It defies explanation. I am loved by my family. I am living my dream life. Most importantly, I am secure in my eternal salvation and my identity in Christ. I am striving to love and serve my Heavenly Father as an expression of my love for Him, even when it means going against the crowd. I don't spend my days trying to be someone I am not. Yet, while I am out in social situations I spend a portion of my time analyzing my personality: Am I obnoxious and talking too much or withdrawn and boring, talking too little? Should I be circulating more or is this in-depth conversation more important? I hate small talk, so I tend to go deep quickly which can catch some folks off guard. I used to be so much more fun. When did I get so intense?
This afternoon we went to our neighborhood pool for the first time. Donning a swimsuit with pasty skin brought up all the body image issues women who have delivered babies know all too well: cushy, saggy, squishy, victims of slowing metabolism and gravity... What is happening to my body? As I was talking to a friend about the nightmare of swimsuit shopping, we laughed that no one was paying attention to what we looked like, they were all too preoccupied with their own insecurities. What a sad observation.
And what do we make of confident women? I observed a few of those this week, and watched the negative reception they often received from other females.
As I thought about how to model the appropriate balance for my daughter, I was overwhelmed. Why on Earth can't we be comfortable in our skin, as the people God made us? I am not suggesting we 'let ourselves go,' but where is the line where we stop obsessing and just accept ourselves (and each other)?
I don't have the answer, but tonight I was still mulling all this as I was putting the children to bed. Then an amazing thing happened, P spoke up out of the blue:
"I weally like your pony tail, Mommy."
"Thanks, P."
"I love you just the way you are."
As I silently thanked God (with a chuckle) for using my little love bug to encourage me when I needed it most, P spoke up again.
"I love myself just the way I am, too."
I can really learn a lot from these children!
1 Peter 3:3-4: "Let not your adornment be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God"
9 comments:
Oh those children speak such deep truths without even knowing it. It sounds as if you have such sweet spirited children. I love reading about your mothering journey. You really do encourage me with your commitment and honesty. You really, really have helped me see things differently.
I struggle with this, too. Sometimes I forget HOW to be social b/c I don't get a lot of practice anymore.
I don't know you, you don't know me ... But, I think you are beautiful (I'm basing that on your pictures here.).
You are such an inspiration to me. I come here everyday to read your latest.
Thanks for sharing your life with such honesty.
Jen
Love this post! I have always been insecure and this is right on. Why can't we just be comfortable with who we are and how God made us!
It has been awhile since I have commented. I love your new look and we are approaching the 4's so fast around here it is scary. This weekend is our big party! Are you having one?
Nicole
You are NOT alone in feeling like this. I have often thought in the midst of some social settings........"I am a 31 year old married mother of four. I have the adoration of my husband and my children. I have fabulous friendships with some gals who have seen me at my worst and love me anyway. Why am I standing here feeling fifteen again?"
It is who we are........we want to be loved and accepted. We want to matter. What a great opportunity to remind ourselves yet again that we are cherished by God himself.
I did not learn this lesson alone. It did not come naturally to me. God's love was revelaed to me through others. So that is another aspect we must consider. Are we showing through our actions that God cherishes us all.
Just the thought of bathing suits makes me sick to my stomach. I thought I would never wear one with a skirt - but, I am wondering why they don't make them with bermuda shorts!!! Kerin
I so struggle with self confidence issues that have been with me for most of my life.
What a wonderful reminder from God about how much he loves you -- I love it when he uses our kids to do something like that!
I like Tracy's answer. Perhaps we all have this, even the ones that appear to have all the confidence in the world. They're just better actresses. It must be our fallen nature.
Don't worry in Heaven we'll all look marvelous in swimsuits :)
Thank you for the great post! I think we all struggle with this more than we think.
I love your post today. I can so relate to it. I teach kindergarten, so I get lots of unconditional love...it's so refreshing. It reminds me of God's unconditional love for me!
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