My name is J and I am a control freak.
I try to call it different things: structure, organization, efficiency. At the end of the day, I like to be in control. This has been the case for as long as I can remember. The good news is God has actually been able to use this to keep me on a straight and narrow path. One of the main reasons I have never been tempted to abuse alcohol or other substances is that fear of being out of control.
As a parent, with children who are asserting greater independence every day, the control issue is not such a strong suit. Lately, it is really slapping me in the face. I am supportive of their burgeoning personalities and varied interests. I love their individuality. I don't want to control who they are...I just want to control the way things happen in our home.
On the surface that doesn't seem so bad. Today, I realized that, for my children, there are things more important than efficiency at this age. Namely, independence, ownership and capability.
It started when I picked them up from preschool and groaned as they showed me the gift bags they had gotten from a dentist who visited their preschool. They were so excited to show me the toothpaste, toothbrush, two types of dental floss, sticker charts, red chew tablets, and timer to make sure they brushed long enough. Rather than appreciating their excitement over health and personal hygiene, all I could think about was how complicated this was going to make things, how this was going to interrupt our established routine and how I resented all of this new junk that needed to be labelled with initials and put into our already crowded bathroom drawers. (I knew this would be the case because a different dentist brought similar goody bags two weeks ago.)
As I feared, the bedtime routine took five minutes longer tonight than usual and involved lots of jockeying for position, but the children were beaming with pride as they chased away the cavity creeps. They also thoroughly enjoyed counting all the new treasures bearing their initials. They each chose a brush (from the 4 they now each own) used their own special toothpaste (we have 9 tubes now) and their own private floss (9 of those too). The timers were a huge hit, as they did not have to rely on my nagging about how long to brush. The independence and ownership was clearly enjoyed.
Meanwhile, I silently confessed my control issues to God. How on Earth have I gotten so tangled up in 'my way' that goody bags can annoy me so much? I pray I can learn to let go without Him having to pry open my fingers. I know there must be balance somewhere. Lord, show me. I will not try to gloss this over. As silly as it sounds, this is really hard for me.
20 comments:
"You say poh-tA-toe, I say Poh-tah-toe..."
Hang in there, it only gets worse! (Just kidding!) At least you didn't freak out about them "wasting" the dental floss, like I got! =)
oh, i find myself doing the very same thing with anything out of the "ordinary." i've been working on it too because i don't like being that way, but sometimes it's hard when a tight ship does have to be kept with 5 little boys.
You are not alone out there...I'm on the exact same page with you. May God help you find peace in this (as well as myself).
So you enjoyed the goody bags also, huh?? See it was even more fun at my house because one got one and the other one didn't :-)
That doesn't sound silly to me at all, probably because I have the same issue. My desire for having control has caused me many a headache in my parenting. I'm still looking for that balance. Thanks for your honesty.
I can relate totally to this. I need to do better at giving this up to God...thanks for the encouragement to do so. *I am so bad that I don't like being on water skiis, snow skiis, snow mobiles, etc, because they have my control more than me...:/
oh, I can relate, too. Thanks so much for sharing!
You are doing such a great job and your humility
is such a beautiful gift! You are doing the right
thing already by including Him in the situation
and in your parenting. He hears and He knows
the inner most desires of your heart and I am
sure He has already released supernatural
grace, wisdom, patience and the anointing
of Motherhood upon your life. Be encouraged....
Maybe He gives you these small lessons, on dental goody bags, so you can let go with the bigger issues that will come someday. Where to go to college, who to marry, what job to take. I read somewhere that my job as a mother was "to become a little less necessary every single day", and it helped me a lot. Taking extra time now, while going through the night-time brushing routine, will eventually equip them to do it all by themselves, freeing you for other things and making them more responsible. I'm right there with "What About Bob" - 'baby steps, baby steps'. Helped me, hope it does you too!
I could have written this same post - I'm trying to let go a little so my girls can become more independent. It's difficult.
I see a whole lot of myself in this... thank you for writing it.
I am right there with you.
I just want things to go the way I want them to.
It is so hard to let go for me sometimes and just let my kids be little.
Thanks for the reminder.
In HIM-
Mindy
I can relate...would ALL control freaks please raise your hand! Both mine are up. lol
Trust me, (I'm speaking from experience as our children are now 19 and 16) it does get easier.
Here's a trick that has worked for me. When I begin to feel overwhelmed in the control area I breathe in for 5 seconds...breathe out for 7...repeat. During this time, I whisper a prayer releasing my control to God. :-)
I agree with others, this will get easier with time. Some of what bothers you is the fact that you have three little ones to take care of and train and teach etc. Each thing you go thru is teaching you and them independence. It is teaching you that are giving them skills that they will be able to take care of themselves when the time comes and you will be able to let them leave the nest because they will be more than sufficiently trained. You are doing a great job,you are letting God in on your job and you are "confessing your sins, one to another" and that is helping you too. Hang in there...you are doing great and so are they. I'm sure your mother has told you the same thing, just felt like I had to say it...sorry.
Oh, your control issue pales in comparison to mine....those fun goody bags ALWAYS disappear over night in our house--full of it's contents!
And just yesterday, after a trip to the dentist, I threw out at least 5 old toothbrushes that were in the toothbrush holder. I can't stand the chaos and confusion when it comes time to brush when there are more than four brushes in the cup.
I, too, pray that God will work in my life with this issue. I'm thankful he's perfected the art of miracles because I feel that that's what it will take to cure me!
I struggle with this literally every moment of every day. Ya wanna start a "Controllers Anonymous"?
"Hi, my name is Beth and I am a control freak."
Excellent post, my dear. Right to the heart of matters as usual!
Hello, my name is Rachel and I am a control freak! :)
I love your blog! And your honesty! Thanks for sharing as you are not the only one who sometimes forgets that God is in control !
I get frustrated with treat bags too. Triplets come with a lot of stuff. Our house if overflowing. I get anxious about treat bags and all of their contents too. I laughed about the toothbrush thing. It is the same in our house too.
Nicole
Hi, I'm Shannon. And I, too, am a control freak. I have others praying for me to release this from me and turn it over to Him. I think it might just be working! Potty training is right around the corner. Ok, who just cringed? lol
Bless you for honesty. We are all in this together!
-Shannon in Austin
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