Marriage

Recently, my heart has been tenderized towards the real hurt and struggle going on within many marriages. My husband and I have talked at length about 'what goes wrong' and how folks get off track in their love and commitment to one another.

I suppose it is a function of being in my mid-thirties, beyond most 'honeymoon phases' and into the reality of adulthood, but we seem to be surrounded by couples on the brink. I just want to stand up and scream, "Stop the madness!"

I think this is the place (10-15 years out of college) where many of us stop and evaluate our lives up against the 'dream' of what we thought we would be doing in this place and time. For most people I would venture to say they never dreamed they would be where they are. Comparison is truly the thief of all joy.

The message I hope we are able to teach our children is this: There is a reason getting married involves vows. Life sends surprises. People change. Feelings often fade, but being married means you pledged before God and a room full of other people that you would stick it out. There is not an exit strategy. Marriage is for keeps.

Personally, I think this is what makes marriage so incredible. I have never known a feeling in the world like the commitment of my spouse. The security that comes in feeling so loved and honored by another is truly indescribable. There is a sacredness that reveals a whole other part of God's character I could not grasp before.

My husband and I are real people in a stressful world. I do not intend to imply we have this thing all figured out. We get tired. We annoy each other. We are from very different backgrounds and brought different expectations into our marriage. In only 7 short years we have moved 3 times, been through infertility, starting a practice, a very difficult pregnancy, preemie triplets, near death, stressful financial decisions. We have hurt each other. I find myself apologizing a lot, but we have 6 simple words that somehow always seem to bring us right back to a place of amazing perspective: We are on the same team.

We may have different expectations, ideas, moods, feelings, preferences, fears...but we are in this together. God gave us each other for our refinement and for our encouragement. We are each other's helpmates. We refuse to allow circumstances, moods, hurts, temptations, etc. divide us. We are two type A, strong horses--but we'll get nowhere unless we pull together.

We are on the same team.

I want to be understanding to those who feel disappointed or even trapped by where they have wound up, but I feel a pressing urge to encourage you to FIGHT for your families. Do not let the Enemy prevail. Remember your vows and fight for, not against each other. This is a great article elaborating on that thought.

Life gets hard. People get sick and/or out of shape. Men lose hair, while women get it in unattractive places. Circumstances change and no one gets to live a fairy tale. The older I get the more I realize that true beauty is not found in perfection, but from the ashes and the overcoming together. The challenging times, where you are forced to show what you are really made of, are the real relationship builders.

Grab the hand of the one God gave you and run the race to the finish. Push through the hard parts. Our families and our testimonies are far too important to make any other choice.

I will now step down from my soap box. But, if you haven't yet seen any information on Fireproof, you may want to check this link out.

Disclaimer: I am absolutely not attempting to apply too broad a brush to this issue. I realize there are people dealing with serious situations like abuse or spousal addictions. My message is really aimed at the bored, discontent, disenchanted, who are tempted to throw in the towel because it would be easier. I also do not intend to come across as judgmental. I know and love divorced people and I realize others have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.