After a home renovation/addition, my K moved into her new room this Summer. Initially, the room was clean and crisp--an almost ethereal vision of soft blue and white. I had carefully selected her furniture, fabrics, rugs and pillows. Many brightly colored toys were moved to the playroom and her hot pink Barbie house was relegated to an out of sight corner, so as to not disrupt the calm and coordinated scene.
Predictably, things have changed as she has lived in her room for 7-8 months. Little by little K has personalized it with things that are important to her...soccer trophies, handmade crafts, paintings and dollar store treasures. What started as my carefully planned and crafted space is morphing and changing into something uniquely her. My influence is still apparent, but her individuality is now coming through as well. It is a sight to behold!
Next to a delicate pastel painting of a dainty bird sits a cheap plastic NY Giants bobble head doll (attached with a suction cup). On her nightstand the beautifully bound old children's books I found in a rummage sale are dwarfed by her current favorite read, a large black hardback Lego Star Wars character encyclopedia. The window seat which once held all of her soft, white stuffed lambs and bunnies now has neon stuffed animals from the Fair's midway on display as well. The most recent addition is a large bright purple camp trunk covered in colorful decals. It doesn't 'match' anything, yet it sits proudly right at the foot of her bed.
Her space is gradually reflecting more of her than me.
And as a true measure of the work God is doing in this control freak heart--instead of twitching, complaining and constantly rearranging--I am learning to enjoy watching her bedroom evolve. Make no mistake, I still butt in here and there, but God is really teaching me to embrace it rather than fight it. This is not a decorator show house. It is our home.
I was thinking tonight about what a metaphor it is for parenting. We pray. We plan. We arrange, coordinate and attempt to create a scenario for our children from a vision we have in our head of what it all 'is supposed to look like.'
When they are very young, we can control this pretty well. Then, they learn to talk and express themselves. They start selecting their own clothing, voicing opinions about their interests, gravitating towards certain friends. Our carefully crafted scenes get rearranged. Often it is nothing like what we had imagined. It doesn't always match. Things clash. Sometimes it's tacky & awkward in the process, but such is life. I am finding this evolution wilder, random and a lot more fun than I had planned.
Her room serves as a current expression of what we will certainly continue to see in her fashion choices, her relationships, her hobbies/talents and most importantly her heart.
I can't help but grin lately when I walk into her room. It is such a glimpse of her growing identity, influenced by her parents but expanding in brighter and more unique ways all the time. I am reminded that this is her. She was never meant
to simply be a mini me. God has plans for her unique life. She's in the
beautiful process of figuring all that out--and I get to love her
through it. I am compelled to trust the Divine Architect and hold on for the ride!