We don't color-code everything, but we have definite assignments when it comes to our cups. The children can use open cups, and do during home meals, but when we are on the go sippy cups are just easier. The children are 100% responsible for their cups. They must carry them, keep up with them, etc. I ask general questions to trigger their memory like: "Do you have what you need?"
I made (in Microsoft Word) and laminated a flowsheet (with pictures and simple words) for our bedtime routine. Rather than constant nagging or commanding, I can prompt them with questions like, "Have you done everything you need to do?" My next step is to work on a similar sheet for our morning routine.
We are also working on putting shoes on without help. To aid in the left foot, right foot confusion I have put arrows inside their shoes on the soles with a black Sharpie. Such a simple little thing, but it really empowers them.
Although we do not yet have assigned chores, the children do help me put away the dishes and set the table for dinner. So far this is still a 'fun thing' and does not require cajoling.
Danielle, another triplet Mom, has some great ideas on her blog today. She also reminded me of a site I have been meaning to recommend called Preschoolers and Peace. Scrolling through the comments on that site today, I read about the Montessori-produced videos called Preschool Power and intend to try them out. They seem very expensive to me (even on Ebay), so if you are interested you may want to try your library first. (I did notice they have a neat 'upgrade policy' on their website where they will give you credit if you try the least expensive sampler and decide you like it and want to purchase more in the series.)I think this is definitely an area where we can help each other out. I would love to hear others' ideas. Please share your experience. What have you done to help your 3-4 year olds learn independence that you would recommend to others?
14 comments:
I think based on your last two posts that the blogging world may not totally understand what you are doing to help your kiddos towards independence. I think the way you give the children responsibility is fantastic. In addition, flowsheets/schedules/routines are great for preschoolers for several reasons: It tells them what to expect, what to do, and gives them some structure to their life. Giving children choices is great too - it helps them when they don't get a choice because they have had some control in their lives by choosing what they want for a snack, what to wear, etc. I wonder if many moms don't give themselves enough credit for all they do with their children, training their children, protecting their children, loving your children and preparing their children for life! Pat yourself on your back - especially when you have multiple children! :-)
I have really enjoyed reading all these ideas!! Thanks so much! I think we are all concerned about whether we baby our children too much or whether we are trying to make them too independent too early. I tend toward the babying side myself!
Hello! I found your blog through other blogs- but am love reading about your triplets, and how God is constantly working in your family.
Our son is the same age, and so it is always fun for me to read about other children at his stage. Anyway, this year, we have started to give Aidan an allowance. Yup. We decided to teach him to be responsible about money early, so that he won't come back expecting us to bail him out. Each Saturday, he gets $5. And so far, he had managed to save up to $20 before buying himself toys. Along with the allowance, we are no longer buying him toys. (We thought that we easily spend over $260 a year on his toys.) It is expected that he would tithe from this, and buy his friends/sister gifts if he wants to. It sure makes my life easier when he asks for toys: "Well, if you save all your money, you could buy this in x number of weeks." He hadn't argued with me about this, perhaps he knows it is not for negotiation.
He is also responsible for making sure everything gets into the car- the rule is, we never go back to the house.
Keep writing!
I have a little one who turned 3 in Dec. One thing we do is if she knocks a glass over & makes a mess, she knows where the dish towels are & she cleans it up & puts the towel in the laundry room. I, of course, help if needed. It has helped her take responsibility for a simple mistake & it gives her some control when she may otherwise feel a little clumsy. This is a great idea - Thanks!
These are all great ideas, and I might try some of them with my THIRTEEN - year - old daughter. Something about the hormones of adolescence wreaks havoc with the memory..."Mom where are my boots?" "Has anybody seen my algebra book?" "Mom, can you bring my field trip money up to the school?" "Um...I can't find my camera - again." Pair that with a peri-menopausal mother and we're a really fun house...
Again, you're doing great.
Mine are a tad older now, but it was just about that age that they LOVED to HELP make the charts. In this case, your morning chart, by going through magazines to let them cut out pictures of say, toothpaste and a toothbrush, a bed (for making the bed), or whatever. They loved the project and it made the actual checking of the chart more exciting to remember. And I must say, at 11, 8, and 6, they are still pretty willing helpers most of the time.
I'm still working on this myself, with my daughter Bailey, who is just a couple weeks older than your children. But I do have one suggestion.
One thing that I cannot stand is a messy house, yet I don't like the feeling of wasting time picking up all day long only to see it become messy again. So I decided to enlist the Bailey's help. I actually started this right after my younger daughter was born, so Bailey was about 2 1/2 at the time.
I made what I call Pick-Up Cards. I found stickers to fit 5 different types of items that commonly litter our home: books, toys, diapers (at the time, dirty ones got "folded up" wherever the diaper was changed, but didn't always make it to the trashcan), clothes, and cups and bottles. I labeled and laminated 5 cards with the words and stickers on them.
Then, I told her that I would give her the direction at various points throughout the day to do a Pick-Up. She would grab all five cards, choose one to start with, pick up the items on that card, then move on to the next until they were all finished.
I hope I've explained this well enough, because it really has worked well. We don't use the method as often now that I don't have a newborn and can keep up with the mess a little better moment-to-moment. But with baby #3 on the way in June, I have a feeling those Pick-Up cards will soon be used a bit more often... :-)
Oh, and another thing I've taught Bailey is to take her own dishes to the counter when she is finished eating or drinking. She still uses plastic, so there's no fear of breakage. This really helps me out quite a bit! (I'm not saying she does this 100% of the time without a reminder, but even if she makes it 70%, that's a lot of dishes! :-) )
What great ideas! I love the flow chart idea. I'm not sure I can come up with any ideas to help you, though. When my daughter was that age, I remember...it just took sooooooooooooo much time to get stuff done when she was trying to learn to do stuff on her own. Hang in there, "this too shall pass".
I'm sure you have some reward systems in place. My kids are into their croc's. We made "Gibbit Cards". They'd get a punch for being a servant...or not needing reminders for things...after 10...they'd get to go pick out gibbits at the local store.
Last summer my kids (7, 5, 2 1/2) had their own "pool backpacks" with a little checklist (with pictures and words) laminated and linked onto the zipper pull with a metal ring - they liked getting their own stuff together, checking it off, and feeling very responsible, helpful, & big! And I liked not carrying towels for 4 people and not hearing, why didn't you bring my ____?
Well my children are alot younger than yours, (Trey-23months, and Anna Grace-7months) but I'll tell you about some of our adventures at home. Trey loves water! i let him play in the bathroom sink everyday w/ cups,toys,soap,a nail brush, ect... It has given me the opportunity to teach him how to properly wash his hands (front,back,in between fingers- all while we sing a lil' song, usually row, row, row your boat! His favorite nursery rhyme.) And now that we are in the middle of potty training, he is excited to wash his hands afterwards each time! I also let him stand on a stool in the kitchen and rinse the dishes w/ the sprayer, after I wash them. If I have alot of dishes, and need to use the dish washer, I let him load his spoons, forks, plates, and magnetic letters from the fridge. He's a good helper and we're having fun while learning good manners and how to care for our things- (ownership/responsibility) and home. Shoping together is great too. He likes to hold his favorite snacks while riding in the cart. And it has crossed over into his play time. He will load cans of soup or veggies into a box top, and push it into the living room, where he either stacks them (like blocks) or pretends to give daddy and I food. He'll also load them back up and take them back to where they belong. I think this is because, he knows to put away what he is playing with before getting something new out. (He already helps w/ clean up.) I could go on, but I'm sure this could have been a post in it's self already! i hope that has helped! Good luck! Blessings on your day!
Its been so long since I've had a three year old, that I've forgotten what I did to help them gain independence. I must have done something right as they are all productive adults now. (I did, however, pick out my son's clothes until he was in high school...if I didn't he would leave the house looking like an unmade bed!!)
One thing I used in my classroom and later used individually with my grandchildren was a marble jar. The idea is to reinforce good behavior.
i.e.
"Susie, I really liked the way you obeyed me the first time I asked you to pick up your toys." and then you drop a marble in her jar. I usually used small jars and of course, the parent can control how quickly it fills. For rewards it could be extra movie time, time alone with Mom...or Dad, and in my case, a dip in the "treasure chest" which i had filled with little things that I bought. It worked beautifully for me, both in the classroom with a collective jar, and at home with the individual grandchildren.
When I have two of the grandkids together (bro and sister) I set the timer for 15 minutes and they each received a marble if there had been no quarreling, fighting, bickering, etc during that 15 minutes. Their small jars filled quickly and I didn't have to listen to their arguing. It really does kind of work like magic!! Important rule--never remove a marble for punishment or it loses its positive reinforcement value.
I think your site is wonderful and have referred several young mothers to it, as your honesty and insight into parenting is so refreshing. I've said it before--this is a wonderful ministry you have.
Giving choices has been great...little ones to me but big ones to them. Example- picking out their Valentines Cards for their school party.
Clean up time is up to them. They know where everything goes and before we move on to another activity they need to pick up. I help them the the job is truly theirs.
Routine is a biggie but it seems like you have that down. You're a great mom!
We are doing similar things in our home. My oldest is FIVE (!) and just now I've started letting them get their snacks themselves, as well as their drinks. (We still do sippy cups on the go, too - but they drink from regular cups when we're not in the car).
I'd love to see your flow-chart. This is something I've been thinking about for a while, but I haven't been able to decide how to implement it.
I think you're doing great! You're such a thoughtful mother.
Any chance you'll post of pic of your charts? I'm sure they are very creative, and I keep thinking of doing something similar but never really know where to start without doing too much. I think #2 would definitely benefit and the others would think it's just fun.
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