Thursday, August 21, 2008

Heaven

Today marks one week since the children started their new school and things are going really well. We are still going through some growing pains as we get in a rhythm with this new chapter of our lives, but that is to be expected. My job description has changed quite a bit, in that I feel like I have very clearly marked blocks of time in which to accomplish certain things.

Previously, I had a sitter 10-15 hours a week to provide some midday relief/entertainment while I ran errands, attended meetings or spent some quality time with a child or two on their own. This Summer our sitter moved away and since we are in school for such a chunk of each week, we decided not to replace her. I now have until 2:30 to get errands run, bills paid, business issues addressed, volunteer work done, exercise in, social needs met, blogs read, e-mails returned and household duties handled. My goal is to be completely present and focused on the children from 2:30-7:30 each day. I am a pretty compartmentalized chic, so this works really well for me.

As the children and I spend time together in the afternoon, I can already see their appetite for knowledge and understanding growing. The depth of their questions continues to astound (and challenge) me. Furthermore, I am realizing that since it is now just Sunday School and home where they will receive their Christian education, I have to really step up my game.

The ABC Bible Verses each morning have provided an excellent springboard and reference point for conversation, yet nothing could fully prepare me for my afterlife conversations with K.

Last week at breakfast she sighed a big sigh and said, "Mom? When will my days here be over? I am tired of this life."
My mind started reeling. K is my joyful child. Absolutely nothing upsetting was happening. She had only been awake for 20 minutes. The night before had been uneventful. What on EARTH???
"K, what do you mean?"
"I am just tired of being in this life and ready to grow up so I can be a clown."
I could not help but chuckle with extreme relief. My child was not depressed...she was just being 4 years old.

However, this evening it happened again. From the backseat of the car she said, "Mom, when will God say my days are done?" (This is how we have explained death.)
"I don't know, baby. But I hope it is a long time from now--like when you are a great-grandmother like Nana or Grandmama Dobbs."
"But, Mom, I want to go to heaven now."
I tried to explain that God had a plan for her life and He would decide when she was done. She wanted to know the plan. (She is her mother's daughter!)

I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but, seriously, this conversation bothered me. The superstitious part of me begged God to not be warning me or preparing me for something. The protective mother in me went into overdrive trying to figure out if there was any possible way something had happened to hurt or frighten her. The child does not show a single sign of depression. No one close to us has died. We have scarcely discussed heaven. Why this preoccupation? And why is it freaking me out so much?

I want her heart to long for its eternal home...but to hear this from the mouth of my precious baby girl is a little unsettling. I tried to reach my husband, but he was tied up with a patient.
I frantically dialed my friend, Beth, who has read every Christian advice book known to man. Two of her three children are older than mine, so she is a frequent go-to person for my 'Is this normal?' check. I literally pulled over in a McDonald's parking lot and stepped out of my car to tell her what happened and get some in-the-moment advice. She gave me great words to share with K about how each day is an adventure and a chance to discover what jobs God has for us that day--and that if she is ever feeling bored she should just pray that God will show her more ways she can learn about Him and show His love to others.

Tonight for devotion we pulled out our copy of Questions Kids Ask About Heaven and Angels and Daddy had another bedtime conversation with her about it all. When he came back in to debrief, he chuckled, "It was apparently a great talk. When I asked her if she had any questions she meowed and told me she was no longer K, she is now a cat." He then reminded me that just yesterday she asked if we could go to China today to see the Olympics.

She is imaginatively exploring her world. Her concept of time and reality are both a bit off. She is four.

10 comments:

Kim said...

I think I would have had the same reaction and wonder if I was being prepared for something. I do love her imagination!

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Colored With Memories said...

"I am just tired of being in this life and ready to grow up so I can be a clown."

"When I asked her if she had any questions she meowed and told me she was no longer K, she is now a cat."

JMom, I in no way am trying to take away from the serious and reflective side of this post...but I just have to let you know that these two statements had me laughing to the point of tears!

Oh how I wish my Lily and your K could know one another...they'd be quite a pair!

R said...

i would have felt superstitious myself! but you handled it beautifully. thank you and Beth for helping me be a little more prepared when the topic comes up with my children too!

jeni said...

I so know what you mean! My youngest was in Cubbies, and there was a lesson on heaven. He was in tears because he was afraid we (he and I) wouldn't be there at the same time (I would most likely go first), and he couldn't bear that thought. Oh, my precious sensitive boy! So, we launched into a study (on his level) about heaven and prayed, and, from that point on and to this day, 6 years later, he talks about heaven and wanting to go there and how he can't wait. As a mom, it freaks me out, and I have had the same emotions as you. But I have learned and am still learning to see his precious faith in his statements and his pure heart. But, I totally get what you're saying!!!

Brandy Thixton said...

I have to say that I held my breath through most of this post... and happily breathed a sigh of relief with the "meow."

You handled this so well, and I am duly impressed (and taking mental notes).

storey said...

crazy how they all will go from being four to sounding like teenagers!!! love her! dont know what i would be doing without being able to read this...missing you guys! praying for you all too!!!

Jill said...

My kids are always saying things like this that scare me, but then make me glad that we have Heaven to talk about and not some vague place.
My 4 year old asked me the other day if she could go to heaven just for a day and visit my grandfather who died before she was born. I said not until you are really old.
Her response...like you mom.

KirkKrew said...

It really is a sweet story and a true testament to the work you are doing in their lives. K sounds a lot like my oldest--very interested in the idea of Heaven and intrigued by the mystery and greatness of it. I pray that others could learn from the this as well. It is a little alarming to hear such mature conversations from 4-year olds, but they have so much to teach us with their incredible childlike faith.

k and c's mom said...

I loved this post on many levels. What I loved the best was that God so orchestrated K's verbal honesty, the wisdom He has given you and your husband and the godly words of a trusted friend. Honestly, isn't God's work and presence in our lives like a symphony? My prayer is always that we have eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit is doing and saying. Seems you have both the eyes and ears set to the Spirit of God.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I read this last week, J, and I still find myself thinking about it.

My kids have said similar things. I agree that it's unnerving. But I think it just shows their childlike faith. So simple and trusting. "If it's better there, why would I want to be here?"