This blog is a keepsake for my children, so I suppose it should contain fair representation of the truth of their childhood...and the truth is that our life is richly blessed and mostly good, great even. After all my gushing posts, however, I have to admit the last couple of days have had their share of bad moments and even some downright ugly.
Independence is the operating theme around here...and the children's loud, emotional DEMANDS for independence, at all the most inconvenient times, are wearing me down. Did I mention the fighting and arguing? ("Dat's MIIIINE!" "He boddering me." "Go 'way." "Stop it." "MOOOMMMM-EEEE!")
I was telling my husband earlier, if I could just jump in and solve the problems as they arise it would be so much easier, but the constant dialogue in my head regarding what my actions and words are teaching them is totally stressing me out!
I did not realize what a control freak I was before becoming a Mom. In the early days, I was sleep-deprived, but had everything pretty much under control. We had a 3 ring notebook with daily schedules that changed as they grew. We recorded their Input (how much milk they drank and at what time) and the Output (urine, BMs, etc...). I made spreadsheets to chart their growth. It was all so neat and tidy.
Now their spirits are emerging and while I want to raise strong, independent thinking, bold leaders...the truth is most days it would be easier for my control freak self to have little soldiers. I have far too much pride involved in "having it together." I don't just want it to "appear" that way, I really want to do everything--including raising this family--with excellence. This is my job and I want to do it well.
But today, I am tired. I want deperately to achieve the balance of doing things with excellence and not stressing everyone else around me out. I want to live a simple, pure, righteous life and bring up children in "the way they should go." I want K, R & P to be God-fearing, peaceful, loving adults who work hard, serve their neighbors and seek God's Will for their lives.
The reality of parenthood is that it takes YEARS of remaining faithful and diligent to the small things all day every day--and that is overwhelming me. I am a sprinter, not a distance runner. Throughout my adult life, I have found myself in leadership positions that required me to come in and whip something into shape and move on...parenthood does not work that way. This is a marathon and I am feeling grossly out of shape.
13 comments:
Amen, sister! It's amazing how the ebbs and flows wash so similarly in our homes. You articulate so well how I feel about having things together/should be able to do it all,etc.k How well spoken to relate parenthood to a marathon. I've still got a lot of training to do :-). I'm so thankful we know have open access to the "Head Coach."
Amy
we are in this marathon together...its always great to hear the thoughts of other mothers and understand that our realities are the same. we all want to see our children grow up to be just what you described. although we have no control of what will happen! its scary and takes great faith.
and if it helps at all...your 3 are acting exactly like most other 2 year olds...they are so normal with their fighting and selfishness. you should hear it around my house! :) you would feel at home.
thanks for your honesty jen- its refreshing and freeing for us to be reminded that we are so loved that we don't have to impress anyone around us...even though it is my favorite pastime! our best 'efforts' in parenting may never yield the kind of 'results' we want..but that is why we are called to live by faith, isn't it? it is frightening to think that we cannot guarantee how our children will turn out..but it is a gift in knowing and experiencing how God uses our kids to show us how much we need Jesus. thanks again. they are cuties.
Well coming from a mom who strived for the same things when my children were young, I wondered how they would fair. I taught them Godly principles and loved them unconditionally, saw to it that they saw there Daddy and I love each other and they are now 21 and 16 and I marvel at how they love the Lord and are moving into independance. The key is Love listen and pick your no"s they will do great. Just relax and enjoy them.
Amen on the being tired! My mom used to say she was "chronicly tired," and I thought it was whiny until I had #3. Now I, too, am chronicly tired. It's hard to enjoy all these sweet years when you're tired all the time! If only they could stay as cute as toddlers but sleep like teenagers, and behave like adults! Now that would be perfect:)
And I have no idea whether I spelled chronicly right or not. I'm too tired to look it up:)
Jen,
I can help you change the color of the font in the about me....I can email you a microsoft word document with instructions....it's really easy, but I can't type it in here it'll just change the font color but not show you the HTML language....
Email
blessings
Jen-from a mom of three(ages 19,14,12) in NC,it is exhausting,BUT when they get to this age you will be thankful they are independent. Especially Kate. Hang in there!
Hi Jen,
Just a quick note to say THANK YOU for taking the time to write. How deeply I appreciate it!
I have five children all under the age of 7, the last two are twin boys (just a year old). They were a surprise for us.
I find life to be so full of joy and challenges and bickering and laughter and blessing, blessing, blessing.
The reason love your Blog is that OFTEN you remind me of what I have. You pull my head out of my dirty socks and last-minute suppers and remind me of how fleeeeting these years are.
Thank you Jen.
And my goodness are your kidlets precious! Beautiful!
In Christ,
Chris from Canada
ccweston40@hotmail.com
I'm glad somebody can help you with the font - that's one of the reasons I went to Beta Blogger - it's great for those of us who don't know squat about html.
As for the kids -- some days are better than others, but everything you describe is unfortunately, normal.
Motherhood is a LONG trip - if we are lucky. I always try to remember people I know who would give anything in the world to have the kids I have -- to have any kids or to have their own children back. That makes the little stuff seem like just what it is - little stuff.
I also find if I don't put on my referee shirt every day that they will work a lot of this out for themselves.
If you find the answers, please send them my way!!
Motherhood is the hardest job EVER! I am tested each and every day too.
In a weird way, it's refreshing to hear you discuss the same problems we have in our household. I've often found myself with a tinge of jealousy at how "perfect" your family was. I know that we all have our imperfections though.
Just keep doing what you're doing and pray for lots of patience and guidance. Your kids are totally normal!
Hang in there. It seems to me like parenting has seasons, some tougher than others. You sure seem wise for having 2 year olds!!! Maybe your learning everything 3x as fast as those of us who have one at a time:)
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