It has always been this way. I will be well-trained when the trio is in their teenaged years. I am all about the 'sit up and wait' routine.
I know he has now been working for 17 hours. I know he functions on the adrenaline from the seriousness of his task. He does not let down his guard while he is working, so I worry that he will leave the hospital and exhale...that he'll relax and something terrible will happen. Or that some crazy person will crash into him, since nothing good happens after 10 pm.
I know it is irrational. I try to chase the thoughts away as quickly as they flash through my brain, so that they will not take root. Yet, it is the routine I go through on these crazy call nights. (Thankfully, they only happen once or twice a week!)
He works at two different hospitals. We live 5 minutes from the hospital that gets most of the trauma, so I hear sirens in the distance all night and helicopters when something serious is arriving or being shipped out. This is my vigil.
He is the one on call...but in many ways I feel as if I have my role as well. To listen and when I start to worry, to pray.
As I was typing this I was reminded of a bedtime conversation with K a couple of nights ago. She asked me if God slept while we were sleeping. I assured her that He did not. Tonight, I need that assurance so I can leave my post and go to bed.
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121 (NIV)
7 comments:
You're not alone in your worrying and waiting when the people we love aren't safe in our home. May you have the peace you will need to get some rest tonight.
This was one of Martha Berry's favorite passages. I've always loved it, too. Hope you were able to get some rest tonight. I love reading your blog.
When we lived in London, Mike had to be in Luanda, Angola, 30-40% of the time. After 9/11, I was on edge whenever he was gone. Anytime there was any kind of "incident", I'd be glued to the TV wondering if it would affect where he was or the route he'd travel home.
Before that, it was being on rigs in the North Sea when we lived in Norway. It's always something when we are separated from the ones we love.
On 9/11, Mike was fortunately in the UK (which was good since his company shut down ANY international travel for about three weeks - he could have been stranded in Africa). But we were watching it all unfold while the children, young adults in university, were in Texas asleep, unaware of what was happening. After I'd talked to each one and knew where they were, how they were feeling, etc., I felt SO much better!
I've learned that prayer does not always beget the answer I thought was needed, but prayer does put me in the right place, heighten my awareness of my dependence on God and instill peace within even in the midst of a storm. C.S. Lewis said something to this effect when his wife lie dying from cancer, "I don't pray to change God; I pray to change myself".
I'm with you on this one, it is hard! We are heading home tomorrow, can't wait to see you guys!
What a beautiful Psalm and a needed reminder that God is always watching over us! I am already beginning to worry about my husband's new 90 mile roundtrip to work each day.
It's so difficult when the people we love aren't tucked away under our roofs. I hope you were able to go to sleep not too much later than this post.
Thank you for this post! I know we don't know each other, but my husband is a cardiology fellow who does 30 hour shifts a couple times a week. I too do the same vigil...afraid something will happen when he finally gets to come home! I needed the reminder that I can sleep because God does not. Thank you!
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