
Mondays are my school volunteer days. I spend 45 minutes in each of the 3 classes assisting the teachers with reading and phonics lessons. The children want to be right by my side when I am in their classes, but so far it has been in a manageable, somewhat endearing way. Monday, however, things got downright ugly in K's class. About 10 minutes before I was scheduled to leave she started crying and asking if I was going to take her with me when I left. It was only 10:30, so I reminded her that she had more work to do at school and I had work to do at home, but I would be back after rest time. Then she wrapped herself around me and started sobbing. I decided to go ahead and leave the class a little early because I was now officially more of a distraction than a help. The little girl I was scheduled to work with next, then started crying, "No, I was next. It was my turn." Great! Two little girls sobbing is definitely not a good thing.
K's teacher was in the midst of a lesson, so I ducked out into the hallway with K still wrapped tightly around me crying, "PLEEEEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, MAMA!" I tried to talk some sense into her, but that sweet little mind was made up. She wanted to leave right then with me. I summoned the school secretary, who very sweetly attempted to reason with K, but it was no use. She just became more overwrought as it became obvious that I was not going to give in. Before I knew it, the secretary and I were literally prying my hair and my raincoat out of K's clenched fists. I told her I loved her and assured her I would be back as scheduled then left my precious daughter hysterically crying, "I DON'T WANT TO STAY. PLEASE TAKE ME, MAMA. PLEEEASE." I was a crying mess as I dashed out the front door of the school and ducked into my car.
I knew I needed to leave her there. I felt confident the tears would subside within a minute of my departure, but it did not minimize how my heart felt as I witnessed the anguish my child was experiencing. I could not explain to her why staying at school was the right decision. She was not in a rational place and 4 year olds do not have the perspective 34 year olds have anyway.
But going back to today's lesson, 34 year olds don't have the perspective of their Heavenly Father either. How often have I, like K, found myself begging God to take me OUT of something He needed me to be IN for reasons I could not understand at the time.
He has proven Himself more than worthy of our trust. Sometimes our clenched fists have to be pried away, not because He is against us, but because He is so completely for us!
17 comments:
I can only imagine your tears as you had to wrench yourself away from that situation! How true that, as you say, a 4-year-old doesn't have the perspective of a 34-year-old, and likewise we don't have the perspective of our Heavenly Father. Thank you for this reminder. I need it tonight. And I think my own 4-year-old could also use the reminder that God is on her side, as she has been struggling lately with an unanswered prayer. I'll be looking for the right moment tomorrow to gently discuss this subject with her.
I hope you learned later on that K was, in fact, just fine after you left, and I hope that there are no more such scenes in your future!
i just found that verse the other day in my daily light book. 2 weeks ago i was a stay at home mom and now i find myself teaching 8 hour days in a classroom. Reading your blog tonight brought it to my attn again...and no just like a 4 year old this 38 year old does not understand right now but i too will know after this.:)
Good word, Jen. I think I'm in that place right now of not understanding everything that's going on, yet knowing my perspective is limited.
That's one truth I am holding onto with all my heart right now! I don't understand....but I know he loves me and has a greater purpose in mind! I have felt his love surround me greater during this time than I ever have!
I really liked that day and got a lot out of it as well. It was refreshing to be reminded that God is FOR me. I don't think I ever put into terms like that!
Thanks so much for posting this. As someone who is currently "stuck" in a place I don't want to live and wondering why on earth God seems to be leaving me here when it makes no sense for me to be here (to ME), I'll remember this analogy and know there's a reason.
Thanks for this post. It really hit home for me and touched my heart. Thanks again. I love your blog, thank you for sharing.
What a beautiful picture you have drawn here with God causing us to stay in situations we want OUT of. How great is the Father's love for us to walk us THROUGH instead of AROUND our issues. Because we come out the other side the victor. And His heart must burst with pride for us: His children.
I'm a 20-year teacher. I don't know if this helps, but it happens all the time. You did the right thing. I see this on field trips, with moms helping in the room, with moms just crossing the threshhold of the classroom: once you are in "their" space, the children don't want you to leave it. And that's OK: it is just teaching them to let go graciously. In the rare case that the parent HAS taken the child home, that also meets a need in the child's heart and it doesn't tend to happen again. I don't see it as a control issue as much as a need to be reminded of boundaries and a parent's love. The school year and all the changes are still very new. In May, you will probably have to drag K away for the summer!
Thank you for another very insightful post. It's funny how much God can use our children to reveal how we relate to Him.
I am in the same place as well; I so completely do not understand some of the situations we are in right now. I still struggle with the "why?" more often than not.
Thanks for your post today; I am amazed at how often I learn something I need to hear TODAY by reading here!
I, too am in a place that I don't want to be and He has told me it's all about me Him and not the other person. This helped my perspective and I pray I remember the picture of K having to have her hands pried off of your hair and rain coat, because it will remind me that I need to let go of Him and the situatin and rest in His dealings. For I know that the "place" is where He wants me and there are/is lessons to be learned that I can only learn in this "place". I do pray that you don't have to go thru such a heart wrenching experience again, how it breaks a mama's heart. You have been blessed by Him, for giving you such insight. I pray it didn't take her long to calm down after yu left. Your post was a reminder to me from Him, that He truly has things under control and I need to rest in Him.
As a relatively new Christian, I used to worry about how I would minister to my children. I didn't grow up in a Christian home, so how would I, a novice, pretend to be a teacher of The Word, The Truth, The Gospel, to my children? I never would have thought that I could learn so much through my children, too. My heart is warmed to know that even seasoned Christians are learning lessons from their children, and I am not alone. Thank you for giving such a perfect picture of our relationship with Him.
I think we've met once at a baby shower for Randi. My husband went to Auburn and lived with Todd for a while there and here in Atlanta. What a small world!
I think the Lord is trying to drive this point home to me in a huge way right now. In the last three days, references to this very issue have crossed my path, and I am taking heed.
Thanks so much for sharing your story with sweet K. My mama's heart aches right alongside you, and I have so been there. Yet, your closing comments were right on target. So appreciate you and the insight our Lord places on your heart to share.
I, too, am in a place where I don't want to be, but God is not taking me out of it. I have finally come to the point of surrender and saying "Not my will, but Yours be done." That's a hard thing to pray! Thanks for this great reminder that God is FOR me, and He has the plan worked out.
I'm totally sobbing while reading this. I SO needed to hear this today. And just like it breaks our mommy-hearts when our children feel so hurt by our decision, how much it must break the Lord's heart to hear us screaming and crying when we don't understand His ways!
So good.
Quite a perspective. I guess there are still those days that I cling to God's leg begging him to take me out of this, make it easier on me. But for whatever reason, I am meant to be here. gwen
Such good stuff! I just "RE"-started Stepping Up. I started it last spring, but the triplets weren't really condusive to a flex-schedule then. A local church just started it up, so I jumped back in. I'm so excited! It's such good stuff! =)
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