Christmas Wrap Up

As I ponder this year's holiday experience, I think it is safe to say it is one of the richest and most authentic celebrations of Christmas I have experienced.

For the last several years I have committed myself to being 'finished' with all the Christmas prep of shopping, wrapping and cards by December 1st. (I use a liberal definition of finished, but 85-90% counts ;) This requires a little planning but truly allows me to experience the celebration of Advent by being present instead of stressed and rushed.

To accomplish this goal, I break my shopping list down into categories (nieces and nephews, work gifts, friend gifts, grandparents, etc.) and start purchasing in August. I find this spreads out the expense as well. I use Amazon wish lists for my children as it allows them to research prices, reviews, etc on items they are interested in (and is easy to pass along to close family members and grandparents looking for ideas).

I set a goal of ordering my Christmas cards and the traditional photo calendars we make for grandparents by Thanksgiving, this allows me to take advantage of preseason coupons and stretch out the envelope addressing process over a few weeks.

This year we also accepted an invitation from friends to travel to Colorado for a ski trip the week before Christmas. Frankly, I had a lot of anxiety about this because even though I am committed to me December 1 completion of the to do list, there are always last minute items.

Saying yes led me to simplify my Christmas decorating. I only put up one tree instead of two and opted to not put up the wreaths on the outside of our home. (An unexpected snow the weekend we planned to do exterior decorating also sealed the deal.) I was surprised to find I didn't really miss the extra décor.

We left town December 16-17 for a four city tour of funeral, wrestling tournament, out of town family celebration and birthday dinner. We regrouped on the 18th and then left for our ski trip with friends. We pulled back into our driveway just before midnight on the 23rd, collapsed into bed and awoke to Christmas Eve guests.

There was peace and a resignation that all the truly important things had been handled. If it had not been done ahead of time, God gave me the very-unlike-me ability to let it go. We had food, family, our church to worship in and felt rested from our frenzy-free trip--ready to truly soak in the celebration. Although, I actually made trips to Wal-Mart and the grocery store 12/24 because I am a sucker for the energy of the last minute rush.

I don't share my methodology for any other reason than as encouragement that if this scattered woman can do it, anyone can! I am committed to this plan because of the purpose and peace a little planning on the front in seems to bring.

In the couple of days since Christmas, I have been able to gloriously lose track of what day of the week it is. I have been able to spend face to face time with people I care about and let some of the leftover mess go. Instead of a frenzied takedown of Christmas I am doing a little at a time and it feels pensive and sweet, not just another item on the to do list. I am learning that bite-sized pieces are much better for my soul. (And big kid helpers aren't such a bad thing either.)

I have also been keenly aware of the human condition this year. The week of Christmas started with the untimely death of a dear friend of my husband's and has included lengthy conversations with people I care about who are in pain, poverty, recovering from addiction--but rather than sadness, I am more reminded than ever that THIS IS CHRISTMAS--Emmanuel, God With Us, who came because He had to enter into the muck and heartache in order to rescue us from it.

The older I get the more real this muck becomes to me. I have people I care about literally drowning in their muck right now. I am trying to celebrate Christmas year round by entering in-- but I am not Him. It makes me sad and sick and sometimes scared. Which leads me right back to my need for Him. I can't rescue anybody, but I pray I can introduce them to the Rescuer by authentically seeking Him, speaking of Him and reflecting His love more often than I do.

A hope for 2018...

The Call

Last night our city held its annual Christmas parade. The festive, community-building tradition overtakes our town. Broad Street parking is filled early in the day by pickup trucks positioned so family and friends have tailgate "stadium seating" for the big event. Folding chairs start lining the center median hours in advance.  Marching bands and Shrine clowns abound as more than a dozen blocks are occupied by float lineup. Hundreds of participants buzz during the final fluffing on locally made flatbed floats full of tiny mites football players, Girl Scouts, pageant queens and church nativities.

I had to have Kate downtown for a theater rehearsal right in the midst of the madness one hour before the parade's start. As I was navigating the re-routed traffic on my way home I had a flashback to this very night and exact street two years ago when we got the call asking if we would take the baby sister of the two little girls we were already fostering. It was a gut-wrenching question because I knew how challenging it would be. Saying yes meant SIX children under the age of twelve for the foreseeable future--including all day every day for Christmas Break.

I remember my prayer, alone in the car, before I called Ryland to discuss. I was grateful for the countless detours because I needed to drive in the dark--counting the cost. I knew the right answer was yes. But I was afraid.

This is the fostering journey. Counting the cost but walking in obedience--frightened, aware of the risk but trusting that God will be with us--strengthening, helping and upholding.

When people speak of foster parenting they often say, "I could never love a child knowing they would leave. I could never let them go." But I am learning the key to Godly parenting is remembering they are not your possession--they are His.

We have had seven foster children come and go now for periods ranging from 4 days to 18 months and each have left a piece of themselves indelibly marked on our hearts and family life. The precious little girl we had in the Fall is now with a wonderful long-term placement and I am able to communicate regularly with her new Mama. It is a gift to find my role in that scenario as a fierce prayer warrior who knows and adores the child, able to encourage her sometimes weary new family through this transition.

Last Wednesday I ran into the 7 year old boy we had at the beginning of the Summer. He left our home under very difficult circumstances that still sting my heart. Our 'accidental' encounter included big, warm hugs with the boy and his birth Mom. It was a reminder that even after a child leaves, the story goes on and our lives may continue to intersect.

Earlier this month we had the privilege of providing respite for a foster family from our church. I was nervous about hosting a 15 year old boy we had never met, but he was truly a gift. He and my husband have developed a friendship that has continued despite his departure.

All these threads--their lives and ours, seasons of various lengths are being woven together in a tapestry. From our position, up close and in the center of the action, we lack the perspective to see the bigger picture but we trust the Master Weaver whose movements are perfect and full of purpose.

We are in a holding pattern with fostering right now. The combination of some extended travel plans over the next few months and issues within our family that required some focused attention, have led us into a sabbatical season. But I am beginning to feel the stirring again, the call of the Lord to prepare to get back in the game is getting louder in my heart. Frankly, it is followed by questions, doubts, selfish objections as I count the personal cost and fear.

Which brings me back to the flashback of my phone call.  The calls never come at convenient times. I received our first one during the last innings of a playoff baseball game, one in the middle of the night in Israel, another while I was weeping in my driveway after hitting my beloved pet. True obedience doesn't get to be on our schedule.

When we get a phone call for a placement we have no idea what awaits us on the other line--the breadth and depth of circumstances which have brought this child into care. Their gender, age, and name are about all we have. We do not know how long they will need to stay, what issues they bring with them and how God will use each of our lives to sanctify and shape the others. But I am learning there are things we DO know when we get those calls. God will be with us. He is enough. Nothing is wasted. Hearts will be changed.

In light of this almost-Advent season I thought of the 'call' Mary received via the Angel Gabriel's visit to announce she was being entrusted with a child.

I re-read the story from Luke 1in the Message translation this morning and several portions struck me in a new way.

29 She was thoroughly shaken, wondering what was behind a greeting like that. But the angel assured her, “Mary, you have nothing to fear. God has a surprise for you...

Because of where I am in my parenting journey, I realize this is the call we get with each of the children God entrusts to our care--whether through our womb or some other way. Even if our children were 'planned,' He has surprises for us. 

It is sobering and humbling to watch our children's lives unfold. It is a messy and glorious process. I long to respond to His Call with less tight-fisted attempts to control and more submission and trust. The older I get the more I find, I don't want to miss the adventures God has planned for me--even the ones that are painful and difficult. The adventures that leave the scars seem to be the richest ones.

So, we are resting up. Enjoying a restorative break but listening for the next call and praying we have the faith of Mary to respond. 

v 37-38 Mary said, "Yes, I see it all now; I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say."

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Rather than the traditional turkey and dressing, we left the country during Thanksgiving Break for eight days of history, adventure and family time in Italy. It was amazing. We made fantastic memories and returned the Sunday night after Thanksgiving with full bellies and overflowing hearts. We were exhausted but grateful--and ready to wrap up November and start looking towards Christmas.

When I woke up (at 4 am with jetlag) Monday morning, I was shocked back into 'real life' by feeling very, very behind. Every social media post was someone's beautifully decorated Christmas tree, their trip to see Santa, wrapped gifts...and seven different e-mails about various secret Santa, dirty Santa and unwrapped toys I needed to send within the week. As I picked up my mail there were holiday cards! I felt my joy being sucked away before the season had a proper start.

It seemed I had been in some sort of time warp. We had left a week prior to Thanksgiving and came home to full-on cultural Christmas. But, the calendar still said November. I had pumpkins placed around my home. My Christmas decorations are all right where I left them packed on December 31, 2015. I haven't even selected a photo for cards.

Maybe it is because I usually get gradually sucked into the vortex like everyone else (and am more prepared) that I haven't experienced this before, but my eyes and heart almost stung as I observed the grateful spirited people I left now frenzied. Every friend I encountered mentioned feeling overwhelmed, stressed and behind...and it wasn't even December! I felt grumpy and frustrated--like my own holiday had been hijacked before it started. Then I got a spirit check.

Monday, as I tried to make lists and plans to catch up on life PLUS Christmas a received a handful of different requests from people in my life for real help--- help finding placement for a young mother fleeing an abusive situation, friends experiencing grief who wanted to talk, work that needed to be done for our local children's home, celebrating the artisanship of a friend being used to raise money for an important ministry, an overwhelmed parent who needed time and space to talk through issues and a spouse who needed me to take his car to Atlanta for an electrical issue to be addressed.

All of these things were important--and time-consuming. I looked at my calendar and realized the requests would push my Christmas To Do list out even further--and I felt sick. Then I heard the whisper in my heart "When you can't see my people because of the frenzy of your list, you have missed the whole point."

None of the things on my list had anything to do with the Christian celebration of Christmas. They were not bad. They were fun, sweet, well-intentioned and festive--but they were distractions from the heart of the season. I made a vow to myself--not to scrap 'traditional' Christmas--but to put Advent before commercial Christmas.

I decided at each invitation or crossroad I would ask myself if this was drawing me closer to the true spirit of the season or farther away. I committed to not let the world's expectations of what our Christmas should look like to distract me from what I know and believe about the birth of Christ.

Advent is about His coming and entering into a messy, frenzied world that had lost sight of God. Considering how I had been feeling, this seems to be exactly the year for me to reclaim that spirit of the season. So, I made a plan for how we could tackle the tree acquisition, the shopping, the decorating, the celebrating--and maybe cards. Then I set my face on showing up for the true needs of the people in my life--following Jesus example of entering into the real life messiness of a frenzied humanity as my own celebration of Advent.

"Your ability to love is directly tied to your willingness to be inconvenienced." -Ann Voskamp

Ironically, this renewed commitment meant I spent yesterday, the first day of Advent, driving 3.5 hours round trip to have my husband's car repaired. While I waited, I went to a large nearby shopping mall to try and find gifts for a few people on my list. Being a small town girl for the last 14 years, the Mall is not a place I often find myself. As I walked through chain stores, admiring the glittery wares and trying to find meaningful gifts, it certainly felt like an ironic start to my refocused celebration of the season.

We serve a God who promises that when we seek Him we will find Him--and that's exactly what happened in the hallowed walls of Pottery Barn. I only had a couple of things and there were two people in front of me, but the wait for check out was almost 15 minutes due to computer issues, a complicated return and a customer who required an inordinate amount of service. I shifted back and forth several times, but somehow managed to keep my growing impatience under control. When it was finally my turn at the register, the young man helping me didn't even look up. He was clearly stressed only one hour into the store opening. He was determined to check me out as quickly as possible as an apology for my long wait time.

As he sighed while trying to find the barcode to scan I said hopefully "It's the most wonderful time of the year."
The clerk stopped what he was doing and looked directly into my eyes, exhaled and said, "It is, isn't it?"
I told him that I was repeating that as a claim...that I had committed to not allowing pressures and expectations rob my joy and his eyes sparkled. "Yes, I agree."
Then he laughed and said, "I just told my co-workers in our morning meeting to remember we are selling home accessories, we are not curing cancer here. It is all about perspective."
"It's the most wonderful time of the year," I repeated.
His eyes twinkled as he said, "Thank you. You just changed the course of my whole day."

And that conversation solidified the course of my Advent. People before lists. Period.

I pray God will keep me in this posture, the one His Son assumed, humble service in a frenzied world. I am human and know I will stumble through it, but I am going to try.

Let's take our eyes of the list and focus them on the eyes of those around us. What do the hearts that cross our path really need from us--another $10 candle, or to be seen, acknowledged and cared about? I want to remember what it means to BE a true gift.

Fear Not!

During my pregnancy with the triplets, I realized that my coping mechanism for difficult circumstances is information. For most of the first 30 years of my life up to that point I had coped with hard times by assuming control. As I lay in a hospital bed for 8 weeks with three souls in tiny bodies growing in my womb I knew I was unable to manage the outcome.

So, I dug in. The Internet was not nearly as accessible in those days. There were no iphones or ipads to be lightly held in hands. The Northside Hospital High Risk Perinatal Unit had only one laptop attached to a rolling media cart. It had to be reserved for small increments of time so 30 bedridden Mamas could have the opportunity to use it--and it connected to the Internet via dial up.

Despite all those obstacles, I tried to read as much as I could about preemie issues and possible outcomes for my pre-term babies. I knew it wouldn't change anything, except it made me feel like at least no news that came to me would be a surprise. Research allowed me to feel moderately knowledgeable and thereby prepared.

Of course, none of those websites, articles, etc. mentioned the real crisis I was facing--my own heart failure. (Touche, God, touche...)

You would think that experience plus the ensuing eleven and a half years of parenting would have taught me a lesson--and in many ways the layers have indeed been chipped away through life experience. Yet, this morning I read a post about Linus and his blanket in Charlie Brown Christmas, that God used to carve another chunk of my heart.

The faith of Christmas is proclaiming "Fear Not!" and dropping the blanket.



I took a quiet moment to really go back through the Christmas story and as I sipped my coffee. I really tried to put myself in the shoes of the characters the angels appeared to...the shepherd called to leave the comfort of his fields, Joseph risking public ridicule and Mary...oh, sweet, young Mary...her body, life and soul were to be transformed. She was along for the ride.

I am in an interesting place with the uncertainty and discomfort of foster parenting this week. My heart needed to ponder Mary. I feel inadequate, scared and tired--along for the ride on a journey someone else marked out for me. This is not my comfort zone. Yesterday I pleaded with God to bring me back some joy.

My community rocks. I am truly blessed beyond measure in terms of the support we have been given in this season of life. I can't even list the ways people have stepped up and leaned in to relieve some of the burden in the last few weeks--to make space for me and my bio family to just breathe--while bringing joy to these little girls who are also out of their element. But, honestly, community can't take the load our hearts carry of emotional exhaustion, guilt, fear and dread. Only God can do that--and I think He needs me to let go of the metaphorical blanket I am clutching in order to let Him.

As my girls walk into a different chapter of their lives, I need to model faith, hope and confidence to them. I am realizing that through the 'loss' of my family as I knew it, I am able to empathize with some of their feelings.

My blanket--aptly categorized as a 'security' item--has been my family, order, a peaceful home, having a timeline and a plan.  Sharing all of that has been precious, growth producing and simultaneously scary and unsettling at times...but God has been faithful over and over again to remind me that He Sees and He Provides and He holds the future in His hands.

1 Corinthians 10 (Message translation) reminds me: 
"Forget self confidence: it's useless. Cultivate God confidence...All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."

As we march (limp?) towards the finish line of 2015 and head into the wild blue yonder of another year, I join Linus in proclaiming with open heart, head held high and hands free from clutching my own illusions of security  "Fear not!"

Why Advent Matters

I was in touch with an old friend this week & discovered she is dealing with a new, scary medical diagnosis. She's my age and a Mama of three. A reminder of my mortality.

There was conversation with a Mama in the trenches with me about the Ferguson related protests, their implications for America and, specifically, my thoughts hovered on the impact on her son because of the color of his skin. A reminder that fear and injustice are deeply felt in this world.

I enjoyed dinner with friends who have been fostering a precious boy for 6 months--they brought him home from the hospital and now they are dealing with a looming court decision likely returning him to his biological parents. It is a win for his birth family and yet they feel such loss. A reminder of the heartbreak in this world even when we are seeking to be obedient to God's call on our lives...

A headline prompted the question from my children: "What is rape, Mom?" My answer led to a more difficult discussion: "WHY would someone do something like that? I don't understand." I gulped at the loss of innocence and fumbled through an age appropriate conversation about evil. 

Meanwhile, our nation celebrated gratitude by being gluttons, then got into our cars (or on our laptops) and greedily rushed out to battle others for the right to consume more in celebration of Christmas. 

This world started to feel pretty dark. I was grateful for the return of the twinkling lights of the Christmas season.

So, we got our Christmas trees and brought down boxes of decor. We put on Santa hats, giggled and attempted to push away so much of the hurt and darkness of the world.

It is so much fun, but it is not enough.

Tonight over my hot tea I am struck with this truth: We can wrap this world up in tinsel and bows, add a jolly soundtrack and urge each other to "be merry" but it does not change the brokenness and difficulty of the present world.

Blocking out the reality off life for a month is like going and getting blitzed at a bar after a bad day. The next morning you wake up...the issues are still there and you have a nasty headache. 

I don't want a short -term solution. I want long term hope.

This cry of our hearts is advent.

We wait and want for more. 

We hope for healing. 

We long for restoration of all the brokenness. 

We look forward to the fulfillment of God's promise of peace.

This feeling of want can't be filled with a brimming shopping cart on Black Friday.
Santa can't bring healing in his napsack. I watch it year after year at the local children's home as we try to compensate for all the hurt these kids have endured with 'stuff.' It is a wonderful distraction but not a cure.

Yesterday afternoon as I 'made room' for the two trees in our house and prepared places to display my favorite decorations I thanked God for the Advent season where we prepare not just our homes, but our hearts.

This morning in Sunday School I read from Ann Voskamp's amazing new book to the 5th & 6th grade girls in my class. After church I had the kiddos start coloring the printable ornaments for our own nightly reading we plan to start tomorrow...because before we can fully appreciate the gift of His birth, it is good to be reminded of our need for it.

Like children who fill out their Christmas wish lists...dog-earing pages and lingering over the catalogs (or Amazon reviews)...I want to long for the gift of Jesus.

I want to read the specs, hear the stories of how others have experienced Him, clear out space for His arrival. I want to wait in wonder. I want to revel in receiving.

Because my heart in this season needs the gifts of His peace, presence, healing, salvation and love more than anything else. 

Come, Lord Jesus.

This Mama's Christmas Prayer

Lord, in this season where we proclaim Your gifts of peace, love and joy may we not forget to be beacons of that to those we hold most dear.

I am convicted that I feel it all starting to sweep me away. As I talk to my children about the real meaning of the season--I cringe that there are discrepancies in the way they see me respond to it all. I tell them it is about Jesus and the way He changed the world--but I want them to see how He is still changing me. So, this morning (and maybe every morning for the next few weeks), I pray.

When I look at the calendar and the countless details and lists of things we need to bring for this gathering or that, when I start to feel the anxiety welling up within my chest, I pray your will give me a grounding perspective of PEACE.

As the endless supply of sugar, changes in schedule and electric excitement of the season have my children bouncing off the walls, when the stress of those around me begins to collide into mine, may I show your unchanging LOVE.

Instead of heavy sighs at what needs to be done next--I pray that you will bless me with the ability to be fully present in the moment--with JOY.

The holidays are a bustling time, but they don't have to be crazy. There are so many (wonderful, fun) distractions. I pray my eyes will stay steadfastly focused on what is important--Your Light in and through me--365 days a year.

Amen.

Watering Trees

I love Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas. The lights, the excitement, the wonder--the music, the warmth, the smells--the memories of old and the realization that sweet ones are being actively made.

But it takes work.
Weeks of shopping, followed by hours of wrapping.
Decorating.
Baking.
Planning.
Making.
And don't get me started on addressing, stamping and stuffing Christmas cards.

Christmas can get a bad rap for the toll it takes on schedules and our pocketbooks. And yet, even when we work to be intentional about our activities and expenditures--to honor God in it all--that can be incredibly time/emotion consuming as well.

But it is worth it.

When I sit in front of the fireplace watching a Christmas special with my kiddos--the scent of evergreen in the air and twinkling lights casting a glow to the room-- I count all the work as a worthwhile investment.

When my trio squeal with delight as they bound down the stairs to discover a visit from our silly elves, I am no longer counting the cost. I am reveling in the payout.

The thought struck me this morning when I was doing my least favorite Christmas chore...watering the trees.

I love a fresh, live tree. The scent is an essential part of the season for me...but I abhor the contortionism it requires to get those things watered. Every few days in December I find myself prostrate on the floor, prickly branches near my eyeballs, stray pine needles in my hair, precariously close to spilling water on presents and floors.

I'm not sure what's stranger...that I asked my daughter to photograph this or that I posted it on the Internet.

It is a less than glamorous perspective of Christmas.  Yet, when I climb out, stand up, brush off the pine needles and step back I know that even this lowly, awkward job has a purpose.

This is a true first world problem...but it serves as a metaphor for so much more. I thought about Mary...surely she could not comprehend how a virgin pregnancy, a painful camel ride at full term or childbirth in a stable would look from the perspective of history.

And I thought more practically about daily wife/motherhood duties. Nursing little ones through stomach bugs, the monotony of nitty gritty housecleaning, taking out the trash, teaching life lessons to little wounded hearts...it is all part of the often thankless and unglamorous job.

But when we step back and survey the landscape--how little ones are maturing in their faiths and their lives--how a house is embraced as a haven from the world--how our hearts are being changed as the Lord guides us through loving theirs--it is a perspective that changes everything.

Let's go water some trees!

A Gift for Him

I know that Christmas Day has passed and many people are moving on, but I can't let the season end without recording this new tradition. (And I am afraid I will forget to write about this next year if I wait!)

Last week, my friend Courtney shared this link from Delia Creates regarding giving Christmas gifts to Jesus. It is such a simple but memorable exercise: Have everyone write down something they can give the Lord and wrap it in a box as a Christmas gift for Him before you get into the more commercial gift exchange.

I loved the idea because it really seemed to practically express what I had been wrestling with through Advent: How can I help my children (and myself) really 'get it' that Christmas is not OUR birthday?

 
The implementation was so simple and sweet. Over our Christmas Eve dinner of chicken brunswick stew, I asked everyone to consider something they could give to the Lord this year.

We have been fans of the book Ronnie Wilson's Gift by Francis Chan for sometime, so the children's immediate response was to think of something to physically give to someone else. We talked just a little about how it could be something difficult we committed to God or a new habit we could work on as an expression of our love for the Lord. Their answers were precious!

K: "I promise to play or cheer up others when they are left out."
R: "I will trust Him and not just wowre (worry)"
P: "I will try not to use a bad tone of voice."
Seeing these written in their 8 year old handwriting, misspellings and all...priceless!

I am not the craftiest girl, so I recycled a box and ribbon from a gift I'd already opened. Each of us wrote our offerings on gift tags I'd received from Cabell. (Courtney mentioned that her family wrote their gifts on the back of a family picture. I may copy that next year!) After dinner everyone excitedly wrote down their offerings and we put them in the box, said a little prayer of commitment and thanks, then slipped our package under the tree.

As I put away Christmas decorations, I plan to pack our gift box and revisit it on Christmas Eve next year. I loved this precious alternative to "New Year's Resolutions" and hope it can become a special part of our Annual Christmas tradition.

These commitments have already sparked a couple of conversations with the children. It was especially powerful for them to hear what my husband & I each were offering to the Lord.

As time goes by in my parenting journey I am continually reminded how the simplest ideas can be the most powerful. I am grateful to Courtney & Delia for passing this one along!

Entering In

I am relishing the simplicity this break has allowed. My children have a 3 1/2 week long Christmas vacation, with Daddy working most of it. Looking for adventure that would keep us from climbing the walls at home with pre-Christmas energy, the children & I loaded up the car last week and traveled to visit friends in the Charlotte, NC area. It was a wonderful three day trip.

We made our base camp at my beloved college roommate Suzanne's home and spent half days with my dear high school friend, Jill & my precious post-college friend, Sandy. Because we live five hours away it is a rare treat to have a block of time to catch up and simply do life together. To see our children developing their own relationships with one another was an added treasure.

As I was driving back to Georgia, I decided that my favorite part of the trip was seeing these women that I adore in their homes. Although we keep in touch, it was a gift to my heart to see them in their daily environments, to meet some of the people they interact with and to get a real insight into their life. Because I knew them best as teenagers, sorority sisters and single, post-college playmates, it was a treat to see them now in their roles as mothers, friends, neighbors.

Although time and miles separate us, the brief visits provided precious bonding. My friends graciously allowed me to enter in...to their after school carline, their grocery stores, their places of business, their church and neighborhood functions, their homes.

In the spirit of Advent, it served as a striking reminder why it mattered that Jesus came to live among people on this Earth. Clearly the sacrifice of His life was the ultimate reason for His coming, but I can't help but think about the comfort it brings knowing He has walked in the shoes (or sandals as it were) of humanity. He loved us enough to make the trip and enter our world.

He was God. He was Holy. He was without sin. But He was also a human who walked this Earth for 33 years. He was a brother, a son, a neighbor, a citizen, a worker. He had feelings, family & friendships.

He was busy. He got tired. He was hungry. He was tempted. He lost friends. He got angry. He wept. He was rejected. He experienced betrayal. He felt pain.

Sometimes it is helpful to remember that He is not as far away as our circumstances or misconceptions of Him can cause us to feel.  

We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help. Hebrews 4:15-16 (The Message)

Christmas Morning

I have been absent here in order to be really present in my offline life this past week. 

It has been so very good for my soul. I hope tonight to sit by the fire (although it is a balmy 50ish degrees here in Georgia) and reflect on some of the significant themes of this final week of Advent.

But this morning, I just wanted to share a little slice of heaven in my home.

As my children stood at the top of the stairs ready to see what Santa brought it occurred to me, THIS is the picture of Advent I want to embrace:

joyful, electric anticipation of what is to come.

The 'what' for the Believer is actually a HE.
He was dressed in rags rather than a faux fur red suit.
The Giver we celebrate today brings many, many gifts to our lives.

grace

 love

 joy

 truth

 freedom

peace

Let us run to Him each morning with an 8 year old Christmas kind of joyful expectation and trust.
His gifts are good and given to us in love.

Merry, merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

My children are on break. The house is full of excitement, laughter and music. We have been cooking, playing board games, watching Christmas specials & laying low. Tomorrow we will start hosting and visiting family and dear old friends throughout the Southeast. Christmastime is here!

I have been relishing my soul's relieved sigh to be off the hamster wheel of life and back to basics: faith, family, friends & food. Life seems simple, pure and sweet. These are the elements of our culture's Christmas celebration that fill my heart to the point of overflowing--the feelings that Christmas songs seem to be about.

As I was thinking about it tonight (with a silly grin on my face and gooey ham ball mess on my hands) I started thinking about this passage:  

You yourselves have been taught by God to love one another,  for that indeed is what you are doing...But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more,  and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you,  so that you may walk properly before outsiders..." I Thessalonians 4:9b-12a ESV

It is not a 'traditional' Christmas verse, but it is what my heart has been feeling--joy in the simplicity. Letting go of the elements of the rat race that are exhausting and distracting has brought great freedom. The verse has become my Christmas mission for the next few weeks: love others, live quietly, mind my affairs and work with my hands. Frankly I hope it will become a better approach to life as God has intended in 2013.

Not sure how present I will be online in the next few weeks, still praying God will show me what 'living quietly' looks like for one who likes to live out loud. :-) Wondering what it might look like to allow the Spirit to just press mute as I take Mary's cue to "treasure and ponder things in my heart" for a bit.
We'll see.

Until then, may the baby born in the manger be a staggering reminder of the lengths the Lord went to in His pursuit of His people. We are His beloved children. May we treat each other as such and revel in the magnificence of that truth. Glory to God!

Merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

The Gift

Most of us have people in our lives with whom relationships frequently feel more like work than love. My friend Priscilla refers to people like this as "heavenly sandpaper." I love this description because the truth is that relationships with heavenly sandpaper people are one of the great sanctifiers of life on this Earth. They expose the places in our heart that still need to be surrendered to His healing. They remind us of our need for Him.

It is easy to love people that love us back and bring out the best in us. It is another thing entirely to enter into relationship with someone where it doesn't always feel good. We don't understand them. We feel misunderstood. Every word and action is heavily scrutinized and analyzed. We try. We fail. It's so exhausting that sometimes we simply give up.

We are broken sinful people who bring our hurts and histories into every relationship. When our stuff bangs against someone elses' stuff, we often hit a nerve and life gets interesting.

As we consider who the hevenly sandpaper may be in our lives, it is humbling to remember we are almost certainly being used in that role in someone else's life. Ugh!

I have a person in my life/family who is on the run and in a season of utter rebellion. As I have tried to pursue this person, rejection has come in many forms. (Enough that I am certain it is not all just in my head :-) Although I am aware of pain and struggle in this particular person's life, and that I am not the only family member feeling jilted, I am still hurt by their rebuff.  Due to distance and other factors, I am usually only in their presence during holidays--and their appearance even then is spotty.

Ugly confession time: Last year I felt like their behavior was so unnecessarily rude towards me that I actually contemplated not buying them a Christmas gift. (Sigh, I know. UGLY.) Because of the relationship it would have been an obvious omission that would have made a statement. While licking my wounds and indulging in a pity party of self, I mentally listed all the reasons why I could be excused for ommitting them from my list: Their track record proved they wouldn't be appreciative. They likely wouldn't even show up for the family event. If they don't want me in their life, I will grant their request! I huffed to myself. I may have even briefly contemplated a big letter airing my grievances and a Bible with passages highlighted about love and kindness. Yikes.

Of course, I knew in my spirit this was not at all a godly response. So after prayer, God led me to do just the opposite. It was a decision to be loving when my wounded pride wanted to pout. It became my mission to find a gift that this person would really like--something that indicated I wanted to 'know' them and care for them as they are, not just as I wished they would be. I left my comfort zone and entered stores I had never visited to buy something they would really like. It wasn't about the expense (less than $35), it was the attention paid to knowing them.

Christmas started the way I expected. No eye contact. No acknowledgement of my greeting. When the gifts were exchanged, however, I saw a smile. Ice melted considerably.  I even got a one armed hug and genuine thank you. I rejoiced in the precious lesson. I was reminded that putting yourself out there is risky. You aren't guaranteed that your pursuit won't be rejected. Pride has to be checked. Love has to win.

I wish I could say this is where the story ends...but one year later, the relationship is even more distant. As this prodigal has pursued their wild living, many of us have been literally blocked from their life. So, when time came to make my Christmas list this year I stared at the name and found myself again contemplating what and why to gift. And in the quiet of my heart I felt the Lord whisper, "Jennifer, don't you get it? The unmerritted gift from the pursuer to the prodigal...THIS is the grace of Christmas."

God gave a priceless gift in His pursuit of us.
It wasn't based on our good behavior, our gratitude or our response.
The baby in the manger was the ultimate gift of grace and love to a prodigal people.

I confess my gift this year isn't nearly as personal, but it will be given in humility. I know I will not receive a wrapped gift in response, but THIS lesson is a gift I won't soon forget.

Pause

On this rainy day as I prepare my home & heart, THIS post from Ann Voskamp (and the accompanying video from Igniter Video) were a powerful reminder--not only for Advent, but for life in general.

It is fitting that this came to my attention after a weekend of recitals for K & P.

As P strummed his guitar and K played her piano it became apparent that reading notes is only part of the song...it is the tempo and rhythm that round out the true beauty of a piece.

In music and in life, it really is the pauses that make all the difference, isn't it?

Will we march through this month with our lists, our baking, our parties and traditions at lightening speed to make sure we simply 'get it all done' or will be take intentional pauses?

Pauses to listen,
Pauses to love,
Pauses to notice the people in our life,
Pauses to drink it all in

I am reminded today that the pauses will make all the difference in our life songs. It is a lesson not only for Advent, but for the whole year through.

Whose Birthday Is It?

I have spent this rainy December morning in front of my laptop in a quiet house. For the last 90 minutes I have been pondering, researching and massaging my children's Christmas wish lists. Although our children delivered their letters to Santa Claus Thanksgiving week so we could move on to other things, it is now decision time. How much? Which ones? It has left me thinking a lot about what place Santa Claus has in our family's celebration of Advent & Christmas.

We like Santa in our house. He is not a bad guy. He brings love, hope and a generous spirit--not to mention the FUN!  There is nothing more exciting than watching the face of bed-headed children as they scramble down the stairs Christmas morning. It is the embodiment of the anticipation that Advent is about. There is an electric attitude of expectancy than we adults would do well to carry into each day God has given us.

But like all characters, Santa has his flaws. He makes vague promises and let's face it, his gifts are based on works. Christmas carols, exasperated parents and twinkly eyed strangers in the grocery store reinforce to our children that they better "be good"  if they want gifts.

In our home, Santa brings three things to each child to pay homage to the three gifts from the wise men. However, when my children delivered their 4-6 item wish lists to Santa this year, they were delighted to hear him say "If you behave, I will see about getting you everything on your list." It is bad theology and in opposition to what I hope to teach my children about life, but you'd better believe they have clung to that statement from the jolly old bearded man. They are being set up for disappointment. When there are only three things under the tree will they believe it was because they didn't 'earn' the rest? Ugh!

And this is where I have been stuck for the last 90 minutes. My children don't need everything on their list--no matter how 'good' their behavior happens to be. Some of the items they are asking for are simply overpriced, gimmicky junk. I know them each well enough to predict which gifts will leave them completely bored and unfulfilled. I also know things that would thrill them to no end, and they haven't even thought to ask for them.

It reminds me a lot of the way God deals with me. I bring Him my list of things I have seen others possess, that I want. I make requests for what I think will make me happy. But He knows my heart better than I do. He gives me gifts based on His perspective, not on mine. Some delight me, while others leave me feeling confused and/or disappointed.

God's 'yes'es aren't in direct proportion to my good behavior and His 'no's aren't a reflection of His lack of love for me. He gives good gifts to His children--for our growth and His glory. Contrary to what many of us seem to believe deep in our heart, God doesn't exist to rubber stamp our wish list after a careful evaluation of our behavior. Which brings me back to Santa Claus...

The real problem with Santa is that he perpetuates the consumer driven myth that Christmas is OUR birthday instead of Jesus'. (Major props to my friend Cabell for passing along this phrase. I had never heard it before.) So much of the refrain is 'what do YOU want for Christmas?' If you try to stop the cycle you are a Scrooge. There is such build up. So much time, money and energy is devoted to this month. It is fun to spend, give and make merry.

I love my children. I want them to be thrilled on Christmas morning. But every year when all the gift wrap is cleaned up, I look around my living room and feel a little nauseous and resolve that 'next year will be different.'

There are lots of programs, checklists and ideas already floating around the Internet about ways to lessen all the hype...but as I start to really think about implementing some of them the guilt creeps in. The month's schedule is already insane, I can't add another thing. Besides, this is childhood! It should be fun! Lighten up! It is just one month, you have eleven others to be serious. Don't steal joy from children who are too young to really get it! They will be old and overly analytical one day, for now just enjoy! And I wonder how much I have bought into it already. Why is it so hard to let go?

I don't have a neat 'bow' for this entry. I don't have an 'action plan.' But the longer I mull it over the more convinced I become that this is where God wants me...stepping back, being still, stripping it down in my heart, bringing it all to Him and allowing Him to give insight into how to keep the main thing the main thing around here. The bottom line is that it is Jesus' birthday and what He wants most is our hearts.

Thanksgiving 2012

Thanksgiving is hands-down my favorite holiday. I grow to love it more every year and today I think I finally put my finger on why...it seems to be the only holiday not corrupted by commercialism. It is simply a day about family, friends, food and fellowship. That's it.

There's not a special dress or costume to buy...decorations are optional...cards don't have to be purchased stamped and mailed...there are no gifts to be exchanged. We just get to be together--a pleasant pause before the Christmas rush-- with hearts full of gratitude.

Our tradition is to host both sets of grandparents. I set a formal table using pieces from my husband's grandmothers and from my mother's aunt. It is a perfect blend of our families (except for the absence of our sisters and their crews).

We use placecards my kiddos made a couple of years ago with verses printed inside. Every person in attendance reads a Scripture about gratitude and then shares something for which they are thankful. (It blessed my soul today to hear my 88 year old Grandmama read her passage and share her thoughts.) We always wind up playing outside, burning off the feast and enjoying the Fall afternoon.

Sweet, sweet times. Humble, grateful hearts recounting all God has done on behalf of His people--His Love, His Provision, His Mercy, His Grace. Tonight we are full (physically and emotionally).

It really is the perfect precursor to Christmas.

May we move into Advent with this heart attitude--not empty and frenzied, but quiet & full-- excited to give, serve and love from the overflow of our abundance--and may we lead our children to do the same.  

Thank you! Everything in me says “Thank you!”
    Angels listen as I sing my thanks.
I kneel in worship facing your holy temple
    and say it again: “Thank you!”
Thank you for your love,
    thank you for your faithfulness;
Most holy is your name,
    most holy is your Word.
The moment I called out, you stepped in;
    you made my life large with strength.

Psalm 138:1-3 The Message 

Wonderful Christmas!

My children have been up since well before dawn thanks to a little family tradition passed on from my husband's childhood called Christmas Eve Gift. (The first person in the family to utter those words on 12/24 gets their choice of a gift from under the tree to open early.)

Last night there were spy laser traps set, even our mischievous little elves got involved...
So in the dead of night at 5:25am we were startled awake by my sweet girl YELLING at the top of her lungs, "CHRISTMAS EVE GIFT!" in the hall outside all our rooms. It was hard to be frustrated when I heard her tremendously satisfied and nervously excited giggles.

The sparkle in their eyes, the energy, the wonder... There is nothing in the world like a 7 year old's Christmas Eve anticipation.

Childlike faith in things unseen. Imagination. Hopefulness and excitement about what is to come. Yes, these are responses to secular celebrations of the season--but they teach me so much and lend lots of opportunities for parallels to the wonder of the REAL Christmas story. They help my heart remember how it was designed to feel.

I am not a Santa or elf apologist. We are grace-loving folks who don't get into the elf surveillance or 'earning your gifts' observations. We redirect to what really matters when things seem to be getting out of kilter. But it is OK to have fun!

As with most everything in life, balance and perspective are key. And my 7 year olds think Jesus is even more awesome for letting us all have so much fun celebrating His birthday.

Merry Christmas!

Changing His Diaper

A simple but beautiful entry from Donald Miller for Christmas Eve reflection...

The Hopes & Fears of All the Years

Sunday we attended Buckhead Church in Atlanta. Rodney Anderson, singles pastor, mentioned that his favorite Christmas carol lyric was from O Little Town of Bethlehem. Specifically, he quoted the portion that says, "The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight."

That phrase seems to capture the magic of Christmas for Believers. The hope that the baby Jesus represents is what our souls still crave today--that our deepest fears can be comforted and our heartfelt hopes we be met.

This world can weigh heavily on our hearts. We are burdened by our sin, the sin of others, trials we face or watch those we care about go through. We bring those things to Jesus...our hopes and fears, our hurts and dreams.

The beauty of the coming of this long expected Jesus is that He came. In coming to us rather than requiring us to come to Him He has demonstrated His willingness and His ability to enter in to our world with humility and with hope.

In researching this hymn tonight I came across an old legend from the early church. The legend is that when Jesus was a baby, whenever the people of His little village felt tired, worried, or fearful they would say to each other, "Let us go and look at Mary’s child." And they would go and look at Jesus and somehow all their troubles rolled away.

In the next few days leading up to Christmas, I pray that I will pause to follow the lead of the villagers in the legend. "Let us go and look at Mary's child."

Blessed Neglect

I hadn't intended to be 'offline' from blogging for the last few days...but, alas, life has had other plans. My 'real' life has required a lot from me this week. I have a single mama friend who is very sick, a young friend who is in the throes of despair, volunteer leadership responsibilities that have been weightier, a dear friend who is dealing with a broken heart--and I had been gone for a week and was already behind. This doesn't even include the normal requirements of motherhood and being a wife--or the fact that I hadn't decorated for Christmas.

I chose to let a lot of my responsibilities go this week in order to be where I felt needed more urgently. God gave me great peace this week about the mountain of laundry, the dishes in the sink, the growing To Do list left in the wake. This is not normal for me. I am a wee bit on the neurotic side when it comes to order. For the first time in as long as I can remember I looked at the mounting (but not really pressing) tasks and knew it was OK. I was where He wanted me to be--and it wasn't doing chores.

I had been reflecting on this today and marveling at the work God was doing (so clearly against the normal bent of my flesh) when I saw a tweet from John Piper than summed it up: "There is a blessed neglect. (Luke 10:42)"

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:40-42 NIV

Most of us have read this passage countless times, but something about the phrase "blessed neglect" really comforted me. So often I count my inability to do it all as irresponsible, disorganized, or failure. The word neglect, especially, carries a really negative connotation...but we all know it is impossible to do and/or be it all. Something has to give. And so, I love the thought of the things that we have to let go of (even if only temporarily) being blessed.

In this season when calendars are crazy-- extra events, expenses and errands at every turn--I pray we can be prayerful about what is necessary, or to quote Jesus, "better" and to chose that with confidence and peace. Here's to blessed neglect!

Light 'Em Up

I am not sure how I haven't come across this blog before...but in a few minutes of poking around last night I realized I really like the tone and the ideas. Specifically, this idea for ways for families with children to celebrate Christmas in a way that blesses our communities. Don't we all want to raise children who are compassionate and trained to look for ways to bless others? I love the idea of being salt & light as a way to celebrate Advent...and the ultimate Light of the World's birthday.

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:13-16 The Message

The post includes several free printables to make this VERY doable, even with short notice. I am planning to begin later this week with my children, by putting the action items in the pockets of our Advent calendar...I love the thought of waking up each morning anticipating what we get to do to serve others that day!

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

I really appreciate that this is not intended to be guilt producing or stressful--but rather an opportunity to refocus our children (and ourselves) on giving that they can take part in. What better new Christmas tradition to establish than one that adds real meaning to the holiday?

And if this is not your thing, make sure to check out the links to other great Christmas celebration ideas at the end (including Ann VosKamp's Jesse Tree devotion).

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!