When my husband & I married, I told him my goal as a wife was to make sure our home was always a place of peace and rest. Life is stressful. I always want my home to be a safe haven from all the craziness of the world. Between high school graduation and my wedding day I had 20 different roommates. (Granted it was a span of 10 years..but, still!) Lest you all think I am THAT hard to live with there were A LOT of engagements leading to those roommate changes. I became the lucky charm for getting hitched. I have been a bridesmaid 12 times.
Anyway, I digress...All that experience with living with people taught me an importnat lesson: Who you live with and the atmosphere of the home can make a HUGE impact on your attitude and your life. So, I'd love for you to share your tips on how you keep a peaceful home. What ideas do you have for making the day go more smoothly?
Here are 3 of mine:
1- I have written about my struggle as a mother with having a consistent quiet time, but today marked 4 consecutive days of same time, same place quiet time with God. I have started getting up 30 minutes before the children at o'dark 30 (5:30-YIKES!) Let me go on record: I AM NOT a morning person...but God has really, really honored this time. I am wiped out by 9pm, but my attitude as a Mom has improved tremendously. Starting my day with a strong cup of coffee and the Word of God is making a BIG, HUGE difference in my patience. (It also helps that the study is on Galatians...dying to self!) Jesus knew what he was talking about when He told us to pray, didn't He? When things happen during the course of the day, there is such release in thinking, "Ok, God, we've already covered that in prayer. I know You are in charge."
I am not writing this to boast. This is HARD for me. I love my sleep and my cardiac meds make me tired. I am writing this to challenge any of you who are also struggling in this area. If God can get me out of bed, He can get you up too.
2- The Grumpy Chair: I read this idea somewhere a long time ago and loved it. We have a green armchair in our sunroom that no one really sits in. It has been deemed the "Grumpy Chair." When someone has a terrible, whiny attitude they are invited to go sit in the Grumpy Chair for a bit. This is different from Time Out, because the child sitting there gets to decide when to get out. It is not punishment. It is just a place to go be for a few minutes and "get it back together." The idea is to teach our children it is OK to be in a bad mood...they just do not have permission to make everyone else in the family miserable too. I know this sounds crazy, but I think they sometimes enjoy going to the chair. I have watched them actually exhale when they get there...like they just needed a little space.
3- Morning huddles: I think I started doing these a couple of months ago when we were at the beach, because everyone was so excited and out of sorts, our day would get off track before it had really begun. So, I would get everybody together and have a quick talk about kindness and love and then pray that God would help us have a great day. The children all put their hands in the middle with mine and we say, "One, Two, Three, Great Day!" I know it sounds a little motivational speaker~ish...I am laughing at the Cheese Factor as I type...but it works. When things start going sideways (like when we are trying to get out the door and load the car to go somewhere--UGH!) I say, "Hey. Remember we asked God to help us have a great day/to be loving/ to be kind, etc..." The huddle serves as a good visual reminder. This has become a little 60 second quiet time for us right after breakfast. I like that it is teaching them that on our own things go really haywire. We cannot "be" good. We need God.
PLEASE do not misconstrue all these ideas as if I am somehow projecting that I have it all together. There is much wailing, screaming and gnashing of teeth around here. That's why I am always employing new tricks, they are much needed. I am just trying to make it through like everybody else...and these little tricks seem to help a bit.
Now, share yours!!!!
19 comments:
Good Morning Jen!
Loved ALL your ideas. I had three little ones close in age and the kitchen timer was something we used every day! As they get a little older and are responsible for dressing themselves, making their beds, etc., it helps them become very independent, while keeping them on task. Rewards for being done with their tasks by the time the timer went off, were so exciting to them that I did not often have to resort to the *punishment* for not being ready. (Their punishment was always earlier to bed than the others because they hated knowing the others were up playing while they had to go to bed.) Kuddos to Pampered Chef for money well spent on timers!!! Angela Conklin *A freind thru your entries*
When I was growing up my mom used the phrase "clean your closet" when I started to get mouthy with her. She would slip it into conversation when we were with a group of people - soooo embarrassing for me - even though everyone else just thought I was messy! We also had a grumble jar. I think Mom decided one night that there was too much grumbling in Hewitt household. The next evening our devotion was about right attitudes and having a selfless heart. From them on when someone caught you grumbling (parents included) we had to put part of our allowance into the grumble jar. At the end of the month we would sit down as a family and decided what to do with the money. Usually it involved donating it to a good cause or the church. It worked well - our whole family learned to grumble less and compliment more. Apologies for these being for slightly older kids...I don't remember too much from when I was three! If I ever get my mom on blogger though, she'll have a bazillion ideas for you! :)
Thanks for your suggestions. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 year old and I can see how those would work here too. One thing I've been telling my oldest lately is to make good choices. Make a good choice and not have a fit. Make a good choice and be sweet to your sister. She seems to respond very well to that. On a side note - thanks for being so transparent with all of us. Many mornings your blog is a sort of "devotional" for me.
I've been doing better and getting up and having some time alone with God in the morning, too, and you are right about what a difference it makes. :) (I haven't gotten too many days in a row strung together, but hey, it's a start!) Can I ask if you are doing a particular study on Galatians or just one on your own?
This fall (and maybe this summer if I can get my act together since I just had a baby), I'm going to start having what I'll call "circle time" with my preschoolers ... hopefully similar to your morning huddle, but a time for us to all sit before running out the door to do errands and play - to do a Bible story together and stuff. :)
Okay, this will probably sound trivial and silly, but lately something that has helped around here is smiling. Mommy smiling, that is.
One day the thought occured to me: have you smiled yet today Chris? Smiled at your children or at your hubby? Not just spoken to them nicely but actually smiled?
My face communicates a lot.
So when things are getting harried I try to smile at someone.
Chris in Canada
Well definately a quiet time is the most effective for me, and even now I still remind my teenage son that our goal for the day is to be respectful of each other. It doesn't matter how old your kiddo's are they need to be reminded.
I too had a location for my kid's to take a breather and let them choose when to return to the family.
We also had time at the end of the day where we used a wooden spoon and passed it around where each family member holding the spoon could talk uninterupted and say whatever was on there hearts and minds(with respect) and not be judged for it. The kid's really loved that time because they were always able to communicate anything, and more times then not it was a very positive thing. We ended that time with a night devotional and prayer.
My kid's still talk about doing these with there families one day.
I loved all your idea's J, it is about unity and I can see all 3 of your darlings benifiting from these, I love your parenting styles all of it!!
We do "special" plate at our house -- not every night, because it became a rote practice.
The person who has the "special" (ours is rainbow-rimmed) plate gets bombarded by everyone else at the table with a verbal shower of appreciation.
Sometimes, after a really rough day--we go around and tell the person to our left or right what we appreciate or like about them. This practice has often yielded a peaceful and pleasant way to overcome disagreements earlier in the day.
I loved the above comment about smiling! I needed to hear that! I also loved your ideas!
I, too, have always desired that my home be a haven for my family and friends, a place to come and be refreshed. Especially for Erik, I want our home to be a place of peace that he looks forward to returning to after a long hard day.
I feel like soft peaceful praise music allows Jesus to invade our home. So I keep music playing softly all day. If the kids are really fussing, I'll turn it up and ask them to sing with me. All the while praying for their attitudes to be affected by the praise.
I used to keep a candle lit in the kitchen to make the house smell sweet and inviting, but now I fear that flying objects from young hands might cause our house to burn. So, I try to have cookies or dinner cooking when Erik walks in the door.
I love your huddle idea and grumpy chair idea. I think I will try and use them this summer. And Yes prayer and bible study a MUST. I need to get back into a routine with that myself.
For me having simple routines that the girls do everyday makes our days smoother. They are older than yours, 7 and 5, but I started it when my 5 year old was 3. They have a morning routine and an evening routine which are posted on their bathroom wall in pictures for when they couldn't read. It's simple yet keeps so much peace in our home. They also have an afternoon routine that is just known, not posted, for when they are home from school.
This helped them become less dependant on me and learn how to dress themselves and clean up their mess themselves.
Great post and so encouraging. Everyone needs time to pull themselves together and a Grumpy Chair sounds like the perfect way to do it.
We used the timer for motivation quite a bit. It also helped with whining issues and learning to wait for delayed gratification.
Mommy's attitude makes such a huge difference...a positive outlook, no matter how cheesy really works.
Being an easily distracted person, I have found that making eye contact as I am giving instructions (as opposed to yelling them from the next room) helps with the obedience and follow through.
I enjoyed reading these suggestions!
So... I'm single, never been married--tho always, always thought I'd be; and I'm not a mom--tho it's all I hoped to dream to be. And realistically speaking that probably won't happen (unless the heavens part within the next 6-12 months, and out steps "God's Chosen Man for Me", etc. etc.)...
But I want you to know that I would so want to be the kind of mom you are. I hear your heart within your words, and I'm right there.
I am blessed to be able to pray your "prayers of a mother's heart" and such for my nephews and nieces. Sometimes that fact is a heartbreaking substitute, but I know there are those who don't have or know that privilege.
So... Write on! You bring encouragement and smiles even to me, an auntie getting a little grey and rusty. And who can't use some kick-em when it comes to diligence in spending time with the Lord?!
Blessings to you.
Thanks for writing such great ideas Jen!!
Keeping our homes a peaceful and comfortable haven for the household is so important...
I AGREE that time with God is what jump starts our days in the right direction. My little guy wakes up at 5 am and when I am able, I stay up and have my ALONE time with God...as you wrote, He honors that time and it is such a blessing. Though, my comfy down comforter often beckons me back to bed after nursing my little guy!!! :)
I do love to start my days out with God...His Word floods my mind as I go about my day, but it needs to be fresh in my mind.
I admire you and your love for your family and your faith in God, as you acknowledge your need for HIM in your life.
I can't think of any "peaceful" suggestions right now...but will write if I do!
Keep writing, you are a blessing.
I love the morning huddle idea. I am going to try that one. You are such an inspiration! Thank you.
Nicole
I struggle with hypothyroid issues and also crave and love my sleep. I really struggle with getting up earlier than my son. I am going to start getting up 30 minutes before him, get the coffee and read the Word. Thanks for the push.
Jen : I've been reading your blog for months now and haven't ever commented before. I am not married nor have children but am trying to be the best "aunt" I can to all the little ones in my life. You are an inspiration to mothers (and aunts and grandmas) everywhere and I'm thankful for your blog. It's giving me ideas (LOVE the grumpy chair!) for the children in my life now as well as the children I hope to have in the future. Thank you for so openly sharing you heart and mind with us...I'm honored to read your stories and more often than not, amused to no end! Your three are ADORABLE!
I love the grumpy chair idea. I'm getting us one of those.
Also, I'm all about the smiling. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own agendas that we forget how important that can be. Especially as our faces are the ones seen most often by our little ones.
I'm also a fan of praying with my children about everything. From potty training to planning our day to helping us be Godly examples to our friends. And, it seems to be working. That other day I told my son I had a tummy ache and I couldn't chase him right now. He repied with "Oh Mommy, I'm sorry. Let me ask Jesus to make your tummy feel better." Then, he did just that.
Love your blog. Thank you for sharing all that God is doing in your life.
Teresa
I love your ideas- all three of them. My almost-4-year-old going on 16 could use the grumpy chair idea. I wish I had a good idea to post, but nothing is coming to mind (bab mama). I did, however, get the praise chart you told me about and EVERY day Britton gets a "sticker" on her chart for something worthy of praise. Time for me to implement a few more ideas. Thanks for sharing.
Wow! I love all your creative ideas! I've also enjoyed reading other's comments as well. I feel very convicted about morning quiet time...as you know I take those meds too that make me so groggy. However, I think God rewards us when we truly put forth the effort to spend time with Him....especially when there's 50 things I want to get done in those quiet moments!
I so enjoy your blog!
sometimes the smallest tip can make a big difference in someone else's day/life. Great tips. I'll remember the grumpy chair, for I could spend time in it now and then myself!
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