I have been sitting in front of my computer for 45 minutes trying to decide how to tackle this topic with truth seasoned with grace...especially since I am still sorting out my thoughts. I am just going to dive in and pray God covers it.
Yesterday I came across this article by Rebekah Lyons called Why are All the Women Fading? In her post, Rebekah tackles the discontent in many women as wives and mothers and the skyrocketing use of antidepressants among women. She offers some thoughts on what might be at work--and frankly, some of it made me uncomfortable. I am exceedingly grateful that I can be a stay-at-home Mom...but I, too, am struggling to find my place now that 30 hours a week are freed up with children at school. I write, volunteer, mentor, teach, and spend a lot of time face-to-face with people as they walk through life. And I wonder is this enough? Is this what you want from me God? To be fragmented like a dandelion with bits of me (hopefully seeds of Him) blowing in so many different directions?
I have re-read Rebekah's article 4-5 times and churned it over in my brain. The comments were especially interesting. An unmarried young woman wrote about how disillusioned she is about being a wife and mother because she can't find any role models who are joyful in their life position. (This broke my heart.) Men shared how their wives' discontent weigh heavily on them. The author herself responded with perhaps the meatiest nugget:
"My intent is never that the world should revolve around our desires, it's actually that we as women should be going deeper into the reasons WHY we don't have a heart of gratitude, and asking hard questions that explore the root of that. Usually we will uncover a wound that has not fully surfaced. And that discovery can ultimately lead to a marvelous path of redemption, healing, and restoration."
The part about going deeper really resonated. I have spent today with a heart burdened by tough situations people I know are facing...divorce, infidelity, addiction. These issues are complex and cannot be overly generalized...but there seems to be a chord that runs through all of them: unresolved hurts leading to sin, making a big hurtful mess, then giving up and giving in.
This world is full of beauty--sunsets, starry nights, Fall leaves, the laughter of a baby, love and so on-- but it is also permeated by sin and the hurt that ripples from it. We have to make a choice. Are we going to be in this life with vigor and commitment and an intentionality that gives us purpose? Or are we going to simply ride the waves of circumstances wherever they take us? I want to be a fighter, a crusader and an overcomer--not a victim.
Of course this will not be by my own strength or for my own glory...it will be because we are urged in Scripture to guard our hearts, love with everything we've got and to fight for what matters:
“Remember the LORD, who is great and awesome, and FIGHT FOR your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (Nehemiah 4:14b)
Nobody ever said it would be easy, but I have to believe it is worth it.
6 comments:
Well said!
I have been a wife and mother for 35 years now. I tried to work and be a mom when I had my first child. I quickly found out that I preferred being home with m children to working as a nurse. I had always thought that I could "have it all" so I was truly surprised at my longings for home. I was blessed that I could be at home with my children. We made sacrifices in order for me to do so but I do not regret a one of them! As my children grew older, I enjoyed volunteering, teaching preschool and just helping others. I was glad that I had time to make homemade cookies for my kiddos. Now I am a grandmother and I am enjoying this phase of my life too. I am also concerned with the rising use of antidepressants. My 31 yo daughter says she is alarmed at the number of her friends who take meds. I do think our culture of More More More is taking a toll on us. Thanks for giving me something to think about today....and I am thankful to be one of the few Happy wives and mothers. I am a blessed woman.
Something that has really been a struggle for me is learning that my own 'style' of mothering and homemaking is okay. I lived for a long time with condemnation that my house wasn't as clean as my mother's, that my schedule wasn't as organized as my mother's, that I wasn't feeding my family as well as my mother did. My sister helped me come to the realization that I am a woman of God, complete the way He created me to be. Of course my 'style' isn't going to be like anyone else, and that's okay. It's hard to find Godly examples when we feel pressured to fit into a certain form. And that can be depressing. Thank you for your post. :)
But look at what is thrust at us through media! Images, messages, so much of it being that we are not good enough, our kids aren't good enough, achieving enough, we don't have enough, we need more of everything to make our lives worthwhile, our car isn't new enough - run faster, buy more, do more ... it's never ending. Whether you are a Christian stay-at-home mom in Georgia or a working mother in Toronto. The messages delivered daily through all media types - "we are just not good enough." Therein lies our discontentment and stress and round and round we go.
Such great comments. Thank you, ladies, for your insight!
Thank you for sharing this...I went to school with Rebekah!
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